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Let’s talk about your perfectionism. I know it’s there, because you’re interested enough in improving something about your life that you’re visiting this wonderful website! But if you want to lead a happy life, you need to accept less than perfection.

Unless you are working for NASA and building a million-dollar door handle for a spaceship, it doesn’t have to be perfect.

This is something I’ve learned over many years of 1) working full-time while being a wife, mother, and now grandmother, 2) being a human, and 3) sending 183 Chicken Soup for the Soul books to the printer, every single one with invisible typos that do not show up until we’ve printed at least 50,000 copies.

90% Is Great!

I’ve learned that muddling through life accepting that I will always operate at somewhere between 90 and 95 percent is about as good as it gets.

If I can do three things well (but not perfectly) at any given time – and 90% is still pretty impressive – that’s a total score of 270 points of “getting stuff done” versus spending hours or days obsessing over one thing and getting it 99% perfect but dropping the ball in a major way on the other two. I get 270 points my way, versus 99 points the striving-for-perfection way.

Like most people, I have juggled many different full-time roles in my life – the main three being mother, wife, and executive. There were never enough hours in the day to fulfill each role as completely as I wanted when I was raising my kids.

There were nights when the kids needed me to stay home and help with homework, but I had to attend a business dinner with my husband. There were other nights when he got the short end of the stick, because I needed to put the kids first. And if I somehow managed to do all the kid stuff and husband stuff, then the work stuff would suffer.

Striving for Perfection Is Demoralizing

A wonderful psychologist and expert on stress management named Harriet Braiker wrote the breakthrough book, The Type E Woman: How to Overcome the Stress of Being Everything to Everybody. Harriet said: “Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.”

Women in particular, with all their multitasking, really need some help in letting go. Does anyone actually remember if you made everything yourself the last time you entertained, if your thank-you notes were emails or notecards, or if you’ve sent out Christmas cards every year without fail?

The Illusion of Perfection

One of my favorite Chicken Soup for the Soul stories on this topic is “The Power of Illusion,” in which Donna Milligan Meadows talks about her friend Sara, who had the perfect home, with a beautifully wallpapered living room.

Donna was lamenting that her own wallpaper didn’t line up at the seams and wasn’t straight at the ceiling. Sara responded, “It’s all an illusion. The details don’t matter. Look at my seams; they aren’t perfect either. There is a tear over in the corner. You did your wallpaper yourself so you know every spot that isn’t exactly right. No one else will see the mistakes, just like you didn’t see mine.”

Years later, Donna was days away from hosting her daughter’s wedding in her perfectly landscaped backyard, where the flowers even matched the wedding color scheme. Then the rains came. The grass developed a fungus and mushrooms sprouted everywhere. Donna was panic-stricken until she remembered Sara’s gentle voice saying: “It’s all an illusion. The details don’t matter.”

The wedding ended up being perfect, or at least the “perfect illusion of a fairy tale wedding in a magical place,” according to Donna.

And that’s why we try for perfection every day, knowing we will achieve mere excellence and that will be good enough. My editors tell me that our “good enough” is better than everyone else’s “perfection” anyway, and that may be true, since I am constantly spotting typos or grammar errors in such venerable publications as The New Yorker magazine and The New York Times and bestselling novels.

Nevertheless, we do appreciate it when our readers send us emails telling us where those typos are hiding, so we can fix them for the second printing!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you too much of a perfectionist? Can you pick a part of your life where you can accept less than perfection? Do you think you’ll be happier and less stressed if you deliberately try for 90% instead of 100%?

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The third act of your life isn’t about becoming someone new – it’s about becoming thoroughly and unapologetically yourself.

Who do you need to impress? No one.

Whose approval do you need? Nobody’s.

Whose happiness is your responsibility? Yours. Just yours.

That’s where habits come in. You and all your interests, desires, quirks, and their momentum need a framework. The right habits can provide that framework, while the wrong ones can dismantle it.

So, if you want to make this stage of your life as exciting and enjoyable as possible, consider the following 6 habits to solidify and 6 you can ditch.

