With the 24/7 news cycle, it’s hard to avoid breaking news headlines and checking your account balance. The truth is, I hear versions of this all the time: “I made the mistake of checking my account after listening to the news. And now I’m worried.”

This anxiety can even occur when your finances are actually OK. You might have a healthy nest egg, Social Security, and a traditional pension. Many signs may suggest you’re “on track.”

And yet a down week in the market can change how you feel.

Many people don’t need another spreadsheet. Instead, it’s a plan that answers the following:

“What do I do when the market goes up or down?”

If you know the answer ahead of time, you can tune out the daily market noise, which should help steady your mood.

Why Your Brain Keeps Asking “What About This?”

Our brain is still playing catch-up. For much of human existence, it made sense to ask: “Will I have enough food for next season?”

Today’s retirement, however, requires our brain to consider something that sounded impossible: I have enough for the next 20 to 30 years.

But our more primitive part of the brain still sees the market dip not as a temporary fluctuation, but as uncertainty. And that uncertainty can feel like danger.

Instead, take a breath and respond with your process.

The “Sleep-at-Night” Baseline Check

Is the worry a real issue or just a loud alarm?

Ask yourself:

Are My Essentials Covered by Reliable Income?

If Social Security, a pension, and/or an annuity cover most of your essentials, then the market mostly impacts your “wants.”

Do I Have a Cash Buffer?

A cash buffer protects near-term spending from market fluctuations and allows for better sleep.

How Flexible Is My Spending, Really?

If you have the ability to delay an expense, like a big trip or home project during a market downturn, then you are probably more resilient.

Is My Plan Dated?

If you haven’t reviewed your assumptions about inflation, taxes, or healthcare costs in some time, your brain likely won’t trust the numbers.

If this exercise results in a real strain, that is valuable information that you can act on.

But for many people, it is their fear that is bigger than the actual risk. If that’s the case, it can help to say out loud: “I hear your concern, but our updated plan states we have enough to ride out the ups and downs.”

Why “Probability of Success” Often Doesn’t Feel Reassuring

Even for retirees whose plan says they are likely to be fine, it might not answer: what do I do when the market drops?

Without a plan that incorporates action, any movement in your portfolio can feel like a new decision. The market is up; can I spend more? The market is down; do we need to cut spending?

The Retirement Tune-Up: Your “If/Then” Plan

Here’s the solution: create a plan that includes if/then decisions.

Using “guardrails,” you decide these rules in advance so that you don’t overreact in either direction.

1. The “Raise” Rule (When Markets Are Strong)

For some retirees, even if they can afford to spend more, they don’t. But a “raise” rule allows you to enjoy the upside: If your portfolio increases above a predetermined line, then your spending may increase.

2. The “Yellow Line” Rule (When Markets Drop)

Before the panic starts, decide ahead of time what action you’ll take if markets drop. If the market drops you into a caution zone, you may temporarily pause some discretionary spending or cut back on some travel.

But the important part is it’s “specific” and it’s “temporary.” Instead of saying “we will never spend again,” phrase it as “we are tightening up our spending and then reassessing.”

3. The “Red Line” Rule (If Things Get Serious)

If the market drops below a critical line, you may decide larger actions are necessary, including withdrawing less, adjusting spending priorities, and ensuring your investments are not impacting your sleep.

Try a Market Noise Diet

You control when and how often you review your accounts. Instead, decide if you will check your accounts monthly, quarterly, or semi-annually.

If your anxiety increases between reviews, try reviewing your If/Then plan before you check your account balance.

A Final Thought

You can’t control the markets, but you can build confidence in how you respond.

With the 24/7 news cycle, headlines will be dramatic, and markets will move. But by checking your baseline and having an if/then plan, you can take a step back and know this usually isn’t an emergency because you have a plan.

By creating your plan in advance, you can stay in control of what really matters… actually living the life you’ve built.

A Few Questions to Think About

Are your essential expenses covered by reliable income? Is your cash buffer large enough to avoid selling stocks in a down market? If there is a significant market drop, do you have guardrails to tell you how much to trim? If markets are doing well, are you comfortable enough to enjoy it (within reason)? Do you have a plan that you will stick to rather than react to the news?

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There are many reasons women are single, yet the term “single woman” is still often narrowly defined – usually referring to someone who is not married and, in some cases, someone without children. But that definition barely scratches the surface of a reality that touches almost every woman’s life.

