Month: May 2025

A caregiver’s sacrifice often goes unappreciated. Feeling unappreciated when you do so much to care for your older adult is a common issue in caregiving. Not feeling valued increases resentment and stress, eventually leading to burnout.

These feelings are a natural part of caregiving and won’t go away. What’s important is to learn to manage the negative feelings to keep yourself as healthy as possible.

We’ve got 11 effective ways to help you cope with feeling unappreciated while caring for your older adult.

Stopping to think about why your older adult doesn’t show appreciation gives perspective on the situation and makes it easier to cope.

For example, seniors who are living with serious chronic illness or pain and declining physical or cognitive abilities might be focused on their own suffering. They’re less likely to be aware of your feelings and needs.

Older adults with dementia are often struggling to get through the day. They may not be able to think about more than the basic tasks of living. Or, they could feel appreciation, but not be able to express it properly. If they’re in a more advanced stage, they might not be able to process complex concepts like appreciation.

In other cases, your older adult might have gotten used to the daily routine and no longer realizes how much you’re actually doing and how much time and energy it takes.

It’s also possible that your older adult resents needing help. Regardless of their true care needs, they may feel like you’re forcing unnecessary assistance on them. This makes them unlikely to feel gratitude for what you’re doing.

Choose to Do It for Yourself

It’s important to remember that you have a choice and that you’ve made the decision to be a caregiver.

It may not always feel like you’re in control of that decision, but you are. There are alternatives for your older adult if you choose not to be their caregiver. They may not be the best options, but choices do exist.

When you choose to be a caregiver, it’s important to do it for your own reasons and not for appreciation or recognition from anyone else. Remind yourself that you’ve chosen to do it even if nobody appreciates or notices your sacrifice.

Make Self-Care a Priority

When you’re exhausted and stressed, it’s easy for resentment and anger to creep in and occupy your mind. That’s why self-care is essential for caregivers. It’s not a treat.

Taking time for yourself is what keeps you mentally and physically healthy. It helps manage the stress and negative feelings so you can continue caregiving for the long haul.

Appreciate Yourself and Celebrate Accomplishments

Celebrating your caregiving accomplishments might seem like something that others do for you, but it’s essential that you also appreciate yourself. That’s because the way you feel about yourself and how you talk to yourself has a bigger impact than what anyone else says.

If family members can’t or won’t express appreciation for your hard work, you may have to accept their limitations and focus on self-appreciation instead. Think of the good reasons you’ve chosen to take on this job and how much you’ve helped someone in need.

Reward Yourself

Caregiving is by nature a thankless job. Rewarding yourself is another way to keep feeling positive about all the good you’re doing.

A reward could be anything – big or small. Maybe it’s getting your favorite Starbucks drink once a week or buying supplies for a hobby you love. Or it could be giving yourself permission to get respite care or caregiving help so you can go on a weekend getaway.

Use Lighthearted Humor to Ask for Appreciation

Sometimes you need to let people know that you’d like some recognition and thanks. One way is to take a lighthearted approach and occasionally make jokes in a positive tone of voice.

For example, if your parent praises something someone else did for them, you could say with a smile, “What am I, chopped liver?” Or, after completing a task like helping them move from the bed to the easy chair, you might tease, “No need for thanks. I’m just here for the free workouts.”

Don’t Measure Your Performance in Terms of Their Health

The reality is that aging can’t be cured. Serious chronic diseases will continue to get worse. Like the old saying goes, none of us gets out of here alive.

That’s why it’s not fair to judge yourself based on your older adult’s health or ability to recover from a health crisis. Even the most magical, fantastic, amazing caregiver wouldn’t be able to stop this decline.

Don’t wait for your older adult to show improvement before appreciating yourself for making their lives safer and more comfortable. You are making a difference.

Understand Why Others Don’t Show Appreciation

Family or friends who haven’t done any caregiving may not understand what you do or how hard it is. Some people have a hard time empathizing if they’ve never experienced something for themselves. That’s why they might not be appreciative of all that you do.

