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Why You Should Commit to the Carry-On and Tips for Making it Easy

Why You Should Commit to the Carry-On and Tips for Making it Easy

The world is divided into two different kinds of people: overpackers and underpackers. If you fall into the first category, don’t turn away yet! Give me a few minutes to try and convince you that there is a better way to travel.

As you might already suspect, I am an underpacker. My measure of a packing fail: Coming home with even one thing in my suitcase that I did not need, use or wear during my trip. I do fail sometimes, but not often anymore.

Here’s how to pack lighter – all lessons I learned the hard way.

Start with an Attitude Change

It helps that I don’t really care how I look. I don’t mean I would travel in ripped or dirty clothes. But I don’t need to be the glammed up center of attention. In fact, when you’re traveling, the more you can blend in, the better. You’re less likely to be targeted by pickpockets and local scammers.

Spend a little time researching what the locals wear and try to pack like that. This is the lesson I learned when I wore my electric blue winter coat to Romania, a former Soviet block country where there were two colors of winter coat: grey and black.

So if you simply must be a fashion plate, try to pare down the clothes to a capsule wardrobe of items you can mix and match and pieces that will do double duty.

Use a Packing List

These printable packing lists will give you a feel for the things you’ll need. If the list includes something you don’t think you’ll need, don’t pack it. If there is something missing, make a note on the printed sheet so you don’t forget it.

Check the Weather Forecast

I make this recommendation because I live in Chicago. We like to say, “If you don’t like the weather, wait 10 minutes.” Here, the calendar might say May, but the thermometer might say March. Or July.

So check the forecast for your destination. It will tell you whether to pack a raincoat, sunhat, shorts, or sweaters.

Start Packing Early

If you have a spare bed, room, couch or some other spot to hold the things you want to pack, start a week early and put everything on the bed that you think you might want on your trip.

Then walk away.

Come back the next day and look it over. Is there anything missing? Is there anything you think you might not need on the trip? Make adjustments accordingly.

Then walk away.

Come back the next day with the intention of making choices. If you have two pairs of pants on the bed, take away one pair. If you have four shirts, take away two. And so on, until you have cut in half the things on the bed.

Then walk away.

The next day, it’s time to pack. Start with the pieces of clothing you absolutely MUST have with you.

If you run out of suitcase before you run out of clothes to pack, you get to make a choice: Leave something else behind or pay $40 or more to check a bag.

Buy Packing Cubes

I resisted buying this travel essential for years. Now I can’t believe I ever traveled without them.

Packing cubes are flexible pouches with a brilliant zipper system. You pack them with the clothes you want to take, and zip them shut. Then – this is the brilliant part – you zip a second zipper to compress the insides flat. (Think of it like your expandable suitcase, when you open that second zipper, it gives you an extra inch or two of suitcase space. When you zip it shut, everything inside is compressed.)

As a bonus, the clothes you lay inside the packing cube are much more likely to stay wrinkle free. I don’t know why. But it’s true.

Stick with One Basic Color

When I head to a Caribbean resort, that color will be white. But most of the time, it’s black – black pants, a black skirt, a black dress. Then I add color in the tops I will wear with the pants and skirt. Finally, I pack a few scarves and funky costume jewelry to dress everything up or down and add more color.

Wear the Heavy Stuff on the Plane

There are plenty of TikTokers and travel hacker influencers who will tell you to wear layers and layers on the plane to save suitcase space. Or to pack a pillowcase with your stuff and pretend it’s a pillow, not a suitcase, so it doesn’t count as a carryon.

While that might be useful info for travelers on uber-budget airlines that charge for anything that doesn’t fit under your seat, you really don’t have to go that crazy. Just use a little common sense.

If, for example, you’re flying from Florida to Colorado, you know you’ll need your winter coat, hat, gloves, hiking boots and heavy jeans. Wear the jeans and hiking boots on the plane, stuff the hat and gloves in the coat pockets and carry the coat on the plane rather than packing it in a suitcase.

I do this anyway because I’m always chilly on a plane. I’m always surprised when I see someone boarding a flight in shorts and flip flops. I would be blue by the time I landed!