6 Habits to Cultivate

Protect Your Energy Like It’s Currency

In your 20s and 30s, energy feels renewable. Over 60, it’s more like a budget. You can absolutely spend it, but you want to spend it wisely.

This means becoming more intentional about how you spend your time and emotional energy.

Not everything deserves a response. Not every invitation requires a “yes.”

Protecting your energy isn’t selfish. To the contrary – it’s strategic. It allows you to show up fully for the things and people that are most important to you.

Stay Physically Active Without Punishing Yourself

It’s no secret that exercise is good for you. Some say that regular exercise is the true fountain of youth.

In your 60s, physical activity becomes less about appearance and more about function, longevity, feeling good in your body, and keeping your brain healthy.

The goal doesn’t need to include pushing yourself into exhaustion. Walking, strength training, yoga, swimming, dancing – anything that keeps you moving and makes you happy.

A body that moves regularly tends to hurt less, sleep better, and feel more capable.

So, run the marathon if that’s what you want to do, or just crank the music and dance.

Nurture Your Most Meaningful Relationships

At this stage, relationships tend to simplify. You’re less interested in surface-level connections and more drawn to people who feel easy, genuine, and supportive.

Maintaining and growing these relationships means reaching out, staying in touch, and being willing to deepen the relationships that matter.

It might look like,

• Calling instead of texting.
• Scheduling regular lunches or walks.
• Being honest about how you feel.

Loneliness isn’t always about being alone – it’s just as often about feeling disconnected. Strong relationships are one of the most powerful buffers against that.

Embrace Your Evolution

One of the most limiting ideas people carry with them is that they became who they are at some previous stage of life.

You didn’t.

Who you are is always changing, and as you age, you should embrace and encourage those changes. Of course, that’s the positive changes, not the negative ones. No need to lean into feeling weak or yelling at teenagers to get off your lawn.

Try exploring some new hobbies or interests you didn’t have time for before.

Personal growth doesn’t have an expiration date.

Speak Up for Yourself

By now, you’ve likely spent decades taking care of others. There’s been family, partners, work, and social requirements.

There’s something powerful about reaching a point in life where you no longer feel the need to accommodate anyone, shrink away from curiosity, or who you are.

Speaking up doesn’t mean being harsh or confrontational. It means being clear, direct, honest, and curious.

• “I’d prefer something different.”
• “That doesn’t work for me.”
• “I need some time to think about that.”
• “I have no idea what that means.”
• “You’ll have to explain that in more detail.”

Even a simple “No, thank you” or “Can you help me?” may be all it takes.

Practice Self-Compassion

If you’re not careful, as you age, your inner voice can become critical rather than forgiving.

There’s a tendency to look back and think,

• “I should have handled that differently.”
• “I wasted time.”
• “I missed all the best opportunities.”

You didn’t. That’s how life works.

Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same understanding you’d offer a close friend. It allows you to move forward without dragging regret behind you.

And perhaps most importantly, it helps you enjoy where you are without constantly comparing it to where you think you “should” be.

6 Habits to Ditch

People-Pleasing at Your Expense

This habit has deep roots for many women. Saying “yes” when you really want to say “no,” keeping the peace, and avoiding conflict are often deeply ingrained behaviors.

But over time, these behaviors become exhausting. And they’re not healthy.

Ditching people-pleasing doesn’t mean becoming difficult. It means recognizing that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.

The truth is that most people adjust just fine when you start setting boundaries, especially those who care about you. The ones who push back? That’s their issue, not yours.

Comparing Yourself Now to Younger Versions of Yourself

This one can be subtle but relentless. And we all do it.

You remember how much energy and passion you had, how great you looked in a crop top, how you could drop 5 pounds in a week with next to no effort. And now?

Don’t play this game – you won’t win.

Age is the great equalizer. We all go through it – if we’re lucky. None of us looks the same at 60 as we did at 20 or bounces back in quite the same way. And that’s just fine.

You traded those unearned attributes of youth for well-earned experience, perspective, confidence, clarity, and a richness that can’t be found at those younger stages.

