The question I hear most often when I’m
talking with people who are in the middle of a major downsizing or are getting
ready to downsize is, “How can I get rid of things that are very, very
important to me?”

For example, “How can I get rid of the chest that my mother spent months and months refinishing and making absolutely beautiful?” Or “How can I part with all those children’s books that I spent hours reading to my kids?”

And I totally agree; this can be so hard. Just
thinking about it can cause a pain deep inside.

When people ask me this question, I say that if
there will be space in the new place for all the “really treasured things,”
then by all means, keep them. But what if there won’t be enough space?

What if paying several hundred dollars a month to rent an external storage unit to hold the things just seems unwise? There may be better uses for that money right now.

Yes, It Can Be Hard

I went through a major downsizing several years ago, and it was accompanied by many difficult feelings, as I explain in my book The Upside of Downsizing: Getting to Enough. Like many of the people I talk to, I had several treasured things that really hurt to let go of.

I had several pieces of
furniture that my mother had lovingly restored, and they were gorgeous. I had
braided wool rugs that she had made, and when I looked carefully, I could see
traces of skirts I had worn in high school. And on and on.

And I knew I would not have
space for any of those things. So, all of them went out. Was it painful? Very. Have
I come to a place of peace when I think about it? Yes. How can we get there?

What Can Help?

A friend of mine recently told
me that the mutual love she had shared with her mother had helped her to come
to peace with selling some of her late mother’s treasured belongings.

When that deep love really
seeped into her core, she was able to let go of many treasured things. I’ve
thought about that a lot, and I believe that peace comes when we realize what’s
important are the deep feelings of love, not the place settings, or whatever. A
plate, after all, is just a plate.

I think it also helps to be
thoughtful about where the items go. Going back to the children’s books, it
might be easier to part with them if you give them to a local grade school or
kindergarten that probably doesn’t have the funding to buy many books.

Just imagine the delight on the
faces of the children who may never have held such a colorful, shiny book!

When I was able to sell some of
the beautiful pieces my mother had restored to neighbors who were delighted to buy
them, I felt happy that they knew the history of the pieces and would lovingly
take care of them.

The same has been true for
several items that I gave to friends. I love seeing these things in their homes
where they are being well used.

For the Kids

It’s also important to look
through all the things you may be “saving for the kids.” In my conversations
with people who have downsized, one very common theme emerges: “the kids don’t
want anything.”

If you’re in the situation of
“saving things for the kids,” it’s probably worth checking with them to make
sure they want those items. If they do, they need to take them as soon as
possible. And if they don’t, then it’s time to find a new home for treasured
things that you don’t have a room for.

In those scenarios you need to
protect yourself from being “doubly hurt.” Once, you suffer from parting with
your loved possessions, and once you suffer because your kids don’t cherish or
want those things that have been so important to you.

But keep in mind they live “their
life,” and you need to let it go.

Some Support Can Help

The whole process of letting go
of treasured things can be very painful. I know. I’ve been through it. It may
help to ask a good, caring friend to sit with you as you think about the things
you’re going to need to part with. You may also consider talking with a
downsizing coach.

Finally, knowing that you have a
choice will ease the parting. It’s often helpful to say to yourself, “I have a
choice here. I can find a way to lovingly let go of this item or I can live
with the consequences of holding on to it.”

When we really focus on what it will
mean to hold onto whatever it is, we may realize that things once valued will
not serve us anymore. And we can find a good, new home for them. This is not
easy, but it is our choice.

What is your greatest fear when
it comes to downsizing? Do you have special items you’d like to keep but have
no room for? Have you considered parting with them? Please share your
downsizing stories with our community.