Think Layers, Not Bulk

Thin layers are always the right answer, no matter where you are. Even a Caribbean vacation requires preparing for chilly evenings or overly air-conditioned restaurants. Layers are the answer to staying warm and packing light.

Make the Best Use of Your Under-Seat Bag

Finally, remember that you get not one, but two things to carry onto the plane – a bag that goes into the overhead and a smaller bag that fits under the seat in front of you.

Don’t waste the space in that second bag!

My go-to is a roomy backpack because I travel with a lot of electronics – laptop, Kindle, phone, ear buds and all of the cords and accessories they require. But those only take up two zippered compartments. That leaves two more compartments for other things – makeup bag, an extra pair of shoes, etc.

The other thing that works for me is a big striped bag that is super flexible. I can cram a lot into it and still stuff it under the seat. The downside of that is it is heavy to carry, unlike my backpack which easily distributes the weight across my shoulders.

Practice, Practice, Practice

I know. This isn’t easy. Especially if you’ve always been an overpacker. But practice will make perfect. Try it on your next quick weekend trip. That will give you a chance to see how it feels to only pack what you’ll need for 2-3 days, how much you like being able to lift that light carry-on bag and how happy you are not worrying about whether your suitcase will show up at the other end of your flight.

Just remember to pack one more thing: a credit card. That way, if you find you truly can’t live without something for a few days, you can head to the store to buy it.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you an overpacker or an underpacker? What’s your favorite packing hack? Share with us in the comment section below.

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12 Promises You Can Make to Empower and Express Your True Self After 60

Empower-and-Express-Your-True-Self-After-60

Do you ever wonder if you’re worth it? Do you believe you are valuable to the people you love? How about yourself? Do you let others define your value? Do you hide your true self? Do you know your true self?

One of the biggest realizations I have made through working with my clients is that women define our self-worth and our value by letting others define us based on how much and how well we give.

This is not true for all women but for many. We end up feeling lost and empty. We forget who we are as independent powerful women.

Throughout life, we have been groomed to “fix” and “give, give, give” to our children, spouses, parents, friends – everyone, except to ourselves.

After a while, we tend to lose any sense of what we want or need, and how to ask for it. And if we do ask, we feel an overwhelming sense of guilt.

Time to Reclaim Ourselves

As we age and our children leave home, it becomes even more apparent that this is the time to reclaim a sense of who we truly are. This is an amazing stage of our life which allows us to step up and embrace our potential as individuals.

It means giving ourselves permission to speak up about what is important to us and most of all honoring our needs.

In our second half of life, the wisdom that emerges as we journey into discovering a sense of who we are is palpable and powerful. We can know and meet our needs. We can source from the wisdom that lives deeply within and do anything we put our intention to.

Our relationships become authentic. Our lives move in new and exciting directions. We can let go of the old story that is laden with fear and guilt, and step into the world in a new and heartfelt way.

Time to Be Visible

In these moments of our life, we have time to reflect and create a momentum to grow and stand in our power – in other words, to be visible.

We can affirm our own value. We are able to make choices about our thoughts and actions that are meaningful to us and create a ripple effect for the rest of the world.

To get you started, here are some promises you can make to yourself in order to multiply your intent and honor your self-worth.

12 Promises for Empowerment

I know and accept it is my nature to grow well.

I will not grow old and become bitter, disillusioned or fearful.

I will seek abundance, prosperity, health and truth.

I will stand strong in my beliefs and convictions to seek beauty, truth and authenticity in life.

I will empower myself to live fully and work to make a genuine difference in my life and with others.

I will be the wisdom that lives within me.

I will be silent no more.

I will be my power!

I will accept all that I am!

I will remind myself that beauty is not just skin deep. It is soul deep.

I honor the good, true and beautiful in me.

I am worth it!

Isn’t it time to celebrate the amazing wise woman you were born to be?

Let’s Have a Conversation:

In what ways do you stand in your wisdom and empower yourself? What are your intentions for today? Please share your empowerment strategy below.

