It’s no secret that dating can be really tough. While dating can be a fun, carefree experience for some, for others it can sometimes feel like a full-time job. If you’re starting to think of dating more as a job, then you might benefit from working with a dating coach. I often tell my clients that sharing the burden, halves it – and I act as your personal coach and cheerleader!

When you think of a dating coach, you may picture someone whispering in a client’s ear and telling them all the right lines to use to land the partner of their dreams, much like in the beloved movie Hitch.

But according to actual dating consultants, their work involves so much more than that. Unlike matchmakers and dating services, a dating consultant focuses on self-development and can help change your outlook and approach to relationships.

One of the most common pieces of dating advice you’ll hear is to ‘just be confident and you’ll have fun’. It’s hard to be confident, however, when dating is leaving you burnt out and disappointed. It’s even harder when you’re actively looking for a relationship. It’s hard to be objective about anything, let alone your own life.

A dating consultant is able to objectively get to know their clients, and use what they learn about them to strategize and effectively them on the dating scene. Below I outline 4 signs that you may need to begin working with a dating consultant.

You’re Ready to Settle Down, WITHOUT Settling for Less

Do old patterns keep cropping up? Are you sick of being in unsatisfying relationships?

An extremely important reason to begin working with a dating consultant is if you have begun to realize that you keep engaging in the same (unhelpful) relationship patterns repeatedly. Some of these patterns may be choosing the wrong partners, losing your voice, settling for less, or pushing people away.

Many times, people aren’t even aware of what they’re doing within their relationships because their patterns have become so ingrained.

If any of the above resonates, achieving different dating results might need a third party who can help you dig deeper to understand the subconscious thoughts, feelings and “old scripts” about relationships that might be getting in the way of your success.

Using a dating coach can help you to transform the way you conduct your relationships by learning to understand your typical patterns in relationships; how you communicate, set boundaries, manage insecurities, and how you show up for yourself.

Self-awareness is key to changing anything and working closely with a dating consultant can empower you to make conscious and healthy changes to stop engaging in the old patterns that may have sabotaged your past relationships.

Online Dating Is Doing Your Head In

Online dating has now become the norm, with so many of us simply lacking the time to go out and meet people in person. Of course, there is also the convenience factor online dating brings, being able to screen prospective candidates from the comfort of your couch without having to get all dressed up would have once seemed like a dream for most.

Navigating online dating can be extremely draining and time-consuming, however. From creating the perfect profile, to scrolling endless hours only to swipe right a handful of times, not to mention agonizing over the right thing to say when you do find a match.

While your BFF or family members may know you well or even proclaim themselves the ‘King or Queen of Online Dating’, they may not be your best resource. A dating consultant can help you create an online profile that showcases your strengths in a way that reads well to the opposite sex in a way that they are likely to respond to.

Dating coaches can also help you identify potentially healthy partners, weeding out poor matches, and help you develop the right communication skills to be successful with online dating.

You Simply Don’t Have the Time

In this modern era of hustle culture, this is not a question to take lightly. There are two things to consider when answering this question. One is to literally ask yourself ‘how much actual time you have in your average day or week to put into dating’. Time is your most precious, and limited, resource.

When you don’t have a lot of spare time to spend on dating, it’s even more important that the time and energy you can devote to dating is focused, productive, and designed to get you the results you want. I find working with my single clients also alleviates ‘online dating burnout.’

The second thing to ask yourself is ‘how much time you have, or are willing to, to put into dating’. No matter how busy your life currently is (or not), depending on what stage of your life you are in, you may want to reduce the time you spend dating around in preference of finding and cultivating a meaningful relationship that has future potential.

If your focus is on finding the right person to create a life with, an expert dating consultant can help you cut through distractions, to stop chasing after the wrong things and people, and be strategic about how you go about connecting with people. Having this support and guidance can help you skip over months or years of more dead-end relationships, and into the arms of your true love.

You’re Prepared to Invest in Finding the Right Life Partner

The last thing to consider is how much you’re willing to put into finding the right person for you. While you may only want to learn how to refresh your strategy and gain some new tips, it may not be as simple as that.

Finding the right partner means being open to some soul-searching and self-exploration, and of course being open to making lasting change if needed. I also find it helpful to not be as stringent about your list of ‘must haves’. I had a lovely 63-year-old female client who was insisting on a full head of hair, and after coaxing on my part – she is happily dating bald Brian!

While all you may need is someone to review your online dating profile, or give you some communication and dating tips, no matter how a dating consultant is able to serve you, you need to know and commit ahead of time. Complete collaboration and following through are required on your part.

An effective dating coach will create strategies and suggestions that will challenge you and motivate you to try new things. Your commitment to yourself, and your willingness to do the work, is what will ultimately get you the results you want. And an open mindset will get you very far in the online dating world.

Those are generally my clients who meet someone they genuinely like and now I have over 60% of my clients dating someone exclusively that they met online – which makes me so happy!

Dating isn’t easy. But then again, the best things in life never are. If you found yourself nodding in agreement to any of the above signs, then it may be time for you to take the next step towards finding the right person to create a loving relationship with.

Have you been struggling with online dating? Have you noticed a pattern in your past relationships? Where have you looked for dating help? What is your online dating experience?