So, don’t compete with your past – make peace with your present.

Living in Outdated Roles

For years, your identity may have been tied to specific roles – mother, caregiver, professional, partner.

And while those roles don’t disappear, they often shift. Children grow up, careers wind down, and responsibilities change.

Clinging too tightly to an old role can make you feel lost when things evolve, but letting go creates space for something new – even if you don’t know exactly what that is yet.

Avoiding Hard Conversations

It’s easy to think, “It’s not worth bringing up,” or “Why stir the pot now?”

But avoidance has a cost. It builds quiet resentment, creates distance, and often leads to misunderstandings.

Difficult conversations don’t have to be dramatic. They just have to be honest.

And more often than not, addressing something directly brings relief, not conflict.

Neglecting Your Own Needs

This often goes hand-in-hand with people-pleasing. Many women are so used to taking care of others that they’ve forgotten how to recognize and tend to their own needs.

But we all need our own space, time for creativity, self-care, support, love, and the ability to grow through our own interests.

Neglecting these needs doesn’t make them disappear, but it will drain you and leave you feeling dissatisfied and empty.

Paying attention to your own needs isn’t selfish or indulgent. It’s necessary.

Believing It’s Too Late

This might be the most limiting and damaging habit of all.

It’s too late to,

• Try something new
• Make a change
• Prioritize myself
• Be adventurous
• Fall in love
• Ask for what I want

It’s not too late for ANY of those things. The only barrier to any of that is the belief itself.

People, women in particular, reshape their lives, travel, start businesses, and fall in love in their 60s, 70s, 80s, and even beyond.

Let go of ever thinking it’s “too late.”

A Final Thought

There’s a kind of freedom available in this stage of life that doesn’t get talked about enough.

You’ve lived enough to know what matters and what doesn’t. You’ve seen things work and not work. And you’ve earned your perspective.

The habits you choose now aren’t about fixing yourself. They’re about supporting the life you want to live going forward.

Let’s Talk About It:

Have you been working on cultivating the right habits and ditching the wrong ones? Have you had success with any of them in particular? Please share your experience and join the conversation.

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Lately, I’ve been looking at getting older a little differently.

I don’t see it as something slipping away anymore. I’ve started to think of it more like a 1943 Ford – still standing, still running, but with a few parts that have needed attention along the way.

And before anyone corrects me, yes, I know Ford didn’t make cars for the public in 1943. The war effort had them focused elsewhere, producing vehicles for military use. But a few were made, and the point is this – those machines were built to last, and the ones still around today didn’t get there by accident. They were maintained, repaired, and restored when needed.

That’s how I’ve begun to look at myself.

The Procedures I’ve Been Through to Date

If I take inventory, I’ve had my share of work done. There’s a screw in my knee from a skiing accident back in 1984. In 2012, I had a hip replacement. Around 2020, I started wearing hearing aids. In 2022, my gallbladder came out. And now, every three months, I go in for injections in my knees just so I can keep walking without pain.

If I laid all that out like a list of parts, it might sound like something’s gone wrong. But that’s not how it feels to me.

It feels like maintenance.

Body Maintenance Increases with Age

There was a time when I didn’t think much about my body at all. It just did what I asked of it. I walked where I wanted and moved without thinking much about it. I gave very little thought to the idea that one day, things might need attention. I think most of us live that way for a long time – assuming everything will just keep working the way it always has.

Then, little by little, things change.

It’s not always dramatic. Sometimes it’s just a stiffness that doesn’t go away, or a sound that gets harder to hear, or a movement that reminds you something isn’t quite the same. You start to notice the wear.

And, at first, I think there’s a tendency to see that as loss.

But somewhere along the way, my thinking shifted.

Turning Toward Positive Thinking

Instead of focusing on what had changed, I started noticing what was still possible – and more importantly, what was being made possible.

That screw in my knee? It kept me going after an accident that could have stopped me. That hip replacement? It gave me back movement I was starting to lose. The hearing aids? They brought voices and sounds back into focus. The gallbladder surgery? It solved a problem that wasn’t going to fix itself. And those knee injections every few months? They give me something I don’t take lightly anymore – the ability to get up and walk without pain.

