Divorce guilt comes in all sorts of mutating forms. It is normal for many of us to feel like we were somehow to blame for the divorce. Culturally, we are taught that keeping the household and marriage successful was our responsibility.

There is no consideration that making a marriage work takes two people in a partnership. And naturally, because there was a lot of pressure on us to be perfect, when the marriage unravelled, our reaction was to blame ourselves for it.

It is time to knock it off.

In Order to Stop Feeling Guilty, You Must Forgive Yourself

Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. It’s a gift that we are usually generous in giving others. Yet for some reason, we don’t give ourselves the same luxury. For some reason we think our actions, especially divorce-related ones, are somehow reprehensible. We feel like the worst people in the world for letting everybody down.

Accepting responsibility and working to avoid mistakes in the future is one thing. But constantly blaming yourself for things in the past is neither helpful nor healthy.

So why not put that energy you spend on feeling bad about the past into something better, like creating the good life you deserve?

Forgiving yourself is challenging right now because you are looking at the divorce with warped vision. You are looking at it with 20/20 hindsight, where you have the luxury of picking your past self to pieces. And that’s just not fair.

How to Embrace the Forgiveness Mindset After Your Divorce

When a wave of guilt hits you, please remember something. Guilt is a gray looming fortress, like the Tower of London where you feel trapped. Here is the crazy part though. All the doors are unlocked, there are no guards, and there’s no reason for you to stay there. So why not leave?

The next time you are feeling guilty and are unsure of how to forgive yourself, ask yourself this one question. “How will this guilt serve me in the future?” If you are coming up with a blank, that’s the point! Guilt does not serve you, so you must forgive yourself and let go.

Guilt speaks the language of “maybe, should have, would have.” These are not action words. They are passive words that your guilt is using to make you create a false past reality that doesn’t exist. The next time you find yourself with those thoughts, nip them in the bud with compassion for yourself.

Need an example? Take a look below!

Guilt Thought: I feel guilty because maybe I should have suggested we go to couples’ therapy sooner.

The Forgiveness Mindset: We went to couples’ therapy when we thought we needed it. We did everything in our power at the time to fix it. You were brave to try it, and should not feel bad about any of that.

Guilt Thought: I feel guilty because maybe I should have brought up the fact that we weren’t communicating anymore.

The Forgiveness Mindset: It takes two people for a marriage to work and you were not responsible for both you and your husband. You did what you could with the strength you had at the time. Be proud of yourself for that.

Now it’s your turn! Write down the specific things that are making you feel guilty, then neutralize them with the compassion you deserve. Do this whenever the guilt sneaks up on you. As long as you are mindful and consistent with this practice, you can stop feeling guilty and keep the “Guilt Monster” at bay.

The road to forgiving yourself and overcoming divorce guilt can be a long one, but showing yourself much-deserved compassion will ease that journey.

Did guilt affect you during your divorce? What positive steps did you take to overcome it? Please share your stories.

D’Andra Simmons’ Round Mirrored Sunglasses

Real Housewives of Dallas Season 5 Episode 11 Fashion

While D’Andra Simmons struggled with her relationship with Mama Dee on last night’s Real Housewives of Dallas, she definitely didn’t struggle with her relationship with her closet.  And while the majority of her outfit was Fendi, she turned to another high end designer for her round mirrored sunglasses. So while some of us may not be able to afford the whole head to toe look, we all know accessories are where it’s at.

The Realest Housewife,

Big Blonde Hair

Click Here to Shop her Gucci Sunglasses

Originally posted at: D’Andra Simmons’ Round Mirrored Sunglasses

Are you trying to improve your relationship with your daughter-in-law? Do you want to create a better understanding and reduce tension? If these are a few of the questions that frequently enter your mind, then read on for some answers.

Mothers Are Always Mothers

I’d like to attempt to answer the question about why there is tension within the relationship. Mothers are always mothers, even when they become grandmothers. When our son marries, we often feel relegated to the back seat, second place and total background of his life. The sad truth is that this is the way life unfolds and it is a natural, necessary process. We cannot change this and must accept it.

The good part is our son will always have a place in his heart for us and he will always love us. If we accept his love, no matter how it filters our way, then we are not going to be as bothered with the changes.

