Summer is coming. And if you’ve been thinking about finally doing something about your arms – you’re not alone.

But before you grab a pair of weights, there’s something I want to highlight because it’s the reason so many women work hard, feel frustrated, and wonder why their arms still aren’t responding the way they’d like.

The secret isn’t heavier weights. It’s what you do before you pick them up.

Before You Tone, You Realign

I’ve been teaching movement to women 50+ for 10 years. And the pattern I see almost every time is this: we rush to get strong before we’ve addressed the compensation patterns we’ve spent decades building.

Years of desk work, carrying bags on one shoulder, old injuries we’ve long forgotten – by the time we’re ready to “get toned,” most of us aren’t actually moving from a neutral, aligned place. One shoulder sits higher than the other. We grip through our neck without realising. We favour one side so consistently it just feels normal.

When you add weights on top of that? You’re building on a crooked foundation. And that’s where the frustration lives.

The good news? It’s completely fixable.

Try This First

I put together a summer arm routine on YouTube that follows exactly this formula – release and realign first, then strengthen. It’s designed specifically for women who want to build strength and support through the shoulders and upper body.

Why Slowing Down Is the Real Secret

Here’s something a new student said to me recently that I often think about.

She noticed that slowing the movement down made her feel her muscles activate in a way she never had before. That rushing through reps meant she wasn’t getting the muscles to activate properly – but moving slowly meant she felt everything.

That’s your brain and body having a real conversation. And for toned, functional arms that actually work for you all summer – that conversation is everything.

Light weights. Slow and intentional movement. Realigned foundation. That’s the formula.

What You’ll Notice

Once you start moving from a more neutral place, something shifts. Muscles that were quiet start to wake up. The work gets easier to feel and harder to cheat. And the results – the kind that show up when you’re reaching overhead, carrying groceries, or just moving through your day – start to follow.

Give the routine a try, subscribe to my YouTube channel so you never miss a new video, and drop a comment below.

About You:

What does “feeling strong” mean to you? Have you noticed a difference in your upper body strength? What is your favourite exercise to build upper body strength?

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When financial knowledge rests with one spouse, the surviving partner faces a devastating learning curve at the worst possible time.

My friend Carol was 68 when her husband Jim died of a sudden heart attack. Jim had paid every bill, managed every investment, and met with their financial advisor solo for decades. Within a week, Carol realized she didn’t even know their advisor’s name. She couldn’t get into their online accounts. Automatic payments started bouncing because the checking account got frozen. It took three months of pure chaos before Carol figured out they actually had more savings than she thought. But those three months nearly broke her.

Carol’s story isn’t some rare worst-case scenario. It’s shockingly common.

A 2024 Thrivent survey of widowed women found that 41% had done zero financial planning before their spouse passed. And 60% said the loss was unexpected. They weren’t bracing for impact. They were completely blindsided.

If you’re a couple approaching retirement, or already there, this is the conversation you need to have now. Not because something bad is definitely going to happen. But because retirement planning for couples only works when both of you actually understand the full picture.

The Silent Default Most Couples Never Question

In most marriages, one person handles the money and the other just… lets them.

A 2024 Fidelity Couples & Money Study of nearly 3,600 people found that only 55% of couples make retirement and investment decisions together. UBS research paints an even more lopsided picture: 58% of women worldwide defer long-term financial decisions to their spouses entirely. Women tend to manage the groceries, the utilities, the day-to-day budget. Men tend to manage the portfolio, the retirement accounts, the tax strategy.

And this arrangement usually isn’t something anyone sat down and decided. It just happens. One spouse is more interested, more comfortable with numbers, or simply started handling things early on and never stopped. The other person doesn’t object because the system works. Bills get paid. Savings grow. Why mess with something that isn’t broken?

Building that shared confidence starts with both spouses understanding what your retirement actually looks like with real numbers. Tools like ReadyAimRetire can help couples model different scenarios together, so both partners can see how various decisions affect your long-term security.