I don’t look at those things as signs of breaking down. I see them as reasons I’m still moving.

The pain is real. There’s no pretending it isn’t. And recovery can take time. There are moments when you wonder how many more repairs might be ahead, or how long the current fix will hold.

But there’s something else that sits alongside that – gratitude.

I’ve Found Gratitude

Not the loud kind. The quiet kind.

The quiet realization that we’re living in a time where there are options – real, tangible options – that didn’t exist for the generations before us.

Our grandparents didn’t always have these choices. A bad hip could mean the end of mobility. Hearing loss might simply become silence. Chronic pain was something you endured, not something you managed with ongoing care. When something wore out, there often wasn’t much to be done.

That’s not the case anymore.

Today, there are people who know how to repair what needs repairing. There are treatments that can extend movement, ease pain, restore function. There’s technology, medicine, and knowledge that give us a chance to keep going in ways that weren’t always possible.

I don’t take that for granted.

This Is a Modern-Day Gift

At 83, I’ve thought about surgery again. It’s an option. And maybe one day I’ll take it. But for now, I’m choosing the path I’m on – those regular visits, those injections that let me walk out of the office and back into my life with a little more ease.

That feels like a gift.

I’m not trying to be new again. That’s not the goal. I’m not looking to turn back the clock or pretend the miles haven’t added up.

I’m just trying to keep running.

Like that old Ford, I’ve had some parts replaced. Others have been adjusted, tuned, or supported along the way. I don’t move quite the way I used to, and I probably never will again.

But I’m still moving.

And there’s something meaningful in that.

Recognizing We Need to Pay Attention to What We’ve Been Given

When I think about it now, getting older doesn’t feel like a slow disappearance. It feels more like a process of learning how to care for what’s been given to you – recognizing when something needs attention, accepting help when it’s available, and appreciating the fact that you’re still here to do it.

There’s a kind of dignity in that, if you let yourself see it.

Maybe you’ve had a few parts replaced yourself.

So yes, I may be a 1943 Ford these days.

Not fresh off the line. Not without a few stories in the dents and repairs.

But still on the road.

And for me, that’s enough.

Let’s Chat:

What maintenance have you had thus far? Are you contemplating additional options? Do you find yourself being disappointed in how your body is performing – or are you being grateful about everything you’ve been given?

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My partner and I left the chaos of Hanoi for Tuần Châu Harbor in Ha Long Bay, Vietnam. At the dedicated departure lounge, we sipped tea with real ginger and picked a scent to personalize our room (I chose rosemary orange). A Chinese violin crooned as we stepped aboard the 20-cabin, four‑deck cruise ship for two days over the Tet holiday.

TIME included Bhaya Soul in its 2026 “World’s Greatest Places” list, highlighting the wellness-focused overnight cruise for its luxury cabins, mindfulness offerings, healthy, multi-course meals, complementary massages, and a guided meditation under the stars. Select 2026 sailings incorporate ocean breathwork and sound healing sessions led by internationally trained practitioners. The journey to wellness begins the moment the boat leaves the dock.

Wellness-Focused Design and Cabins

The cruise ship cuts a path past towering karst outcroppings tinged with pale orange, with patches of green-brown scrub. The elegant, floor-to‑ceiling‑windowed restaurant is designed in hues of sea blue that mirror the colors of Halong Bay. This palette carries throughout the ship’s four decks and into the luxury suites.

From the privacy of my terrace, I watched Halong Bay’s gorgeous scenery drift past, signaling the time to unwind. Here you can take a bath with a bay view, indulge in 24-hour in-suite dining, or enjoy tailored spa treatments and massages.

A Dedicated Wellness Area

The Bhaya Soul cruise includes a dedicated wellness area that feels intentionally separate from the rest of the ship, a quiet refuge shaped by soft lighting, herbal aromas, and the steady rhythm of the Bay outside. All guests get a complimentary 10-minute herbal foot ritual and a 30‑minute head‑shoulder‑foot treatment.