One way to cope is to share more information. For example, send family members a periodic email to update them on the many tasks you’ve been managing – like a recent medical appointment, physical therapy results, getting new medical equipment, etc.

When family members have a better understanding of everything you’ve been doing, they might be more likely to show appreciation or even offer to help.

Graciously Accept Thanks and Appreciation

When you’ve received far less appreciation than you deserve, it’s easy to snap at someone who thanks you for something. It might feel like their thanks is “too little, too late.”

But snapping at someone when they thank you discourages them from doing it again. Even if you feel like their appreciation isn’t enough, accept it graciously. That encourages them to show even more appreciation in the future.

Model the Behavior You’d Like to See

Sometimes the best way to get thanks is to give it first. If you’d like others to show appreciation toward you, start by showing them appreciation.

If your older adult does something helpful, no matter how minor, recognize it and thank them. For example, if they hang up the hand towel rather than leaving it on the counter, say thank you. You’ll be reinforcing a positive behavior and increasing the chances they’ll thank you for something in the future.

See It as a Compliment

Unfortunately, the more capable, helpful, and reliable you are, the more likely you’ll be taken for granted. After all, the person who gets everything done and knows exactly what they’re doing doesn’t stand out because they’re not causing problems.

This may be a small comfort, but it can help reframe the lack of appreciation as a compliment to your outstanding caregiving skills.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Does your hard work as your older adult’s caregiver go unappreciated? Do you feel resentful or unmotivated? What helps you manage stress and resentment so you don’t burn out? Please join the conversation so we can learn from each other.

As a makeup artist doing online Zoom makeup consultations with women over 50 across the globe, I’ve had the privilege of meeting and working with some truly delightful, spirited women. Many of these women needed answers to some really perplexing makeup challenges. So let me share them with you.

Presenting the Women and Their Makeup Challenges

Maggie recently got in touch with me because she was soon going to launch an online interior design business and wanted to look more professional. Kathleen recently joined an Armenian folk dancing group and needed to wear makeup when they performed on stage and Gina simply needed some answers to some frustrating changes she was experiencing – including watering eyes and thinning lips.

Diana had issues with making her makeup stick to her nose area, while Jean needed help choosing a makeup brush.

Challenge #1: Watering Eyes

Gina was the mother of the bride and knew she’d be awash in a flood of tears from the moment her daughter first walked down the aisle. She did have waterproof mascara, but how could she possibly keep her eyeliner in place? Fortunately, there are two makeup products that can come to the rescue.

One is called Duraline from the brand Inglot and the other is Aquaseal from Makeup Forever. These two products can transform any powder eyeshadow into waterproof eyeliner.

How to Apply?

First dip your brush into the eyeshadow you want to use as eyeliner. Then put a drop of this product onto the back of your hand and dip the brush into the gel and apply. It dries quickly and does not smudge. Be sure to clean the brush immediately so the product doesn’t harden the bristles and make the brush unusable. Duraline or Aquaseal can also be added to lipstick to turn it into a blush.

Challenge #2: Keeping Nose Makeup in Place

Diana’s problem is very common due to three factors: oiliness, skin texture and the way skin on the nose interacts with makeup products. Since our nose tends to produce more oil than other areas of the face, it can easily cause makeup to slide off or separate. The nose also has larger pores and can be more textured, so it’s harder for makeup to adhere to the skin.

So, here are three techniques to solve this problem.

Technique #1:

This technique involves these steps:

1. Exfoliate your nose to remove the dead skin cells. This creates a smoother surface for makeup to adhere to. Two good products that can be used for exfoliation are Elemis Resurfacing pads and Thayer’s Blemish Clearing Pads. My exfoliator of choice is Tatcha’s The Rice Polish.
2. Step two is to use a matte face primer or eye primer on the nose. I’ll use my Makeup by Mario Master Eye Prep and Set Eye primer. Instead of eye primer, you can also use hair spray. Spray it directly onto a dry sponge and pat onto your nose and let it dry.
3. Next, stamp a minimal amount of foundation (or concealer) on your nose with a sponge. Finally, apply a second coat of hairspray onto the nose and then pat on powder.

