I didn’t stop drinking because I hit rock bottom. I stopped at 63, after a lifetime of what most people would call normal drinking. A glass of wine in the evening. Sometimes two. Occasionally more at weekends or social occasions.

Nothing dramatic. Nothing alarming.

From the outside, everything looked fine.

But inside, something had shifted.

I wasn’t sleeping well. I often woke at 3am, wide awake and anxious. My energy felt flat. My mood dipped more easily than it used to. Although I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, I had a quiet sense that alcohol was no longer working for me.

It wasn’t making my life better anymore.

So I decided to take a break.

Not forever. Just to see how I felt.

That decision changed everything.

Now, at 74, I feel happier, healthier, and more at ease in myself than I did in my early 60s. My sleep is deeper. My energy is steadier. My mind feels clearer. Perhaps most importantly, I’ve discovered a different kind of contentment, one that doesn’t come from a glass.

I share this not because I think everyone should stop drinking, but because I know how easy it is to drift into habits that no longer serve us, especially in this stage of life.

When Life Becomes Quieter

For many women, our 60s and 70s bring a very different rhythm to life.

The busyness of earlier years eases. Careers wind down or end. Children are grown and living their own lives. The house is quieter. The days stretch out in a way they never did before.

On paper, this sounds like freedom.

In many ways, it is.

But it can also bring something else, something we don’t always talk about.

A sense of emptiness.

A loss of structure.

Long, unfilled hours.

A feeling of what now?

For some, there may also be deeper losses.

The death of a partner.

Friends moving away.

Health changes that limit social life.

It’s not always dramatic. Often, it is simply a gentle, persistent stillness.

How Alcohol Slips into the Gaps

In that stillness, alcohol can quietly take on a new role.

A drink at the end of the day becomes a marker. Something to look forward to. A way to break up the evening. A small ritual that adds shape to otherwise unstructured time.

It can feel like company when the house is empty. Comfort when emotions surface. A way to soften loneliness. A reward for getting through the day.

There is nothing unusual about this.

Many of the women I have worked with over the years describe a similar pattern. Their drinking did not escalate dramatically. It simply became more regular, more expected, more necessary.

I Don’t Have a Problem

One of the reasons this can go unnoticed is that it does not fit the stereotype of problem drinking.

There are no missed responsibilities. No public embarrassments. No obvious consequences.

Life carries on.

Which makes it very easy to say, “I do not have a problem.”

In many ways, that is true.

But there is another question worth asking: Is this still helping me live the life I want?

Because sometimes, the issue is not how much we are drinking. It is the role alcohol has quietly taken on in our lives.

The Subtle Physical Shift

As we get older, our bodies change. We process alcohol differently than we did in our 30s or 40s. It stays in our system longer. We become more sensitive to its effects.

Even the same amount can disrupt sleep, increase anxiety, affect mood, drain energy and contribute to brain fog.

For many women, the connection is not obvious. We assume it is simply part of getting older.

I still remember feeling exhausted on my 60th birthday and thinking: This is what it must feel like to be old.

But in fact it wasn’t my age… it was my wine!

Daily drinking meant that my quality of sleep had been impacted and the fatigue had built up over the years.

But when we take a break from alcohol, the difference can be striking.

What I Discovered When I Paused

When I first stopped drinking, I expected it to feel like deprivation. I thought I might miss my evening glass of wine.

But what surprised me most was what I gained. Better sleep came first. That deep, uninterrupted rest I had not experienced in years.

Then came clarity. My thoughts felt sharper. My mood steadier.

Gradually, something deeper shifted. I began to feel more present in my own life. The evenings that once felt like something to get through became opportunities instead. Time to read, to connect, to reflect, or simply to be.

It was not dramatic.

But it was powerful.

The Emotional Side We Do Not Expect

There is another layer to this that often goes unspoken.

When we remove alcohol, we also remove a buffer.

Feelings that we have been gently smoothing over can rise to the surface.

Loneliness.

Restlessness.

A sense of loss.

At first, this can feel uncomfortable.

But it is also where the real opportunity lies.

Because those feelings are not problems to be numbed.

They are signals. Invitations to reconnect with ourselves and our lives in a more meaningful way.

