Holidays are supposed to be a great time of happiness, love and good cheer, but often, it isn’t like that at all. It’s just stress, stress, stress.

It’s also
guilt, guilt, guilt, as we feel we should love our family unconditionally. We
should enjoy being with them, especially when we are celebrating together as a
family. But we don’t. At least we don’t enjoy it some (or most) of the time.

I’ve put
together some practical suggestions to help you deal with the stress and enjoy
yourself more.

Reduce Your Expectations

The first
thing you can do when the Holidays come knocking, is to realise that none of the
people coming to the event are perfect. You’re not perfect either. It may be
holiday time, but that doesn’t suddenly transform everyone into perfect people.

This
holiday time is unlikely to make unhappy relationships any better.

Just
because it’s a family celebration doesn’t mean people don’t feel as fed up,
irritable, depressed, tired and unhappy as they might any other day.

People who
hated the last family gathering will probably struggle this time too. However,
it is possible for everyone to survive – and enjoy themselves – even if the meals and the gifts aren’t
perfect.

You will
probably survive too, even if you can’t get into the size-smaller dress you
rashly bought for this event.

You may
not have a perfect gathering this time, but couldn’t you (and everyone else) be
happy if it was just good enough?

Reducing
your expectations is really effective. It doesn’t mean you have to expect the
worse, just don’t expect everything to be perfect.

There are
other things you can do too.

Do the Maths

The immediate
future can feel overwhelming, as you stare bleakly at the days unrolling ahead.
How are you going to be polite to the son-in-law you don’t like? What to do
about the grandchildren who make so much noise?

Should you
say something to your daughter who sleeps in late, misses family meals and
drinks too much? Can you really grit your teeth again as your frail mother
wants only to talk about her ailments and what’s wrong with the world?

If you
find yourself in this and similar situations, do the maths. If maths isn’t your
strong point, don’t get stressed about that too! Here’s an example to get you
started:

Let’s
assume you are going to live till you are 80. Your life has 29,200 days.

So, if
this family gathering lasts 3 days, that’s 3 divided by 29,200. Which means, it
will take about 0.01% of your remaining life.

If it’s
going to last for 7 days, that’s 0.02% of your life.

It’s a
small amount, even if you are together for 7 days. This is your ongoing thought
for the time: “It’s only 0.02% of my life. I can be reasonably polite and
friendly for that amount of time.”

Take Some Flower Remedies

Bach
flower remedies are wonderful natural remedies based
on flowers. They were developed by Dr. Edward Bach, who used flowers to produce
remedies to help various stressful states. You can buy them in health stores,
online and in some pharmacies.

If you buy
them from a health store, you may well be able to get advice on which one would
be best for you, but let me offer some suggestions for ones that might be
appropriate for family celebrations.

Agrimony

Try Agrimony
if you are always the life and soul of the party, even when you feel miserable
inside. Agrimony is a good choice for you if you love peace and get really
upset by family arguments.

Aspen

Choose Aspen
if you have a sense of foreboding that something awful is going to happen at
the event, but you can’t put into words what that would be.

Chicory

Chicory
will be right for you if you are always fussing over other people. You want to
find everything that is wrong and put it right, but others get irritated by
your fussing.

Heather

Take Heather
if you want to talk about yourself and have people fuss over you. You hate
being alone. You sometimes talk so much you drive other people away.

Holly

Choose Holly
if you experience strong negative emotions, such as anger and jealousy.

Honeysuckle

Honeysuckle
is the one if you keep thinking about past, happier celebrations.

Impatiens

Impatiens works
well if you easily become impatient.

Sclerantus

Choose Scleranthus
if you dither over what to buy for whom or can’t make up your mind what food to
cook and serve.

Rescue Remedy

Rescue
Remedy is a blend of five of the single remedies. It is the first-aid remedy.
Great to have on hand if someone has a fall, gets upset or for any other minor
emergency.

The
easiest way to take them is to have a glass of water and add two drops of your
chosen remedy. Sip it throughout the day, making up another glass as and when
you need it. You can also just take them direct on to your tongue.

