Holidays are supposed to be a great time of happiness, love and good cheer, but often, it isn’t like that at all. It’s just stress, stress, stress.
It’s also
guilt, guilt, guilt, as we feel we should love our family unconditionally. We
should enjoy being with them, especially when we are celebrating together as a
family. But we don’t. At least we don’t enjoy it some (or most) of the time.
I’ve put
together some practical suggestions to help you deal with the stress and enjoy
yourself more.
Reduce Your Expectations
The first
thing you can do when the Holidays come knocking, is to realise that none of the
people coming to the event are perfect. You’re not perfect either. It may be
holiday time, but that doesn’t suddenly transform everyone into perfect people.
This
holiday time is unlikely to make unhappy relationships any better.
Just
because it’s a family celebration doesn’t mean people don’t feel as fed up,
irritable, depressed, tired and unhappy as they might any other day.
People who
hated the last family gathering will probably struggle this time too. However,
it is possible for everyone to survive – and enjoy themselves – even if the meals and the gifts aren’t
perfect.
You will
probably survive too, even if you can’t get into the size-smaller dress you
rashly bought for this event.
You may
not have a perfect gathering this time, but couldn’t you (and everyone else) be
happy if it was just good enough?
Reducing
your expectations is really effective. It doesn’t mean you have to expect the
worse, just don’t expect everything to be perfect.
There are
other things you can do too.
Do the Maths
The immediate
future can feel overwhelming, as you stare bleakly at the days unrolling ahead.
How are you going to be polite to the son-in-law you don’t like? What to do
about the grandchildren who make so much noise?
Should you
say something to your daughter who sleeps in late, misses family meals and
drinks too much? Can you really grit your teeth again as your frail mother
wants only to talk about her ailments and what’s wrong with the world?
If you
find yourself in this and similar situations, do the maths. If maths isn’t your
strong point, don’t get stressed about that too! Here’s an example to get you
started:
Let’s
assume you are going to live till you are 80. Your life has 29,200 days.
So, if
this family gathering lasts 3 days, that’s 3 divided by 29,200. Which means, it
will take about 0.01% of your remaining life.
If it’s
going to last for 7 days, that’s 0.02% of your life.
It’s a
small amount, even if you are together for 7 days. This is your ongoing thought
for the time: “It’s only 0.02% of my life. I can be reasonably polite and
friendly for that amount of time.”
Take Some Flower Remedies
Bach
flower remedies are wonderful natural remedies based
on flowers. They were developed by Dr. Edward Bach, who used flowers to produce
remedies to help various stressful states. You can buy them in health stores,
online and in some pharmacies.
If you buy
them from a health store, you may well be able to get advice on which one would
be best for you, but let me offer some suggestions for ones that might be
appropriate for family celebrations.
Agrimony
Try Agrimony
if you are always the life and soul of the party, even when you feel miserable
inside. Agrimony is a good choice for you if you love peace and get really
upset by family arguments.
Aspen
Choose Aspen
if you have a sense of foreboding that something awful is going to happen at
the event, but you can’t put into words what that would be.
Chicory
Chicory
will be right for you if you are always fussing over other people. You want to
find everything that is wrong and put it right, but others get irritated by
your fussing.
Heather
Take Heather
if you want to talk about yourself and have people fuss over you. You hate
being alone. You sometimes talk so much you drive other people away.
Holly
Choose Holly
if you experience strong negative emotions, such as anger and jealousy.
Honeysuckle
Honeysuckle
is the one if you keep thinking about past, happier celebrations.
Impatiens
Impatiens works
well if you easily become impatient.
Sclerantus
Choose Scleranthus
if you dither over what to buy for whom or can’t make up your mind what food to
cook and serve.
Rescue Remedy
Rescue
Remedy is a blend of five of the single remedies. It is the first-aid remedy.
Great to have on hand if someone has a fall, gets upset or for any other minor
emergency.
The
easiest way to take them is to have a glass of water and add two drops of your
chosen remedy. Sip it throughout the day, making up another glass as and when
you need it. You can also just take them direct on to your tongue.
The
remedies are preserved in brandy. If you are avoiding alcohol, put them on your
temples instead. The remedies are safe for even very small children.
You can
take more than one remedy at the same time. If you take a remedy that is not
right for you, it won’t have a bad effect. So, choose with confidence. There
are 38 different remedies, plus Rescue Remedy, so you are bound to find one
that is right for you.
Family
get-togethers can be a source of love,
warmth and wonderful memories. I hope
these suggestions will work for you, just as they have for me.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
How do you feel when holiday family gatherings approach? How do you battle stress and guilt? What do you do to ward off the negativity? Please share in the comments below.
