One great advantage of celebrating another birthday is gaining another year of wisdom. (So many of my clients had June birthdays and this got me thinking). With our accumulated life experiences, we should be able to recognize certain patterns or trends in the individuals we choose to date. However, there are some red flags that may go unnoticed.
Here are a few types to be cautious of:
1. The “Just Ended a Long-Term Relationship” Type
This individual has recently come out of a lengthy relationship, whether it be a 10-, 20-, or even 30-year marriage or partnership. Your goal is to find a lifelong partner.
This dynamic does not succeed 98% of the time. Drawing from over 25 years of experience as a dating coach for thousands of clients, I advise not to invest all your hopes in this scenario. The person in question is not emotionally prepared.
For instance, my client Mark, aged 66, sought my guidance after being married for 27 years. He needed time to recover and adjust to the idea of dating again, without any pressure. He made it clear that he wanted to explore dating different people for at least a year before considering a long-term commitment.
During his first dates, he was transparent about his intentions. However, one woman he went out with on a second date proclaimed, “I can change your mind.” That was their final encounter. It was evident that Mark was not ready, and he was communicating this fact openly.
What became of Mark? 18 months later, he crossed paths with Andrea (not me), and they are now engaged. Both of them were prepared for a committed relationship. A significant aspect of dating is timing, as well as meeting the right person.
2. The “I Don’t Have Any Close Friends” Type
You most likely won’t know this on the first date. But as the romance develops, it’s likely within the first few months they will meet a few of your close friends or family. I have only come across two scenarios where this hasn’t been reciprocated:
a. They don’t have any friends (red flag) or
b. They have something to hide (such as they are in other relationship(s) or you are not exclusive and thought you were).
Both of these scenarios are clearly not conducive to a healthy and long-lasting relationship.
3. The “My Ex Was Horrible” Type
Speaking negatively about an ex-partner during a date is never a favorable approach. This applies not only to the initial encounter but also to subsequent dates. It indicates that the individual has not yet moved on from the past relationship, possesses a pessimistic outlook, or has not effectively dealt with the breakup. Regardless of the reason, this is not the type of person you are seeking.
4. The “Phone Checker” Type
When you are spending time with someone and they are constantly glued to their phone, it shows a lack of respect and consideration. If they can’t focus on you for even a short period of time, it indicates a pattern of behavior.
Let’s take this a little further. If you have been on multiple dates with this person and they take days to respond to your messages, it speaks volumes. The lack of timely communication is a clear sign that it’s best to end things and move forward.
5. The “Orders Water on a Drinks Date” Type
What? They probably are not interested or willing to give you a chance. It says blatantly “I am planning to get out of here quickly, so quickly I won’t have to pay the check.” Or perhaps they don’t drink alcohol. At the very least, they could order a “mocktail” or a soda. Either way, time to move on from this person.
Also read, 10 RED FLAGS ON THE FIRST 3 DATES.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you dated people who looked suspicious in their behavior? What red flags did you identify? You know I love hearing your stories, so feel free to sound off. And what types did I miss?
