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Originally posted at: Ashley Darby’s Green Pleated Cutout Dress

If you’ve read my previous posts, you know I’m excited about helping my clients enjoy online dating. And I certainly don’t mess around. I am a supporter of the fast start on dating.

And I do this with a reason. Consider this example:

A new client of mine, Nina, 62, widowed, independent and a successful business woman, was aghast when I told her that I expected her to go on four dates in the first two weeks. I spoke to her earlier this week and here’s what she shared with me about her fast-dating experience.

“I’m a confident person but was nervous after a 25-year marriage – you wanted me on four dates! I haven’t gone on any dates in three years since my husband passed and here’s what happened:

• I learned I can still talk about things other than business.
• By date three, my confidence level soared.
• This was sort of fun, and the men I was meeting I would have never run into in my day-to-day life.
• Two were terrific men I’ll see again, the other two, well, I thought, ‘What in the world was I thinking when I chose them?!?’
• By date four, I absolutely knew what I didn’t want.”

So, why am I insistent on a fast start?

You Learn Much About Yourself!

A fast start to dating gives you an idea about what you like and what you don’t like. You will then be able to quickly screen out any singles that will not be a good match for you. As a 25+ year dating coach, I learn much about my clients from those first four dates – maybe even more than I had learned on our one-hour Zoom call.

Confidence Soars

With online dating, it’s not that difficult to meet four men in two weeks. In your day-to-day life, it’s highly unlikely. Think of it this way – the first time you picked up a golf club or pickleball paddle, were you confident? Confidence comes from repetition and experience. I find women start to look forward to their dates after those initial four meets.

You Learn What You Want

Another client learned that she was a pretty adventurous traveler. Two men told her their idea of exciting trips this year were: a. driving cross country and b. visiting battle sights in the US.

I’m absolutely not knocking these, but her idea of travel was trekking the Camino de Santiago in the Fall and visiting the Vatican on a Wednesday for a papal blessing. When she mentioned these two things, both men looked startled.

Working vs Retirement

Claire loves what she does and has no intention of stopping until she’s in her late 60s/early 70s. She met up with several men who happened to be content in retirement, babysitting grandchildren. And that is totally fine – for them. We concluded it might be a case of perhaps right person, wrong time in life. But we’ve decided no more retired men for Claire, especially if they have no passionate interests or hobbies.

Comparisons and Accountability

Four dates give you a great feel for the different types of singles looking for love or a long-term relationship. Nina commented that had she not known she had a coaching call with me this week, she would have quit the dating site after only two dates.

Accountability works. Having an objective support person who is not your sister or best friend reaps benefits. It also works as a cheerleading mechanism – you have someone knowledgeable on your side making tweaks in your profile, the site you are on, the matches you are selecting for first dates, helping you craft messages that get responses, and making the process much more fun.

I think one woman said it much better than I ever could:

“Online dating is like going into an unknown jungle with all kinds of wild animals, dangerous plants, and traps… but also gorgeous flowers, sweet animals and revitalizing pools. A dating coach is the no-nonsense safety guide who does the briefing BEFORE you go in and then is also the guide who points out things along the way. Sometimes, she has to pick you up after a bad fall and dust you off. Now, imagine going into the jungle with NO guide or briefing… no wonder people have horrible experiences!”

Have a lovely week and happy dating!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Does the idea of four dates in two weeks scare you? Why or why not? If you are not dating and would like to, what is stopping you?

I think we’ve all been there. We wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and see a tired face staring back at us. Or we run into a friend or family member who greets us with “Oooh, you look tired!” which can certainly be deflating. This is definitely a phrase that none of us who are over 50 want to hear!

Fortunately, there are a number of things we can do to give a lift to a tired looking face, tired looking eyes and a tired looking general appearance and that’s exactly what we’ll be focusing on today. So below you’ll find a menu of tips from which to choose, ranging from skincare options to makeup, hair and clothing. What they all have in common is that they can give our appearance a definite lift which often translates into giving us a positive boost of internal energy as well.

