Month: July 2026

Photo + Info: @rachelzoe

Style Stealers

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Top Posts

Seen on Bravoleb Prime Day Picks That Are Worth Shopping

Amanda Batula’s Brown Suede Bag

Ariana Madix’s Beaded Flower Appliqué Mini Dress

Ciara Miller’s Gingham “Cherries” Top

Ariana Madix’s Pink Sheer Crystal and Feather Embellished Gown

Amanda Batula’s Grey Zip Up Hoodie

Lindsay Hubbard’s Khaki Jacket and Red Sunglasses

Ariana Madix’s Turquoise Mesh Dotted Turtleneck and Pants

Amanda Batula’s Season 10 Reunion Look

Lindsay Hubbard’s Navy Blue Denim Collar Sweater

Madison LeCroy’s Barrel Leg Jeans

Amanda Batula’s Light Blue Striped T Shirt

Amanda Batula’s Brown Suede Jacket with Lindsay

Amanda Batula’s Black and Polka Dot Maxi Dress at the In The City Premiere Party

Georgina Ferzli’s Navy Blue Sheer Dress

Originally posted at: Rachel Zoe’s Black Cutout One Shoulder Dress

Also Seen on Ariana Madix

and Alicia Carmody

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Melissa Photo: @melissagorga / Ariana Photo: @loveislandusa / Alicia Photo: @bravowwhl

Style Stealers

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Turn on your JavaScript to view content

Top Posts

Seen on Bravoleb Prime Day Picks That Are Worth Shopping

Amanda Batula’s Brown Suede Bag

Ariana Madix’s Beaded Flower Appliqué Mini Dress

Ciara Miller’s Gingham “Cherries” Top

Ariana Madix’s Pink Sheer Crystal and Feather Embellished Gown

Amanda Batula’s Grey Zip Up Hoodie

Lindsay Hubbard’s Khaki Jacket and Red Sunglasses

Ariana Madix’s Turquoise Mesh Dotted Turtleneck and Pants

Amanda Batula’s Season 10 Reunion Look

Lindsay Hubbard’s Navy Blue Denim Collar Sweater

Madison LeCroy’s Barrel Leg Jeans

Amanda Batula’s Light Blue Striped T Shirt

Amanda Batula’s Brown Suede Jacket with Lindsay

Amanda Batula’s Black and Polka Dot Maxi Dress at the In The City Premiere Party

Georgina Ferzli’s Navy Blue Sheer Dress

Originally posted at: Melissa Gorga’s Crystal Embellished Mini Dress

During more than a decade of online dating, I got some valuable help through regular visits with a therapist. During those visits she recommended some books to help me cope with the stresses of online dating, of which there were many! One of those books was The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It focuses on four simple yet powerful agreements to live by.

The agreements are with yourself. These agreements helped me tremendously as I applied them to my online dating.

The First Agreement

Online dating, especially in the beginning, can leave you with a dizzying array of thoughts swirling in your head. All the choices can be confusing and exhausting. The first agreement provided me with a pathway to sorting through all those thoughts. Focusing on clear and honest communication helped me direct my energy in a useful and productive way.

The First Agreement says, “Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”

I found this agreement helpful in both written communication and in face-to-face interactions. I was honest with others about myself, especially about some financial struggles that I was facing. The reaction I got told me a lot about the other person, whether they responded with kindness and compassion or judgment and criticism about my problems.

Also, I never bad-mouthed my ex-husband, and when I heard others speaking horribly about their exes or family members, that was my cue to say good-bye. I encountered many men whom I would call “Bitter Bob.” These were men who were generally angry about their ex and how their divorce went down. They were all too eager to criticize their ex. Bye-bye Bitter Bob!

I also met many “Mean Ones,” “Bullies,” and “Harassers” while riding the online dating rollercoaster. None of them came even close to being impeccable with their word. They were all too eager to spout hateful rhetoric. As soon as I heard their negative talk, I would say, ‘So long!’ As my mother would often say, “Good-bye to bad rubbish!”

As I stayed true to my word and to the agreement, it became easier and easier to spot the bad ones and walk away. As time went on, I became less tolerant with those who spoke negatively about others by complaining or criticizing. Of course, if I caught someone in a lie or suspected they were lying, that would also be my signal to say good-bye.

I slowly broke the habit of constantly giving people the benefit of the doubt. I’d move on quickly. I tried hard to love myself and not judge myself for my mistakes or inadequacies. I strove to find peace and happiness in my life by being honest and impeccable in my words and actions. I wanted to find another with the same mindset.

