A common belief is that our happiness and wellbeing is in direct proportion to our circumstances. When things are going well, we’re happy. When problems or challenges enter in, we’re miserable.

And we’ve all said things like, “When I lose weight, I’ll be happy.” Or, “When I get married, I’ll feel better.” Or, “When I finish my degree…” All the whens connect to a happening or circumstance to a happiness outcome.

Happiness Is Not a Continuous ‘High’

But as I’m sure we all know by now, that sense of ecstasy and wellbeing doesn’t last too long. We soon return to our baseline of wellbeing, known as our hedonic set point. So once the ‘high’ of landing that new job or new partner wears off, we return to our habituated level of happiness.

Clearly, while circumstance may initially influence our state of happiness, it is not a great predictor of it in the long term.

In fact, according to the research of Sonja Lyubomirsky, psychology professor, circumstance accounts for only 10% of our ‘pie of happiness’. And just to complete that pie for you, 50% is our genetic/hereditary make-up and 40% is our intentional behavior, attitudes, beliefs.

I have always been fascinated by how some people who seemingly ‘have it all’ (external circumstances) can walk around quite unhappy, complaining, and negative. At the same time, many with no major ‘stuff’ going on in their lives seem to be upbeat, pleasant, helpful, cheery, and overall exude a sense of wellbeing, despite their struggles.

Researching How We Cope with Challenges

As a lover of people’s stories, I embarked on a project of interviewing people with different challenges and losses to see how they coped and lived on through it. I eventually turned this into a book, Living Well Despite Adversity: Inspiration for Finding Renewed, Meaning, and Joy in Your Life.

What I’m always amazed by is just how well people can live on despite their challenges. This seems to be key in this life since we all face and endure loss and hardship, causing grief and pain. Nobody goes through unscathed. So then, the question that arises is: how do we live well despite…?

This has been a theme question in my life, both as a fascinated observer of people and life and personally, as someone who used to make a mental list of all the things that befell me and in the numerous support groups in which I could be a member.

We all have a spirit of survival, of strength and resilience. And we have the ability to build and grow our strength and resilience. Research now points to resiliency being a skillset that can be learned, and – like a muscle – can be grown. It is not a fixed trait.

What Skills You Need to Live a Good Life

So, what are a few key ingredients that go into living a good life despite….? My observations were highlighted by interviewees who shared their raw stories of pain and loss, and their way towards healing and renewal.

Potential

Our potential is truly limitless. We set up our own limits by our mindset and beliefs. And we imprison ourselves with our limiting thoughts of “I can’t.” With the mindset that we can always grow as long as we’re still here, our creativity and problem-solving can enhance our lives, and therefore our potential. We set up lots of believable excuses to limit us.

“It never crossed my mind that being in a wheelchair is bigger than me as a person.” —Gabriel Gordell, who traveled across the country – 3000 miles in 99 days – in a manual wheelchair.

Choice

Yes, we are victims of certain circumstances but need not maintain the stance of victimhood. That just keeps us stuck. We always have a choice in how we respond to what befalls us. We can get out of our own way by choosing to choose. Again, it is a mindset, a belief that we do have a choice. Not easy but doable!

“Each day I have to work to go on; each day I decide to live. I am not the same person I was. That is the way it should be. Losing Koby means that part of me was killed. But rather than mourn the person I was, I work to bless the person I have become.” —Sherri Mandell on grieving the murder of her son.

Purpose

When things happen, even ‘normal’ life transitions and disappointments, we must discover new meaning and purpose. We re-purpose throughout our lives. How much more so when calamity or any type of challenge/difficulty occurs.

We need to reconnect with a purpose to keep us going. Purpose is a coping tool and a way forward towards healing.

“What I need to do is impact someone in a positive way every single day.” —Julia Fox Garrison, after having a near-fatal stroke at age 37.

Getting back to the pie of happiness, having 40% in our control, gives us lots of room to focus on the things we can control – our choices, our greater potential that can take some out-of-the-box and risk-taking thinking and problem-solving, our purpose, resilience, managing emotions, and the list goes on.

