In popular culture, there seem to be two extremes when it comes to weight and self-acceptance. One says that everyone needs to have a normal BMI, the other states you’re fine just the way you are.

According to the former, any pound over a “normal” BMI and flat belly makes you unattractive, a magnet for preventable diseases, and means something is wrong with you. Any sort of ache or pain can be cured by losing weight. You should hate looking in mirrors and hate your body, you will like yourself and feel confident once you’re slimmer.

The latter camp says that your weight and what you eat don’t matter at all. Attempting to lose weight is always harmful, and optimal health can’t be achieved with weight loss. You should work towards acceptance of yourself and your body rather than changing your body.

It’s About Perspective

In my opinion as a postmenopausal weight loss expert and Registered Dietitian on a mission to help women love themselves better through healing emotional eating, I think both extremes can have merits and problematic perspectives.

I’m telling you upfront that I probably don’t fall into category #2, so you will recognize my bias. Other practitioners may have a drastically different view. You get to decide if my perspective is helpful for you.

Everyone Should Be at Normal BMI: Pros

Some people don’t agree with some studies that connect weight loss to improved health outcomes. And while there may be a grain of truth there, the larger pool of scientific research suggests that having a large body puts you at risk for specific obesity-related conditions. And losing even a modest amount of weight may reduce your risk of some chronic diseases.

For example, in the Diabetes Prevention Program study, weight loss of 5-10% of starting weight made participants less likely to develop Type 2 Diabetes.

Furthermore, the Arthritis Foundation reports that losing 1 pound can reduce 4 pounds of pressure from the knees in adults with osteoarthritis.

Takeaway: losing weight may reduce pain and disease risk.

Everyone Should Be at Normal BMI Cons

However, the worship of BMI seems to be unfounded. You don’t have to have a ‘normal’ BMI to have less knee pain or reduce your risk of diabetes and other chronic diseases.

Secondly, the normal BMI camp seems to believe that weight is entirely in someone’s control. That people who live in large bodies are lazy and are just not trying hard enough.

This belief ignores genetic components, environmental and lifestyle issues like having a desk job or not having access to safe walking paths, and emotional causes of eating.

The cultural obsession with size has actually turned into a stigma, which can easily lead to feeling ashamed and unworthy of connection with others because of your body size.

If you feel like sugar cravings are stopping you from being at your ideal weight, grab my free “What to Eat to Curb Cravings” guide.

You’re Fine Just the Way You Are: Pros

This view focuses primarily on self-acceptance, which decreases stress. Stress hormones can lead to overeating and weight gain, so a decrease in stress can help on the path to weight loss.

Frameworks that center around self-acceptance rather than weight loss, like Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size, have been shown to decrease risk of eating disorders, reduce anxiety and improve body image.

You’re Fine Just the Way You Are: Cons

The idea that intentional weight loss is always harmful is an overgeneralization. It may be harmful if you have an eating disorder, an unrealistic goal, or are planning to follow a rigid plan.

Weight loss is unhelpful when you are doing it so you can be more worthy of love and release your shame. Or so you can look in the mirror and like yourself. These are deeper heart issues that take more than a physical change to truly heal.

And yet, what if you held weight loss with an open-hand, curious about what might be possible for your body if you optimized your metabolism, healed your relationship with food so it was easy to make healthy choices and began listening and responding to what your body was asking of you?

Weight loss really can reduce painful inflammation, improve certain blood labs and reduce disease risk… so who can fault a woman for wanting these benefits?

How Can You Want to Lose Weight and Love Yourself Just the Way You Are?

Here is the middle ground I have found between these two extremes, which I use in the Stress Less Weight Mastery, my 14-week lifestyle program that teaches specific self-care strategies, so women ages 45+ can heal emotional eating and feel amazing in their bodies.

#1: Examine Your Motives for Weight Loss

Are they coming from a place of self-love and self-care (like wanting less pain) or from a place of unworthiness and self-hatred? The truth is, even if you lose weight and feel more worthy of love, you’ll be left with crippling fear of weight regain.