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How to Make Your Own Essential Oil Blend for Mature Skin (Recipe)

A Basic Essential Oil Blend for Everyday Mature Skin Care

With all the wonderful natural facial serums on the market today, it can be a little overwhelming choosing the correct formula with safe, non-toxic ingredients, all at a reasonable price. The good news is that it’s easy and fun to make a quality product on your own using the miracle of nature – essential oils. 

When I started working with skincare formulas in 2003, one of the first products I was excited about making was an essential oil-based facial serum. My skin needs were changing, and a moisturizing oil made perfect sense for dry, maturing skin.

I decided to work with four wonderful healthy aging essential oils I had discovered: Lavender, Frankincense, Rose Geranium, and Carrot Seed.

The natural and highly effective nature of essential oils makes them perfect for skincare. When blended for their various properties and used with a carrier oil that matches your skin type, you can create a serum tailor-made for your skin.

What Are Essential Oils?

Essential oils are the essence of plants. Hidden away in many parts of the plant, like the flowers, seeds, and roots, they are very potent chemical compounds. They can give the plant its scent, protect it from harsh conditions, and help with pollination.

The benefits of essential oils on humans are diverse and amazing. Lavender flower oil, for example, contains compounds that help soothe skin irritation and redness, while the scent reduces feelings of anxiety and stress.

The beautiful Rose essential oil is hydrating to the skin and sometimes used to treat scarring, while the scent is known to help lift depression. 

There are many essential oils to choose from for specific skincare needs. I have used a myriad of different combinations but keep coming back to the tried and true blend from my very first serum.

The four essential oils used are the workhorses of skincare for mature skin, as well as being wonderfully uplifting for mind, body, and spirit. 

The Base Oil Blend Formula

Here’s what you’ll need:

Bottle

1 oz. amber dropper bottle. You can find those in pharmacies or online.

Base (Carrier) Oil

As a base, you can use one of the oils below or a combination of several that meet your skin’s needs:

  • Jojoba oil is my base oil of choice. It’s incredible for most skin types: it’s extremely gentle and non-irritating for sensitive skin, moisturizing for dry skin, balancing for oily skin, ideal for combination skin, and offers a barrier of protection from environmental stressors. It also helps skin glow as it delivers deep hydration.
  • Rosehip oil smooths the skin’s texture and calms redness and irritation.
  • Argan oil contains high levels of vitamin E and absorbs thoroughly into the skin leaving little oily residue.
  • Avocado oil is effective at treating age spots and sun damage, as well as helping to soothe inflammatory conditions such as blemishes and eczema.
  • Olive oil is a heavier oil and the perfect choice if your skin needs a mega-dose of hydration. Just be aware that olive oil takes longer to absorb and leaves the skin with an oily feeling. This may be desirable for extremely dry, red, itchy skin.

Essential Oils

  • Lavender essential oil is very versatile and healing. It helps reduce inflammation, kill bacteria, and clear pores. Its scent is also calming and soothing.
  • Frankincense essential oil helps to tone and strengthen mature skin in addition to fighting bacteria and balancing oil production.
  • Rose Geranium essential oil helps tighten the skin by reducing the appearance of fine lines, helps reduce inflammation and fight redness, and offers anti-bacterial benefits to help fight the occasional breakout. The scent is also known to be soothing and balancing.
  • Carrot seed oil is a fantastic essential oil for combination skin. It helps even the skin tone while reducing inflammation and increasing water retention.

The Recipe

Let’s start with a simple recipe:

  • 1 oz. Jojoba oil (or carrier oil of your choice)
  • 10 drops Lavender
  • 10 drops Frankincense
  • 10 drops Rose Geranium
  • 10 drops Carrot seed oil 

Place the essential oil drops in the amber dropper bottle then fill with Jojoba/carrier oil. It’s that simple!

Applying Your Homemade Serum

Use this serum morning and evening as part of your regular skincare routine. Serums work best when applied after cleansing your face. You can cleanse with Coconut Oil or a mixture of oils for enhanced hydration (we will cover this in the next article) or use your regular facial cleanser.