The Second Agreement

The Second Agreement says don’t take anything personally. This was so important for me to keep in mind when I’d meet the rude, lewd, and otherwise distasteful ones, such as those that ghosted me, or the haters who raged on the phone, or the various freaks and weirdos.

The Second Agreement says, “Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of endless suffering.”

In the beginning of my online dating journey, it was difficult to not take the words and actions of others personally. I was astonished how many people I encountered were unhappy or hateful, and seemed to take it out on me. Were there really that many lousy men in the online dating world? Turns out, yes, there were! So, it became important for me to protect myself from the rude, disrespectful, and abusive ones by developing a thick skin.

I refused to let anyone’s bad behavior get to me. Once I accepted that what others said and did reflected their own reality, not mine, then online dating became a whole lot easier. When someone began spewing anger my way, I’d think to myself, ‘This is their problem, not mine. How could they possibly be angry with me? They don’t know me. I just met them!’

That mindset helped me tremendously in the online dating world. I was able to avoid being baited and engaging in arguments, such as disagreements over politics. I refused to try to soothe someone spinning out of control. I admit I did get frustrated at times, such as when I would have a run of bad dating luck, but I would not let individual encounters get to me. Once I learned to not take anything personally and move on quickly, online dating became more emotionally manageable. I felt more in control and happier.

The Third Agreement

The Third Agreement advises you to not make assumptions. This agreement was so helpful to me, especially when I made my decision to start doing background checks on people.  

The Third Agreement says, “Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”

When I began online dating, I assumed everyone else online was looking for the same thing as I was, a meaningful relationship. I got a rude awakening early on when I realized someone was trying to scam me. As time went on, I was able to spot more scammers and imposters, but I didn’t want to be skeptical about everyone and always assuming the worst, so I took to heart a quote from Ronald Reagan when he talked about adversaries; “Trust but verify.”

If something didn’t feel right, I wouldn’t hesitate to do a Google search or background check on someone, vetting tactics that are becoming more common. While getting to know someone, I’d ask a lot of questions. That part wasn’t hard because I worked in TV news and documentary production. Interviewing people was part of my job. It also helped that I’m a naturally curious person. I tried not to pry too much, but I did ask questions.

Communicating clearly can be tricky, especially when exchanging emails and messages. That’s why I always recommend that if you’re interested in someone, speak to them as soon as possible and keep the communication flowing. While speaking to others on the phone, I would often learn that what the guy on the other end really wanted wasn’t a meaningful relationship, but instead a casual fling. No thanks!

Don’t assume to know what someone else is thinking or what their viewpoints are, nor should you assume they know what you’re thinking or what your views are. Speak up. Don’t hold back your feelings and emotions. And of course, follow up by meeting as soon as possible. Do not drag out the process!

The Fourth Agreement

The Fourth Agreement urges you to do what my mother always said to me: “Always do your best.” That’s how I was raised, to always put my best foot forward when presenting myself to anyone, and to strive to do my very best in everything I undertake.

The Fourth Agreement says, “Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.”

In dating, doing my best meant being considerate of others, treating others with respect, having honest intentions, taking care of myself, and dressing nice. Those who showed up late, or didn’t call when they said they would, or arrived on a date looking disheveled or unkempt did not score points with me. As time went on, sometimes I would give someone a second chance to improve their behavior, but three strikes, you’re out.

By reading The Four Agreements and having regular meetings with my therapist, I gained more confidence in my ability to navigate the dating landscape. It was reassuring to learn that no, I wasn’t going crazy, and that yes, everything would be all right!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Which one of the Four Agreements resonates the most with you and why? Have you applied the Agreements to your dating life?

For many years, people have dreamed of retiring to Florida and enjoying their “golden years” in the sunshine. With miles of sandy beaches, warm weather, and beautiful waterways, it’s easy to see the appeal. Florida also has no state income tax, which can help Social Security and retirement income go further.

When most people think of Florida, they picture Miami, Fort Lauderdale, or Palm Beach. And there is no doubt that life in South Florida can be vibrant and enjoyable. However, it is also the most expensive part of the state, particularly for retirees.

If you are considering a move, it may be worth exploring areas further inland or to the north. Cities such as Jacksonville, Gainesville, Pensacola, and Largo have seen population growth in recent years and can offer a more affordable lifestyle for retirees.

Things You Should Consider

1. Weather

After years of cold winters, Florida’s year-round sunshine sounds like a dream. However, how hot is too hot? As we age, it can become more difficult to adjust to high temperatures and humidity. This process, known as heat acclimatization, results in our body becoming less efficient at cooling itself. We may not sweat as quickly as we once did, and blood vessels may not expand as well to release heat. Also, seniors are also more vulnerable to dehydration, often not feeling thirsty until they are already low on fluids.