Finding New Ways to Fill the Space

One of the most important shifts is learning how to fill that space differently.

Not with pressure or big life changes.

But with small, intentional choices.

It might be reaching out to a friend, joining a group or class, rediscovering an old hobby, spending time in nature or creating a simple evening routine that feels nourishing.

These things may seem small, but over time they create a very different experience of life. One that feels fuller, more connected and more alive.

A Gentle Experiment

This is not about giving anything up forever. It is not about labels or judgement. It is simply about curiosity. What might change if you took a short break from alcohol?

Even a few days can bring awareness. A week can bring insight. Sometimes, that is all it takes to begin seeing things differently.

A Simple Way to Try This

If this resonates with you, I would love to invite you to join our free 7 Day Reset with the Tribe Sober community.

It is a gentle, supportive way to take a short break from alcohol and see how you feel, without pressure or expectation.

During the week, you will receive short, easy to follow daily guidance, practical tools and insights, encouragement from a warm and understanding community and space to reflect on your own experience.

You’ll be invited to our daily Zoom meeting where you’ll meet other ladies who are taking a break – no need to participate if you’d rather turn your camera off and just listen.

Many people are surprised by what they discover in just seven days.

Join our 7 Day Reset here – Reset Week Starts on the 17th May. All the action takes place in a private WhatsApp group.  

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What does wine mean to you? Is it a friend, a confidante, a way to forget or fill up your time? What do you think might happen if you give up alcohol for a week or two?

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When divorce is mixed with other transitions in your life, like retirement or taking care of an ailing parent, it’s tempting to never want to leave the house. Although feeling overwhelmed and confused during divorce is normal, avoiding these common boomer mistakes can save you unnecessary drama and stress so you can move on with your life.

Missing the Big Picture

Divorce feels awful because, as a society, none of us are taught to plan ahead for it.

Funny, isn’t it? For years, doctors have been telling us to take care of ourselves so we will feel better as we age. Financial advisors preached about planning for retirement for years. Why don’t we apply those same principles to divorce?

We stumble into divorce and panic, instead of logically asking ourselves, “What’s the game plan? Where do I want to be in a year with this divorce and how can I get there?” It’s no wonder why we feel like we no longer control our own life.

Planning where you want to be six months or a year from now and then implementing those steps has bigger dividends than struggling to make it through the day. This method can also help plan for contingencies and worst-case scenarios.

Letting Emotions Cloud Your Judgement

When you strip away the heart-ache of splitting from your spouse, divorce is actually a business transaction: dividing assets and debts and moving on. That’s not to minimize your decades-long marriage, but it’s absolutely critical to keep emotions at bay when dealing with the business side of things.

Your head understands, but the part of you that is angry may spend months fighting over things that have nothing to do with business. It’s understandable: we all make decisions based on emotions because we are hurting. And the only way we know how to deal with those emotions is by projecting it onto our business decisions, especially after a long marriage.

We over-react because we think we will “win,” the divorce, and “get back at” our spouse. This tit-for-tat only prolongs stress and ensures a future of bitterness. You deserve better than that – you have worked for years and deserve the chance to enjoy yourself now. Why be bitter during this next chapter of your life?

Nobody wins in a divorce and you must make your decisions from a clear-headed and rational place. Otherwise, you will find yourself robbed of time, money, and emotional energy – assets that are put to better use in your post-divorce life.

Failing to Make Your Own Decisions

When you’re going through a messy divorce after 60, it can be easy to say, “You know what?!?! I’m just going to let my lawyer figure it out for me.” Or, “Okay, fine. If agreeing to the demands of my spouse will get them off my back and let me move on, whatever.” Or, you may seek advice people whose information may not necessarily be in your best interest.

There is nothing wrong with educating yourself or asking for advice. But, remember that, ultimately, this is your life and your future. It is your right and your responsibility to take ownership of your divorce decisions.

Sure, you can have people advise you – divorce professionals working with you is never a bad thing. But remember, at the end of the day, it is you who has to live with the divorce decisions – shouldn’t you be the one making them?

Staying in the Dark

Remember the phrase, “Knowledge is power?” It’s popular because it’s true.

Divorce can feel overwhelming. At this point in your life, you may have thought that the hard work was behind you and that you had a good handle on things, but then this curve-ball is thrown at you and you’re not sure how to plan for it.

