As a dating coach I talk with women every day, and most have a rich, juicy life with tons of friends. But are they the right type of friends to have if you’re trying to find love? Well, that all depends on you… and them.
If you’re wondering why you’re not meeting the right type of men, it may be time to look at your friend circle through a different lens to begin assessing whether your friendships are supporting your journey to finding love. Are you setting yourself up for success or failure? Here are some things to consider:
#1: The Negativity Crowd
Do you spend much of your free time with female friends who believe you’re too old for love, dating in your area is hard, all men cheat, etc.? Are they negative when the conversation veers toward love, dating, and relationships? If so, you may find yourself starting to believe them even if that wasn’t your initial dating experience.
#2: Sworn to Singlehood
Are your friends confirmed bachelorettes? If so, consider broadening your circle to include women who are actively dating. There is a totally different vibe with these types of women. You want to spend your time with, and take advice from, women who are dating successfully so you can follow their lead. If you spend your time with man-haters you may find yourself becoming one without even realizing it’s happening. What you focus on expands, whether it’s positive or negative.
#3: Same Ol’ Same Ol’
Do you consistently spend time with the same people and do the same types of activities? If so, you may find it difficult to create opportunities to meet men organically because you’re spending so much of your time at female-oriented events. If you were going to meet someone where you typically go, you would have already met him. Try mixing things up by doing new things and going to new, exciting places that you’re interested in and have a male slant.
#4: Dating Bias
Are your friends judgmental when you talk about your dating experiences? This may have nothing to do with you or your partner and be a result of the hurt your friends are still carrying around from their failed relationships. If your friends don’t support your journey, don’t share it with them. Love in the early stage is extremely fragile.
#5: Too Busy to Date
Are you overscheduled with your friends? Do they keep you so busy that you don’t have time to date? That’s going to be a problem when you do meet a man you’d like to spend time with, and you should plan on a little push-back from the group. If you’re so busy that you need to schedule your first date two weeks out, the message you’re sending to someone new is that he won’t be able to fit into your lifestyle. Plus, it’s hard to maintain romantic momentum for that extended time so you may feel the sparkle fade by the time you actually get to the date.
An Example You Might Recognize
I worked with a client who was so excited to start dating again because everything else in her life was going great, and finding love was the only missing piece of her perfect life. Unfortunately, she had a bad date one day and then spent the next day with negative women who are confirmed bachelorettes.
As a result, she’s stopped dating all together because she’s now absolutely certain she will never find someone to love in her hometown. What a shame that is. She was in a vulnerable place, and rather than brushing it off and moving on, she let those women convince her that dating in her hometown sucks. Don’t let that happen to you. In most cases, finding love is a marathon not a sprint.
Your Circle Matters
Not everyone is interested in dating, and that’s completely okay. But if you’re looking for love, it’s crucial to surround yourself with friends who support your journey. Each person’s path is unique, and by focusing on the lessons you learn about yourself along the way, you’ll uncover aspects of yourself you never knew.
The more you understand yourself, the more empowered you’ll feel in your love life. Confidence grows through new experiences with people, places, and opportunities. Before long, you’ll start to recognize your own worth and feel like the prize you’ve always been meant to be.
To learn more about how to navigate dating at this stage of life, check out my Love Lesson videos. They will help you feel more confident every step of the way.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
If you want to date, what is the one thing you’ll need to change in your friend group to help you feel supported?
