When I was faced with the difficulty of creating a new, purposeful life after divorce, I tried different options, struggling to find one that would achieve my goals. As an older woman, I faced specific challenges not experienced by my younger counterparts.

Because of the continuous frustration, longing, and discontent, I came up with my own plan of action. I called it The Road Through Recovery. During my research, I found there is indeed a progression to divorce recovery.

Divorce recovery comes with a cycle of feelings and emotions not unlike the Kubler Ross model of grief. I learned those back in graduate school.

Connecting divorce with grief, I created my own model of five phases of emotions and feelings specifically related to divorce recovery. This is how The Road Through Recovery came to be.

What Is the Road Through Recovery?

The Road Through Recovery has five phases of feelings and emotions one may experience after transitioning to the other side of divorce. The five phases are Rejection, Resentment, Renegotiation, Remorse, and Reality. Some may encounter all the phases, skip over others, or only experience one.

I thought to myself, “Because recovering and healing is an inside job; if I can become aware of what emotions and feelings I am experiencing the most, I will get a clue of where to begin the process of moving forward.“

In this blog, you’ll learn about the first of five phases on the Road Through Recovery. I’ll give you a real-life example of someone who experiences the first phase, Rejection. Then, you’ll see how she overcomes her obstacles. Finally, as a bonus, I have included a survey with action steps. If this phase strikes a chord within you, there’s a plan of action to guide you in moving forward.

What Is the Rejection Phase?

Not everyone is stuck or in pain in this first phase called the Rejection phase. When experiencing the Rejection phase, you are rejecting the trauma of the situation as it helps you to survive the loss. It gives you the ability to pace your feelings and emotions until you are ready in mind and body to manage them.

Simply put, your psyche is just not ready to handle all the conflicted emotions. At this point, you’re using rejection as your coping mechanism.

You will notice in the example that there is no groveling around in the past. The past is gone, and you can’t go back and change it. Looking for solutions to help you move forward, instead of continuing to be all caught up in the problem, it is the “key” to getting on the Road to creating a new life you would love living.

Meet Evelyn

Our example, Evelyn, was stuck in the Rejection phase. At the time she said, “Now that the divorce is over. I have no life. I don’t have a clue where to start to rebuild it.”

Evelyn got divorced after 39 years of marriage. She and her ex-spouse, Bruce, have four children that are grown and live in various parts of the country.

Having been married for all those years, the emotional upset became more pronounced as Evelyn remembered the years – the time, the investment, her heart, her soul – that she dedicated to the marriage.

All her hopes and dreams were shattered and swept away.

Long after the divorce, Evelyn continued to leave the outside light on at night like she used to for times when he would come home late from work.

Bruce’s shared area of the walk-in closet remained empty, and she continued to cook some of his favorite meals for dinner.

Evelyn is a small person and gained close to 35 pounds. She felt out of control. Unfortunately, emotional eating was her coping mechanism. It was her way of dealing with the situation instead of allowing the uncomfortable, painful feelings to hit, and then deal with them.

She Ate Them Away

Evelyn couldn’t recognize herself, physically or emotionally. She lost her sense of self and well-being.

Emotional eating is a crutch. It becomes a habit. The good news is, habits can be broken.

Here Are Some Steps Evelyn Took

Using the free REJECTION PHASE SURVEY, here are some action steps Evelyn created to move out of the Rejection phase on The Road Through Recovery.

• Along with filling up what used to be Bruce’s side of the closet with her new wardrobe as she lost the extra weight, Evelyn began to cook her favorite meals that are nutritious and healthy.
• She became aware of her “trigger thoughts” associated with overeating and wrote the most frequent ones down as the thoughts popped into her head.
• She made a list of alternative behaviors that she could readily use in place of overeating triggers. Then she taped them to the refrigerator. (Instead of diving into the refrigerator, she could dive out the door and go for a walk, call a friend, read a book, or focus on any activity outside of the kitchen area.)
• When the uncomfortable feeling snuck in, she learned to take a pause and allow herself to feel it and breathe through it. The breathing took away some of the power of discomfort. This way, Evelyn controlled her feelings instead of her feelings controlling her.