Also available are guided meditation, detox beverages, and nature-inspired therapies. Nearby meditation spaces invite stillness. I joined a guided walking meditation at the sacred Tiên Ông Cave, part of Bhaya Soul’s wellness programming. After my foot treatment, I made my way to dinner.

Modern Vietnamese Gastronomy

On Bhaya Soul, no detail is too small. Before lunch, all staff stand in line to be introduced, each in light blue tunics, the women with matching headbands. Dinner is an elegant five-course affair. The menu offers healthy choices in line with the theme of wellbeing. As chef Nguyen Hoang Long says, “Wellness on Bhaya Soul is rooted in our garden‑to‑table concepts.” According to Long, this is achieved through fresh and local sourcing, nutritional balance, and sustainability.

The herbed pumpkin soup with ocean clams was thick and creamy. My main course, herb‑grilled lobster zucchini roll with black risotto, was a mix of textures; the creamy, slightly sweet risotto complemented the savory, succulent lobster. The crème brûlée was artfully served in a ceramic egg. After dinner, a sleep‑well meditation session helped us to wind down beneath the stars.

Visiting Cua Van Floating Village

We glided by the Cua Van Floating Village, the oldest and largest in Halong Bay. A few years ago, the fishermen and their families moved to dry land. The village remains intact, with many multicolored, one-room wooden houses balanced over the water. It offers a glimpse into the past of a community that once lived entirely on the Bay, protected by the rocky mountains.

Kayaking on Halong Bay

I’d been dreaming of kayaking on Halong Bay for a few months. The experience was surreal. I was one of a handful of guests at water level. My gaze went to the narrow strips of beach, underneath the limestone outcroppings.

Conclusion

Bhaya Soul is an excellent choice for travelers who want to avoid the crowds in one of Vietnam’s most visited landscapes. Wellness is integrated in every aspect of each voyage from sunrise meditations to nature-inspired therapies, inviting you to slow down, breathe deeply, and rediscover balance. The two-day cruise goes beyond sightseeing to offer a meaningful pause and a sense of calm.

Let’s Chat:

Have you been on a wellness cruise? What might inspire you to go on one?

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I have always wanted to live in another country. So, for the past two years, my husband and I, and at times our adult children, have been traveling back and forth to Panama City, Panama. During these excursions, we have found a connection to this country. From its beautiful vistas to the warmth and welcome of its countrymen to the exuberance of the many expats that we have met, we found a place that felt like home – vastly different, but a safe and warm spot to land.

Looking for a New Home

It has been a challenge for us to stay full-time in the United States, given its current feeling of social unrest and climate of unease, so we intentionally set out to find somewhere new and refreshing. Having worked in politics, social and human services, and higher education, I felt the weight of our societal ills in an ever-mounting sense of being overwhelmed; I needed a change for my own mental and physical health and well-being. I felt that I contributed to society, my community, and to others, so I had no concerns about leaving.

There are no abandonment issues for me; I have given my all to every space and role that I have occupied.

Well, my husband decided to embark on something new more easily when he retired from his job of over 30 years in 2025. He was pushing me, without pushing me, to take the plunge and jump and join him on a new adventure. We had many discussions about how “right” Panama felt for us despite the language barrier and living away from all known family and friends. He knew me; all I needed was the trappings of a false sense of stability removed in order for me to say, “yes!” So that’s what we did, together we said yes to possibilities.

This Decision Was Not Made Lightly

We reached this decision after thorough research. We conferred with our children, talked it over about their feelings of us being out of the country, and they gave their blessings with a resounding, GO FOR IT! cheer. As a family and as individuals, our lives have been spent traveling around the world, immersing ourselves in new cultures and experiences. The difference this time is that we were going to plant our feet and live in that new culture and experience and take ownership of all it had to offer.

I’ll never forget when our son came to spend a week with us on yet another trip to Panama last November. After two days, he simply said, “I get it, it feels right for you.” Our daughter who had joined us for three trips there was sold the very first time she went to Panama.