If you’re looking for an inspiration, the Pursuit of Happyness movie is just the right one to watch.

What ingredients go into your living well through your challenges? Have you ‘decided’ that you can still have a rich life through the pain? How are you building your resiliency muscle? How have you pulled yourself out of the victim mentality that is so easy to fall into? What is your belief around the idea of circumstances determining our happiness and wellbeing? Please share your thoughts below.

We all want healthy and voluminous hair that shines as bright as the sun, but achieving this goal is much harder to do than advertised—especially when you dye your locks or like to apply hot tools to style them most days (we’re not judging!). When it comes to treating this stress we put on our hair, it seems like there are no products out there quite as beloved as Olaplex’s line of products. No matter where you look, when you search “Olaplex,” you’ll come to find so many rave reviews by users that swear by their life-changing affects, you’ll probably get a little dizzy. You’ll also come to find a price tag that might be a little steep for trying out a new product, especially when you don’t know how your unique locks will react to it.

But, stress out no more because there’s an affordable solution to this dilemma. It’s a four-pack trial kit of Olaplex’s most heralded products, and it costs just $25. This is the answer to all of your hair prayers. With it, you can test a restoring shampoo and conditioner, a bond smoother, and hair perfector treatment. This is a safer route for those who don’t want to spend around $30 on each individual item without knowing just how incredible it is.

Shoppers praise this set for introducing them to a long-term solution to all of their hair woes, from breakage to thinning out.

“Believe me when I tell you I have tried absolutely everything on my aging, menopausal, thyroid-diseased straw-like hair for years now and THIS product line is the ONLY thing that has completely transformed my locks!!” wrote one five-star reviewer. “Impressed doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel!”

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

RELATED: The Best Damage-Repairing Olaplex Dupes Money Can Buy, According to Redditors

Courtesy: Olaplex.

The four 30 mL bottles are travel-sized and, according to shoppers, last for a surprisingly long time. Just remember when you’re using them that Olaplex treatments aren’t like the typical shampoos and conditioners you’ve tried before—you need a very small amount (think dime-sized for medium-length hair) each wash.

“OMG, after 1 time using the kit, my hair doesn’t look fried, I can brush my hair and the color is beautiful,” wrote one reviewer. “I can’t wait to use the kit in the next couple of days because my hair should be soft and completely back to normal. Great buy and worth it!”

Now, here’s a brief synopsis about each product included. First is the Hair Perfector, a repairing treatment that has garnered more than 73,000 perfect ratings on Amazon. It’s formulated to repair broken hair bonds and prevent these locks from getting damaged after each use. You use it on wet hair before you shampoo and can feel the magic once your hair dries.

Next up are the bond maintenance shampoo and conditioner: These haircare products are designed to nourish damaged hair and leave it feeling weightless, soft, and hydrated. Combined, they have more than 65,000 perfect ratings from satisfied shoppers.

Lastly, the bond smoother, a concentrate and smoothing cream that gets rid of frizz and flyaways for up to three days. It adds shine and sleeks up your locks, plus it helps your hair dry faster if you apply it when wet (but it works on dry hair just as well!).

Courtesy: Olaplex.

Who wouldn’t want to try all of this goodness?

“I have tried so many different products trying to tame the madness and this product has been the ONLY product that has made any difference at all,” wrote one five-star reviewer. “I can already tell that my hair is stronger, softer and the fly aways are tamed. I noticed a difference after one wash. I’ve now used it three times (wash my hair once a week) and each time I notice more improvement! It’s also probably good to know that I am cheap and this product is worth every single penny!”