It’s Not Just About Death

Most articles on this topic jump straight to widowhood. And yes, losing a spouse who handles the finances is devastating. But it’s not the only scenario that should keep you up at night.

Think about what happens when the financial spouse develops cognitive decline.

Research published in a peer-reviewed clinical study found that 95% of cognitively healthy older adults can manage their finances just fine. With mild cognitive impairment, that number drops to 82%. With mild Alzheimer’s disease, it falls to just 26%.

Robert, 72, had always managed his and Linda’s retirement portfolio. When early memory loss started creeping in, Linda noticed odd charges and a missed property tax payment. Robert insisted everything was fine. By the time Linda finally stepped in, Robert had made several poor investment decisions and fallen for a phone scam. If they’d built a system where Linda reviewed accounts quarterly, the damage would have been caught months earlier.

This is why financial preparedness in retirement isn’t just about preparing for loss. It’s about preparing for change. Health crises, strokes, injuries, cognitive decline. Any of these can take the financial decision-maker out of the equation while they’re still alive. And in many ways, that situation is actually harder to navigate than a death, because the legal and emotional terrain is far more complicated.

The Widow’s Penalty: A Tax Trap Nobody Warns You About

When a spouse dies, the financial hit goes way beyond losing a partner. The tax code delivers a second blow that catches most surviving spouses completely off guard.

Let me walk you through a real example. Margaret’s husband passed, their combined Social Security was $4,200 per month. Under survivor benefit rules, Margaret kept only the larger of the two checks: $2,800. The smaller check ($1,400 per month) simply disappeared. Overnight, her Social Security income dropped by a third.

But it got worse.

As a married couple filing jointly, their IRA withdrawals and Social Security income kept them comfortably in the 12% federal tax bracket. The moment Margaret became a single filer, those same income sources pushed her into the 22% bracket. Her income dropped, but her tax rate nearly doubled.

Margaret isn’t an outlier. For a surviving spouse with a $1.4 million portfolio, the bracket compression alone can mean roughly $4,000 in additional federal taxes per year. That adds up to tens of thousands over a typical survival period. And Medicare premium surcharges make it even worse. The income threshold for surcharges drops from $218,000 (joint) to $109,000 (single) in 2026.

This is the “widow’s penalty,” and proactive planning (including strategic Roth conversions while both spouses are alive) can significantly soften the blow. You can model how different tax strategies affect both joint and survivor scenarios using ReadyAimRetire to see the actual dollar impact of these decisions. But only if both spouses understand it exists in the first place.

Why This Hits Women Hardest

The financial gap between men and women in retirement is real. And it compounds every other risk we’ve talked about so far.

Women and retirement planning face unique challenges that make financial preparedness even more critical. Women live roughly five years longer than men on average. That means they’re more likely to be the surviving spouse and will need their money to last longer. Yet women have approximately 30% less saved for retirement than men. About half of women ages 55 to 66 have no personal retirement savings at all, according to U.S. Census Bureau data.

The result: nearly half of retired women receive 50% or more of their income from Social Security alone. Only about one in eight women feel “very confident” about retiring comfortably, compared to roughly one in five men. Understanding when to claim Social Security benefits becomes especially crucial for women who may be relying heavily on these payments.

And the painful irony is this. UBS found that 76% of widows and divorcees wish they had been more involved in financial decisions during their marriage. 74% discovered negative financial surprises after their spouse died or left. By then, the window for easy course correction had closed. The Widow’s Financial Survival Guide covers many of these challenges in detail.

Retirement security for women isn’t some separate topic from retirement planning for couples. It’s the same topic, just viewed from the perspective of who bears the most risk.

What Both of You Need to Know (Starting Today)

OK, so here’s the encouraging part. When women participate equally in financial decisions, 91% report reduced stress, 94% feel more confident about their future, and 93% of couples believe they make fewer mistakes together. These aren’t theoretical benefits. They’re measurable.

Both of you should be able to answer the following questions, regardless of who currently manages the money:

Where Is Everything?

