Ghosting is the phenomenon where someone suddenly stops calling or responding to your messages and disappears without an explanation. This isn’t a new behavior; however, if you’re new to dating it may be a new experience for you. We often think this is something that only happens to younger women, but in fact, it’s not uncommon for men over 50 to ghost as well. So why do they do it?
There are a variety of reason this can happen and here are the top five I have noticed:
He’s Afraid of Disappointing You
A man’s brain is organically wired to have a deep desire for recognition and success. So, if he disappears right when you feel the relationship is starting to blossom, it could be because he’s suffering from a medical condition that would impact his performance in the bedroom. Most men will go to great lengths to avoid this type of embarrassment.
He Got Scared
If a man experienced an ugly divorce which left him heart broken – or simply broke – he may be getting scared because he’s beginning to like you and not as ready to date as he thought. While women ‘talk it out’, men tend to retreat into their cave so they can figure things out alone. If that process takes too long, he could be too embarrassed to reach out again now that he’s feeling more in control.
Something Unexpected Happened
I was dating a man for a couple of months when – poof! – he disappeared. I didn’t know why until several months later when we bumped into each other at the grocery store, and he told me he was forced into early retirement. This timeline correlated exactly with the time when he ghosted me.
Again, some men have a tendency to retreat when things get emotional rather than sharing with you and dealing with the emotions head on.
His Journey Changed
Keep in mind that until you make it official, you’re simply dating with no strings attached. You never really know where he is on his dating journey. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to learn that he was also dating in rotation and decided to move to the next level with someone else. Yes, it would have been nice if he would have told you, but some men take the easy way out.
He Determined You Weren’t a Good Fit
Ghosting typically happens early on in a dating-ship. Although it’s frustrating, it’s not about you because he doesn’t know you that well yet. Men look for ‘fit’ just like women do, and he may feel you aren’t a good lifestyle fit.
Of course, you would prefer for him to tell you that, but men don’t always have the courage to be emotionally honest. Maybe that’s your sign that you dodged a bullet.
Getting Ghosted Is Not Your Fault
Ghosting is hard for women because we internalize so much. If a man disappears, we naturally feel like it’s because of something we did. That’s not always the case. To keep yourself from getting hurt, try dating more than one man at a time so you don’t invest too much too soon, keep your focus on who’s in your life, not who isn’t, and keep a pint of your favorite ice cream in the freezer in case you need it.
Understand that something positive comes out of every date, regardless of how it ends. You learn something more about yourself and the man you’re looking for with everyone you meet.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you have a ghosting story you’d like to share? How did you cope and move on? What tips would you like to share with our community?
