There’s a familiar conversation that happens whenever I go out to eat with certain people in my life. It begins the way most dinner plans do.

“What do you feel like having tonight?”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter.”

“Really, anything is fine.”

“You pick.”

“Whatever’s easiest.”

This is meant to be helpful. It’s offered with the best of intentions. But somewhere around the third “I don’t care,” I begin to suspect that it actually matters quite a bit, because now I’m responsible for choosing a restaurant or meal that satisfies everyone, including the people who claim not to have preferences. If the tacos are too spicy or the pasta not as good as “that other place,” the quiet disappointment will somehow still be traced back to the person who said, “Sure, let’s try that place.”

Maybe indecision isn’t really low maintenance after all.

Enter, My Father

My father, who would have turned 93 this year, belonged firmly to the “don’t be a bother” generation. When he was in his 70s, he had his first surgery. He was nervous about the procedure, but almost more nervous about the attention. Being fussed over was not normally found in his natural habitat. After the surgery, the nurse came in and asked if he’d like something to eat. They had already brought him a Sprite and offered some Jell-O. My father waved the idea away.

“Oh no,” he said politely. “I don’t want to be a bother.”

The rest of us looked at him. This was a man who had just had surgery. Being a bother was literally the point of being in the hospital. The nurse nodded and said she could bring something else like pudding.

“No, I’m fine,” he insisted.

Eventually, I think they brought him chocolate pudding anyway. Hospitals run on a surprisingly simple nutrition plan: pudding, Jell-O, and optimism. But something shifted after that. Because later, when he finally decided he was hungry, my father pushed the call button again and announced that he would, in fact, like something to eat. What followed in our family is now known as The Club Sandwich Incident.

The Club Sandwich Incident

So, my father pushed the call button, and the nurse came in with the same pleasant efficiency nurses everywhere seem to possess.

“Yes, sir? What can I do for you?”

Well. It turned out my father did have something specific to eat in his mind. He sat up a little straighter in the bed and began describing what sounded suspiciously like a full deli experience.

“I was thinking maybe a sandwich,” he said.

The nurse smiled and nodded. So far, so good.

“Maybe toasted whole wheat bread,” he continued. “Really crispy. Maybe rye?”

This might still be manageable.

“And some bacon. Really crispy bacon.”

The nurse’s smile stayed in place, but I noticed her lips now seemed a bit forced.

“Maybe a little turkey,” he added thoughtfully. “Lettuce. Tomato. A little mayonnaise.”

By now the rest of us were sitting around the hospital bed, staring very intently at the floor, the ceiling, the curtain, anything that might prevent us from making eye contact with each other. Because the moment anyone did, we were all going to lose it.

My father, meanwhile, was just getting warmed up. By now the sandwich had moved beyond “a post-surgery snack” and into full architectural planning.

“Maybe not mayo. Do you have any whole grain mustard?” he politely asked.

The nurse then looked at him with the kindest expression imaginable.

“Sweetie,” she said gently, “I’m thinking we’re probably not able to make a sandwich like that just now.”

She handed him a pencil and a paper hospital menu that appeared to suggest his expectations should be adjusted immediately. My father studied it quietly, quickly realizing his choice needed to shift from neighborhood deli to post-surgical nutrition.

My Mom chimed in, reading the menu over his shoulder, “You might like a nice bowl of tomato soup… and look! There’s even a granola bar!”

Eventually, he ordered something far more modest. But the transformation had already begun.

Finding Middle Ground?

Watching my father move so quickly from “I don’t want to be a bother” to outlining a fully engineered club sandwich made me realize something. There is apparently a very fine line between disappearing politely… and requesting a handcrafted deli experience from a hospital nurse who has access to exactly three food groups: pudding, Jell-O, and regret. Most of us are trying to live somewhere in the middle.

We don’t want to be demanding. We don’t want to be high maintenance. Many of us, especially those of a certain generation, were raised to believe that the nicest thing you could say when someone asked your opinion was, “Oh, it doesn’t matter.”

But here’s the problem. It does matter. When someone says, “What do you feel like eating?” and we respond with “I don’t care,” we haven’t actually solved anything. We’ve just handed them the responsibility of guessing what might make us happy while pretending we have no stake in the outcome.

That’s not being easygoing. That’s outsourcing dinner.

I’m starting to think the goal as we get older is not to become the person who designs a sandwich layer by layer for a hospital nurse. But it might be nice to stop pretending we don’t have preferences at all. Somewhere between refusing pudding and designing a deli sandwich is the healthy middle ground of simply having an opinion.