Every account, every institution, every login. Checking and savings, IRAs, 401(k)s, pensions, brokerage accounts, annuities, insurance policies, Social Security statements. If you can’t list them from memory, that’s your first project this weekend. And make sure both spouses are authorized on all accounts. Remember Carol’s frozen checking account from earlier? One phone call years before could have prevented that whole nightmare.

How Much Retirement Income Do We Have, and Where Does It Come from?

Understand the difference between Social Security, pension payments, required minimum distributions, and investment withdrawals. Know which income streams continue if one spouse dies and which ones stop cold. How to increase your retirement income explores various strategies for maximizing these income sources.

What Happens to Social Security If One of Us Passes?

The survivor keeps only the larger of the two benefits. If the higher earner delayed claiming to age 70, that locked-in maximum becomes the survivor benefit. If both spouses claimed early, the survivor benefit may be smaller than you’re expecting.

What Are Our Options for Inherited Retirement Accounts?

Under SECURE 2.0, surviving spouses who inherit an IRA now have a potentially valuable election. They can use the more favorable Uniform Lifetime Table for required minimum distributions, which can reduce annual tax bills. This is absolutely worth discussing with your financial advisor while both spouses are alive.

Who Is Our Financial Advisor, and Do They Know Both of Us?

Here’s a telling number: 70 to 80% of widows leave their financial advisor within the first year after their spouse passes. The main reason? The advisor built a relationship with the husband, not the wife. If your advisor doesn’t know both of you by name, that’s a problem you can fix with one meeting.

Where Are the Important Documents?

Will, power of attorney, healthcare directive, beneficiary designations, insurance policies, tax returns. A shared financial binder (physical or digital) that both spouses can access is one of the simplest and most impactful steps you can take. Seriously, you can set one up in an afternoon.

Start a Quarterly Money Date

Try scheduling a quarterly money date. Thirty minutes, four times a year. That’s it. Here’s a sample agenda:

A simple 30-minute quarterly routine that can prevent years of financial chaos.

David and his wife Susan, both 63, have been doing these quarterly check-ins for years. David manages the day-to-day investments, but Susan reviews statements and knows every account login. When David had knee surgery and was out of commission for six weeks, Susan handled everything without a single hiccup. No panic. No scrambling. No calling the bank in tears trying to prove she was authorized on the account.

That’s the goal. Not turning both spouses into financial experts. Just making sure neither spouse is locked out of their own financial life.

The Conversation Nobody Wants to Have (But Everyone Needs To)

If you’ve made it this far, you probably fall into one of two categories.

You’re the spouse who handles the finances, and you’re starting to realize your partner would be lost without you. Or you’re the spouse who hasn’t been involved, and you’re feeling a mix of anxiety and maybe some guilt about that.

Both of those reactions are totally normal. And both are completely fixable.

If you’re the financial spouse, this isn’t about giving up control. It’s about building redundancy into a system that currently depends entirely on you. Start small. Walk your partner through one account this week. Show them how to log in, where the statements are, what the balance means. Next month, do another one.

If you’re the spouse who has stepped back from the finances, I want you to know something. You don’t need to become a financial expert overnight. You need to become informed enough to ask the right questions and find the right help. Research from T. Rowe Price suggests that confidence is actually a stronger driver of savings behavior than raw financial knowledge. And confidence comes from familiarity. Familiarity comes from showing up.

The conversation doesn’t have to start with ‘What happens when you die?’ It can start with ‘I’d like to understand our finances better. Can we look at things together this weekend?’

One weekend. One conversation. That’s all it takes to start closing the gap between vulnerability and financial confidence in retirement.

The couples who thrive in retirement aren’t the ones with the most money. They’re the ones where both partners know the plan. Start building that shared understanding by running your own numbers together at ReadyAimRetire.com and seeing how your specific situation looks under different scenarios.

Thanks for reading!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How well informed do you feel about your finances? Have you sat down with your spouse to discuss retirement savings, accounts and everything else?

