Month: July 2024

Is It Time for a Radical Change in Social Media?

Sixty and Me_Is it time for a radical change in social media

For millennia, healers sought to alleviate their patients’ suffering by tapping into a vein and draining blood. The practice emerged on several continents based on various theories of how disease worked. It was popular well into the 19th century and did not fall completely out of favor until the mid-20th century – because it didn’t work, and a better understanding of disease processes took over the medical imagination. Society, finally, made a necessary course correction.

There’s Another Course Correction That I Think We Should Make, and Pronto

When I enrolled at Radcliffe College (then the women’s part of Harvard), I was asked to submit a photo and biographical details for inclusion in a booklet that, I later discovered, was circulated among the freshman boys (and maybe the upper classmen, too, for all I know) as a resource for dating.

A word about numbers: there were around 1200 incoming boys vs 300 girls. That meant that since it was harder to get accepted at Radcliffe, we girls must be smarter than the boys, or so the boys reasoned. That made them feel the need to mock us; they called the photo booklet “The Pig Book.” We were hurt when they didn’t ask for dates, but we kept our heads down and studied harder.

Mark Zuckerberg showed up at Harvard precisely 40 years after I did. What he managed to do with the successor to “The Pig Book” is a matter of business legend. But note that some of the logic of that adolescent male precursor persists. You borrow people’s likeness and data and broadcast them wherever you wish regardless of the hurt you may be inflicting on them or the mockery you may be encouraging in the broader community.

The Practice Continues

I am saddened every time I hear about another teenage girl who hates herself because she doesn’t live up to the fantasies her peers and culture heroes post continually online. Some girls recognize that so-called influencers, who are easily spotted, are trying to sell them on an idea or a product. They remain vulnerable, nonetheless. Influence turns truly destructive when a nasty crowd piles on or an angry person issues a sickening threat.

Harry Lewis, a Harvard professor emeritus of computer science, explains that cell phones make it easy to be mean or cruel. He writes, “The shatterproof glass shields us from our correspondent’s emotions. (…) Children are especially vulnerable to the inhuman seduction of communicating with others while insulated from their reactions.”*

Regarding the proliferation of artificial intelligence, Lewis warns that in the presence of ubiquitous, invisible, superior intelligent agents, it’s up to us to make sure that we and our successors remember what makes us human. He wants the people developing – and consuming – AI to view the stuff through the lens of the humanities. I think our first duty is to protect our kids from the inhumanity they now endure.

A Radical Thought

What would happen if we stopped using social media altogether? The tech moguls would stop making money that they don’t need and wield less influence. The many private individuals who sell things or experiences online would migrate to other web-based vendor platforms. Politicians would be able to sidestep confrontation with China over TikTok.

Advertising might return to newspapers and save them from extinction. Fanatics would stop threatening poll workers and county recorders who are just doing their jobs. Most importantly, our children would be forced to communicate with one another in real life. They’d learn to be circumspect, and maybe even empathetic.

In Real Life

My friend Marilyn participates in a book club where tensions over politics have developed in recent years. At the last meeting, one of the women who continually provokes Marilyn said that her husband had taken ill while the woman was out of town. She returned as quickly as she could, but he died before she could reach him.

In a rush of sympathy, Marilyn comforted her. She just “had to” – because she’s a normal, decent human being. Children will “have to” react humanely to others when their real lives intersect. The overwhelming majority of people have the capacity for empathy: only between 2% and 6% of American adults are sociopaths, the vast majority of those being men.

Not a New Phenomenon

In ancient Greece, the playwright, Aristophanes, wrote a comedy performed in 411 BCE in which Lysistrata, an Athenian woman, is sick and tired of the endless warring between Athens and Sparta. She decides to organize the women to withhold sex until the men give up fighting. The women succeed, and the choruses sing at the end of the play. In reality, the Peloponnesian War continued until Sparta, with help from Persia, dominated. But Aristophanes was onto something.

What if all mothers deleted social media accounts from their children’s phones and computers? A heavy burden would lift from their shoulders. Granted, it would be harder for everyone to locate missing relatives or find people who share a disease. But advanced AI search will soon enable people to connect with whomever they seek. Without social media, it would be harder to radicalize terrorists and spur discontent. I’d gladly exchange Facebook for peace of mind.

What’s Possible?

I’m not alone in calling for change. The U.S. Surgeon General issued a formal warning that social media use, virtually ubiquitous among teens, endangers their mental health. The Surgeon General’s Advisory suggests that children, parents, tech companies, and policy makers manage their own conduct to maximize benefits and minimize harm.

How likely is it that all these parties will follow the Surgeon General’s guidance voluntarily? Society is going to have to attack the problem on many different fronts, the way we attacked smoking.

It took centuries for society to reject the practice of bleeding sick people. I’m hoping that in the information age, we’ll come to our senses far more quickly.

* Harvard Magazine July-August 2024 p. 40

Also read, Social Media – A Boon or Bane for the 60-Plus Community?

Share Your Thoughts:

What do you think is social media’s role in your grandchildren’s lives? Do you think young adults are more susceptible to social media’s negatives than older adults? How can we use the best of the internet without becoming dependent on it?

