Month: May 2025

Our numbers are legion – mothers who did the best we could with what we had… and are still carrying the weight of wondering if it was ever enough. So many of us are quietly struggling. With mom guilt. With strained relationships. With the painful question: Where did I go wrong?

Let me be honest. I know that question well.

I spent decades mothering – through adoption, homeschooling, learning disabilities, addiction, mental health struggles, and the everyday pressures of trying to hold a family together. I gave it everything I had.

And still, years later, after the marriage ended and the kids became adults, I found myself sitting in a swirl of questions. Heart aching. Wondering how much of their pain was my fault.

That’s Mom Guilt – And It’s Brutal

It creeps in late at night. It whispers in your ear during a hard conversation with your grown child. It shows up when you hear the words, “You never…” or “You always…”

But here’s the truth I’m learning, and maybe you need to hear it too:

You Are Not Called to Carry What Belongs to Them

We’re so used to rescuing, cushioning, explaining, justifying, trying to protect them from the consequences of their choices – even when they’re adults.

But grown people have to carry their own loads.

Even our beloved children.

The most loving thing we can do sometimes is step back – and let them fall.

It’s not cold. It’s not cruel.

It’s necessary.

The Season of Adult Children Is a Whole New Wilderness

There are no guidebooks for this.

No more pediatricians or parent-teacher conferences. Just adult kids making choices you don’t agree with, living lives you didn’t raise them for, or perhaps holding resentment for things you did the best you could with.

And you, Mama, are left with an ache.

You try to explain. You try to reconnect.

You may even apologize – and sometimes, that’s holy work.

But let me say this loud and clear:

You do not need to keep apologizing for the same thing over and over again.

Own what’s yours.

Extend grace where you can.

But stop carrying what doesn’t belong to you.

What I Want You to Know About Mom Guilt

If you’re feeling the weight of what your child still holds against you, or the pain of what you couldn’t protect them from – here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Stop Overexplaining

You don’t owe a TED Talk every time you set a boundary or say no. “I love you” and “No” can live in the same sentence.

2. Give It Back

When they try to hand you their pain, their blame, their unhealed wounds – gently and prayerfully hand it back. Say, “That belongs to you now.” You’ve carried it long enough.

3. Protect Your Peace

Your emotional safety matters. You are still worthy of respect and gentleness. Set the boundary. Take the space. Walk away if you need to.

4. Pray Without Controlling

You can’t change their hearts. Only God can. Keep praying – not to fix them, but to free you.

5. Extend Grace – to Them, and to Yourself

Yes, you made mistakes. All mothers do. But you also loved. You sacrificed. You showed up. And that matters, even if they can’t see it yet.

A Word for Your Heart

Mama, you’re not perfect. But you are good.

You were the best mother you knew how to be in the moment. And now, your job is to trust God with the rest.

I hold this verse close in this season:

“Each one should carry their own load.” (Galatians 6:5)

We are not meant to carry the full weight of their adult lives.

We’re here to love them. Pray for them.

But also to release them.

You are not failing.

You are becoming.

And maybe – just maybe – it’s time to mother yourself with the same grace you gave to everyone else.

You’re not alone in this.

I would invite you to do two things today: Get a copy of the Second Act Soul Check-In available here.  Then check in at our Empty Nesters Facebook Group. Join the conversation as we deconstruct these complex emotions. You are not alone.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How have you learned to deal with and diminish mom guilt? Share your thoughts and stories here.

My friend and I used to run workshops for women in New Zealand entitled FIGJAM Workshops (Fresh Insights Give Joy and Meaning). And in our workshops, we focused a lot on creativity and its importance in our life. In these workshops, the one sentence we heard over and over again was: “I’m NOT Creative!” Our response, every time, was, “EVERYONE is creative!”

And when we were working with women over 50, the second response we heard most was, “I’m too old to learn how to be creative!” Of course, our response – every time – was, “No you’re not! You just have to get out of your own way.”

Pablo Picasso is quoted as saying: “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”

Creativity vs. Outcome

The problem is, we have somehow conflated being creative with being a successful artist. We look at a blank canvas and think we have to immediately paint like Monet or Georgia O’Keeffe. And if it doesn’t resemble a famous work of art, then that means we are not creative. Or that we should immediately be able to pick up a guitar and sound like Joni Mitchell or Eric Clapton. And if we don’t, we should put the instrument down immediately and never play again.

What we need to do is unlearn what we’ve been taught or heard from others (especially some teachers!) and learn to let creativity flow through us, without worrying about the outcome. Be creative for creativity’s sake, not doing it for the final product.

Really, Why Is Creativity Important?

And this is especially important as we get older. Creativity boosts our well-being, improves our vitality and enhances our quality of life. Here are a few reasons why creativity is so important as we age:

Cognitive Health

Engaging in almost any creative activity can help maintain and even improve cognitive function. Creative activities stimulate the brain and enhance neural connections, (I talk about these neural pathways in a different article in Sixty and Me.) Studies have conclusively shown that creativity has the potential to even reduce the risk of cognitive decline and dementia.

Emotional Expression

As we get older, inevitably we encounter some big life changes. Creative outlets provide a means of expressing difficult emotions and processing certain experiences. This can be incredibly therapeutic and help to promote emotional resilience.