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The first time I tried No New Things was last December after reading Ashlee Piper’s book by the same name. Piper promises a simple 30-day guide to save money, be kind to the planet and protect your sanity. My first try did meet one of these goals. I saved more money than I expected. But, because I gave myself permission to buy holiday gifts, I was still shopping and didn’t feel the real impact of a commitment to no buying.

Round 2, which I completed at the end of last month, taught me more about myself than I ever imagined. I had no gifts to buy, so that excuse was gone. Grocery shopping is allowed, but food shopping is torture for me unless I’m strolling produce at an outdoor market and picking up cheese and sourdough from a local vendor.

If I had started a jar and added 10 bucks every time I picked up my phone to “shop” last month, I’d be planning a nice vacation. I had no clue the habit is so automatic or how much time I spend scroll shopping. Even more embarrassing, I tend to scroll for the same things I already own too much of: clothes, shoes, books, kitchen gadgets, handbags, home décor, office supplies, makeup and skin care. Here’s one thing I know for sure. There is no under-eye cream that will erase those dark circles like a good night’s sleep.

Closet Creativity

I am the first to admit I buy fast fashion because a new outfit makes me feel good or because I want something fresh for a party or concert. But what if the first and best place to look is in our own closets, drawers and shelves? We’re controlled by what Piper describes as conditioned consumerism, the steady pressure to believe newness will rescue us from boredom or stress. It doesn’t, and once we recognize this, consumerism has less control over our spending.

We forget what we own when we can’t see it. Things get buried, stored for efficiency instead of visibility, or tucked too high to reach. Once they disappear, they drop out of mind, too. A classic shirt at the back of the closet is a missed chance. Shoes in boxes, tangled jewelry, and out-of-season clothes hidden away might as well not exist.

Start with a small rediscovery. Pull hidden items forward and try new combinations from what you already own. Pair dressy shoes with basics, add a neglected scarf or necklace or layer differently. Hem, mend, polish or steam. “New” doesn’t always mean newly bought; sometimes it simply means newly noticed or newly appreciated.

Overbuying clothes has a huge environmental cost. The Environmental Protection Agency estimated textiles produced 17 million tons of municipal waste in 2018, with 11.3 million tons sent to landfills. The U.S. Government Accountability Office also found textile waste rose more than 50 percent from 2000 to 2018, driven partly by fast fashion and weak systems for collecting, reusing and recycling. It’s hard to imagine how much higher those numbers are now.

Before You Reorder, Take Stock

The same idea applies at work. Office supplies multiply in half-hidden places: pens in cups, notepads in drawers, chargers in tangled bins. Because they’re scattered, it often feels easier to reorder than to look. The issue usually isn’t scarcity but invisibility. A quick reset helps: group similar items, test what still works, keep the best within easy reach, and repurpose or give away what you don’t use.

Kitchens invite duplicate buying too because they’re often organized for storage, not use. Tools get stacked, tucked away, and spread across drawers. Specialty gadgets promise a better routine, so a new purchase can seem reasonable even when a similar tool is already at home.

When my blender died in May, I was tempted to replace it. I didn’t, and I learned something: that chalky protein powder on the high shelf is never becoming a smoothie in my kitchen, no matter how strong the blender. In a pinch, my food processor works just fine. Cha-ching.

Every purchase has consequences beyond your home. Shopping your own space first won’t solve the planet’s environmental problems, but it’s a practical place to start. It can also make daily life calmer, cheaper, and less crowded.

An Unexpected Consequence

Not shopping taught me something else too: sometimes I stop in stores because I need a restroom. One day in May, I used a store’s restroom and felt the usual urge to buy a small item in return – a card or cute top or swimsuit coverup. But new habits are taking hold. I checked my phone for something I need. Tennis balls for the dogs. I grabbed a six-pack and headed to the register.

“With your reward points, your total is… actually, you owe nothing,” the clerk said, smiling as she bagged my dog balls. It felt like a feather in the cap of an experiment I plan to repeat twice a year. The payoff is lower credit card bills, less clutter, and a cleaner conscience. Win, win, win.

Try it, if only to say you did. Thirty days goes quickly. You may find, as I did, that shopping and spending take time, create waste, and distract from enjoying what you already own.         