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How to Cultivate Your Mindset for Aging Well

How to Cultivate Your Mindset for Aging Well

Are you wondering what mindset has to do with how you age? Isn’t healthy aging more about eating well and getting exercise? Well yes, these are important. So is having a sense of purpose and enjoying good relationships/community.

Add your mindset to the list. Much of the recent research on healthy aging cites some aspect of mindset as a significant contributor to aging well. One study of optimism found over a 30-year period that persons with optimism decreased their risk of early death by about 20%.

Becca Levy’s book, Breaking the Age Code (2022), is all about how beliefs about aging influence health span and age span. As a reminder, Dr. Levy found that research participants with positive age beliefs lived on average 7.5 years longer than those with more negative beliefs.

Don’t you think there is value in taking a moment to reflect on your mindset?

What Is Mindset?

According to Merriam-Webster, mindset is your mental attitude or inclination. It is really the beliefs about the world that shape how you think, feel and behave. Clearly mindset is a key player in how you experience life.

Key components of a positive mindset include:

Optimism

This, of course, is looking for the positive and believing that events will turn out for the best, no matter how it looks at the moment. Optimism also is seeing the good before the not-so-good.

Gratitude

We all know the benefits of nurturing our gratitude. We read about keeping a gratitude journal and the practice of listing several things you are grateful for when going to sleep and waking as methods for living a peaceful and fulfilling life.

Self-Confidence

Do you trust yourself? This is what allows us to say “Yes” to opportunities, learning, growth and adventure.

Sensing You Are Part of Something Bigger Than Yourself

You matter. For some, this is religious or spiritual. For others, it may be a felt sense that does not need a structure. It is the feeling that makes a difference in your experience of life.

How Can You Improve Your Mindset?

Take Note of Your Propensity to Be Optimistic

Notice how you manage negative events. Do you dwell on or magnify the negative aspects of a situation, or do you figure out how to make the best of it or even improve the situation? Sometimes, it simply is noticing the possibilities rather than focusing on the downside.

When you look at your garden, do you see the work to be done or the beauty of what is growing? If you need to make a long drive to see a friend, do you bemoan the effort and time or do you find a way to make it an adventure? When you observe people, do you see the beauty of our humanity or cast judgment on what you see as negative?

Optimism is what allows us to accept what can’t be changed and find a way to adapt that allows life to move forward. It provides for resilience. As one of my mentors taught, if one pair of shoes does not fit, that does not mean that you are not meant to wear shoes.

A recent client had to return from retirement because her business began to unravel right at the time she intended to sell it. Now, she is turning it around so her legacy business will carry forward the values that matter to her. Next year, she will retire with pride and a bit of a nest egg.

Are You Naturally Grateful?

Do you have a gratitude practice? If not, then start with something easy. Once a day, notice your home or family with gratitude. Or when you go to sleep, think of three events or features from the day that you are grateful for. Keep it up and gratitude can become a natural part of your life. It feels good.

Pay Attention to Your Self-Confidence

If your self-confidence is shaken, remember that happens to everyone. Step back to gain perspective. Is the issue really about you? If you were to look at the situation 5 years from now, what would you see? See if you can find the golden nugget of learning from the experience. That way, you can grow from it rather than have your confidence shaken.

Notice if you are comparing yourself to others. Especially as we get older, it can be tempting to compare ourselves to younger people or to ourselves at a younger age. If you have fallen short of a personal goal, check if the goal was reasonable in the first place!

Check your self-talk. It will tell you a lot about your mindset. If needed, write down the aspects of yourself that you appreciate and read it a few times a day. Remind yourself that you are worthy of all good things and deserve them. The gratitude practices help shape your self-talk too.

Know Where You Feel Connected with Life

For some people, it is in their religious rituals and community. For others, like me, it is in nature. Prayer, meditation, simply listening to nature, gardening, even cooking can elicit the feeling of being a part of a larger life. My friend feels it in her choral arts group. Where do you find it in your life?

Putting It All Together

Living with constructive views about aging takes all the components just discussed. Belief in positive aging requires optimism, adaptability, resilience, gratitude, self-confidence and sensing you are part of something bigger.

When you embrace aging as a profound and beautiful journey, even when there are a few challenges along the way, then you have stepped away from any internalized ageism. This opens the door for you to feel more at peace and able to enjoy your years. The bonus is your years may be longer and healthier… as well as being happier.

On a final note, remember to laugh heartily and often. Being positive is contagious; others enjoy being with you. Plus, you will draw other positive people to your circle of friends.

If you want support as you find your way into a healthier mindset, visit me at https://www.becomingyouafter60.com/yes-to-life

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What approaches do you take to nourish your positive mindset? How have you learned to turn around any mindset habits that did not work for you? Do you have some habits now you would like to change?

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Melissa Gorga’s Pink Confessional Look

Melissa Gorga’s Pink Confessional Look / Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 14 Fashion

While on break a few weeks back we missed this confessional look for Melissa Gorga. We haven’t seen it again yet, but it’s too good to keep waiting around to share. It’s a pink wire detail slip dress and it of course looks amazing on her. But the look of it isn’t even the best part about it because its still fully stocked. And we must confess that won’t last long so hurry and get it while you can! 