The Meaning Behind the Word

The word “single” itself comes from the Latin singulus, meaning “one” or “alone.” Over time, as societies became more structured around marriage – for stability, inheritance, and social order – the meaning shifted. It stopped being neutral and began to suggest that something was missing. For women especially, identity became closely tied to being part of a couple, and those outside of that were often viewed differently – sometimes with quiet judgment, sometimes with open reservation.

But what many women don’t always realize is this: being a single woman is not a fixed identity. It is an experience that shows up at different junctures throughout life. We all begin as single. We move in and out of it. And in more cases than not, most women will find themselves single at some point – whether through choice, circumstance, divorce, the death of a spouse, the loss of community, or even the quiet loneliness that can exist within a relationship.

The Stigma of Singlehood

There is also another layer to this conversation – one that can feel particularly unfair. Women who are single by choice are often labeled as selfish or self-involved, as if choosing independence is somehow a character flaw rather than a conscious, thoughtful decision. And while this perception reflects broader societal expectations, it can be especially painful because it so often comes from other women.

There can be a quiet harshness in how we judge one another’s paths, particularly when they don’t mirror our own. But the truth is simple: being single is not something to be ashamed of or shunned. It is something we will ALL experience at some point in our lives. So perhaps it’s time we extend a little more understanding – and a lot less judgment – to each other.

I spent many years, far too many, in corporate America. When married women needed time off to tend to family matters, it was expected that the single women would step in for them. There was a pervasive perception that women who were not married had more time on their hands and fewer commitments simply because they were on their own. They had more freedom to be more flexible when the corporate institutions expected them to be.

Also, the single label does not cut both ways – women are still labeled “old maids” or “spinsters” even to this day, while men who don’t marry are often viewed as living the fun life – confirmed bachelors by choice.

My Own Single Story

I know this not just as an observation, but as my own story. I have been labeled a “single woman” all my life, and for most of it, that has been true in the traditional sense. I’ve had long-term relationships – meaningful ones – but they ultimately did not stand the test of time. I have remained childless, partly because of circumstance, but mostly by choice.

There was one man I would have welcomed building a life with, even raising a child together, but we were young. Although we drifted in and out of each other’s lives over the years, we never quite made it work. That, too, is part of singlehood – not the absence of love, but the presence of love that wasn’t meant to last in the way we once imagined.

In Our 20s: Becoming

In our 20s, being single often feels like the natural state of things. We are just beginning – discovering who we are, what we want, and often searching for that perfect partner. Some women find love early, some later, and some never do. But at this stage, singlehood feels temporary, like a passage toward something else, even as it quietly shapes who we are becoming.

In Our 30s: The Crossroads

By our 30s, singlehood can begin to feel more defined. The world around us shifts – friends marry, start families, and social circles begin to change. The question of partnership becomes louder. Some women choose independence more consciously, while others cave to the weight of expectations. It is a decade where paths diverge, and being single can feel both empowering and, at times, isolating.

In Our 40s: Redefining

In our 40s, many women find themselves single again – through divorce, the end of long-term relationships, or a realization that something no longer fits. This is often a period of deep self-awareness. The “shoulds” begin to fall away, replaced by a clearer sense of self. Being single here is less about waiting and more about redefining – what we want, what we will accept, and how we choose to live.

In Our 50s: The Unexpected Return

For many, the 50s bring an unexpected return to singlehood. Gray divorce has become more common, reshaping lives that once felt stable and defined. Women who spent years as part of a couple suddenly find themselves on their own again. Along with the emotional impact, there is often a shift in social dynamics. Married friends may pull away, unsure of how to include someone who no longer fits the “couple” structure. Some women find themselves treated as a third wheel – or even, unfairly, as a threat to other marriages. It is a painful and often unspoken reality.

In Our 60s and Beyond: A New Identity Revisited

In our 60s and beyond, singlehood can return in one of life’s most profound ways – the death of a spouse. For women who believed they had left that identity behind, this can feel like stepping into unfamiliar territory all over again. It is not the singlehood of youth, but something layered with grief, memory, and deep change.

It can also bring very practical realities into sharp focus. I am experiencing a version of that now. I am facing an upcoming surgery – nothing serious, but enough that I will need some help during recovery. I have many friends, wonderful friends, who I can rely on, just as they can rely on me. And yet, asking for help does not come easily to me. I have always been independent, self-sufficient – someone who manages on her own.

All I really need is someone to stay with me for a couple of nights. That’s it. But even that simple ask carries weight.