Revealing Plans to Extended Family and Friends

Now came the real challenge, telling the rest of our family about the decision we had made to become part-time citizens of Panama. They did not completely understand why we felt so strongly that it was time for us to move out of the country, but they understood that we needed a break from the never-ending cycle of extended family discord that we got pulled into, and the mental weariness that had followed us in the recent past. Eventually, they also got on board as they looked at our move as a catalyst for change in their own lives. We are forged together as a family, but individually, we live differently, and being more out of reach allows for them to be less dependent on us.

Believe it or not, telling our friends and colleagues that we were moving was much easier than telling our family. During each of our travels to Panama, we brought along a different set of friends, and they have all enjoyed themselves, basked in the country’s beauty and diversity, and its cultural offering and the sophistication of its society. Our friends have given us a resounding BRAVO! Of course, our friends have also made travel plans to be with us within the next few months, fully furnished apartment or not!

Finally There

My husband got to work to make the move a reality, and he started the Visa process, enrolled in an intensive Spanish class, connected with a realtor, and a lawyer to help us navigate through the process. Several months later, here we are, Visas in hand, a beautiful apartment overlooking the Causeway, with enough space for family and friends to visit, in a walkable neighborhood, with lots of amenities, such as grocery stores, coffee shops, restaurants, walking trails, and beauty in every direction. To say we are lucky to get everything we hoped is an understatement, we found a new life that was built on financial planning, careful thought, and the bravery to leap into the unknown.

What we have done is create our new life because we wanted it badly enough to shape it. What “new” do you want for yourself? Have you prepared to make it a reality? Have you planned financially for something different, and if not, what steps do you need to take to take that barrier off the table? We talked and walked through all of the known challenges and prepared as much as we could to anticipate the unknown.

How Do You See Your Life Moving Forward?

I am not proposing that everyone leave the United States; we are proud to be from this country, it is ours to love and support as we see fit, but for some of us, living abroad was always in play, and our time to do that is now. What do you want to do or be that is different than your current situation? Moving may not be something you want to do, but if you look at your life, what do you want for yourself? Is it a new hobby, a new career, a new lifestyle? The possibilities of “new” are endless, but time is finite, so what is stopping you from leaping to make something exciting, or simply different, happen at this stage of your life?

I don’t want to be too presumptuous, but maybe this blog can be an invitation to embrace change, whatever that may be, for yourself. I humbly invite you to join me in the next phase of your life by exploring the endless possibilities. Share your thoughts in the comments about your new, whatever that may be, and let’s all get inspired and encouraged to leap.

Join Us in Conversation:

What new thing have you always wanted to do? Have you planned for it? What have you needed to research to make it a reality?

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When it comes to creating your dream lifestyle after 60, what’s the first thing you do?

If you’re like many people from our generation, you may immediately jump into physical action. This often involves working hard, staying busy, and a lot of multitasking.

From the outside, it may look like you are making progress and accomplishing a lot.

But what if you’re confusing activity with accomplishment?

Most of us were raised and educated through a long-held societal belief that working hard, doing more, and sacrificing our fun until the job is done is how we accomplish our goals and fulfill our dreams.

For a time, that approach may have yielded results. But now, it will do more harm to our well-being and keep us further away from actualizing our dream lifestyle.

Without establishing a clear mental blueprint up front, our well-intentioned physical activity to achieve our desires will likely lead to frustration, burnout, and scattered results. None of which we can afford to experience at this stage of life.

What exactly is a mental blueprint?

And how do you reprogram your subconscious mind, eliminate self-doubt, and align your physical actions with an intentional vision to fulfill your desires for a new lifestyle?

We will answer these questions in our tenth article and video in a new, 12-part exclusive series for Sixty and Me readers titled “Visualize a Vibrant New Lifestyle After 60.”

An Architect’s Plan & Your Dream Lifestyle

To appreciate the value and importance of your mental blueprint, think of it like an architect’s plan. Before a house is built, the structure is carefully designed, visualized, and mapped out.

The same applies to planning your dream lifestyle.