Change is a Huge Issue

At a time when our children are getting married, we are going through menopause. We are experiencing the empty nest syndrome, and the reality of retirement. We deal with illnesses we have acquired along our life’s path. The frosting on the cake may be our feelings of loss.

Transformation is difficult. However, life is not over and when we get through the thickets we see relief and a new existence unfolds. Like the butterfly, we must peel off the cocoon to make life alterations. We fear this because even new changes are difficult to cope with. We are comfortable within our current existence and don’t want to move forward, although we realize changes happen throughout our lives and are at the core of our existence.

I remember being at one son’s apartment helping him hang up curtains one week and within a short time, I was told to call before coming over. It is a part of life’s alterations even if I or others don’t like it.

Start the Relationship with Your Daughter-in-Law Early

Trouble begins at the start of a son’s relationship if a mother does not recognize the potential girlfriend as a possible future wife and daughter-in-law. Even if you have gotten off on a bad start to the relationship, it is still possible to rekindle it and evolve the bond into a happy relationship.

As difficult as letting go can be, a problematic relationship with your daughter-in-law is painful and full of stress and anxiety. I choose peace.

Respect the Boundaries

Mothers-in-law have a new playing field. They need to refrain from disregarding boundaries, respect rules – even if they don’t agree with them and think they are ridiculous. Your son loves this person. She is now his family. Stepping back a bit and recognizing the importance of his union and the onward cycle of life is crucial.

Mothers give their children strong roots of stability and growth. No one should cut those roots nor break them down. Daughters-in-law give their husbands wings to fly to new places and experience new beginnings and life itself. We do not clip the wings. How fortunate is the man-in-the-middle who is able to keep and nurture both wings and roots.

I have been studying this relationship for over 20 years and have found some things to be true. My surveys and investigations span two generations. I began my books as a daughter-in-law and finished them as a mother-in-law. It allowed me to discover both points of view, not only through my mind but through my heart.

Are you a new mother-in-law? How are you building a strong relationship with your daughter-in-law? What have you found most challenging? What has been the most positive outcome of the new relationship? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

While it’s true celebrities get the best professional services out there, they also use products at home to keep up the glam appearance in the comfort of their own bathroom. Luckily, we can cop these items too, no matter where we live. Dove Cameron’s choice? The Foreo Bear Facially Toning Device. The micro-current treatment is FDA-cleared to reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.

In an interview with Glamour, Cameron says: “I use it every morning as a quick three-minute system, and it’s absolutely amazing. The device uses micro currents to bring out your cheekbones and bring up your jaw. It keeps me from looking puffy, and it wakes my face up. I’m not usually the type of person to rave about a device, but it really, really, really works.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

Foreo.

How does it work, you ask? Well, it’s pretty freaking cool. Foreo uses an Anti-Shock System to adjust the micro-current level while you use it so there’s no discomfort. Instead, you’re getting T-Sonic pulsations to lift and contour the face. The brand recommends using the device every day for two months to see desired results. You can then cut back to about three times a week. Yes, it’s a commitment but these devices work when you’re patient.

That’s not even the only device the actress uses. At night, she also likes to use Foreo UFO ($199 at Amazon), a device that combines dermal technologies with Korean masks for a facial treatment in 90 seconds. “At night I also like to use the Foreo UFO, which gives you a little facial, essentially,” she says. “I let the serum from the mask sink into my skin and sleep with it on all night. If you can’t tell, I really love Foreo.”

Melissa Gorga’s Pink Pleated Tank at Dolores’ Breast Cancer Philanthropy Award Event

Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 11 Episode 6 Fashion

Although we can’t claim to be as big of a philanthropist as Dolores Catania, we do believe that we’re definitely doing some good work in finding the outfits from her event on this week’s episode of RHONJ like Melissa Gorga’s pink pleated tank. And by linking some similar Style Stealers for the sold out, perfect-for-summer piece down below so that you all aren’t left feeling green pink with Envy. 

Fashionably,

Faryn

Top Sold Out at Envy

Top Right Photo & Info: @EnvyByMG

Click Here to Donate to Maimonides Breast Center

Originally posted at: Melissa Gorga’s Pink Pleated Tank