Certain medications for blood pressure, heart conditions, allergies, depression and fluid retention can also affect hydration and temperature regulation. Chronic conditions such as asthma, diabetes, arthritis, and heart disease may also make hot weather more challenging.

While many retirees enjoy an active outdoor lifestyle in Florida, the timing is crucial. Early mornings and evenings are the best times to be outside in the Florida heat and humidity. Midday heat in summer months can be intense, and temperatures can feel extreme due to humidity.

Many older residents find themselves adapting their routines to avoid these conditions just as people in colder climates avoid snow and ice. Floridians often avoid the hottest part of the day which can easily reach over one hundred degrees.

2. Allergies and Respiratory Health

Florida can be challenging for people with even mild asthma or allergies. The warm, humid climate allows plants to grow year-round, meaning pollen seasons are longer and often more intense than in other states.

Common allergens include oak trees, pine trees, ragweed, grass and weeds. These can contribute to symptoms such as runny nose, itchy eyes and difficulty breathing making you feel below par most of the time.

Humidity also creates conditions that encourage mold growth, which can be particularly problematic for people with asthma or respiratory sensitivities.

If you are renting or buying a home, it is important to check carefully for signs of mold as remediation can be expensive and exposure can significantly affect your health and wellbeing.

Using HEPA air purifiers indoors, keeping air conditioning filters clean, and monitoring daily pollen forecasts can make a meaningful difference. Staying hydrated and keeping windows closed during high pollen days is also helpful.

Coastal areas such as Sarasota, Naples, Clearwater, and St. Petersburg often benefit from sea breezes that can help reduce pollen concentration compared with inland areas.

3. Condo Costs, Insurance and HOAs

The tragic Surfside condominium collapse in 2021 had far-reaching consequences for Florida’s housing market.

In response, the state introduced stricter inspection and maintenance requirements for condominiums, particularly those that are three stories or higher and older buildings reaching certain age thresholds.

These changes have revealed long-standing maintenance issues in many older buildings that were not properly funded through reserves.

As a result, many homeowners have experienced:

• Significant increases in monthly condominium fees
• Large special assessments for repairs
• Greater financial pressure on buildings with deferred maintenance

For retirees on fixed incomes, these sudden increases have sometimes been difficult and resulted in foreclosures as condos with special assessment fees and increased HOA fees have made buying these homes undesirable.

Buyers are now more cautious preferring newer buildings over older condominiums and even preferring single family homes inland than on the coastal areas. The market is currently being flooded with older condos for sale at what seems like a good price. Tread cautiously and hire a professional to ensure there are no hidden surprises and that the title search has been conducted properly.

Another major factor in buying a home is insurance. Florida has seen rising insurance costs with fewer providers willing to insure older or what they call high-risk properties at all. This has added further pressure on homeowners’ associations, which pass costs on to residents stretching an already tight budget.

Final Thoughts

Florida remains one of the most popular retirement destinations in the United States for good reason. It is a beautiful place to live when you consider the sunshine, lifestyle, and tax advantages.

Anyone considering making a move should spend a year here before committing. A successful retirement in Florida often comes down to choosing the right location, the right type of housing, and understanding the true long-term costs beyond the purchase price.

Another thing to consider is whether spending only part of the year in Florida may work better for you.

Join the Conversation:

Have you considered retiring in Florida? What are the pros that are pulling you to the Sunshine State? Have you found any cons?

For many women, saying “no” to a financial request doesn’t feel like making a money decision.

It feels like making a relationship decision.

That’s part of what makes financial boundaries so difficult, especially with family.

It’s rarely just about the money. It’s about love, loyalty, guilt, and the quiet fear that if you stop helping, something important might shift between you.

Maybe an adult child asks for help with rent. Maybe a sibling needs support after a difficult year. Maybe a grandchild needs tuition, a car repair, or “just a little help” getting through a rough patch.

And often, before you’ve even had time to think it through, you’ve already said yes.

Not because you wanted to.

Not because it felt easy.

But because saying no felt harder.

Tovah’s Story

Tovah is 68. She’s been helping her son financially, off and on, for almost 10 years.

It started small. A utility bill here. A car repair there. Then it became helping with rent after a layoff. Then helping again when work became inconsistent.

Every time he called, Tovah felt the same tightness in her chest.

Part of her wanted to help. Part of her didn’t.

She worried about her retirement. She knew she was dipping into savings more often than she felt comfortable with. But every time she considered saying no, she felt flooded with guilt.