Essential oils will not interfere in any way with your normal skincare products.

Keep in mind that the serum is concentrated. Use only a pea-sized amount, work it into your fingertips, and apply evenly over the face without tugging or pulling.

If your skin feels tacky, reduce the amount on the next application. Your skin should feel soft, not oily. Follow with your regular moisturizer if you like. 

Making your own facial serum is fun and rewarding! I look forward to hearing your thoughts and ideas on essential oils and making personalized serums and skincare.

What facial serum do you use? Have you made one yourself? What is your favorite essential oil for skin care? Please share your thoughts with our community!

12 Promises You Can Make to Empower and Express Your True Self After 60

Empower-and-Express-Your-True-Self-After-60

Do you ever wonder if you’re worth it? Do you believe you are valuable to the people you love? How about yourself? Do you let others define your value? Do you hide your true self? Do you know your true self?

One of the biggest realizations I have made through working with my clients is that women define our self-worth and our value by letting others define us based on how much and how well we give.

This is not true for all women but for many. We end up feeling lost and empty. We forget who we are as independent powerful women.

Throughout life, we have been groomed to “fix” and “give, give, give” to our children, spouses, parents, friends – everyone, except to ourselves.

After a while, we tend to lose any sense of what we want or need, and how to ask for it. And if we do ask, we feel an overwhelming sense of guilt.

Time to Reclaim Ourselves

As we age and our children leave home, it becomes even more apparent that this is the time to reclaim a sense of who we truly are. This is an amazing stage of our life which allows us to step up and embrace our potential as individuals.

It means giving ourselves permission to speak up about what is important to us and most of all honoring our needs.

In our second half of life, the wisdom that emerges as we journey into discovering a sense of who we are is palpable and powerful. We can know and meet our needs. We can source from the wisdom that lives deeply within and do anything we put our intention to.

Our relationships become authentic. Our lives move in new and exciting directions. We can let go of the old story that is laden with fear and guilt, and step into the world in a new and heartfelt way.

Time to Be Visible

In these moments of our life, we have time to reflect and create a momentum to grow and stand in our power – in other words, to be visible.

We can affirm our own value. We are able to make choices about our thoughts and actions that are meaningful to us and create a ripple effect for the rest of the world.

To get you started, here are some promises you can make to yourself in order to multiply your intent and honor your self-worth.

12 Promises for Empowerment

I know and accept it is my nature to grow well.

I will not grow old and become bitter, disillusioned or fearful.

I will seek abundance, prosperity, health and truth.

I will stand strong in my beliefs and convictions to seek beauty, truth and authenticity in life.

I will empower myself to live fully and work to make a genuine difference in my life and with others.

I will be the wisdom that lives within me.

I will be silent no more.

I will be my power!

I will accept all that I am!

I will remind myself that beauty is not just skin deep. It is soul deep.

I honor the good, true and beautiful in me.

I am worth it!

Isn’t it time to celebrate the amazing wise woman you were born to be?

Let’s Have a Conversation:

In what ways do you stand in your wisdom and empower yourself? What are your intentions for today? Please share your empowerment strategy below.

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Whitney Fransway’s Red Ruffle Hem Dress in Confessionals

Whitney Fransway’s Red Ruffle Hem Dress in Confessionals / In The City Fashion Season 1 Episode 1 Fashion

When I saw Whitney Fransway on last night’s In The City premiere a couple things looked familiar. One, Whitney herself. And then I realized we posted on her way back in 2019 when she was on Bachelor in Paradise. Two, her red long sleeve ruffle hem dress in confessionals. It’s been a best seller since we saw another person she just might happen to know wearing it, so we bet you think it looks familiar. And lucky for us the only thing that’s different is that the price tag is now just a bit lower.