Technique #2:

This technique uses setting spray rather than hairspray and a long wearing foundation like Estee Lauder’s Doublewear or Dermablend.

Here are the steps:

1. First, exfoliate.
2. Then apply a matte primer on the nose. I’ll use Benefit’s Porefessional Face primer.
3. Next comes a light dusting of translucent matte powder. I’m using Maybelline’s Banana powder.
4. Next step is spraying a dry sponge with setting spray and tapping it on the nose. It’s important to let it dry before going on to the next step.
5. Apply a long wearing foundation such as Dermablend or Estee Lauder’s Double Wear by tapping it on with your finger or sponge.
6. Pat a second layer of setting spray onto the nose and then the final step is to apply a light dusting of the Mineral Veil Powder from Hourglass

Technique #3:

The third technique is a little simpler and you might want to try this one first to see if this slightly easier version might work for you.

1. Once again begin by exfoliating the nose.
2. Next, apply eye primer and then apply a light coat of foundation or concealer.
3. Over the foundation or concealer apply a light dusting of translucent powder and then conclude by patting on setting spray.

Challenge #3: Choosing Makeup Brushes

Jean wanted to know which are the best brushes to use. There are some pretty good drugstore brushes out there, but I personally feel it’s a good idea to invest in some better-quality brushes since they’ll last longer and often will perform better.

Here are some of my favorites:

• For eyebrow powder application, I love Doll 10’s Eyebrow/Eyeliner brush since it’s a little denser or thicker which means more product can be applied more quickly and easily.
• I will never be without my Sigma E-35 brush for powder eyeshadow application in the crease. It’s the perfect shape and width to fit into the crease area.
• My go-to brush for blush is the Sephora 56 brush.
• Although I’m not usually a fan of double ended brushes just because they’re more challenging to store, I make an exception with this brush just because of its shape and the quality of the soft bristles. It’s Makeup by Mario’s F4 brush. I use the larger end for foundation and the smaller end for contour or blush.
• If you’re looking for a great brush for nose contouring, be sure to check out Patrick Ta’s Major Sculpt Dual Ended Precision Brush. One end is thinner for applying contour and the other end is the perfect size for blending it in.

Challenge #4: Do You Really Need a Face Primer?

This challenge came to me from Paula. She said that she felt like she was already wearing a lot of makeup and asked if she really needed to use a face primer. My answer is a decisive “it depends.”

Since primer provides a barrier between your skin and makeup, your makeup won’t seep into your skin and end up looking cakey. It also gives makeup richer color and longer wear.

So, if you’re experiencing hot flashes, have oily skin, or live in – or will be traveling to – an area with hot, humid weather where makeup can easily melt, a mattifying face primer can save the day. And if you have very dry skin, a moisturizing primer can add some much-needed hydration.

Some great mattifying primers include:

• Benefit’s Porefessional Matte Primer
• Milani’s Conceal and Perfect Blur Out Smoothing Primer
• Maybelline’s Prime Blur and Pore Minimizing Primer

For moisturizing primers, try:

• No7’s Airbrush Away Primer
• Maybelline’s Face Studio Master Primer Hydrate + Smooth
• Eve Pearl’s Moisturizing Primer (SHOW)

Challenge #5: Achieving Coverage Without Looking Cakey

Joyce asked: “How do I get good coverage for my skin that doesn’t end up looking too heavy or cakey?” and “How can I add some soft glow?”

First, to eliminate a cakey look, tap over your foundation with a very slightly dampened makeup sponge. This helps pick up any excess product – which can cause cakiness – sheers out the foundation slightly and adds moisture.

Another technique involves a three-letter word: MIX. Mix a small amount of moisturizer, facial oil, or highlighter into your foundation. Alternatively, try mixing one of these products with a high-quality concealer, such as Natasha Denona’s Hy Glam Concealer.

If you love a glowy blush look, mix a touch of highlighter into your cream or liquid blush. I’m using Saie Beauty Glowy Gel with Tower 28 Cream Blush in “Party Hour.”