If you are truly committed to having greater fulfillment, purpose, and abundance in your life after 60, creating a mental blueprint is vitally important. It not only helps reprogram your subconscious mind and eliminates self-doubt, but it also aligns your actions with an intentional vision.

Slow Down to Accelerate Progress

Creating a mental blueprint starts with visualizing your desires, but it doesn’t end there.

Physical activity is essential to manifesting your mental blueprint into your daily reality. But the physical effort we take through a mental blueprint is different than how most of us were taught to achieve our desired outcomes.

An effective mental blueprint is aligning your thoughts, emotions, and actions with your highest potential at this stage of life. This is where you take time to visualize your dreams internally and then you actualize them into a new external reality.

The key is to not get caught up in a flurry of physical activity right away, but to get clear on what you desire. This is about slowing downing in order to accelerate your progress.

5 Steps to Create Your Mental Blueprint

Vision Board

Create a vision board by collecting images, words, and symbols that represent your dreams and goals. Use magazines, printouts, or online resources to find visuals that resonate with you. You can arrange and glue them onto a board or you can choose to create a digital vision board using websites, PowerPoint slides, or online apps.

Guided Visualization

To get started, I recommend you go to YouTube, Spotify, or your favorite place for music and search for guided meditations. Type into the search box the guided meditation you want. If you want to attract more love or more abundance you can type in “guided meditations for love” or “guided meditations for abundance”.

• Once you have a guided meditation, find a space that is quiet and comfortable.
• Start your guided meditation and be sure to close your eyes.
• Imagine yourself living your dream lifestyle.
• Visualize the details, emotions, and sensations of living your desires.
• Pay attention to how it feels, looks, and sounds.
• Afterward, journal your experience.

Mind Mapping

A mind map begins with a central dream, which would be your primary desire for your dream lifestyle. Once you have that, create a mind map by branching out related ideas and subgoals.

Gratitude Journaling

Begin by expressing gratitude for the blessings in your life. Journal what you are grateful for, what you’ve already accomplished, and what steps you can take to move closer to your dream lifestyle. From there, reflect on what kind of lifestyle fits you and offer gratitude for that life being fulfilled, even if there is no visible evidence you’re living it right now.

Future Self Journaling

This realigns your present self with the person you are evolving into and is one of my favorite journal techniques. It involves writing a letter from your future self, addressing your current self.

• To do this, envision yourself as if you have already achieved your dream lifestyle.
• Provide guidance, encouragement, and advice to your present self.
• Reflect on the path you took and the lessons learned along the way.

Next Steps

Our next article and video, focuses on “8 Ways Self-Love Creates Your Dream Lifestyle.”

I invite you to join me in the video, where I will share “5 Immediate Benefits” to creating a mental blueprint. I will also guide you through three journal prompts to help you integrate what you are learning.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What steps are you excited to take in creating your mental blueprint to live your dream lifestyle?

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It occurred to me, as I was watching a television program, that I was fussing about the behavior of the characters. I thought to myself, Why am I still watching this show when the characters get on my nerve? Why do I keep watching it? How is it that I haven’t turned it off?

And that’s how this particular reflection came to be.

We Indulge in Toxic Behaviors – And Relationships!

Why do we put ourselves through turmoil when we know it isn’t good for us? Someone said to me, “This happens all the time. People are constantly complaining about stuff on the internet that is bothering them or complaining about something in politics. Why continue to complain and indulge? Just stop indulging in it. Just move forward.”

This is the same concept that we can apply to indulging in toxic relationships. We make all types of excuses to justify why we can’t disengage. Let’s examine this in detail from a Christian perspective.

Disengaging from harmful behavior is a mix of emotional, spiritual, and relational factors. Here are a few reasons:

People Pleasing

Like many people, the fear of conflict keeps many of us from disengaging – fearing the reaction of a difficult person.

Guilt and Responsibility

Individuals may feel responsible for the other person’s happiness or spiritual state.

Hoping for Change

This one is huge. Many people don’t abandon toxic relationships because they actively hope the other person(s) will change, or the situation will change.

