It is often suggested that babies should be born with a manual, because it is so hard for new parents to work out how best to look after them. We, mothers, know that we managed somehow or other. But now it begins again, as we are faced with being a grandmother.

So how do we learn to be grandmothers?

Be an Instinctive Grandmother

Of course, some people are ‘naturals’ whether as mothers or grandmothers. It wouldn’t occur to them to look for an advice book or to ask friends – they just know how to do it.

I watch these women in awe, as it certainly isn’t me. I didn’t have a clue when my first baby was born, although I was probably a little better by the time I had a second.

Nor, nearly 40 years later, did I have much immediate sense of how to be a grandmother, much less a good one. It certainly didn’t feel natural to me from the start, as it all felt so long ago.

Learn from Our Grandmothers

In my book, Celebrating Grandmothers, where nearly 30 women talk about how it feels to be a grandmother, many explore this issue.

A few describe their own grandmothers in some detail. Of course, those women of the past varied hugely – not only in their social backgrounds but in their behaviour. Some were memorably strict, while others were distinctly full of fun.

My interviewees shared that their experiences of these women had influenced them as grandmothers. Especially in those cases where they had spent a lot of time with their grandmother or she had a strong personality which impressed certain values or attitudes onto them.

This is not my case. I had little to do with my own grandmothers, as one lived too far away – the breadth of the USA was a serious hindrance in the 1950s – and the other had only limited interest in the role. Neither helped me much when my time came.

Learn from Our Mothers

Of course, your grandmother is not the only potential influence in this arena. Our mothers, too, were grandmothers to our children, as were our mothers-in-law.

Some of the women I interviewed felt that they had learned a lot from them, watching how they had played with their children or had taken an interest in teaching them.

But I, again, did not have much luck in this situation. By the time my children were born, my husband’s mother had died, and my own mother was, again, too far away as I had moved overseas. And, as she was a very dedicated career woman, I am not sure how involved she would have been had she lived nearby.

In any case, I had little in the way of role models.

Turn to the Grandmother Experts

Nowadays, we all learn from ‘experts’ on all sorts of issues and being a grandmother is no exception. There are numerous books on “how to be a good granny” – as well as my favourite, “how to be a bad granny.”

There are also a growing number of websites devoted solely to the joys and challenges of being a grandmother or touching on the topic quite frequently. Including, of course, this one.

Many of us have doubtless learned a great deal from their advice – from how to avoid saying the wrong thing to how to cope with modern equipment. But it did not occur to me to look for such information online or in a book.

For example, when I was writing my book, which is definitely not a ‘how to’ book, one friend asked if it would explain how to fold down a modern pushchair (stroller). Perhaps we have all struggled with that one.

Make It Up as You Go Along

I think that most of us make it up as we go along. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

We probably make some of the same mistakes we made as mothers. But I am sure we make many fewer, because – although it may not seem like it when the first grandchild is born – we have been there before.

Like with a second child, the knowledge is just lurking there, waiting to come out. We cuddle and burp the baby without thinking about it. We encourage the toddler to toddle and, as they grow, we talk to the grandchildren about the wonders of life, from the sublime to the ridiculous. It comes naturally.

Some do not want to take a great part in this adventure, but most of us find it enormous fun – and incredibly rewarding.

As we used to say playing tag, “here we come, ready or not” and you are probably readier than you think.

Where did you learn how to be a grandmother? What help were your own grandmothers or mothers? What would you say to a new grandmother? Please share in the comments below.

Luann de Lesseps’ Pink Velvet Moto Jacket at the Costume Store

Real Housewives of New York Season 12 Episode 12 Fashion

Luann de Lesseps started off last night’s spoOoky new (finally!) episode of RHONY on a very pretty note with the pink velvet moto jacket she wore to the costume store with Leah and Dorinda. Which at time of writing is still up for grabs in size medium and on sale for only $60, however we probably won’t be able to say the same in a few hours once this post gets pushed to the “lower level” of our site.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to Shop Her Vince Camuto Jacket on Sale

Originally posted at: Luann de Lesseps’ Pink Velvet Moto Jacket

It’s not a surprise beauty editors get a lot of samples. It’s important for us to try a product before we’re going to recommend you spend your hard-earned dollars on. Not every item that hits our desk (or, right now, our apartment floor), delivers the way we wish it would. But many do! Some of the best new beauty products for 2020 get us excited enough to want to tell all our friends and even replace them when we run out.

