Not long ago, I met a very lovely lady who enthusiastically shared her story of love lost and found again. She explained how her husband had died 20 years earlier. Years later, after vowing that she would never love anyone else, this woman found herself falling in love again.

When we lose a spouse, the last thought on our minds is being in a relationship again. As we deal with the intense pain that we find ourselves experiencing, this becomes the overarching theme of our lives until further notice. We’re searching for answers and still longing to be with our lost spouse just one more time.

Pain from Loss Is Personal

But as time progresses – as it will with no regard for one’s circumstance – and our pain from loss begins to ease, we will begin to rebuild our lives alone. How everyone decides to tackle their situation varies from person to person.

Some may throw themselves into work. Others may decide to cultivate new friendships or spend time with old chums. Still others might join clubs specific to an interest, or become more active in civic and church organizations. Many may consider volunteer opportunities. Some widows journal about their experience of loss. And then there are those who refrain from dealing with the pain, burying it deep within. They busy themselves with a variety of activities that become distractions from the acute discomfort and sadness.

Loss and Loneliness

One theme that all who have lost spouses share is the loneliness that ensues after loss. After a while many would like to seek companionship, but they don’t know how to go about it. Oftentimes, the desire to pursue a new relationship is influenced by advice from those around them.

So many men and women have been “off the dating circuit for a long while,“ and feel uncertain about how to go about seeking companionship. They often turn to friends for advice and sometimes the news can be discouraging. Many will hear “how bad it is out there.” And there are many stories that would frighten even the most courageous into remaining solo forever.

But we must be our own judge of these matters. Whether we are ready to open our lives to someone new is a decision only we can make. The widower or widow are the only ones who can give themselves permission to move on.

Risking Love Again

I understand how so many readers will read this and say, “Oh, I will never move on.” Or, “I’m not at that point yet and probably never will be.” However one chooses to remain, remember that you should never give up hope on your future happiness.

When you begin to feel the absence of the deceased spouse less and less and more of the presence, wholeness and wellness of who you are becoming without them in your life, you will be able to decide if finding a new partner is right for you.

Here are some things you should think about when deciding if you are ready to find love again:

• Have you taken the time to grieve?
• Have you thought about what you would be looking for in a new partner?
• You may feel lonely, but are you ready to have a new partner in your life?
• Are you willing to face the possibility of losing another companion or spouse?

We must get rid of the guilt and fear that are part of the aftermath of loss. As we gradually do, we will begin to consider if we wish to think about the possibility of finding love again. You can read my blog about Risking Love Again.

If you are a widow, are you open to finding new love in your life? Will you be looking for someone like your spouse or someone different? Why? How did you know you were ready to open to love again after a loss? Let’s start a conversation.

Tracy Tutor’s Blue Leather Shirt Dress on MDLLA

Million Dollar Listing LA Season 13 Episode 10 Fashion

On tonight’s episode of Million Dollar Listing LA Tracy Tutor not only shows off a very cool live-work space, but also a super chic outfit consisting of a blue leather shirt dress paired with a white woven leather belt. Which tbh, makes us kinda wish we weren’t sitting here doing WFH.  

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to Shop Her Zara Dress on eBay

Click Here to See Her Bottega Veneta Belt

Originally posted at: Tracy Tutor’s Blue Leather Shirt Dress

My faith tells me that there is a time for everything in life. Ecclesiastes 3 (NIV) clearly states:

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens…

When I view my past through the lens of self-pity, I tend to focus on the losses.

The family deaths.

The miscarriages.

The career challenges.

The tight money times.

The disintegrating marriage.

Everything Must Change

But just as surely as the earth turns, the times change. The first blush of love turns into the apathy and pain of divorce. The miracle of birth turns into the challenge of adult children struggling in life.

The career highs turn into the search for purpose later in life. The energy invested into making a home turns into a space where everyone is redefining home or searching for home.

In such times, the temptation is to view life as black and white. There were good times and there were bad times.

But one of the gifts of aging is to be able to blur lines, to peer into the very heart of things.

Seeing It All

Rather than a memory frozen at one end of the spectrum or the other, can we feel and enjoy all the space and time in between?

Yes, my marriage over three decades ago was a time of joy and rejoicing. Yes, its demise was one of the saddest times of my life.

But what about everything in between? The sweetness of early romance, the terror and delight of raising children, the satisfaction gained at work AND at home.

No Life Is Linear

Life is not a straight line from birth to death. It takes ups and downs and sidetracks and dead ends and delightful destinations.

Perhaps happiness and peace lie in following the trajectory from beginning to end, wiping a tear or a few over the sad times, but laughing and smiling with satisfaction at the good times – the shining times.

Early on in life, I suffered sufficient tragedy to last me a lifetime. I came into life with loss pre-loaded, if you will. I was a sick baby, had some tumultuous years growing up, and lost my parents at an early age.