Recently, I was talking with a dear longtime friend who has endured many health crises over the years. She mentioned, quite naturally, that when she came home from the hospital, her husband was there to care for her. And something in me reacted before I could soften it. I heard myself say, more sharply than I intended, “I know you did – and that’s my problem. I don’t.”

Her husband, by nature, is a wonderful caregiver. Even her nurses remarked on his compassion and attentiveness – how rare and remarkable it was. And it’s true, he is a gem. She was a bit taken aback by my outburst, but she gently reminded me, “You are not alone.”

Then she brought up another friend we have both known for years – a woman who has been married for decades to a man who, on the surface, seems perfectly fine. But when she came home from a hospital stay, the reality was very different. He didn’t know how to care for her. He was impatient, detached, and more of a hindrance than a help. After more than 30 years together, he didn’t even know how she took her tea. Not the right amount of sweetener, not the right amount of cream. She ended up making it herself, doing her own laundry, and coping the best she could – alone in a house that was not empty, but felt that way.

She later said she had never felt more alone in her life.

And that is something we don’t talk about enough. Being single, especially for women, is not just a fact – it can also be a state of mind. You can be alone within a marriage just as you can be supported and deeply connected while living on your own. Having someone there is not the same as having someone who shows up for you in the ways that matter most.

What Changes, What Doesn’t, and What Matters Most

I have many single friends – some who never married, some who are divorced, and some who have lost their spouses. Over time, we have made an unspoken but deeply understood agreement: we will be there for one another as the years move forward.

Because the truth is, while we may be “single” on paper, we are not alone. We are part of a community – one that sustains us, supports us, and nurtures us in ways that matter deeply.

Across every stage of life, singlehood evolves. What changes is how we experience it – whether with hope, resilience, grief, or acceptance. What doesn’t change is its presence. It is a thread that runs through our lives, shaping us in ways both visible and unseen.

And what matters most is how we come to understand it. Not as something to explain or overcome, but as a valid, meaningful, and often powerful way of living. Because whether single by choice, by circumstance, or by life’s unexpected turns, we are not incomplete.

We are living our lives – fully, honestly, and, perhaps more connected than we ever realized, together.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How many times in your life have you been single? Through what circumstances? Do you feel lonely when single – or do you have friends by your side?

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As I sit down to type this article, ignoring the little crack in my knee as I adjust my chair, I’m reminded that spouses really do have to help and support each other through the changes that midlife, and beyond, bring.

Some of those changes – if the Fates have been kind – are good. Financial security, the ability to have more control over the way you spend your time and who you spend it with, and the liberating “I don’t give a you-know-what” attitude that comes with being of a certain vintage.

Some changes aren’t so good. Like the cracking joints or the faltering energy levels. These are all reminders that we’re marching a little closer to… well, you know. People handle this in different ways. Some accept it or even embrace it with gratitude, while others fight it tooth and nail.

Couples handle it in different ways too. Some spouses cling to each more, while others let their fears – or lingering resentments, or unfulfilled ideals of the perfect life – push them apart.

While both women and men can experience the so-called midlife crisis, they often do so in different ways. Over the years, I’ve consulted with many women who are dealing with a husband in the midst of a marriage-damaging midlife crisis, specifically the kind that sees him rewriting the marital history, becoming more self-focused or even straying from the marriage.

And if that piqued your concern or hit a little too close to home, I have three ideas that might help you get ahead of things while you still can.

A great trio of tips to be proactive:

What follows are three overarching ways you can help your husband during his midlife crisis – or at least during the early phases of what you suspect is an encroaching midlife crisis. Because when it comes to this issue, an ounce of prevention is definitely worth a pound of cure!

#1: Make Him Feel Appreciated

Whether it’s for his years of hard work and being a good provider, whether it’s for supporting you and your career or passions, or whether it’s for being a great dad to your kids, be sure to show your husband that you appreciate all he’s done for you and your family.

Don’t just assume that he knows you’ve noticed his contributions or sacrifices. Talk about them in detail. Acknowledge and appreciate them. You’ll see how your appreciation for him makes him light up with appreciation for you.

#2: Make Him Feel Youthful

You’ll notice that I chose the word “youthful” instead of “young.” That’s because even a very elderly person can have a youthful spirit and a youthful zest for life. It’s all in the twinkle of the eye. So, look for new adventures and break out of your comfort zone – because if not now, when?

Very importantly, don’t neglect your sex life. No, you won’t be swinging from any chandeliers, but there’s nothing stopping you from pushing your boundaries a bit in the bedroom and keeping your husband feeling like a man in his prime… at least when it comes to pleasing his wife.