The
remedies are preserved in brandy. If you are avoiding alcohol, put them on your
temples instead. The remedies are safe for even very small children.

You can
take more than one remedy at the same time. If you take a remedy that is not
right for you, it won’t have a bad effect. So, choose with confidence. There
are 38 different remedies, plus Rescue Remedy, so you are bound to find one
that is right for you.

Family
get-togethers can be a source of love,
warmth and wonderful memories. I hope
these suggestions will work for you, just as they have for me.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you feel when holiday family gatherings approach? How do you battle stress and guilt? What do you do to ward off the negativity? Please share in the comments below.

The
reality of stepping out there after a long hiatus – whether you’re divorced or widowed – is anxiety-producing.
But what I’ve learned about myself and about men couldn’t have been experienced
otherwise.

Who
knows what you’ll glean from an hour or two (or 45 minutes, in a few cases)
over coffee, a glass of wine or dinner?

And
this is a good thing. Healthy, and perhaps even a tad heartwarming.

And
fun, too.

All
my encounters with men, whether male friends or dates, have been enlightening.
So, here are some of the things I’ve learned, in no particular order.

Regardless of Experience, Rejection Smarts

“It’s still painful, getting rejected,” a friend of mine, who’s dated widely and works the room (as I call it), said. “Especially if you think you’ve read all the signals. You never get used to being rejected.”

What’s
he really saying between the lines? I wondered. “Are you saying flirting is
almost like leading a man on?” I asked.        

“Not
exactly.” He hesitated and then elaborated. “When a woman flirts, I think she’s
interested, and I’ll ask her out. I’m a man, it’s what I do,” he said with a
hurt look.

I
couldn’t really blame him for trying.

Women Are Not Tuned in to Rejection

“Women
don’t really know what it’s like to be rejected all the time,” my friend said.
“How many times have you risked rejection by asking a man on a date?”

With a start, I realized I could count on one hand the times I’d asked a man out. Two or three over a lifetime? Men put themselves on the line far more often than women do. And, men too, are riddled with doubt, whether they’re looking for companionship or their special person.

Practical Lessons

I’ve learned a
few practical things from men. I know how to check the pressure in my tires, the
value of really good paint and how to choose and apply it. Hint: Never shake
the can, which creates bubbles.

I know how to
pull baseboard off the wall without damaging it. I’ve learned some sexy rhumba
moves and two complete line dances – which I
forgot a week later. Also, I can play the first four notes to “When the Saints
Go Marching In” on the harmonica.

Men with a Hobby Are Interesting Species

I
especially enjoy the company of men who have a passion. Too many men have few
interests beyond the sedentary, and no, I don’t count going out to eat. Right
now, I have a musician friend with his own band, a writer who’s on his fourth
book, and a welder, who’s been at his hobby for 40 years.

It’s
particularly intriguing to watch and listen to these men talk about their
projects. You can almost see the gears in their brain turn and click, and all
of that elevates your spirits too.

Men Have Body Issues Too

Men
have the same body hang-ups we do. The male character in my new
novel-in-progress has lost a cool one hundred pounds.

To
research this touchy subject, I spoke to a brave man about his body image
before and after his gastric bypass. Although he felt much more at ease after
losing weight, he preferred lights off in the bedroom.

“My
wife has a tough time losing weight,” another friend told me. “Now that I’m
trying to shake 30 pounds off, I have a lot more compassion for her than I used
to.”

Other
friends hate their chicken legs and wear socks to disguise skinny shins or a
shirt at the beach to cover a thin chest.

Two Categories of Men

When it comes to dating in our 50s and beyond, men fall
into two categories. Those who know what they want and those who don’t. This is
obvious, you say? Not so fast.

A man can believe he knows what he wants, but if, at
around the two or three-month mark in the relationship, he starts backing off,
it’s a sign he has doubts. Which is reason enough to have a full life, so you
don’t go all clingy.

Don’t Keep Him Hanging On

If you’re not interested, let a man go. Leading someone on is cruel and worse – it’s dishonest, especially if he’s paying
your way.