Making Excuses

Making an excuse that the other person is in pain and dealing with their own stuff is common.

Why You Should Disengage from Harmful Behavior

Continued engagement in harmful behavior is detrimental to your physical, mental, and spiritual health. Many people confuse helping with enabling. However, they are not the same. Helping supports growth and responsibility. Enabling, on the other hand, protects harmful behavior.

For example, giving money to someone is not always kind, especially if you know it might support addiction or dishonesty. Therefore, biblical wisdom is essential. Scripture teaches love with truth and boundaries. It calls believers to correct with patience, not to ignore sin. When asking what the Bible says about enabling, we see clear guidance. God values accountability. He also values compassion that leads to healing. As a result, believers must seek balance. Healthy love encourages repentance and growth.

What to Do Next to Disengage from Harmful Behavior

Letting go and moving forward is a deliberate process which includes stopping excuses, accepting your role in the situation, forgiving yourself, and removing emotional or physical triggers. Key strategies involve setting boundaries, engaging in new activities, and focusing on positive goals.

Steps to Move Forward to Leave Behind Harmful Behavior

#1: Identify the Problem

Recognize what is pulling you to the toxic behavior or relationship and actively decide to leave it behind. This includes letting go of the need to have the last word or wishing for a different past or outcome.

#2: Forgive and Accept

Stop ruminating on the past and forgive yourself (and others) for past actions. Acknowledge your role, accept it, and stop making excuses. Also keep in mind that forgiving does not mean putting yourself into the toxic relationship again.

#3: Create Physical/Mental Distance

Remove physical items that trigger memories of the harmful behavior or relationship. Change your routine and create new experiences to replace old ones.

#4: Focus on the Future

Rebuild your identity by engaging in new, positive activities and hobbies. Shift your focus to joy, hope, and personal growth.

#5: Plan

Clear boundaries, set a timeline for moving on. Jesus walked away from people on occasion, and he allowed them to walk away from him. Follow his example.

#6: Confronting Sin

The Bible tells us to confront sin. Stand up to bad behavior to protect your peace and joy in love.

#7: Leaving Room for God

Enabling stops someone from reaping what they sow, whereas detachment allows them to face consequences and potentially grow.

#8: Prioritizing Peace

When a situation remains toxic, it is often a sign to move on and trust God.

Jesus taught his disciples, “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet” (Matthew 10:14). Therefore, like our Lord Jesus, we must learn to walk away so that we won’t be sidetracked from our mission. If a person is getting in the way of who God wants me to be and what he wants me to do, that person is toxic to me and I have permission to walk away.

Last, But Most Important

How do we stay engaged without trying to rescue or fix our loved ones? First, we begin with prayerful self-examination. We start by looking at our own stuff. We can begin by seeking God and asking him to reveal any areas of sin, lack of faith, or selfishness in our lives.

Staying engaged means working on and asking ourselves the hard questions. “What is the Lord teaching me right now? How is He transforming me? Am I learning to let go and trust Him? What sins do I need to confess to receive forgiveness and healing?”

James encourages us to confess our sins to each other. Are you controlling? Are you enabling? Are you manipulating? These are all good things to confess to the Lord and to someone you trust who can offer you godly wisdom and counsel.

Let go of any pride or concern about what people might think of you. We all stumble. We all fall. We all make poor choices.

As you pray, remember that your prayers are powerful and effective. They accomplish big things. By praying you can stay fully engaged in the life of your wayward loved one while disengaging from their drama and your constant need to react. You can let go of what you think is best for them. You can release your need to save and rescue them. You can stop obsessing and start rejoicing as you trust the Lord with their lives.

Finally, Seek Peace

When you come to the Lord in prayer and thanksgiving, he will grant you perfect peace, a peace that will guard your heart and protect your mind. A peace that only comes when we learn to let go and let God fight our battles for us.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What harmful behaviors do you indulge in? Do you watch the news too often or spend too much time on the social media? Have you ever enabled the bad behaviors of others? What toxic relationships have you found yourself in – and how did you explain them to yourself?

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