“What kind of mother would I be if I didn’t help?” she asked me.

It’s such a common question.

And underneath it is often a much deeper one:

Will I still feel like a good person if I stop carrying this?

Why Boundaries Feel So Personal

Financial boundaries are difficult because money is rarely just money in families.

Money often becomes the language of care because it’s often how we show up. How we protect. How we soften someone else’s pain.

And for many women (especially women who’ve spent decades caregiving) helping can feel deeply tied to identity.

If you’ve been the responsible one, the stable one, the helper, boundaries can feel like stepping outside a role that has defined you for years.

That’s not a small thing.

It can feel unsettling, even when the boundary is necessary.

Because sometimes the discomfort isn’t about the actual decision, it’s about what the decision seems to mean.

When Helping Stops Feeling Like a Choice

One of the clearest signs a boundary may be needed is when helping no longer feels voluntary.

You might notice yourself saying yes while feeling your own resentment rise in the background.

You may start rearranging your own needs to make room for someone else’s emergency. Or perhaps you begin to feel anxious every time your phone rings, already anticipating what might be asked of you.

That’s often the moment where support has shifted into obligation. And obligation can be a breeding ground for resentment, exhaustion, and financial instability. But many women stay in it because the alternative feels unbearable.

The fear isn’t always, I can’t afford to stop helping.

Often it’s, I can’t afford what it might do to the relationship.

The Guilt Beneath the Boundary

Guilt is one of the strongest forces that keeps women from setting financial boundaries.

It can sound like:

• They’re struggling and I’m okay.
• I have more than they do.
• What if they really need me?
• What if something bad happens because I said no?

These thoughts are powerful because they touch something very human: the desire to protect the people we love.

But guilt can be misleading.

Sometimes guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.

Sometimes it simply means you’re doing something different than you’ve done before, and that you may have internalized the messaging that there is only one way to care for those we love.

That distinction matters.

Because new boundaries often feel uncomfortable, not because they’re harmful, but because they interrupt an old pattern.

Boundaries Are Not Rejection

This is one of the most important truths I can offer:

A financial boundary is not the same thing as withholding love.

It is not punishment.

It is not abandonment.

It is not selfishness.

A boundary is simply clarity about what is sustainable for you. And sustainability matters. Because when support is unsustainable, it eventually breaks down anyway, often in ways that are messier, more painful, and filled with more resentment than if a boundary had been set earlier.

Healthy boundaries don’t destroy relationships.

They reveal what the relationship can actually hold.

What a Boundary Can Sound Like

One reason boundaries feel so intimidating is that many people imagine them as hard, cold, or confrontational.

But boundaries can be warm and collaborative. They can be loving. They can be honest.

They might sound like:

“I love you, and I’m not able to help financially right now.”

“I want to support you, but I can’t keep contributing money this way.”

“I need to protect my retirement so I can stay stable too.”

Or even:

“I need time to think about this before I answer.”

That last one is especially important. Many women have never given themselves permission to pause. But a pause is often where boundaries begin.

The Space Between Request and Response

If there’s one practical tool I recommend most, it’s this:

Create space.

Not a permanent answer. Not a dramatic confrontation.

Just space.

When someone asks for money, notice what happens in your body.

• Do you tense up?
• Do you feel pressure?
• Do you rush to relieve that discomfort by saying yes?

That reaction tells you something important.

Instead of answering immediately, try saying:

“Let me think about it.”

That simple sentence can create enough space for you to ask yourself:

• Can I do this without harming my own stability?
• Do I actually want to do this?
• What would it feel like to say no?

Those questions can change everything.

What Happens When You Start Setting Boundaries

At first, it may feel awkward. People may be surprised, especially if they’re used to your help. You may feel guilty, uncertain, even selfish.

That’s normal.

But over time, something else often happens. You begin to trust yourself more. Your decisions feel more intentional. Your resentment softens. Your financial life becomes clearer.

And many women discover that boundaries don’t weaken love.

They strengthen honesty. They create relationships that are less dependent on rescue and more rooted in reality.

Closing Thoughts

If setting financial boundaries feels hard, it doesn’t mean you’re cold. It usually means you care deeply. But caring deeply does not require carrying everything.

Love and responsibility are not the same thing.

And one of the most powerful things you can learn, at any age, is that you are allowed to protect your peace, your stability, and your future.

Even with family.

Especially with family.

If you’d like to explore more about the emotional side of overhelping and financial enmeshment, you can read more here Your Worth Coach – Financial Enmeshment.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

When was the last time you helped a loved one financially? Was it a one-time thing or has it been a repeated event?