Share Your Thoughts:

Have you tried not shopping except for essentials for a month? How did it work out for you? How much did you save?

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Photo: @dermdocny

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Years ago, before the internet settled household arguments in seconds, my then-husband and I had an ongoing disagreement about the lyrics to a song.

The song was “Drift Away” by Dobie Gray. I insisted the lyric was, “Give me the beat boys and free my soul.”

He insisted it was, “Give me the Beach Boys and free my soul.”

At the time, there was no easy way to prove who was right. And frankly, they both made sense, even though it was a soulful song and the Beach boys are a pop genre.

We would hear the song on the radio, have the same argument, and move on with our day. Then the internet arrived. Finally, the answer was available in black and white. I looked up the lyrics and triumphantly showed him the screen. There it was. Proof. The lyric was exactly what I said it was.

My husband studied the evidence, looked up at me, and said, “I still think it’s give me the Beach Boys.”

At the time, I laughed. Then I realized we were never going to be on the same page. There’s a reason he’s been my ex-husband for the last 25 years.

It’s About Acceptance

Now I realize that conversation taught me something far more important than the correct lyrics to a 1970s song. It taught me that facts and acceptance are two entirely different things.

Today, I see versions of that same conversation everywhere. People are presented with evidence and refuse to accept it. Companies deny what is written in their own policies. Family members remember the same event in completely different ways. Organizations ignore obvious problems because acknowledging them would be inconvenient.

Reality hasn’t changed. Our relationship with reality has. I’ve come to think of it as reality compromised. Not because facts no longer exist, but because many people seem increasingly comfortable ignoring them when they don’t support the conclusion they want.

The older I get, the more I think this is one of the defining challenges of our time. No matter how much experience I have under my belt, no matter how much I think I understand things there’s always a way people can maneuver about it and see other viewpoints.

Here are three lessons I’ve learned.

Lesson #1: Facts Don’t Always Win

Most of us were taught that if we could present enough evidence, reasonable people would eventually reach the same conclusion.

 Life has taught me otherwise.

People don’t process information as objectively as we’d like to believe. We filter facts through our experiences, fears, loyalties, beliefs, and interests. Sometimes accepting the truth requires admitting we were wrong. Sometimes it requires changing our behavior. Sometimes it costs us something. When that happens, many people choose comfort over reality.

 Understanding this doesn’t make it less frustrating, but it does make it less surprising.

Lesson #2: Choose Your Battles Wisely

This may be the most important lesson of all. When I was younger, I believed every misunderstanding could be resolved if I just explained myself better. If I provided one more document. One more witness. One more piece of evidence. Now I’m not so sure.

As reality becomes increasingly negotiable, there will be no shortage of battles available to us. The question is not whether you can fight them. The question is whether they deserve your time, energy, and peace of mind.

Some issues matter deeply and are worth pursuing. Others are simply arguments waiting to consume your life. Learning the difference is wisdom.

Lesson #3: Stay Anchored in Reality

The fact that someone disagrees with you does not automatically make you wrong. Nor does it automatically make you right. The answer is not to become stubborn. The answer is to stay grounded. Gather facts. Verify information. Remain open to changing your mind when new evidence appears. But don’t let someone else’s refusal to acknowledge reality shake your confidence in what you know to be true.

Reality does not require consensus. It exists whether people agree with it or not. Every time I hear “Drift Away,” I still smile. Not because I won the argument. Although I did. I smile because that silly disagreement taught me something that has become increasingly valuable over the years.

Facts matter. Reality matters. And in a world where more and more people seem willing to negotiate both, staying anchored to reality may be one of the most important life skills we have left.

What’s Next:

Do your own research stay grounded in the facts and ask yourself: “Do I need to die in this mountain or can I let it go?”

What About You?

As you’ve gotten older, have you found it easier or harder to deal with people who simply refuse to acknowledge reality? What helps you stay grounded when someone else’s version of events doesn’t match the facts? Share your experiences in the comments.

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