That’s why we started this new series, to give you a peek at what we can’t put down this week—and the week after that and the week after that. These range from at-home peeling masks to self-tanners to even dandruff shampoo and lip balm. You can shop them at Amazon, Sephora, Ulta or your next Target run. We get our beauty products anywhere and everywhere.

Shop some of our favorites this week and check back here for more reviews and new products you need to know about.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale and the retailer may receive certain auditable data for accounting purposes.

Image: Virtue.

Virtue Exfoliating Scalp Treatment

I’ve always liked the idea of scalp scrubs but sugar-based ones often left my dry hair feeling even more brittle. But this whipped cream actually conditions strands while detoxifying the scalp. It contains BHAs to slough off dead skin cells on the scalp, as well as coconut, jojoba and Kalahari melon oils for allover hydration.

Image: Tarte.

Tarte Maracuja Juicy Lip Trio

According to Tarte, these new lip trios sold out completely of their first shipment on QVC—a whopping 20,000 units. I can totally see why. This formula is equal parts lipstick and gloss and leaves lips feeling hydrated for hours. There’s a surprising amount of pigment and they even plump the lips temporarily. 

Image: Algenist.

Algenist Blue Algae Vitamin C Dark Spot Correcting Peel

If you suffer from dark spots and hyperpigmentation, you know how tough it can be to lighten those areas. This resurfacing at-home peel features a unique blend of AHA, BHAs and PHAs, vitamin C and the brand’s Alguronic acid to reduce the appearance of acne scars and dark spots. Using just once a week, I found my skin looked brighter and smoother already.

Image: Ciate.

Ciaté London Dewy Blush

There are a bunch of blushes in tubes like this but I’m especially into Ciaté’s vegan and cruelty-free ones lately. The gel-like tinted balm makes cheeks looked flushed and natural—not overly made up. Even better, each shade smells like fruit.

Image: Jupiter.

Jupiter The “Gotta Get” Set

It’s so often that dandruff shampoo helps get rid of scalp flakes but isn’t so great for your hair—especially the color. This new line not only takes care of your scalp but also your strands, too. Zinc pyrithione is the active ingredient to banish flaking and irritation and decylene glycol helps control oil. The addition of coconut oil helps hydrate the hair and scalp. It’s sulfate-free and safe for color-treated hair.

Image: Haus Labs.

Haus Laboratories By Lady Gaga: Le Riot Lip Gloss

Lady Gaga came out with nine more shades of her Le Riot Lip Gloss, including this Barbie-pink in Diamond Heart that I cannot stop wearing.

Image: Kinship.

Kinship Mint Mud Deep Pore Detox Mask

This vegan and cruelty-free mask isn’t one of those mud masks that reduces oil by drying out your entire face. Instead, it uses Bentonite and Kaolin clays to clear pores, as well as lactic acid to exfoliate, Moringa to soften skin and Kinbiome to promote a strong moisture barrier. My skin felt clean and smooth with one use—not tight and overly dry.

Image: Dermstore.

SkinMedica TNS Advanced+ Serum

Stylecaster Deputy Editor Alana Peden has seen serious results with this serum that encourages skin cell turnover and helps boost collagen and elastin levels. “If you can mentally overcome the sticker shock of this anti-ager, do so,” she says. “It’s worth every penny. A combination of growth factors and peptides provide a powerhouse of rejuvenation to your skin. It’s the closest thing to Botox in a bottle that I’ve tried, and let’s just say that strangers assume I was born in the ‘90s. Spoiler alert: I wasn’t.”

Image: Fresh.

Fresh Sugar Lime Mint Hydrating Lip Balm

Peden also calls this newbie a “refreshing summer cocktail in lip balm form.” Make someone smile in these trying times and gift them this chic hydrator, or indulge yourself.