The Realest Housewife,

Big Blonde Hair


Also Seen on Amanda Batula

Amanda Batula's Red Long Sleeve Ruffle Dress
Whitney Fransway's Red Ruffle Hem Dress in Confessionals


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Originally posted at: Whitney Fransway’s Red Ruffle Hem Dress in Confessionals

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Ciara Miller’s Navy Blue Pajama Set

Ciara Miller’s Navy Blue Pajama Set / Summer House Season 10 Episode Finale

Paige DeSorbo was highly missed on this season of Summer House, but we are so proud of her for creating her own clothing brand. And to see Ciara Miller rep one of her cute sets in a navy blue top and pants heading out of the Hamptons on last night’s season finale was just perfect. It’s no surprise her pieces are sold out, but lucky for us, there are other cute sets in stock that can be your ride or die for wherever life takes you.

Best in Blonde,

Amanda


Ciara Miller's Navy Blue Pajama Set
Ciara Miller's Navy Blue Pajama Set

Click Here to Shop Similar In Stock Styles by Daphne the Label


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Originally posted at: Ciara Miller’s Navy Blue Pajama Set

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What Happened to the Chaperone Era? Dating in the Regency Era

What Happened to the Chaperone Era Dating in the Regency Era

I enjoy reading and watching historical films, especially the 1920-1940’s films that remind me of better times. I see beauty, respect for others, family unity, love of the land, farming and cultivating and using what they have and enjoying it, living in poorer circumstances with dignity and respect, and community unity.

As I ponder our lost and desolate dating and marriage scene, my heart is in sorrow for all who are truly seeking a great match. “Great match” is not in question here. This article is about dating and chaperoning. One of the most important aspects that can be gathered from history is that females were mostly protected. I say mostly, because everything isn’t perfect, but it is better than it is now.

No matter the socioeconomic status, fathers and brothers protected their females. It was embedded in their love or responsibility for family.

First, Let’s Talk About the Purpose of Dating/Courting

First, this article is about adults, not tweens or teens. Tweens and teens should not be modern dating or biblical courting at all. Tween and teens should have friends they enjoy hanging with and going to school dances with and nothing close to modern dating. Parent(s), family and friends should be closely involved here.

The Biblical principle is described as courtship and marriage as purposeful, family involved processes designed for covenant commitment, focusing on holiness rather than just happiness. Key principles include seeking God’s will, ensuring shared faith, maintaining purity, and parental involvement.

Modern Dating is often for pleasure or casual companionship. Modern dating is often self-focused and prioritizes immediate physical attraction.

Readers, when have you seen an adult dating relationship as nothing more than a friendship that didn’t involve intimacy? Key word: dating. Walk the imaginary road, where does this lead you?

How Are We Doing Today?

Not well. My journey in the relationship area was a difficult one. I always picked the wrong men and became intimate too soon! Yes, I’m saying it out loud and I’m shouting it – can you hear me? I remember when I was in my 20s, and my father tried to match me with a man that was respectable – had his own business and money. I thought the man was ugly and I stopped at ugly and didn’t want to date him, although the man tried to get to know me. I was looking at the external.

We are not doing well today. A significant change in family dynamics during the 1960s and 1970s was the beginning of the move away from the traditional nuclear family. What happened? Rising divorce rates, increased cohabitation, more single-parent households, and women entering the workforce that changed the dynamics of marriage and parenting.

Here are some key factors in Periods of change:

  • 1950s, the all-American family was standard.
  • 1960s-1970s was a revolution in family change through more mothers working and divorce rates doubled.
  • 1980s-2000s brought more blended families, same sex households, and unmarried parents.
  • 2000s-present look like this, married couples with children dropped from 67% in 1970 to 37% by 2023, cohabitation increased nearly 1000% between 1960 and 2000 (Concordia University, St Paul).

How did this happen? We embraced the need to have more stuff (two income households), women wanted independence to reduce reliance on traditional marriage or the need to provide for her family with the absence of a spouse, legalization of divorce and same sex marriage, and cultural changes through acceptance with the reduction of influence of religion in marriage choices.

I want to talk to you about embracing chaperones with the focus on males and females. There are a lot of females that are predators just as well as men. Females can be just as vicious and predatory as any person living on this earth. Sometimes men need to be protected as well.