I’ve
been on both sides of this dating dilemma. A lopsided relationship, no matter
which side you find yourself on, is not fun. Give it three dates at the most.
You’ll know at that point.

Men Don’t Like to Feel They’re Being Used

No one likes to be used, but online dating lends itself
more easily to bad behavior (ghosting, bread crumbing, for example) than most
other social activities.

More than one man I met over wine or a beer felt
obligated to announce he didn’t take a woman to dinner on a first meet. “Some
ladies out there just want dinner, and they meet us guys so we’ll wine and dine
them.”

Best to keep it casual and inexpensive on the first
date.

Sensitivity to All Relationships

Men are as sensitive as women to family issues,
misunderstandings with friends and troubled offspring. They can’t always let
go, especially since many divorced and widowed men have no one to vent to.

Clueless About First Date Conversation

Many men who are dating for the first time aren’t great
at asking questions. In fact, some blow it by dominating the conversation.

When you finally rise from the table, you realize you
don’t know a thing about him, and he knows everything about you. You might want
to give this clueless guy a second chance. Second
dates allow a man to relax and focus more on getting to know you.

Interest Shows

If a man is into you, he wants to spend time with you. This
goes for male friends as well as those interested in dating you. Your friends
not only value you, they’ll be there long after your latest two-month
relationship has fizzled, so cherish the friendship.

Men aren’t the pleasers we women are. There are times I
don’t say no when I should, volunteer for projects or activities I have little
interest in – and resent it
later. Men don’t seem to have this problem. This is not a scientific survey and
comes from my experience. Do you find it true?

Men Love Appreciation

Often, while we’re pursuing productivity and the
occasional drudgery of our daily lives, we forget to show the men in our lives
how much we appreciate them. And I don’t want to take anyone in my life for
granted.

Acceptance is great quality and, when it comes down to what’s important in life, we all have room to be more open and accepting toward those we love and value.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you think that even after 50, women are just missing some of the things about men? Men are sensitive, men love appreciation… Do you agree with some of the statements in this article? Which ones? Please share below and let’s have a conversation!

As the holiday season is upon us – with friends and families making plans to get together, stores
filled to the rafters with gifts to give to loved ones, airports and
train-stations jammed with travelers hurrying to their joyful destinations – some may feel lost in all this happy celebration.

After all, once we hit 60 or more, some of our family and friends
have probably made their transition into the Great Beyond, and however you
define that passage, the truth is, we miss them. And with that, some of us may
have regrets.

Things we left unsaid, harsh words never taken back, choices made
we wish we hadn’t. The holidays can feel glum and depressing rather than a time
of joy and laughter.

Push Regrets Aside

You would think that the older we get, the more regrets we would
have. Sometimes, it sure feels that way. Yet, science shows that isn’t
necessarily the case.

On the contrary, research undertaken by the University
Medical Center Hamburg-Eppendorf in Germany demonstrated
that healthy older adults feel less regret than younger folk, not because they
are uncaring or unfeeling, but because they have learned to put their
experiences in the larger context of life.

One example is understanding that there are things outside of our
control, therefore useless to regret. It’s a good lesson to follow whenever
regret begins to creep in.

Accept Who You Are

Learning to accept our imperfections and those of others, along
with accepting that there are things we cannot change and forgiving others and
ourselves, is what maturity is all about.

Maturity most often comes as we travel through life, absorbing the
lessons and being willing to let go of what does not serve us, including regret.

How different Annette Callahan’s experience would
have been had she regretted breaking up with her high school sweetheart, Bob Harvey,
back in the 1950s, to marry another man.

If she had clung to whatever guilt or bad feelings she had about her
choice at the time, she would not have reached out to try to find Bob a few
years after she was widowed. She, in all probability, would have bemoaned her
fate, figured her first love was long gone and left it at that.

Instead, Annette proactively searched for Bob through social
media. In the meantime, Bob, unbeknownst to her, was looking for Annette, after
his spouse passed away. Bob and Annette met, fell in love all over again, and,
63 years after their initial breakup, wed.