It turns out being a bother isn’t the worst thing in the world. Especially if all you’re asking for is lunch. And if that feels like too much pressure, there’s always chocolate pudding.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you think saying “I don’t care” makes things easier… or does it just shift the work to someone else? Are you more of a “pudding martyr” or a “club sandwich architect”? Has that changed over time? When did you first learn not to be “a bother?” Is that still serving you? What’s one small thing you could start having an opinion about this week without going “overboard” like my Dad?

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Have you ever tried to make positive changes to your lifestyle, only to give up because your thoughts convinced you that the lifestyle you desire will never happen?

Do you find yourself regularly distracted from your dreams and desires as your focus is redirected to external events and/or demands of other people?

If so, you are not alone.

The first thing we must be willing to do in reclaiming our power over these thoughts and distractions is to acknowledge what they are getting us to believe about ourselves.

Most negative thoughts convince us that it’s safer to give up on our dreams and desires than it is to try to fulfill them.

From the news to people in our lives, external distractions convince us that everything and everyone is more important than our own dreams and desires.

Wherever you find yourself facing negative thoughts and distractions, I am here to tell you there is a proven method to reverse their effects.

This method involves 4 steps for observing your thoughts. This article and video will address these steps and how to apply them to your life.

In our seventh article and video in a new, 12-part exclusive series for Sixty and Me readers titled “Visualize a Vibrant New Lifestyle After 60,” you are going to learn how to observe and change thoughts that are not serving your dream lifestyle.

Afraid of Thinking and Acting Differently?

With decades of wisdom and priceless life experience to rely on, why do so many of us over 60 have such a difficult time observing our negative thoughts long enough to not only make sense of them, but to figure out how to overcome them?

After all these years, could it be that we are unconsciously afraid of the consequences of thinking and acting differently?

To answer these questions, it’s essential that we understand what is required of us to create the lifestyle of our dreams.

We must be willing to acknowledge what is not serving us if we are to make positive changes in our lives. This means identifying beliefs, behaviors, and thoughts that do not serve our well-being and then replacing them.

Wanting to make these kinds of changes is one thing, doing it is something else entirely.

4 Steps to Observe Your Thoughts

To help make the process easier, I’m sharing four of my personal go-to steps that will help you observe your thoughts and transform your lifestyle.

1) Slow Down

You cannot observe your thoughts if you are constantly on the go. The process of listening to what your thoughts are saying begins with creating more time in your day to slow down and quiet your mind.

From this quiet space you can more easily tune into the false stories your inner critic is telling you through negative thoughts. This is also how you can hear your true, authentic self provide timeless wisdom on creating your dream lifestyle.

Perhaps even more challenging than slowing down and observing your inner thoughts is to remain in a quiet and comfortable place for as long as you need. This is an act of self-love because it is here that you start to learn who you truly are and what dreams and desires are in alignment with you at this stage of life.

2) Mundane Activities

Your thoughts are always speaking to you, but are you listening? Whether it’s limiting beliefs or your dreams and desires trying to get your attention, thoughts are easiest to hear when you are doing daily automatic routines.

This is where you shift from being on autopilot to becoming a mindful observer of how your mind works, especially when you are busy focusing on mundane, daily activities.

I go into more detail on this step and step #3 in the accompanying video.

3) Clarity on Self-Critical Dialogue

Self-critical dialogue that is important to gain clarity on refers to your dreams and desires for an improved lifestyle. These kinds of thoughts take place so regularly you do not even notice how your inner critic and other people convince you to hold onto outdated beliefs, while talking you out of visualizing your dreams.

4) Don’t Buy It

From your inner critic to negative people, feel free to listen to their negative thoughts, just do not buy into what they’re selling.

When you buy into negative thoughts, it’s based on past experiences. This creates self-doubt about the future, while it reinforces your limiting beliefs and amplifies negative thoughts in the present.

When you invest your time and emotions into repetitively overthinking negative thoughts from the past, you’re making that which is familiar seem impossible to change. Therefore, be mindful to observe what kind of negativity you are buying into as it relates to your dreams and desires.

Next Steps:

In our eighth article and video in this series, we will look at how an acting technique can not only help you retrace the origins of your thoughts, but in doing so, you will learn how to “Rewrite Your Lifestyle Script After 60”.

I invite you to join me in the video, where I will share additional insights and tips on observing your thoughts through “Mundane Activities” and getting “Clarity on Self-Critical Dialogue.”

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What negative and positive thoughts do you commonly have when you think about your desired lifestyle?

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