The Rules of Courtship – Chaperone

During the chaperone era, a chaperone was usually a married or older respected woman that accompanied young women in public to prevent them from being alone with men. Young people needed family consent to continue seeing each other as a courting couple. One of the best comments I’ve heard was on “The Gilded Age.” The Russells’ daughter, Gladys, said to Marian that her father can discern men while she can’t, and he will protect her from the wrong person. This statement happens after Marian did not listen to her aged Aunts who told her that the man she was pursuing was an “adventurer.” This adventurer was just that and he broke Marian’s heart.

Matches were either shepherded along or curtailed by family and friends. If we adhere to their advice.

The Need for Chaperones in That Day and the Need for Chaperones Today

Back then, an unmarried lady should never find herself alone with the opposite sex, courting was a public affair. I will pause here and mention how important this was for men as well. Today, females freely compromise a male in many ways with words and actions that are detrimental for the male. Today, chaperones may include family and friends.

Guidelines for Conversation and Events Then and Now

The advice in the manuals was that conversations between unmarried couples be discreet. They were to avoid disagreeable subjects and to avoid using their given names. I can see the importance of this in dating. Using the given name is getting too familiar with the person during early dating stages that prompts some form of intimacy. The idea is to avoid involving emotions – to get to know each other without intimate involvement at the early stages of dating.

Can you see how that unfolds today? Use your imagination and start to uncover how this can become more than it was intended and then one or the other doesn’t really want to take the relationship further. What happens at this juncture?

Today, what would early dating look like in avoiding intimacy? How about having dinner with friends and family or playing board games with friends and family? Walking in the park with friends or family. Today, I would encourage you to extend this stage a little longer until you, family, and friends are clear on how they view the other person.

Once you surpass the early stage and there is interest on both sides, you can move to the next stage. Maybe the next stage can look like this – playing sports with family or friends, going to the cinema with family and friends, going to church with family and friends etc. At this point, you have a better understanding if the person is someone you are interested in taking to the next stage.

When you miss these stages and jump right into the intimacy stage, you miss all the red flags and negative characteristics that might be hiding under that well established demeanor. This is the time to listen to family and friends’ advice about this person. They are there to help you make good choices.

Let’s Talk About the Length of Courtship Before We Go Further

Then, well-off couples might court for a few months (so they could ascertain whether they were well-suited) or a few years before they wed. The long-term courting posed increased risk for the woman’s reputation if the relationship was broken off before reaching the altar. Today, it poses the same increased risk for both the male and female in terms of putting all their eggs in one basket for that length of time and it didn’t work out.

Today, emotions are involved early (due to modern dating), and it can get nasty and harder for one to break off without causing some damage internally or externally. Then, a man was expected to end a courtship as cleanly and quickly as he could if he found the person wasn’t interesting enough to marry. Today, that should happen as well, but does it or not, and why?

What Does Ending the Courtship Look Like Then and Today

Then, a couple would return any letters or tokens they’d received. This was to show that the person no longer had any claim over you and the relationship was firmly over. Today, the same should happen to move on to help dispose of memories and emotions and prevent hopes of “maybe we can work this out,” or “I’ll call him or call her.”

Today, that should look like blocking telephone numbers, removing the person from social media accounts, and any other way to block continued access to that person (Dr. Sally Holloway, Historian). Is this happening? Most likely, not. Why?

Let’s Talk About the Imaginary Journey I Wanted You to Take During This Discussion:

Did you visualize yourself during the historical era, and the 20s-40s era of the past century? Did you feel safe dating/courting during this time? Did you feel more encouraged with dating or courting? If any, what TV shows, films etc. from these eras inspire you to seek healthier outcomes?

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Danielle Olivera’s Brown Oversized Bodysuit

Danielle Olivera’s Brown Oversized Bodysuit / In The City Season 1 Episode 1 Fashion

It’s been quite some time since I’ve covered a look from Danielle Olivera, but she’s back on our screens for the new show In The City. And as always she brings the drama with her storyline and her looks. Her chocolate brown confessional bodysuit has that oversized, draped look that is totally on point for spring. And even if her relationship is somewhat in question, we can confirm that her bodysuit is currently available below.

