Nothing hurts more than when a relationship has ended, especially when betrayal is involved in some way. When a man has lied to you and betrayed your trust, picking up the pieces and moving forward can feel daunting.
You may feel shame for not having seen the signs that something was amiss. Or you may feel angry with yourself for allowing a man into your life who had the capacity to break your heart.
You stop trusting yourself and you stop trusting men, making them jump hoops to prove they aren’t going to hurt you. You begin looking for perfection – which, by the way, doesn’t exist. And no man is ever good enough in your eyes.
Fear is holding you back as you try to keep yourself safe.
I want to share 4 tips that can help you learn to trust men and yourself again, so you can have the man and relationship in your life that you desire.
Tip #1: Healing and Forgiving
Take some time to heal when you’ve been hurt. It’s painful to think you played a part in attracting someone who could be so bad for you. But you did, and the best way to start the healing process is through forgiveness.
There is an amazing healing practice called Ho’opononpono that I’ve used with clients to help heal the pain in their hearts.
You repeat 4 simple sentences while focusing on forgiveness…
I love you.
Please forgive me.
You say them over and over again until you feel a release happen. The practice of Ho’opononpono is an amazing story worth Googling. Its healing powers are well documented.
As long as you hold anger towards yourself, or a man from your past, you are still connected and you can’t move forward. If you find you have trouble letting go, reach out to a therapist to work on this before you decide to date again.
Tip #2: One Bad Man, Doesn’t Make All Men Bad
I teach all my VIP clients to identify how they view the men they want to date using a tool called Trust Glasses. When you wear what I call the grey stormy pair, it means you are looking at men with the mindset that a man is going to hurt you until he proves otherwise.
You end up making him jump hoops over and over again to prove his worthiness because you’re afraid. Often, you end up losing out on a potential partner who might be perfect for you.
Instead, consider wearing the turquoise glasses. These glasses are like a calm ocean where you can see beautiful fish swimming close to the surface yet also see the bottom and any dangers that might be lurking.
With the turquoise glasses, you go on a date to meet someone new and interesting. Take your time before creating a relationship. See how a man acts around you and whether his actions consistently follow his words.
Words are cheap. Actions are what count, and men who don’t follow up on their words are the ones who will break your heart.
Tip #3: Really Listen to What a Man Is Saying to You
If a man shares stories about having cheated on his wife or another girlfriend, end it right then and there. This is a huge red flag that spells trouble. If he did it once, he can do it again – but this time you’ll be the one who gets hurt.
I can’t tell you the number of clients who tell me in hindsight that they walked right past these types of words thinking this man would never cheat on them, yet he does.
Men mean what they say. Pay attention. If you listen, you’ll know you can trust yourself to make the best decision for you.
Tip #4: Get Clear On the Values That Are Important to You
I have my clients identify their top 15-20 values when we create their Quality Man Template, a tool that helps them identify the right man for them.
It’s interesting that when they look back, they are often shocked at how many values were missing in the men they’d dated. For a relationship to work, you need to share the same values.
Knowing the values that are important to you will empower you and will help you trust and recognize whether or not you’re with the right man.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
How are you dealing with trust issues with men in your 60s? Did you overcome being hurt in a relationship and find love again? Please share your experiences below!