I could have stayed stuck, mired in my loss. I did stay stuck for a few years. But I got unstuck.

It’s a Skill

And I learned the skill of mining the good out of every situation – or learning lessons I had to learn in order to be wiser, more centered in life – to enable me to deal with all the challenges ahead.

Later in Ecclesiastes the author says, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” 

Can we learn to say that of our lives?

There is an old story about a village. Once a year, the villagers could write their troubles out on a piece of paper. They would gather and hang their troubles on the tree. As they gazed upon the myriad of problems their neighbors faced, they were given an opportunity to exchange their troubles. The mother of a sick child could trade places with the wife of a dying husband. A mother with hungry children could switch with a widow who was being thrown out of her home.

In the end, the villagers would retrieve their own troubles and slowly, thoughtfully, return home.

I would do the same, because I have learned to see the beauty of everything in its time.

What have you learned from the challenges of your life? Are you learning to mine the difficult times for the gems of experience, or the lessons you needed to learn?

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could color our hair without having to worry about it becoming dry and brittle? It’s not fair that for so long, we’ve had to pick one or the other—until now, that is. See, we found a strand-saving hair mask that shoppers seem to be ride-or-die for. The reason why? It apparently has “astonishing results” after just one application. Now that’s the kind of effectiveness we can get behind.

The René Furterer conditioning treatment is no joke. It’s made with a plant-based keratin that mimics the hair professional-loved protein, and replicates its ability to strengthen and nourish hair strictly using botanical ingredients. In addition to this modified keratin, this formula includes extremely nourishing camelina oil, which is packed to the brim with omega-3 fatty acids, as well as biocymentine, a ceramide-rich ingredient that helps locks store moisture.

It’s super simple to use, too. Once your hair is washed and towel-dried, you apply the mask to your strands, comb it, and rinse. Chances are that after your first try, you’ll notice a difference. A consumer test found that after one application, an impressive 92% of users felt that their hair was completely detangled, while after one month of use, 89% of participants said their hair was stronger.

“I was able to see the results on the first application,” wrote one five-star reviewer. “It leaves my hair soft and shiny. I’m definitely buying it again.”

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

RELATED: How to Get 4 Olaplex Products For Just $25

Courtesy: Rene Furterer.

Rene Furterer Absolue Keratine Ultimate Repairing Mask

It’s so effective, shoppers have gone so far as saying this is the “best hair treatment I have ever bought.” Reviewers who say they have colored hair, coarse strands, or damaged locks all credit this mask for providing much-needed hydration.

“I really like this mask, I must say I’ve used it twice already and it really makes my hair soft, smooth and shiny and it really smells good like perfume,” wrote one shopper. “My hair is bleached blonde so it’s very dry and damaged, but this mask helps a lot with that. Definitely a must-have in your hair care routine!”

If your hair needs to be resurrected, you know what to do. Just be sure to credit us when your friends compliment your future movie star locks.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could color our hair without having to worry about it becoming dry and brittle? It’s not fair that for so long, we’ve had to pick one or the other—until now, that is. See, we found a strand-saving hair mask that shoppers seem to be ride-or-die for. The reason why? It apparently has “astonishing results” after just one application. Now that’s the kind of effectiveness we can get behind.

The René Furterer conditioning treatment is no joke. It’s made with a plant-based keratin that mimics the hair professional-loved protein, and replicates its ability to strengthen and nourish hair strictly using botanical ingredients. In addition to this modified keratin, this formula includes extremely nourishing camelina oil, which is packed to the brim with omega-3 fatty acids, as well as biocymentine, a ceramide-rich ingredient that helps locks store moisture.

It’s super simple to use, too. Once your hair is washed and towel-dried, you apply the mask to your strands, comb it, and rinse. Chances are that after your first try, you’ll notice a difference. A consumer test found that after one application, an impressive 92% of users felt that their hair was completely detangled, while after one month of use, 89% of participants said their hair was stronger.

“I was able to see the results on the first application,” wrote one five-star reviewer. “It leaves my hair soft and shiny. I’m definitely buying it again.”

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

RELATED: How to Get 4 Olaplex Products For Just $25

Courtesy: Rene Furterer.

Rene Furterer Absolue Keratine Ultimate Repairing Mask

It’s so effective, shoppers have gone so far as saying this is the “best hair treatment I have ever bought.” Reviewers who say they have colored hair, coarse strands, or damaged locks all credit this mask for providing much-needed hydration.

“I really like this mask, I must say I’ve used it twice already and it really makes my hair soft, smooth and shiny and it really smells good like perfume,” wrote one shopper. “My hair is bleached blonde so it’s very dry and damaged, but this mask helps a lot with that. Definitely a must-have in your hair care routine!”

If your hair needs to be resurrected, you know what to do. Just be sure to credit us when your friends compliment your future movie star locks.