Let me just say that I’m never, ever bored with my job. Why? As a dating coach, I just never know what’s going to happen next with my clients. Some follow my advice, others are very creative – in a good way.
That being said, here are 10 tips I’d like to share that you may not have read before.
Bathroom Photos
Ok, so most people know to use activity photos and flattering headshots. But I’ve met people who would actually upload a bathroom photo! There is not a single good reason in the world for uploading a bathroom shot/ selfie to your dating profile. None.
Own Your Age
Ladies, you’re up to bat. So, what if you are 49, 58, 68 or 77 years old? Don’t start a relationship with a lie. And if you think men can’t tell a woman who posted her age as 67 is actually 78, you’re dreaming.
Put Dates on Your Photos
Let me tell you about Amelia – a pretty, gracious 67-year-old woman from Palm Beach. She averages 1-2 high quality dates per week. Guess what almost every man has told her? “You look exactly like your photos.” And they sigh in relief.
She also dates every single photo with month/year – all are from 2022-2023. Oh, and BTW I cracked up when she told me this: “Andrea, I’ve been telling the men to be patient as I have a queue and need to catch up. And they wait!”
Also written in her online dating profile is, “If you are fudging on your photos or age, please pass me by!”
People Can’t Change… Or Can They?
I’ve always held fast to “you can’t change someone you are dating or married to” (my only exception is perhaps upgrading their wardrobe!). And you shouldn’t expect them to change for you, right?
A 63-year-old NY male client of mine (recently engaged… yay!) and I caught up this week, and we got started on this topic. He pointed out that change and adaptability are two different things – and adaptability in a relationship is necessary. I liked the way he made this distinction.
Ask About Their Children/Family
You should be able to openly inquire about your date’s children/family. Not in an interrogative way, of course. But you will learn a heck of a lot about a person from the way they talk about their children, or a family member. But don’t ask about the ex on a first date!
Car Photos and Men
My female clients and I are constantly perplexed by intelligent men and their car photos. Then, over the past week, two men “mansplained” it to me.
A new client sent me his photos (to be fair, he sent me 8 but one was the inevitable car shot) – and yes, he looked good and the car was cool and a gorgeous color too. I said, “Why the car shot?” He replied, “You asked for photos of me and my interests so I sent golf, a family shot, skiing, and I collect and love cars.” Suddenly it made total sense to me.
Another male client sent me 16 photos; 12 were very good and 4 featured him with different cars. Once again, to understand the man/car relationship, I asked the same question. He simply said that he loves car, they are one of his interests, he played with Hot Wheels as a kid and collected them – and thought nothing of posing by a car.
His dad collected cars; now he collects AND fixes cars. Yep, a CEO guy. He said it’s the same as him putting on the green or cooking in the kitchen. It’s not a boasting thing for him – just part of who he is.
An AH-HA moment for me. Yes, some men pose with cars as a status symbol. But more pose because it’s a genuine interest! Bottomline, don’t let a car shot stop you from reaching out to that great sounding man on POF, Hinge, Match, Bumble, wherever!
50/50 Conversations on First Dates
In general, they don’t exist! In over 25+ years of being a dating coach, I’ve realized that men tend to talk about 70% of the time on a first date. Don’t worry! It generally switches on the second date to a more evenly distributed conversation. For men, sometimes it’s nerves – sometimes it’s a genetic thing I can’t explain!!!
Beware of the Pen Pal Syndrome
Once you start messaging with someone and it’s going well – terrific! If the messaging bit goes for more than 5 exchanges with no date scheduled, you are stuck. Break it! Make the move. Simply write: “Love our conversations. How’s Tuesday or Wednesday for a drink around 6 at Chez Gabi?” You’ll know fast if they accept. Otherwise, who needs a message buddy?
FaceTime Is Not a Date
Don’t spend too much time on FaceTime with a potential date. Same goes for the phone. Both are a prelude to a real date. So, get off the phone. And make an real life date.
Italy
Ok, who doesn’t love Italy? But if you have the travel bug and that’s the only thing you write about in your profile, stop. (Ok, this goes for any place, but Italy seems to be the number one place people talk about.) You’re not on Trip Advisor. Mention a few unique experiences that you’ve had traveling then share other interests. That’s why a good online dating profile writer is key.
And no more photos of a well-known travel destination without you in the picture – potential dates want to see you, not the Parthenon!
Happy Dating, all!
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What unique dating tip has helped you on your dating journey? Have you considered putting dates on your photos? Do you disclose your real age on dating apps? Why or why not?