#2: Focus on Behaviors You Can Control

If you decide to pursue weight loss, focus on behaviors you have control over, rather than the number on the scale. More vegetables, less red meat and more walking all provide health benefits even if you don’t lose pounds as quickly as you’d like.

#3: Practice Self-Acceptance

You don’t have to pretend that you love everything about yourself, but finding pieces of yourself and your body that you enjoy or admire is a great starting point. If that feels like a stretch, work towards neutrality and/or focus on gratitude for what your body has done for you (carried children, kept you moving, climbed mountains, etc.).

#4: Get to the Root Cause of Barriers

Identify what is stopping you from getting to your goal and get curious about the root cause of your barriers. If you find you are overeating, consider if emotions may be driving your eating habits, or if sugar is a particular problem for you. Perhaps you are stressed, or have low motivation.

Restrictive diets are rarely the solution, but the four guide points above can certainly help you on your journey.

Are you in the “everyone needs to have a normal BMI” or “you’re fine just the way you are” camp? Perhaps you are looking for a middle ground? What is your perspective on weight loss and self-acceptance?

With nearly a year under my belt of being a divorced 65-year-old, mother of four grown children, I have had time for reflection.

The divorce was my choice. I sought and embraced it after years of apathy, contempt and hostility. I couldn’t change my ex’s emotions or approach to life.

Despite the choice and the relief at its execution, there was still an emotional toll. There would be no happily ever after. My children would no longer have the home of their childhood as their touchstone.

Two Kinds of People

The longer I linger on this planet, the more I see two kinds of people. There are victims and there are those who refuse to be victims. I fall in the latter camp.

I am no stranger to tragedy and have endured unspeakable sadness in my life.

At each point, I faced a choice. I could choose to let the experience destroy me. Or I could learn from it and move on in triumph. I generally chose the latter.

The Blame Game

It’s human nature to place fault. When life does not turn out the way we thought it would, it is easy to look around and find someone to blame.

In my own therapies (I have been in therapy several times over the years), every current malady was dissected in the light of the past. What had my parents done or not done that caused me to be who I am with the difficulties I suffered? While that was a legitimate inquiry, it still came down to my choice as to how to respond.

Why would it be any different for my children? As they dissect their difficulties, they will surely place plenty of fault in my lap, and in my ex’s lap.

Some of it belongs. Some of it doesn’t.

Choices Were Made

In my life, my kids’ lives and my ex’s life, choices were made. Who we are and who we have become is the sum of those choices.

I made a choice in my marriage and mothering to try to manage other people’s emotions. I thought it was my job to motivate them and to make them happy.

Guess what? None of them asked for me to do that! No one said, “Mom, you need to completely revolve your life around us and do nothing for yourself.”

It was a choice that I made because I thought it was the right thing to do. It made me lose myself and made my family resent me.

I’ve made different choices now. I honor the fact that my needs and wants are just as important as the needs and wants of my family.

What’s the Reality?

Of course, my strengths and substantial weaknesses had an impact on how my marriage turned out and how my children turned out. But just as I made choices, they made choices.

My ex made the choice to give all his energy to his career, to the detriment of his family. It was a choice he made – and he now lives with those consequences. He chose to treat me and the children as an annoyance and viewed us with contempt and hostility. He could have made a different choice.

My children made choices that did not serve them well. They chose friends who were not good influences. They chose playing video games over reading, studying or advancing themselves. Those were choices they made.

What Have We Become?

And so we circle one another, each in our own orbits, still trying to figure out how we will be family. Some choose to remain in close contact. Some cut themselves off while they nurse their woundedness.

Someone once said none of us escapes family life unscathed.

My prayer is that we figure out how to be family moving forward. We’re wandering around the chessboard trying to figure out the next move.

May we all remember the deep, unshakable basic love we share.

How much are you the sum of your choices? Have your family members made choices you have had to learn to deal with? Are you learning to forgive yourself and others?