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess


Melissa Gorga's Pink Confessional Look

*Note: This dress was originally from Envy by MG

Click Here for Additional Stock / Click Here for More Stock / Click Here for More

Photo + Info: @envybymg


Style Stealers






Originally posted at: Melissa Gorga’s Pink Confessional Look

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3 Makeup Tips to Update Your Look

3 Makeup Tips to Update Your Look

As we age, our makeup needs and preferences evolve. Updating your makeup routine can enhance your natural beauty and keep you feeling confident and vibrant! Here are three essential makeup tips for older women to refresh their look and embrace their beauty at any age.

If you are a woman 50+, chances are that if you are still using the same makeup techniques as in your 30s, you are ready to update your look. As we age, our skin changes, our skin changes, and did I mention… our skin changes! And that means in order to have that radiant look that brings out our best features, we have to change the way we do our makeup. And here is the thing… It’s easy to freshen your look with a few quick guidelines.

1. Focus on a Flawless Foundation

Whatever you wear for foundation, remember that because it is the basis for your entire look, it is important that you choose a product and application technique that works for you. And that means taking an honest look at your skin and how it has changed.

For me, I noticed that my sun damage and red veins are now on full display. But I also did NOT want to wear heavy, cakey makeup. (Nothing ages us faster!) Here is how to get your foundation right at any age.

The Right Foundation

First, you need to decide what level of coverage you want on your skin. Perhaps all you want is a tinted moisturizer for a little glow. Maybe, like me, you want a little more coverage. A good foundation will offer you the coverage you want, without caking or settling into lines. You can learn more about the makeup I use and love in my post, Best Makeup Products for Women 50+.

How You Apply

If you’ve always been a girl who simply swipes your foundation on with your fingers, it might be time to try tools that lighten the look. A foundation brush or damp beauty sponge offers an airbrushed look that deposits just the right amount of product.

Make It Stick

Using a primer to prep your skin before foundation can really help your makeup last longer, without creasing or fading. But since sunscreen is a must, try a product that is both! Protect your skin, and make your makeup look last through the day.

By focusing on a flawless foundation, you can create a perfect canvas that enhances your overall makeup look and gives your skin a youthful glow.

2. Embrace a Softer Eye Look

It happened to me just a few years ago… I noticed that the skin around my eyes had changed to the point that my makeup looked… well, weird. I discovered the eyeliner technique I had used for years was dragging down at the corners where my eyes were starting to lose elasticity. And my eyeshadow didn’t blend as well as it once did over my lids.

Your eyes may have become more hooded, and your under-eye may need more color correcting. The truth is what we need as we pro-age is not more product. It’s just different techniques.

Eyeliner

Cat eyes and liquid eyeliner are a thing of the past for me. I choose softer colors and apply them close to my lashes to create a more natural look. Learn how to tightline your upper lashes to enhance your eyes. Never apply beyond the end of your eye. And if you line your lower lid, use powder shadow on a brush instead of a harsh pencil.

Eyeshadows

Go for neutral tones that flatter your natural coloring and eye color for a subtle, more sophisticated look. Warm plums might be perfect for fair skin, whereas warm browns are a win-win if you have warmer skin. Notice I mention warm? As our skin tone changes as we age, warmer tones help make our faces look more radiant.

Mascara

At this point in our lives, mascara might be one of those things that make a big difference in your makeup look. It can visually open and lift your eyes. But if you use a clumpy mascara that smudges, or worse, is impossible to remove from the delicate skin around your eyes, then you might as well not use it at all.

If you check out my post Best Mascara for Women Over 50+, you will find the exact products I use, and find out why I love them. (And why they work for older women.)

3. Highlight Your Lips the Right Way

Let’s face it, as we age, our lips thin and fade in color. Nothing brightens a face faster than a swipe of the right color and product across those lips! Here is how to do it right.

Lip Liner

Yes, I use lip liner. I have never had well-defined lips, and now it’s even worse. But what I don’t do is the old “trick” of lining your lips with a darker color. Notice I used the word “old.” That, my friends, is way too harsh a look by modern standards unless you are a reality show star. Line your lips with the same color that you fill them in with.

What Lip Product?

Many of us have used lipstick since we were teenagers. And while there is nothing wrong with lipstick, it can have a heavy look. I like to use a high-quality lip gloss. I’m not talking about the super shiny lips of the ‘80s. Glosses today are a lighter product that offers a more sheer color than lipstick. And many of them are also long-lasting. The gloss adds a glow to your face that lipstick just can’t match.

What Color?

There is just one thing I want to say about lip color for older women. Whatever color you prefer, choose one somewhere in the middle of the shade range. No dark lipsticks, and nothing super nude either. The first will make you look like Cruella de Vil, and the second will make your lips look smaller than they really are. Choose a color that makes you feel bright and sunny.

So use these simple guidelines to learn how to update your makeup look as you age!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How has your skin changed in your 50s and 60s? Have you changed how you apply makeup to reflect those changes? What makeup products are you using less of or more of?

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