#3: Remind Him That He’s Lucky to Have You

This is a big one. Really big. Maybe the biggest. Why? Because when it comes to those marriage-damaging midlife crises, it often happens that a man begins to take his wife for granted (don’t all spouses do this from time to time?). This can lead him to rewrite your history as a couple, blame-shift or even strike up a problematic relationship with another woman. It’s therefore essential that he feels fortunate to have you in his life.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you should start thinking too highly of yourself or behaving like a diva. Neither does it mean exhausting yourself to please him. We’re long past that, aren’t we? Rather, it just means tapping into your best self as a wife and woman to remind him of why he married you in the first place.

Because this article isn’t just about helping your husband. It is actually more about helping you dodge the type of male midlife episode that can do damage to your marriage and to your sense of security and well-being. This is not the time of life when you want to feel “shut out” of your husband’s life. (Incidentally, that unhappy circumstance is the subject of my book The Shut-Out Wife: Breaking Through Your Husband’s Midlife Crisis).

So let’s circle back to that trio of tips – making him feel appreciated, youthful, and lucky to have you – and think. How can you accomplish this in a practical sense? Challenge yourself to come up with three or four ways you can meet each goal.

Much will depend on your lifestyle and available resources. But much will also depend on your open-mindedness and creativity. So brainstorm. And please, whether this is an issue in your marriage or not, share your brilliant ideas in the comments. Let’s help each other out!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Did your husband go through a midlife crisis? How did you handle it? Were there signs you noticed? Any tips you may have for the community?

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Not long ago I was out to dinner with friends. We had ordered and were waiting for our drinks when one of my friends immediately pulled out her phone and began scrolling.

When the food arrived, my friend set down her phone and picked up her utensils.

At first, I was caught off guard. We hadn’t seen each other in a month, and I had been looking forward to catching up.

“Sorry about that,” she said between bites. “I had over 200 work emails, and I wouldn’t have been able to relax until I got through at least some of them.”

While I was waiting for her to disengage from work and join in with the conversation, I noticed that I was also fighting the urge to check my own phone.

That moment stayed with me. It made me realize how much technology has changed the way we live and how rarely we allow ourselves the simple act of being present.

The Sheer Speed of Communication

When I first started working, we typed letters and mailed them, often waiting weeks for a response. Now we fire off a text or email and find ourselves staring at the screen, waiting for a reply. Everything moves so much faster than it did even a few decades ago.

But there’s a downside to that kind of speed as we are always connected. Work, family, and the outside world are always within arm’s reach.

Studies suggest that we check our phones nearly 100 times a day and for many in business, it can be far more. What began as a tool for convenience has quietly become an obsession.

I can remember when even having a home phone was a luxury. Contact with the outside world was daily and for the most part, enjoyable. Any news you receive comes from TV, newspapers and the radio. You would actively need to tune in to get updated on events.

Now, we live with the steady infusion of local, national and international news in real time. The majority of which is negative and can lead to anxiety, emotional fatigue and fear.

Falling Victim to the Computer in Our Pocket

I have good friends I haven’t spoken to in years. We exchange texts, admire photos and have discussions without picking up the phone.

Even when we are together, I feel that often we are not fully present. Phones come out to share a picture or look something up, and before long, we are responding to emails or checking messages.

We can hardly get through a discussion without someone reaching for their cell to look something up or fact-check, turning what should be an easy exchange into something that feels more like deposition testimony than a chat.

Have you noticed how difficult it has become to go even a few minutes without looking at your phone? Many of us don’t even bother to tuck it away in our handbags or pockets.

Unless you are a trauma surgeon or a stockbroker, it is unlikely that you need to be constantly connected and yet, leaving home without creates a feeling of disconnection or FOMO (fear of missing out).

The effects of constant cell phone use are not just emotional but can be physical as well: eye strain, neck pain, reduced attention span, and the subtle but powerful pull of the need for constant stimulation.

For older adults, there is an added concern. While we may feel more connected, we may actually be engaging less. The illusion of connection can sometimes replace real interaction, contributing to loneliness and isolation.

So, What Can We Do?

Give Yourself a Phone Curfew

Phone use at night can cause insomnia and the blue light can disrupt circadian rhythms.

Don’t Text and Drive

Put your phone away while driving unless you use a navigational app. Even having the phone in the holder and a text message coming up can be dangerous as you glance at it. Also, resist the urge to scroll at traffic lights and in congested areas.