Challenge #6: Making Thinning Lips Appear Fuller

Gina asked if her thinning lips could look fuller without looking outlandish.

Here’s a subtle but effective technique: Use a small brush to apply a tiny amount of contour just under the center of the bottom lip. This creates a shadow that visually plumps the lips. Use lip liner on the outer edge of your lips, not just the lip line itself. This slightly enlarges the appearance of your lips without looking overdone.

Finally, adding a touch of lip gloss to the center of your lips reflects light and helps your lips appear fuller.

Challenge #7: Fixing Downturned Lips

Gina also asked about lips that appear downturned. As we age, lips can begin to turn downward due to loss of collagen, elastin, and changes in bone structure. Here’s a technique to create a more lifted look:

Conceal the upper portion of one side of your lower lip line. Then redraw your lip line slightly higher with lip liner, curving it upward before reaching the concealed area. This technique repositions your lip line for a subtle, lifted effect.

Challenge #8: Creating a Polished, Professional Finish

Marcia wanted to know how to make her makeup look more polished and professional.

Here’s what I recommend: Use a slightly damp makeup sponge to gently tap around your face. This blends everything together and removes excess product. Apply Hourglass Ambient Light Finishing Powder. This luxury product acts like a filter, slightly blurring the skin and adding a soft glow.

For an added glow, spray some Tatcha Luminous Dewy Skin Mist onto a damp sponge and gently tap it onto the tops of your cheekbones.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is one makeup challenge that’s been giving you a hard time? Please share in the comments below.

~inspired by Nietzsche’s Thus Spoke Zarathustra

Friedrich Nietzsche’s allegory of the camel, the lion, and the child maps uncannily onto the arc of a woman’s life – her seasons of endurance, rebellion, and rebirth. These metamorphoses are not linear milestones but cyclical returns, each revealing deeper layers of strength. The camel kneels under the weight of expectation; the lion roars to claim sovereignty; the child, having weathered both, creates not from duty or defiance, but from pure joy.

The Camel: The Sacred Burden

‘What is most difficult?’ asks the spirit that would bear much, ‘that I may take it upon myself and exult in my strength.’

In youth and middle age, many women become the camel: backs bent under loads they did not choose but carry anyway. This is not weakness but fortitude in motion. The camel does not question the weight; it moves because survival demands it.

We recognize this phase in the midnight vigils over a sick child, in the invisible labor of holding homes together, in the deferred dreams filed away for “someday.” Like the sea turtle returning to ancestral shores to lay her eggs – driven by instinct, not applause – the camel persists out of necessity and love.

Internally, this stage breeds quiet tension: a growing tally of unmet needs, a hunger unnamed. Yet there is nobility here. The camel’s strength is not in submission but in her capacity to build – foundations, futures, a world for others to stand upon.

But deserts are not eternal.

The Lion: The Unapologetic No

To create new values – that even the lion cannot yet do; but to create freedom for oneself for new creation – that is the power of the lion.

The lion emerges when the cost of compliance outweighs the fear of freedom. Her role is not to destroy but to clear – to slash through the “thou shalts” that once bound her. Where the camel asked, “What must I bear?” the lion demands, “What will I no longer tolerate?”

This metamorphosis can be seismic (a divorce, a career leap at fifty) or silent (a boundary expressed, a no where there was only yes). Like the hawk riding thermals high above the valley, the lion gains perspective. She sees how small the cage was – how vast the sky.

Society often mistakes her roar for anger, but it is clarity. The lion does not rage; she reclaims. Her territory is time, voice, autonomy. This stage is not selfishness but self-possession – the courage to say: I am not only what I carry.

The Child: The Alchemy of Play

The child is innocence and forgetting, a new beginning, a game, a self-propelled wheel, a first movement, a sacred Yes.

The child is the hardest-won metamorphosis. She is not naive but new – a self unshackled from duty and defiance. Having borne and roared, she now creates for the exhilaration of it.