Paige DeSorbo’s Leopard Puffer Coat on Winter House

Winter House Season 1 Episode 2 Fashion

Snow leopard! Paige DeSorbo definitely brought along her best Housewives-inspired animal print to the Winter House in Vermont, like with this reversible leopard puffer coat (also seen on Kyle Richards!) we saw on last night’s ep. And if you want to replicate the look yourself this ski season, well then you should probably move your bacino and pounce on a wildly cute Italian guy Style Stealer down below.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Also Seen on Kyle Richards:

Click Here to See Her Alice + Olivia Reversible Coat

Click Here to Shop Her Tecnica Moon Boots

Click Here For Additional Stock

Originally posted at: Paige DeSorbo’s Leopard Puffer Coat

Amanda Batula’s Green Cardigan Set on Winter House

Winter House Season 1 Episode 2 Fashion

While Amanda Batula was getting stressed out over hearing Kyle’s phone calls on last night’s episode of Winter House, we know that you’re probably getting stressed out over finding her green cardigan set to shop. So without further ado, go ahead scroll on down below right now if the cute look is totally calling the lawyer your name. 

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to Shop Her Callahan x Revolve Cardigan Set

Shop More Colours:

!function(d,s,id)
var e, p = /^http:/.test(d.location) ? ‘http’ : ‘https’;
if(!d.getElementById(id))
e = d.createElement(s);
e.id = id;
e.src = p + ‘://widgets.rewardstyle.com/js/shopthepost.js’;
d.body.appendChild(e);

if(typeof window.__stp === ‘object’) if(d.readyState === ‘complete’)
window.__stp.init();

(document, ‘script’, ‘shopthepost-script’);

Turn on your JavaScript to view content

Originally posted at: Amanda Batula’s Green Cardigan Set

Ok, I’m 60 plus and have lived through raising kids, a divorce, handling money when there wasn’t much, feeling down after moving out of state, buying, and selling real estate – the list goes on! It’s like we’ve lived several lives in this one life.

We have felt defeat, joy, success, and sadness. At this point, can’t we figure out next steps without paying a coach to do it with us? Read on for 5 good reasons it’s worth this investment in yourself.

Coaching Helps You Move from Feeling Stuck to Finding a New Path

A life change, anything from menopause to divorce or retirement, can cause feelings of being lost or stuck. Even though we think we are ready for it, entering a new stage in life throws us off base. Questions like, “What’s the next step? Where is my purpose? How can I get through this unrest to peace and fulfillment?” creep in.

Some days can go by in a fog. A life coach can help you get in touch with what you specifically want at this point in life. Working together helps you uncover this new purpose in this new phase of life. A huge plus is the accountability they offer as you take action needed for change. Rather than fog, the view clears, and your next steps to the outcome you want become easy to see.

Coaching Can Help You Find Baby Steps Toward Your Dream

Don’t we have good intentions though? We want to start a new habit of keeping our closets clean. We’re off to a great start on day one, but on day two we get too busy, and by the end of the month, it’s out of control again.

Perhaps we want new friends, but it’s too much work to figure out how to find them. It could be that sticking to a budget, or paying bills on time, or planning for a vacation get put off, and we don’t feel successful. Whatever the change, a coach can help you uncover what success is to you, and help you stick to a plan to reach it.

Talking with a Coach Is Not Like Talking to Your Friend

One of the extreme benefits of working with a professional coach is that you are not involving friends or relatives in your innermost thoughts, feelings, and worries. Family and friends are wonderful to have, but they are too close to you.

They can’t help but have opinions about you, based on your history, your interaction with them, and their feelings about you. It’s great if you can talk to them about what’s bothering you, but most are not skilled or unbiased to help you move forward.

Some very well-meaning friends or family may lead you in the wrong direction, based on how they feel not how you feel.

Coaching Is Not Therapy or Counseling

Therapy or counseling may help you delve into your past to see where some issues have started. Coaching takes you right where you’re at, and helps you move forward. There is value in each approach.

Many who go for therapy could be helped with coaching. Coaches will let you know if your issues are more than they can take on and will refer you to a therapist or counselor they know and trust.

You Are Worth Getting Help at This Point in Your Life!

You may have raised kids, worked at a job, and accomplished amazing things in your life. If you are in a state of confusion, need help finding next steps on your path, or just talking through your situation with someone, that’s what a coach is for.

Coaches don’t work for free, but the amount you invest in yourself through seeking this type of help could be just what you need.

What major life transitions have you been through? Do you often feel you’ve been through several lifetimes? Do you think there is value in talking with a life coach? Have you any experience to share with the community?