Sense of Purpose

As we age, we can lose that sense of purpose we once had. Engaging in creative pursuits can contribute to an enhanced sense of purpose and fulfilment.

Satisfaction, Quality of Life and Subjective Well-Being

Studies have shown that creative activities provide a sense of accomplishment and sense of well-being. As we age, we can sometimes lose that sense of joie de vivre. Being creative can enhance our overall life satisfaction and promote a more positive outlook.

Physical Benefits

And don’t forget, creativity can also involve physical activity. And we all know that movement is imperative as we age. Put on some music and dance. Go out in the garden and dig. Go for a walk with a mission in mind – looking for colors and admiring nature or architecture. Move with a creative mission in mind.

So please remember, you are a creative being. Everyone is born creative, but for so many of us, it’s been taught right out of us. (*If you haven’t watched this TED Talk by Sir Ken Robinson, do it NOW! It’s the most popular TED talk of all time.) Creativity is hugely important in every aspect of our life as we age, leading to a more vibrant, engaged and fulfilling life! Remember Sylvia Plath’s words, the worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. Go out, create, ignore that self-doubt, and just have some fun with it!

If you are interested in more articles about Creativity, it is one of my favorite subjects! You can find more on my Website or my Substack Page. And I love hearing from people, so please let me know your thoughts about creativity and aging, or any other subject that comes up as you read.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you express your creativity? Have you been rediscovering your creative side? Where do you get your inspiration from?

The President keeps coming after Taylor Swift.

No, she wasn’t on Ozempic.

Janine sat across from me, chin in hand, eyes tired. “I just don’t feel like myself anymore,” she said. “I’m exhausted, not sleeping well, and I just don’t care about much lately.” I gently asked her a few questions, and she sighed deeply before adding, “Well, I am 32, you know.”

I burst out laughing. “Buckle up, sweetheart! You’ve got decades ahead – and this is not what they have to look like!”

Janine isn’t alone in thinking that age defines our vitality. But let me ask you: Are you REgenerating or DEgenerating? Because the answer has nothing to do with your age – and everything to do with how you live.

Your Cells Are Talking – Are You Listening?

Here’s the deal: Your body is made of organs, your organs are made of tissues, and your tissues are made of cells. Health begins – always – at the cellular level. And every bite you take, every step you skip or make, every thought you dwell on… it’s either building you up, keeping you stagnant, or breaking you down.

The beautiful truth? Regeneration is always possible.

Proof in the People: Meet Sally

My friend Sally is in her mid-80s. She races sailboats. Single-handedly renovated her lakeside cottage. Runs a stunning Victorian Airbnb. Sally doesn’t slow down – she speeds up with purpose. She’s living proof that regeneration doesn’t retire.

The Science of Rejuvenation

Research shows that your cells are constantly renewing – your gut lining every 5 days, your skin every 27, and your red blood cells every 3 months. Even your brain, once thought to stop growing after childhood, continues to form new neurons and neural pathways throughout life – especially when stimulated by breath work, gratitude, and movement like yoga.

Practices That Fuel Regeneration

• Yoga harmonizes yin and yang, balancing energy and hormones.
• Deep breathing and gratitude journaling lower cortisol and spark new brain connections.
• Strength training at any age builds lean muscle and reverses decline (as I shared in my last article!).
• Intermittent fasting activates autophagy, the body’s natural cell cleanup and renewal process.
• Whole, unprocessed foods loaded with phytonutrients feed your mitochondria – your cells’ power plants.

Supplements That Support Cellular Regeneration

1. Omega-3 fatty acids – Fuel brain cell regeneration, reduce inflammation, and support heart health.
2. CoQ10 – Powers up your mitochondria, supporting energy production and heart function.
3. Lion’s Mane Mushroom – Shown to stimulate the growth of new neurons and support brain repair.
4. Magnesium – Vital for over 300 biochemical reactions, including cellular repair, relaxation, and detoxification.
5. Resveratrol – A powerful antioxidant that activates anti-aging genes and mimics some benefits of fasting.

Even things like grounding – walking barefoot or using a grounding mat – help discharge excess electromagnetic energy and lower inflammation.

And Then There’s the Degeneration Side…

On the flip side, certain choices accelerate decline:

• Inactivity weakens muscles and slows metabolism.
• Processed foods and industrial oils (like canola) inflame your cells.
• Meats laced with antibiotics and hormones disrupt your gut and hormones.
• Everyday products – shampoos, toothpastes, and cleaners – often contain hormone-disrupting chemicals.
• Poor sleep hinders your body’s repair systems.
• Lack of social connection increases the risk of cognitive decline and early death more than smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Nature knows best – get outside, soak up sunlight, walk, connect, breathe. These simple acts have powerful ripple effects on your biology.

So… Are You Rebuilding or Breaking Down?

That’s the question I’ll be answering more deeply in my new free webinar:

“Can You Really Feel Radiant and Alive After 50? Yes, You CAN Regenerate, Rebalance and Glow Again. I’ll show you how!”

If you ever wondered if it’s too late to feel vibrant, clear-minded and truly well, this is for you. I created a beautiful heart-felt video class where I will share some of the most powerful natural shifts that helped me – and now help thousands of other women reignite their energy and joy after 50.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

When you consider the above points, do you think you are regenerating or degenerating? How are you supporting the renewal of your body on a daily basis?