The only way to ease that fear and uncertainty is to educate yourself about the process. Quality divorce resources online are plentiful, many divorce lawyers and coaches offer free consultations and there are support groups and community classes that will help you understand your rights and offer assistance so you do not get run over in the process.

The more you read, reach out and take advantage of the resources out there, the less scared and helpless you will feel. That type of knowledge is pretty powerful, indeed.

Dating Before You’re Ready

Once you and your spouse split, you are given this amazing opportunity to heal, rediscover yourself, and reclaim your independence – things that only you can do. So why would you invest yourself emotionally with someone new, when you haven’t had any time to learn how to be on your own? And how much worse will you feel when that “new, promising” relationship doesn’t work out?

Sure, as humans we want to be loved. It’s understandable to feel lonely after sharing much of your life with your spouse. Separation is a lonely place to be, but you know what’s even worse? Dependence – depending on another romantic relationship to make you feel loved and validated.

Now is the time to break that cycle. Lean on your friends, your family, a good therapist and divorce support groups to listen and encourage when you are lonely. Find the happiness by discovering and enjoying your new-found freedom. You deserve to put yourself first right now.

The divorce journey is a long a tricky one, especially later in life. But educating yourself and reaching out for help can steer you away from these mistakes and get you back to enjoying the best years of your life sooner than you thought possible.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Did you encounter any of these mistakes during or after your divorce? If so, how did you overcome them? Please join the conversation.

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You’re doing the same things you’ve always done. Eating reasonably well. Getting your walks in. Trying to keep portions in check. And the scale is doing the opposite of what you’d expect.

So you land on the most logical explanation available:

“My metabolism must be broken.”

It’s a reasonable conclusion. But it’s usually the wrong one.

Most of the time, your metabolism isn’t broken. It’s responding exactly the way a human body is designed to respond – to the conditions you’ve been living in for the past several decades. Once you understand what those conditions actually are, a lot of the frustration – and honestly, a lot of the self-blame – starts to make a different kind of sense.

What’s Actually Happening to Your Metabolism

Metabolism doesn’t usually change overnight. What I see most often – with my clients and in the research – is something much quieter. A slow accumulation of small shifts over years and decades that, individually, you’d never notice.

One of the Biggest Is Muscle Loss

Muscle is metabolically active, meaning your body burns energy just to maintain it, even at rest. But many women spent their younger years steering clear of strength training. Not out of laziness. But because the cultural ideal for women’s bodies for a very long time was thin, not strong. A lot of us absorbed the message that lifting weights would make us “bulky” – and quietly avoided it for years.

When you lose muscle over time, your body simply doesn’t need as much fuel to run itself. That’s not dysfunction. That’s physics.

The Second Shift Is Daily Movement

Here I do not mean formal exercise, just the low-grade physical activity that used to fill a day. Walking more, standing more, moving between tasks. Life got more sedentary in ways that are easy to miss. Being mentally busy all day is genuinely exhausting. But the body registers something different than the brain does, and over time, those small reductions in movement add up.

Less muscle. Less daily movement. A body that burns fewer calories than it used to. None of this happened dramatically. It happened gradually – and most women never saw it coming.

The Diet History No One Talks About

Here’s the piece of the metabolism story that doesn’t get nearly enough attention.

If you’re a woman 40+, there’s a reasonable chance that dieting has been part of your life since you were a teenager. And years of cycling between restriction and eating normally has real physiological consequences – not because you did something wrong, but because that’s how the human body works.

There’s a famous piece of research called the Minnesota Starvation Study, conducted in the 1940s. Researchers restricted calories in a group of healthy young men for several months. The results were striking. The men became preoccupied with food – reading cookbooks for entertainment, dreaming about meals, talking about food constantly. Their energy dropped. Their mood destabilized. Their metabolism slowed to conserve resources.

These were psychologically healthy people. The restriction itself produced those effects.

Many women have unknowingly recreated similar conditions – not in one dramatic diet, but across years of the weekday-restriction, weekend-overeating cycle. Careful Monday through Thursday, then something gives on Friday night. Then Monday, start over.