Robyn Dixon’s Denim Zip Front Dress on Her Instastories

Real Housewives of Potomac 2021 Instagram Fashion

Robyn Dixon totally rocked her denim zip front dress on her Instastories. The denim look IMO is perfect for fall. Which is great considering fall has now *officially* arrived. So now all we have left to wait for is a Style Stealer of this super cute denim dress to arrive.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here to Shop Her IRO Denim Dress

Click Here to Shop Her Gianvito Rossi Camoscio Sandals 

Photo + ID Credit: @robyndixon10

Originally posted at: Robyn Dixon’s Denim Zip Front Dress

No doubt, Olaplex fans swipe through their TikTok FYP wondering why everyone is just discovering the hair-repairing treatment. But that’s how social media works and we’re all about not gate-keeping our faves here. That’s why we’re giving you the scoop on a major Olaplex sale that saves you serious money. Olaplex doesn’t do very many value sets or sales so this one is a pretty unique find.

If you’re not already using Olaplex, allow us to break down why you just might love it. You’ve probably noticed that folks on TikTok love a hair transformation, often going blonde or pink in one setting. That’s where Olaplex comes in. Simply, it’s a bond builder that works to repair broken bonds and restore elasticity. There’s a complete system you can use or you can choose which products work best for you and your lifestyle.

And it’s not just for those who do major hair changes. It’s also for those of us who heat style our hair even just a few times a week, causing damage to build up. Folks stock up during the big yearly events because Olaplex sales don’t happen every day. We have to admit, this is the best one we’ve found. And it only lasts today! Hurry!

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. QVC is a STYLECASTER sponsor, however, all products in this article were independently selected by our editors. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

QVC.

Here’s what you get. The super-size No. 3 Hair Perfector is a value size of the pre-shampoo treatment that strengthens hair and reduces breakage. No. 0 Intense Bond Building Hair Treatment is a repairing treatment for all types of damaged hair. No. 4 Bond Maintenance Shampoo hydrates and protects hair from damage and No. 5 Bond Maintenance Conditioner smoothes and adds shine.

If you bought all of these separately, they would retail for $112. Today, it’s only $69.96! That’s a $42 value! Head over to QVC to grab the exclusive Olaplex Super-Size No. 3 & 3-pc Bond Building Hair Kit today.

No doubt, Olaplex fans swipe through their TikTok FYP wondering why everyone is just discovering the hair-repairing treatment. But that’s how social media works and we’re all about not gate-keeping our faves here. That’s why we’re giving you the scoop on a major Olaplex sale that saves you serious money. Olaplex doesn’t do very many value sets or sales so this one is a pretty unique find.

If you’re not already using Olaplex, allow us to break down why you just might love it. You’ve probably noticed that folks on TikTok love a hair transformation, often going blonde or pink in one setting. That’s where Olaplex comes in. Simply, it’s a bond builder that works to repair broken bonds and restore elasticity. There’s a complete system you can use or you can choose which products work best for you and your lifestyle.

And it’s not just for those who do major hair changes. It’s also for those of us who heat style our hair even just a few times a week, causing damage to build up. Folks stock up during the big yearly events because Olaplex sales don’t happen every day. We have to admit, this is the best one we’ve found. And it only lasts today! Hurry!

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. QVC is a STYLECASTER sponsor, however, all products in this article were independently selected by our editors. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

QVC.

Here’s what you get. The super-size No. 3 Hair Perfector is a value size of the pre-shampoo treatment that strengthens hair and reduces breakage. No. 0 Intense Bond Building Hair Treatment is a repairing treatment for all types of damaged hair. No. 4 Bond Maintenance Shampoo hydrates and protects hair from damage and No. 5 Bond Maintenance Conditioner smoothes and adds shine.

If you bought all of these separately, they would retail for $112. Today, it’s only $69.96! That’s a $42 value! Head over to QVC to grab the exclusive Olaplex Super-Size No. 3 & 3-pc Bond Building Hair Kit today.