Best in Blonde,

Amanda


Danielle Olivera's Brown Oversized Bodysuit

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The Sacred Work of Mothering One Another

The Sacred Work of Mothering One Another

This past week, I facilitated another Sacred Women’s Circle for women over sixty. This is the fifth month in a row that I’ve been doing this most rewarding work. As I always view the month of May as the month of mothers, I thought that discussing mothers, mentors and matriarchs would be appropriate. My sense was that this combination would be all-inclusive for a rich conversation, and indeed it was!

I began the session by having everyone introduce themselves and sharing that I wanted to honor and acknowledge all the wisdom in the space. I went on to say that the purpose or intention of the gathering was to honor all of our lived experiences and share our wisdom as women, mothers, mentors and matriarchs. Also discussed would be the transitions and challenges of these powerful roles.

An Invocation

I like beginning my sessions with a short invocation. This was mine: “I have created this sacred circle as a place of remembrance and renewal. Every voice matters here. Every laugh line, heartbreak, triumph, and transformation belongs. Together, we will honor the wisdom of elderhood, the power of feminine community, and the enduring sacred work of mothering one another home. May this circle be a sanctuary of truth, belonging, courage, and grace.”

I invited the participants to share in an honest storytelling style – about inheritance, influence, and the evolving power of women as we age. My thought was to not only examine the sentimental aspect of motherhood, but also to encourage a courageous conversation about the women who shaped us, who we are today, and the women we are still becoming.

What Is Mothering?

Mothering is more than raising children. It is the sacred act of tending life itself – offering compassion, protection, encouragement, truth, nourishment, and presence. Many of us have mothered families, communities, friendships, dreams, and even ourselves through times of loss and renewal. The spirit of mothering lives in every woman who has held space for another soul to grow.

The intention of my discussion questions was to inspire reflection and sharing. I began by asking the participants to look back on their childhoods and think about what women inspired and mothered them. Everyone spoke very openly and transparently. The majority of the participants claimed that their mother was the one who inspired them and loved them in a way that they wanted to emulate. They claimed that as mothers, and some as grandmothers, they learned how to love and give from their own mothers.

The Mother Wound

For others, there were no words, and I assumed that there might have been a mother wound. I shared a little about myself and my mother, who really did not have the tools to love and care in a maternally nurturing way. She had her own detached way of showing love, such as buying me my first journal and taking me on weekly library trips, inspiring the future writer in me. My father was the more nurturing of my parents, who in fact taught me how to love, to the extent that love has become my higher power.

For some, the idea of mothering is associated with grief as a result of issues such as infertility, miscarriage, estrangement, not becoming a mother, regret, ambivalence, caregiving burdens, aging parents, or being in the sandwich generation. Some of those stories remain untold.

Aging Changes & Becoming a Matriarch

We discussed what parts of ourselves have remained unchanged over the years, even as our roles, bodies and attitudes have inevitably changed. The truth is, our core personality doesn’t change but rather, it essentially evolves.

We talked a fair amount about becoming a matriarch and the question: what is old? We never really came to any conclusions but decided that it’s worthy of further discussions.

In general, matriarchy, in its deepest sense, is not about power over others, but rather, it could be thought of as wisdom in service. Matriarchy honors the elder woman as a source of guidance, intuition, resilience, and continuity. In a culture that often overlooks aging women, it’s important that we try to reclaim the sacred authority of combined experience of the big picture – realizing that our years have not diminished us – they have ripened us.

A Poetry Prompt

A request from earlier sacred circles was the desire to write more poetry, so I gave a poetry prompt which was to write a poem about what medicine important women in their lives imparted to them. They enjoyed this prompt and spent a fair bit of time writing. I then offered the opportunity to read their poems out loud.

Sacred Women’s Circles are rewarding to facilitate and participate in. During my own aging process, I’m really enjoying being a part of a community of kindred spirits. I’m also proud to say that my website has had a facelift, and I’d love for you to visit and share any comments.

Let’s Discuss:

Do you participate in a Women’s Circle? What topics do you discuss. What does mothering mean to you and how has it affected your life?

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