That pattern has a cumulative effect: disrupted hunger signals, loss of lean muscle, lower baseline energy, and a brain that becomes increasingly preoccupied with food. None of that is a character flaw. It’s biology responding to conditions.

Why Eating Less and Less Eventually Backfires

When weight loss stalls – and at some point it almost always does – the instinct is predictable. Cut a little more. Maybe it’s the carbs. Maybe it’s the snacks. Maybe if you stop eating after 7pm, something will shift.

Afterall, we’ve all been taught – eat less and move more is the key. And that’s where things start to backfire.

Your body is not a calorie calculator. It’s designed for your survival. When it senses that food intake keeps dropping, it starts making adjustments: energy decreases, spontaneous movement quietly dials down, muscle breaks down to keep things running, and cravings get louder. You might find yourself standing in the kitchen at 9:30 at night thinking about something crunchy or sweet. Not because you lack discipline. Because your brain believes it’s solving a survival problem.

Eventually something gives – usually on the weekend, or at the end of a long day when the mental brakes finally come off. The scale stalls or creeps up. And you’re back to the same conclusion: “My metabolism must be broken.”

Your body’s job is not helping you fit into your jeans. Its job is keeping you alive. When it believes food is scarce, it becomes very good at protecting what it has. That’s not a malfunction. That’s the system working exactly as designed.

What Recovery Actually Looks Like

Most women are watching one signal: the scale. And if the number doesn’t move fast enough, the assumption is that nothing is happening.

But the body gives us useful information long before weight changes. Hunger becomes more predictable – you’re hungry around meals, you eat, and you’re satisfied for a few hours without white-knuckling your way through the afternoon. Energy steadies out. Cravings quiet down from emergency-level to background noise. Mood evens out. Sleep becomes more consistent.

These are the signals worth paying attention to first. They tell you the body is starting to receive what it needs. Weight loss, when it happens, tends to follow – not lead.

It May Not Be Your Fault. But Here’s What’s Yours

A lot of women land in one of two places. The first is blame: something must be wrong with me, I lack discipline, everyone else manages to figure this out. That’s not true, and it’s not a useful place to work from.

The second is: it’s not my fault – hormones, menopause, genetics, aging. There’s real truth in that. We were handed bad information for decades. Diet culture gave us rules that were never designed to support health. And that matters.

But fault and responsibility are different questions. It may not be your fault that you ended up here. What happens next is still yours to decide. And the good news is that the body is genuinely responsive when you start supporting it properly. Not overnight. But steadily.

What Actually Helps

Here’s the thing most women already know: eating enough nourishing food, moving regularly, sleeping well, and managing stress are the foundations of metabolic health. None of that is new information.

The gap isn’t knowing what to do. The gap is doing it consistently in a real, messy life – especially when the week goes sideways, stress is high, and the old patterns are right there waiting.

There’s also something worth noting about how you do those things. Two people can follow the exact same habits and have completely different experiences depending on whether they’re approaching their body as something to punish into compliance – or something to support. That shift in orientation changes more than you’d expect.

Find Out What’s Actually Getting in Your Way

If you know what healthy habits look like but can’t seem to make them stick, the problem isn’t information. It’s the specific pattern underneath your follow-through. And that pattern is different for everyone.

My quiz, Why Do Your Healthy Habits Keep Falling Apart?, takes about 3 minutes. It identifies your specific pattern and tells you what to address first. Results go straight to your inbox. No generic advice. Just a clear picture of what’s actually getting in your way.

Because once you can see the pattern, it stops feeling like a problem with your DNA – something that is part of your fiber – and it starts feeling like a problem you can actually solve. Because you can.

I’d Love to Hear from You in the Comments:

When it comes to your health habits, where do things tend to fall apart? Is it getting started, staying consistent when life gets busy, or something else entirely?

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There is something delightfully ironic about commencement speeches. At the exact moment people are least interested in sitting still and listening, some notable steps up to a podium and delivers a carefully crafted sermon about life, purpose, resilience, and possibility.

After spending more than a decade of my midlife career as a school administrator, I have attended enough graduation ceremonies to earn an honorary doctorate in uncomfortable folding chairs and ceremonial polyester. I have heard the soaring metaphors, the inspirational anecdotes, the encouragement to strive, and endless references to “journeys.”