What Are the Positive Takeaways?

This experience has changed Evelyn. She is a different person now as she works through the steps and achieves her goals. As she begins to respect and love the person she is now, she will rise up after divorce, moving past the Road Through Recovery.

As she moves out of the past, Evelyn makes space inside of herself to allow for the present and what is possible for the future.

Part of living in the present is acknowledging the thoughts and feelings when they show up and recognizing some of them are no longer relevant. Learning to respond instead of react to negative feelings and emotions, allowed Evelyn to make new choices and decisions for the future coming from her higher self.

If you feel you may be stuck in the Rejection phase after divorce, I encourage you to take the REJECTION PHASE SURVEY which includes action steps for each of the five statements.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Where are you on your post-divorce journey? Are you in the rejection phase, or have you moved on? What does/did your rejection phase look like? Do any of the statements resonate with you? If so, what actions will you take to overcome the challenge of them? I encourage you to share your action steps in writing as you’ll feel more accountable.

Nicole Martin’s Black Cutout Bow Dress on Instagram

Real Housewives of Miami Instagram Fashion 2022

WOW. Nicole Martin absolutely stunned in the black cutout bow dress she wore while hosting the launch of the @MonotOfficial new collection at @NeimanMarcusCoralGables the other day. And although the event may have apparently been a black tie dinner luncheon (!), I think we can all agree that she definitely looked like a snack. 

Click Here to Shop Housewives-Inspired Holiday Looks from Neiman Marcus

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to See Her Monot Dress

Click Here to Shop it in White

Click Here to Shop Her Tom Ford Sandals

Photo: @GuerdyDesign

Click Here to Shop Housewives-Inspired Holiday Looks from Neiman Marcus

Originally posted at: Nicole Martin’s Black Cutout Bow Dress

Paige DeSorbo’s Burgundy Velvet Pant Suit on Her Instastories

Winter House 2022 Instagram Fashion

Whether we like it or not (we don’t) we are inching towards winter. But, with cold winter weather comes hot winter fashion which we do love. One great example of that is Paige DeSorbo’s burgundy velvet suit she wore on her IG stories. Thankfully she shared the deets on it so we don’t have to waste anytime adding it into our winter house collection.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here to Shop Her Express Blazer

Click Here to Shop Her Express Pants

Photo Credit: @paige_desorbo

Originally posted at: Paige DeSorbo’s Burgundy Velvet Pant Suit

Whether traveling close to home, or overseas, apps for your cell phone can make your travel experience so much easier. Learning to get the most out of our phones has taken a lot of guess work and worry out of our travels. Phone apps have helped us find everything from a good restaurant to an ATM, to the closest toilet, and so much more.

There may be a small learning curve, but once you have it down, an app can make a world of difference in your travel experience. Listed below are the top 10 apps we use when we travel. Some of these are probably already on your phone, and they are all free to download and use.

Google Maps

This one is indispensable! When we arrive in a new location and settle into our accommodation, one of the first things we do is open up Google Maps and type “Restaurants Near Me” in the search box. This will bring up pins on the map with restaurants and their ratings.

It also allows you to pull up a list from the bottom of the screen where you can access photos, menus, and reviews of restaurants. I also utilize it for finding an “ATM near me” or a “pharmacy near me”, or anything else I’m looking for. You can also save a location on the map, so you don’t forget about it later.

Ride Apps

The best thing about ride apps is that they cut out any type of price negotiation with a driver and overcome any language barriers that may exist. Many countries use Uber, and once you download the app, you can use it in any country that has it.