Mindfulness vs. Regret

There is no upside to regret. Oh, certainly, regret can sometimes
motivate us to change unwanted behaviors, and that’s great. But regret over
what cannot be changed is useless, and only depresses our hearts, minds and
immune systems.

A great counter to regret is mindfulness. Staying present in the
moment, being grateful for what is good right here and now.

Even when it looks like there is little good in our lives, with
just a little effort, we can usually find something positive worth focusing on.
With that, we can lift our spirits and experience the holiday season with joy
in our hearts.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is your current state of mind during this year’s holiday
season? What are some of the things that bring you the most joy during the
holidays? Please share with us in the comments below.

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

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Ever since
home sewing machines came to be, they have been a helpful asset and a reliable
partner of capable housewives who either had some spare time for a hobby, or
more likely had to dress their entire households with a fairly small budget.

Obviously, they
all knew very well why learning how to sew was a smart idea, just like any
other sewing enthusiast does nowadays.

If you are
over 60, and still don’t know much about sewing, then you
should definitely take some time to find out what kind of advantages this
craft, or more precisely, art form, offers to anyone who decides to practice it.

Today we’ll
explore why all those people, who aren’t quite sure what they could gain by
learning how to sew, should at least try it out for a while. Because the
positive sides of it are, without a doubt, enticing, to say at least.

Number of Options

Sometimes,
when you want to buy a new piece of clothing and you go out shopping, you go
through all of the stores and still can’t find the thing you had in mind or one that fits you well.

Realistically
speaking, this can happen very often, especially if you have a very refined
taste in fashion. Mass produced garments just don’t offer you enough uniqueness
or style, resulting in the mentioned failure in finding the appropriate
article.

However, when
you make your own clothes from scratch, this can’t happen no matter what. You can
just use your sewing skills and create the clothes you had imagined.

This way, the
number of options you have when it comes to wardrobe pieces is virtually
infinite. No more saying that you don’t have anything to wear!

Sewing Your Own Clothes Will Cost You Less Than Buying Them

Certain types
of clothing can have a pretty ridiculous price tag, especially if they’ve been
made by a very famous designer/manufacturer.

Buying such
items could considerably deplete your home budget, forcing you to cut corners on
other expenses. Funds are usually limited after you retire, so you should make
every cent count.

This isn’t a
problem when you’re sewing your own clothes, though. For the price of one
luxurious dress or gown, you can create two or even three identical pieces that
won’t lack in any way.

You will spend considerably less money by getting a simple sewing machine and making your own clothes while having a relatively large wardrobe at your disposal. Win-win!

You’ll Be Able to Earn Some Money

Once your
sewing skills have reached an appropriate level, and you’ve become quite
experienced, you can start accepting customer requests and become a craftapreneur.

It’s up to
you to decide what kind of work you’ll be doing – small and fast adjustments and repairs or serious projects like
creating an entire dress or suit. Either way, the money amount you could be
earning this way is pretty nice, and it could fill up your pockets decently.

You’ll Become More Organized, More Patient, Diligent and Passionate

Sewing
requires proper preparation and organization in order to go smoothly, and if
you rush it or do it without much thought, you’ll probably end up making a big
mess out of everything.

In other
words, picking up sewing as a hobby will help you improve your patience and
diligence without even noticing it.

You’ll Be Able to Relax and Enjoy the Creative Activity

We all have
something that stresses us out or angers us sometimes, and keeping those
emotions bottled up could cause some serious damage. Retirement gives us the
gift of time, but that is also a curse in disguise because having too much free
time puts more focus on our problems or aches.

Thus, it
becomes very important to find an activity that will help you relax and erase
all bad thoughts from your mind.

Sewing helps
you convert that negative energy into productivity and feel much better
afterwards. Once you create something from scratch, there’s no room for
anything other than pride and a sense of accomplishment in your heart. This is
why sewing is so enjoyable and relaxing.

Armed with
those five reasons to learn sewing, we hope you’ll consider this hobby, and who
knows – maybe turn it into a business! 

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What was your
last sewing project? How long ago was that? Would you have interest to pick up
sewing again after 60? Why or why not? What type of project would you attempt
to do first? Please share with the community and let’s have a discussion!