Her language is curiosity, not obligation. She plants gardens without calculating harvests, learns languages for the music of them, dances in empty rooms. Like an old apple tree that blooms riotously each spring – not to prove vitality, but because it cannot help it – the child’s creativity is innate, unselfconscious.

This is not regression but resolution. The camel’s strength and the lion’s fire distill into something lighter: wisdom that knows its vitality need not be earned. The child’s Yes! is not deference but devotion – to life as it is unfolding.

A Spiral, Not a Line

These stages are not locked in sequence. A woman might be camel (stalwart in her career), lion (fierce in motherhood), child (playful in love) – all at once. The metamorphoses recur, each pass deeper than the last.

To live fully is to embody each incarnation – the camel’s resolve, the lion’s defiance, the child’s delight – not as steps toward an ending, but as currents in the vast sea of becoming.

Also read, Changing How We See the World Around Us.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Which metamorphosis of womanhood are you in? Are you carrying a load or fiercely defying your circumstances? Or are you playing with joy?

Shop quick, friends.

Sometimes the hardest hurdles we face are the ones we create ourselves. Meaning that they’re not really there – they’re only in our minds.

This is especially true of the whole question of taking on a roommate. Many women of our generation recoil at the thought of living with a roommate; their instinctive, gut reaction to the idea of living with a roommate is “Hell, no.”

I understand.

The “Hell, no” Response to Living with A Roommate

Several years ago, I was going through a divorce after many years of marriage. I needed to move out of the place I had known as home for a large chunk of my life. I didn’t know how I was going to afford to do this, nor how I would fare emotionally living on my own.

But the last thing on my mind was living with a roommate. If someone had said, “Hey, why don’t you think about finding a roommate to live with?” my response would most definitely have been, honestly, “Hell, no.”

In my mind, I think I equated the roommate lifestyle with the “before” stage of my life. Before finding the right man. Before getting married. Before having a family and being the queen of my own home. Before really being an adult.

I looked at the roommate lifestyle as going backwards. And I didn’t like that idea.

My Life with A Roommate When I Stopped Saying “Hell, no”

But then a good friend of mine, who’d also gone through a divorce recently but had remained in her home, asked me if I would move in with her for a while. Suddenly, something clicked. Yes, that sounded good. When I had a real person before me, not a cloudy feeling about a roommate with college-level ideas and habits from years gone by, I liked the idea very much.

Both of us were in an “after” stage; we were most definitely not going back to a “before” stage. We were at the same point in our lives – adults, with careers and children and plans going forward – and a part of our lives that had been dashed but that we were working through. We were at the same stage of life and we were compatible friends. Living with her would be good in so many ways.

As it turned out, it was delightful living with my friend and we shared her home for quite some time. I will always be grateful for that time together, for the emotional and financial support that the living arrangement gave me. Mostly, though, I’ll be grateful for all the good memories of living with someone who I enjoyed and who made my home a truly warm and companionable space. It was what I needed and it suited me very well.

My Attitude Toward the Roommate Choice for My Future

Now I’ve entered into a new relationship that is strong and long-lasting, with a man I love and trust, and we live together. I found him through an online dating site as it turned out and that experience clicked something else on in my mind.

If you can find a soul-mate, a genuine and highly compatible love relationship through a reputable dating site, why can’t you find a compatible roommate in the same way?

Roommate-matching sites exist, such as HomeShare, Roomi, Roomster, RoomEasy and so many others. HomeShare caters to older people specifically, who are definitely not looking for a college-style or short-term living arrangement, but rather for forward-thinking, compatible, like-minded people with whom they can share their home for some time.

I don’t plan on my love relationship ever ending. But if for some reason, I do find myself living alone again one day in the future, I know my reaction will be not “Hell, no, I wouldn’t consider living with a roommate,” but rather, “I know I can find a compatible roommate. I don’t want to live alone.”

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Is your reaction to the idea of living with a roommate “Hell, no?” What might change your mind? Having a larger home to share? Knowing that your roommate could be someone whose habits are very much like yours? Thinking about the money you could spend on things like travel if your rent and other household expenses were cut in half? What are your best memories of living with roommates in the past? Please share in the comments.