If a country does not have Uber, they will have a ride app of their own. For example, in Thailand we use Bolt, in Cambodia it’s Pass APP (this one also gives you the option to pay cash), and in Malaysia it’s Grab. They all work basically the same way. The costs show up in the local currency, not US dollars, and you also know that you are being charged the same price as the locals.

A nice thing about ride apps is that you can also use them for food delivery. This is a great feature during inclement weather or if you just don’t feel like going out. We used Uber Eats several times in Mexico and in South Africa, and Grab Eats in Malaysia. Please check out our latest video in Kuala Lumpur.

Toilet Finder Apps

If your bladder isn’t what it used to be, and you feel more comfortable knowing where the closest restroom is, this app is for you! We use one called Flush. It will show you a map of the toilets closest to you, if they are free or pay toilets, if wheelchair accessible toilets are available, if they are a Western style (sit) or a squat toilet, and even reviews if users have left any.

WhatsApp

This is one of my favorites. It lets you make free phone calls, send texts, and even free video calls from anywhere you have an internet connection (this keeps you from having to use your data). Whether I call my kids or they call me, we always use the video call format so that I can see them and the grandkids. Having that face time is priceless! You can only call a party that also has WhatsApp installed on their phone.

Weather Apps

It’s good to have a weather app that is detailed and even has radar on it, like the AccuWeather app. This comes in very handy when planning your day, especially if you are planning an outdoor activity. The radar feature allows you to see if a big storm cell is moving in. This has been invaluable to us while in SE Asia during the rainy season.

Google Translate

This free app is wonderful! You can choose what language you want a word or phrase translated into, type it in and it gives you the translation in the language you chose, along with the option to hear it spoken. Press the little speaker icon and you can hear a word or phrase repeated as many times as you need.

Another great feature lets you choose the camera icon, click it and your camera will open. Hold your camera over the menu, sign, directions, or whatever you need to read, and it will be translated into English for you. You can even have a conversation with someone in another language as the app will allow you both to speak and it will translate for both of you.

Currency Exchange

We use Xe. It has exchange rates for over 130 different countries and provides the current exchange rate of a country’s currency against the US dollar. If you are making any large purchases, you can use the app to convert the price into exactly the amount you need. It’s good to monitor this every few days because you would be surprised at how much a currency can fluctuate.

Airbnb

We love Airbnb! It’s a convenient way to book a place to stay that can provide the amenities you are looking for. When staying a week or longer, Airbnb can provide some deep discounts. This has been a real money saver for us!

The app matches you with a house or apartment pretty much anywhere in the world. You can set parameters for your price range, amenities, and even wheelchair accessible or no stairs. We always look for one with a kitchen and a washing machine.

Airbnb works on a rating system so you can read reviews from people that have recently stayed in a property you’re interested in. The host also rates you as a guest and other hosts can see what your rating is as well. The Airbnb app also provides a large selection of local tours and activities that you can book directly through the app.

Booking

This is another a great app for finding a place to stay. When we are not booking a long stay in which we will need a kitchen and a washer, we use this app. You can often reserve a room without entering your credit card details. Also, it often allows for free cancellation in case your travel plans should change. Very convenient! The more you use this app, the cheaper your stays get as it provides frequent user discounts.

YouTube

This is a must have. There is a YouTube video for everything. If you want to learn something new, or visit a new place, there is a video that will teach you about it. Wherever you are planning to go, somebody has made a travel video about it. This is valuable information that can tell you what there is to see and do, good places to eat and stay, where to shop, how to get around, and so much more.

We find it a great source of travel inspiration. There are several travel channels that we follow which ultimately led us to start our own journey of slow traveling the world along with our own YouTube travel channel called Over the Hill & Far Away.

Please check it out!

Apps aren’t just for social media, playing games, or taking pictures. They can make your travel experience so much easier and rewarding. Don’t be afraid to try some out.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you hesitate to use apps? Why? Do you have some favorite apps you use for travel? Do you use an app that you would recommend to others, travel related or other?