Dorinda Medley’s Crystal Fringe Confessional Earrings

Real Housewives of New York Season 12 Fashion

Dorinda Medley decided to dress up her very comfy-looking, “quarantine” confessional lewk that was debuted on last night’s episode of RHONY with a pair of super glam crystal fringe earrings (that we previously reported on being worn by Kelly Dodd, Kameron Westcott and Sonja Morgan). Which we’re assuming was the only part of her outfit she had to change out of before jumping directly into bed, just going to prove that working from home definitely comes with some serious fringe benefits.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Area Earrings Sold Out at Barneys New York

Click Here to Shop Them in Gold on Sale

Click Here to Shop Them in Silver on Sale

Photo #3: @KameronWestcott

Originally posted at: Dorinda Medley’s Crystal Fringe Confessional Earrings

A man named Randy Scott (not his real name), requested to ‘friend me’ on Facebook. I often get military men, middle-aged and older men, requesting to be friends. I delete them since my rule of thumb is, “Don’t accept friend requests from people I don’t know.”

But this man had the same name as my step-daughter’s high school sweetheart. Plus, her mother was his only follower. I accepted the request and forgot about it.

A short time later I got a ‘wave’ from him. I ignored it because I was too busy. Then the next day another wave and “Are you there?”

It was Sunday, my day off. I answered.

I asked him if he had a nickname, trying to determine if he was Scooter from the past. He wrote, “No, just Randy.” I knew then he wasn’t who I thought he was.

Curiosity Led Me On

After all these men’s friend requests, I got curious how this works. Randy started asking me the usual getting-to-know-you questions, and I was careful not to give too much information.

Then he asked where I was, and, after I told him I lived in Indonesia, he said he owned a small oil drilling business in Texas and traveled worldwide.

So now my curiosity was piqued. I wondered what else he would write to keep me interested.

He asked what I did for fun. I replied, “My life is fun! I love my work. I’m a jewelry designer, writer and an old hippy. How about you?”

He replied, “I love to cook, dance and sometimes I go to the gym when I’m free.”

By this point I’m really intrigued how this all works. Has he tapped into some algorithm, some data base, that has my details? Because I love to cook – in fact, I write a recipe column for the Bali Advertiser.

I met my current partner at a dance party and we dance as often as we can. I also try to go to the gym three times a week but often fall short so it’s a ‘sometimes’ too.

Does this guy have a page with personal details, so he can make himself look too good to be true?

He Avoided Answering My Questions

When he asked what I did for a living, I thought, “This man hasn’t a clue about me. He has obviously not even read my Facebook page. Is this a form of phishing?”

Other women friends my age tell me they also get men’s requests. How do our names come up?

I decided to ask him. I told him about military men trying to friend me and asked him if it’s boredom, loneliness or just a game. He replied, “I’m not military.” But he didn’t answer my question.

I continued inquiring how this all works. I asked him how he got my name. He said he was searching for friends and my name came up.

I asked, “But HOW does this work? Do you put in any parameters?” He avoided answering my questions and said if he was bothering me, to let him know. He also asked if I thought he was a bad man.

Then I noticed his English had some serious flaws and wondered if he was even who he said he was, or from Texas.

My final response to him was “I need to take the dog for a walk. Bye.” Then I deleted the conversation and unfriended him. But I worry, did I reveal too much?

I could see how enticing this could be. It was fun to banter about for a bit with someone I didn’t know. It was like wearing a mask at a party, allowing you to be different than you usually are. I could see how single older women needing attention might get sucked into this.

What Are Fake Friend Requests All About?

After doing some research, I found that such fake friend requests often come from scammers. One of the articles said that they want your identity, your money, or both.

Some of these fake friends want to post malicious links to malware that can end up in your Facebook newsfeed, if you accept them as a friend.

The Better Business Bureau says, “If you happen to add a scammer, they have access to information that could lead to identity theft or other fraudulent activity.” And having accepted a friend request allows them to contact you via messenger, as happened in my case.

How to Tell a Fake and What to Do

These posts are often riddled with typos and poor English – another red flag that you’re not connecting with who you think you are.

They may use pictures of visually attractive and younger individuals. And it’s not just women who are targeted. Men get fake friend requests from beautiful model-like women. If it’s too good to be true, it usually is.

Check out the profile of anyone who tries to friend you. If there is little content other than photos of them, it is probably a fake friend request. If they have few friends or have only been on Facebook a short time this could also indicate a false profile.

The Better Business Bureau suggests that you keep information like your birthdate, address and phone number out of your profile.

Do you have experience with fake friend requests? What do you think are the keys to staying social after 60? Please share with the community how you dealt with it.