If you are stuck, it is time to get unstuck. Nothing ages a woman, in my opinion, more than being stuck in a rut, no matter what part of her life we are talking about.

And we all do it. We all get caught in the trap of not staying current, whether it is with pop culture or our home’s decor or movies or the way we wear our hair and our clothes.

We all do it. I do it. But it is time to change that. How often do you walk into a friend’s home and think, “Wow, this place hasn’t been updated since before Y2K”? If you don’t know what that is, then this article may not be for you!

Or when was the last time you put on an old sweater and had to decide whether to leave the shoulder pads in or take them out? The answer is out, by the way, if you were old enough to wear them the last time they were in.

I have been noticing a tendency to hold on to way too many things that I have had since I got married in 1985. They really don’t hold much sentimental value for me any longer since ‘married’ is not my current status.

Am I Trying Too Hard?

I know what you’re thinking: “I don’t want to look like I am trying too hard to stay young. I am not fooling anyone about my age.” It is not about trying to pass for an age that came and went a long time ago.

It is about remaining current, not living in the past. Staying interested in what is happening in the world around you and finding ways to bring today into your life makes a difference in how others see you and in how you feel about yourself.

My children span from ages 26 to 31, and I like some of their favorite music and TV shows. Not all, but some. We like the same current movies – not all, but some.

It gives us something to talk about when the awards nights come around. It’s fun to go to a concert with them once in a while. I love it and it connects me to them. It makes me feel like I am part of this world, not on the tail end of life.

How Tech Savvy Are You?

My daughter-in-law always asks me if I follow certain interior designers on Instagram, so I look them up and follow them. Guess what? I am starting to feel like I need to make some changes in my apartment.

It needs to be refreshed and that doesn’t have to do with spending a lot of money. It has to do with maybe changing out a rug and adding a little brightness. Nothing earth-shattering, just a little spruce up that makes me feel like I am not living in Granny’s house.

Is Your Fashion Sense Up-to-Date?

I am very stuck in fashion. I wear black almost always! Sometimes I go wild and wear gray, beige or beigeish gray. That probably won’t change.

But, I can definitely buy a couple of pairs of shoes and a handbag or coat every season that updates the look. And how do I know if it is working? When my daughter asks me if she can borrow my shoes! Bingo!

Aging Isn’t for Wimps

Listen, aging isn’t for wimps, we all know that. But I really believe that sometimes we can feel left out, or left behind – or unimportant. We are not unimportant, but we have to let others know that. We need to stay informed and relevant and current.

So, are you stuck? And if you are stuck, what are you going to do about it? How can you make some small changes to stay current? Please share your thoughts with the community.

Hailey Bieber is back to work. The model is working on either a new project or maybe photos for one of her spokesmodel jobs, such as Bareminerals. Bieber is looking gorge with her new highlights and soft glam makeup. At least, it looks like she’s sporting new color. The superstar used to have blonde highlights right up to the roots but this new look has a seamless root melt that looks lived-in and natural.

We reached out to her colorist Cassondra Kaeding for details but in the meantime, here’s the 411 on root melting. It differs from a root shadow in that unlike just blurring the area at the roots where the highlight and natural color meet, there’s even more of a root-y look with no line of demarcation. It’s like grown-out highlights but the colors melt into each other in a really pretty way. It looks like Bieber has a few highlights that go to the roots around the front to brighten up her face.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

Source: Instagram

Because it takes a team to look this good, Priscilla Valles added extensions and Amanda Lee Hair was responsible for the styling.

Source: Instagram

And if you’re someone whose eyes go right to the makeup instead of the hair, we have a few details for you. Because you might want to recreate this soft brown vibe at home. Makeup artist Adam Burrell revealed he used Precision Brow Gel in Glimpse ($25.91 at Illamasqua) for her wings (yes, brow gel!) and Charlotte Tilbury K.I.S.S.I.N.G Lipstick in Yes Honey ($34 at Sephora) on the lips. (The color used to be called Hepburn Honey.)

The rest? Well, that’s genetics.

I wish we had a different word to use here in the United States for our “status” after we lose a spouse other than the word “widow.” It’s the only box you can check on forms you need to fill out afterwards at the bank, doctor’s office, dentist, etc.

What I have learned in the past 20 years of helping women take care of all the paperwork that comes after a loss is that checking that “widow” box is especially painful for a variety of very understandable reasons.

It Implies Finality

One reason is that marking a box on a form identifying yourself as a “widow” makes it official with a new label. It’s not a label you ever aspired to, wished for, or likely thought much about. But now here it is, on what feels like almost every form you have to sign for a while, reminding you again and again.

You think of your important roles in life being a woman, mother, daughter, sister/sister-in-law, friend, grandmother, aunt, niece, cousin, spouse, or profession/job. Widow was never on your list. With or without any warning, that word changes your life permanently.

Uncomfortable for All

Another reason is that the idea of being a widow is not only uncomfortable for the survivor, but also for the friends and family who aren’t sure what to say. The death of a loved one is a life-altering experience.

Unless you’ve “been there and done that” yourself, it is impossible to comprehend what it feels like. So, what should you say to a widow?

Finding the Right Words

To find some answers, I visited with Charlotte Fox, local author here in Arizona. She wrote And Then There Was One, a comprehensive workbook guide for end-of-life preparedness and transitioning after the loss of a loved one.

Her personal experience with widowhood guides her to advise that women want to hear those cute and funny stories about their lost loved one from childhood and workplaces. It’s comforting to hear good memories coming from those who cared about and miss your loved one too. It helps you connect with the person who experienced the loss and know what to say in an uncomfortable situation.

I Wish I Would Have

Particularly with unexpected loss, it’s not uncommon for a widow to have thoughts like “I wish I would have… known more about the finances, asked about his wishes, understood where to find information, or made sure our estate planning documents were up-to-date.”

One woman I know reminisces the opposite way every time I see her, about how grateful she is that they did get all of their documents in order and titles/beneficiaries updated before her husband passed. She had seen many friends go through much stress after losing their husbands, but hers was a clear and smooth process.

Moving Forward

You can’t look back and beat yourself up. You can only look forward and maybe encourage others to avoid some of what you may have gone through. A loss often forces you to think about your own mortality and how you want things to go for your family when you’re gone too.

There are many resources to help families, including Executor, which I learned about the other day. They are a free service to help guide executors through the process after the loss of a loved one. For now, organizing your records by using a checklist, to work on one item at a time, can help you make progress. Anything you get in order for your family now is better than it was before!

Women Are Resilient

One last thing I have learned about the word widow is that women who have experienced that label in life are resilient and wonderful. They often bond together in support of each other. I love the word the international group, the Modern Widows Club, uses. They call themselves “wisters” (widowed sisters).

I spoke at a Widow Retreat in a lovely, large church in California and applauded how they came up with a positive acronym for the word Widow: Warmly Invited to Discover Our Walk with Him. The day focused on discovering your new walk forward in life.

You Must Be Prepared

It’s statistically likely that most of us will experience widowhood ourselves someday. Women outlive men in every country in the world. In the United States, the statistic is that 90% of all women will eventually be solely in charge of their household finances.

We don’t need to dwell on it but be aware of what comes with the word widow and control what you can by being financially organized.

Regardless of how we view the word widow, more than likely we will be or know someone who is affected by widowhood. So, let’s do what we can to support each other and be prepared going forward.

What have you learned about the word widow? What advice can you share? Let’s help our community with a discussion.