Most graduates, understandably, are too busy thinking about dinner reservations, student loan payments, or where the after-party is happening to fully absorb the wisdom being handed down from the stage.

But lately, I’ve started to think commencement speeches may have been written for women over 60 all along.

Maybe This Is Our Real Graduation

If there is any group of people standing on the edge of a wide-open, uncertain, exciting next chapter, it’s us. Women in later life are reinventing careers, leaving marriages, launching businesses, downsizing homes, traveling solo, dating again, relocating, caregiving, retiring, unretiring, or simply asking themselves the big question that feels both thrilling and terrifying:

What now?

The Surprisingly Poignant Wisdom of Roger Federer

That question hit me recently while researching a story about retirement reinvention and stumbling across Roger Federer’s 2024 commencement address at Dartmouth College.

There he was, arguably one of the greatest athletes of all time, admitting that he, too, was figuring out his next steps. “Like you,” he told graduates, “I’m figuring out what that is.”

Honestly? That may be the most comforting thing any post-60 woman can hear, because somewhere along the line, society decided that older women are supposed to have arrived already. We’re expected to know exactly who we are, what we want, how to do Medicare enrollment without tearing out our hair, and what we should wear to stay stylish in the process.

Many of us are not winding down. Instead we are waking up to a wide-open landscape, and that’s exactly why commencement speeches suddenly resonate with us. When we listen through the lens of a woman entering her next act, the messages become surprisingly relevant. The themes are timeless: choose courage over comfort, remain curious, stay connected, expect setbacks, keep growing anyway.

Why “Yes… And” Feels Like the Perfect Midlife Philosophy

In her 2012 address at Smith College, Jane Lynch spoke about the improvisational principle of “Yes… and.” The idea is simple: accept what life hands you, and then build from it. Don’t resist. Don’t deny. And definitely don’t spend years wishing things had gone differently.

“Yes… and.”

It feels like the perfect philosophy for later life. Yes, our lives may not look exactly as we imagined at 25… and maybe that’s not a tragedy. Maybe the divorce becomes freedom. Maybe the empty nest becomes possibility. Maybe the layoff becomes the business idea. Maybe the loss becomes the thing that finally teaches us how precious time really is. Lynch’s advice feels especially meaningful for women stepping into unfamiliar territory after decades spent taking care of everyone else first.

Reinvention Requires a Little Foolishness

Starting over requires a willingness to look foolish occasionally, which is unfortunate because many of us spent our 50s trying very hard not to.

Which brings us, naturally, to Steve Jobs and his legendary 2005 commencement address at Stanford University, which remains iconic for one enduring line: “Stay hungry. Stay foolish.”

That line lands differently after 60, too.

Because being “foolish” at this age might mean signing up for the painting class, launching the Substack, wearing the sequined skirt, taking the solo trip, learning pickleball, falling in love again, or admitting you still want more from life.

And hunger? That’s not something to apologize for but instead is an invitation to become more ourselves than ever before?

More curious.

More expressive.

More daring.

More alive.

Maybe that’s why commencement speeches resonate now in a way they never did at 22. At this age, we understand that reinvention is not a straight line. We know failure is both inevitable and survivable. We appreciate the value of friendships, resilience, humor, and good habits around wearing sunscreen and making movement part of our daily routine. Mostly, we understand that possibility does not have an expiration date, and neither do we.

So perhaps we should start treating this chapter like our own private commencement ceremony – minus the polyester robes and ridiculous caps.

That deserves a standing ovation.

A Few More Commencement Speeches Worth Revisiting

• Kerry Washington — George Washington University, 2013
• Michelle Yeoh — Harvard Law School, 2023
• Melinda French Gates — Stanford University, 2024

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Which commencement speeches have held the most meaning for you? Have you made a graduation speech?

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Lindsay Hubbard’s Green Striped Maxi Dress

Ciara Miller’s White Eyelet Bikini

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Amanda Batula’s Black Sheer Top and Pants

Bailey Taylor’s Leopard Maxi Dress

Liz McGraw’s Red Light Face Wand

Mia Calabrese’s Pink Printed Mini Dress

Kelsey Swanson’s White Floral Shirt Dress

Liz McGraw’s Orange Floral Maxi Dress

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