Never Walk and Scroll

Older people have less flexibility and stepping on an uneven surface or into a hole can lead to an injury.

Do Not Sleep with the Phone Next to You

It makes it too accessible if you are having problems sleeping. An old-fashioned alarm clock should be used instead.

Resist Scrolling During Down Time

Don’t reach for your phones when you are waiting in line, in an elevator or at a crossing. Look around and engage with your surroundings.

Cellphones can make an amazing contribution to the quality of our lives when used correctly. Unfortunately, they are extremely addictive, and we often lose minutes and sometimes hours doomscrolling when that precious time could be used to connect with the outside world.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How addicted are you to your phone? Have you changed the way you use your phone and how did it make your life better?

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Photo: @rachelzoe

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Have you had this moment – yet?

Your children are grown.

You’ve spent decades caring, guiding, and showing up in ways that required constant emotional availability. And yet, instead of feeling lighter, you may feel more unsettled than ever.

Because while your children have grown up, your role hasn’t quite caught up.

You’re still responding the way you always have.

Still stepping in.

Still carrying.

Still trying to keep everything steady.

And it’s exhausting.

The Hidden Emotional Cost

Many women over 50 find themselves navigating complicated dynamics with adult children.

There may be:

• Increased expectations
• Emotional dependency
• Tension or distance
• Moments of disrespect
• Or simply a lingering sense of responsibility that never seems to end.

What often goes unspoken is how deeply this can impact your emotional health.

You may feel anxious before conversations.

You may replay interactions long after they happen.

You may struggle to relax, always wondering what might come next.

And quietly, you may begin to feel like your life is still revolving around your children – even though they are fully grown.

Why Boundaries Matter Now More Than Ever

This stage of life is not just about your children.

It is also about you.

Your well-being.

Your identity.

Your peace.

Healthy boundaries are what allow both you and your children to grow into this next chapter.

They are not about pushing your child away. They are about creating clarity around where your responsibility ends – and where theirs begins.

Without that clarity, it becomes very easy to over-function.

• To take on emotions that are not yours.
• To solve problems that are not yours to solve.
• To sacrifice your peace in order to maintain connection.

Redefining Your Role

One of the most important shifts in midlife motherhood is this:

You move from being a manager… to being a supporter.

You are no longer responsible for directing your child’s life.

You are invited to witness it.

That shift can feel uncomfortable at first.

It can even feel like you’re doing less.

But in reality, you are doing something much harder.

You are stepping back in a way that allows your child to step forward.

What Healthy Boundaries Actually Look Like

Boundaries are often misunderstood.

They are not rigid rules or emotional distance.

They are clear, respectful communication about what you can and cannot take on.

In everyday life, they may look like:

• Not answering every call immediately.
• Saying no without a long explanation.
• Choosing not to engage in heated or disrespectful conversations.
• Allowing your child to handle their own challenges.
• Taking time for yourself without guilt.

These are small shifts – but they create powerful changes over time.

The Emotional Benefits of Boundaries

When you begin to establish healthy boundaries, something important happens.

You start to feel more grounded.

More calm.

More like yourself.

You are no longer constantly reacting.

You are choosing how you respond.

And that creates emotional stability– not just for you, but for the relationship as well.

Because relationships that rely on over-functioning are often fragile.

But relationships built on mutual respect are much more resilient.

Letting Go of Guilt

One of the biggest obstacles to setting boundaries is guilt.

You may worry that you are being selfish.

That you are pulling away.

That you are damaging the relationship.

But healthy boundaries are not about withdrawing love.

They are about expressing it in a more sustainable way.

A way that allows both people to grow.

Creating Space for Your Own Life

Midlife is an invitation.

An invitation to reconnect with yourself.

To explore what brings you joy, meaning, and purpose beyond your role as a mother.

Boundaries create the space for that.

They allow you to step into your own life again – not in opposition to your children, but alongside them.

A Healthier Way Forward

If you are feeling overwhelmed, drained, or unsure how to navigate your relationship with your adult children, it may not be a sign that something is wrong.

It may simply be a sign that something needs to change.

And that change begins with small, steady boundaries.

Not perfect ones.

Not dramatic ones.

Just honest ones.

Because you deserve a relationship with your children that includes connection… and peace.

If you struggle in this area, I have a free resource called 5 Truths to Let Go With Love and I’d love to send it to you. You can get it HERE.

Let’s discuss:

What is one small boundary you might adopt with your adult child? How might that improve the relationship?

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