Try a Different Cleansing Routine in the Morning

Give a cool, warm, cool morning cleansing routine a try. Use cool water first to rinse the face, then use warm water to apply cleanser, and cool water to rinse off the cleanser. The warmth soothes our skin, and the cold gives our circulation a bit of a jolt.

Try Icing

Icing reduces inflammation, swelling and the appearance of large pores, and it can be done in a number of different ways. One easy way is to put a couple of spoons in the refrigerator for 30 minutes and then gently press them under the eye area. Or, you can put some ice cubes in a washcloth and hold the washcloth against the skin for a minute or so.

I like to combine this method with massage which helps with lymphatic drainage. After cleansing, I apply my Timeless serums and a drop of facial oil. Then I take a jade roller from the refrigerator and gently roll it from the center of the face outward which helps move fluid and increase drainage. Try doing this five times on each side of the face.

Moisturize While the Skin Is Still Damp

Sometimes I’ll add just a small spray of water to my face and then apply my moisturizer. Moisturizing while the skin is still damp gives added moisture and plumpness to the skin which definitely makes it look more alive.

Use Eye Drops

Because the skin under our eyes is the thinnest skin on our body, it not only shows fatigue first, but it also can go red, puffy, dark-circled and saggy. And our eyes can also look red. Using an eye drop like Lumify by Bausch & Lomb or Alcon Naphcon-A Eye Drops can definitely reduce redness in our eyes. These eye drops are staples in most A-list celebrity makeup artist kits.

Think Caffeine

I don’t mean in coffee, but in an eye product. Garnier’s SkinActive Clearly Brighter Anti-Puff Eye Roller with vitamin and caffeine along with a cool metallic roller tip helps soothe the under eye area. Or another option is Dickinson’s Original Witch Hazel Depuffing Eye Gel with caffeine and cucumber (chilled if possible). Applying cooled black, green or chamomile tea bags over our eye area can also help.

Use Eye Primer

Brightening our eyes by using an eye primer can definitely make us look more awake. Eye primer covers up any discoloration we have on our eyelids and just makes our eyes look not only brighter, but bigger. And it also does what it was initially designed to do: it keeps any eye makeup we apply from creasing or smudging so it’s a wonderful multi-tasker.

Brighten Your Eyes

Continue brightening the eye with light and neutral eyeshadow colors. There’s a time and place for beautiful, smoky eyes, but this isn’t it. In the video, I’ll go light on my eyelids and slightly darker in the crease using some shades from my Juvia’s Place Warrior Two and Warrior Palettes. But most eyeshadow palettes that have light and midtone neutral colors will work beautifully.

Don’t Let Your Lips Get Dry

Any kind of dryness on our face not only makes us look more tired, but it also ages us. So it’s a good idea to apply a good lip balm early on in our morning routine. My go-to is one from The Naked Bee which comes in lots of wonderful varieties such as Orange Blossom and Honey, Lavender and a number of others.

My favorite is Coconut Honey. This brand uses natural and organic ingredients in balance with other high-quality ingredients chosen based on their overall safety and performance. For example, their lip balm is made with organic olive oil and beeswax. However, they also use other ingredients they consider “good stuff,” whether natural, organic or not.

Fake Our Best Skin

When we look tired, stressed mature skin can get temperamental – meaning it can get sensitive, ruddy or prone to breakouts – or it can go desert dry which makes expression lines and wrinkles look even deeper. So adding a bit of coverage with glow can make a world of difference.

Using a face primer first that has some glow, or mixing in a highlighter product with our foundation, or just using a foundation that has a dewy finish rather than a matte finish, can make our skin look more alive, radiant and like we’ve had a good night’s sleep. In the video, I’ll mix in Elf’s Halo Glow Liquid Filter with my Nars Light Reflecting Foundation to give my face some glow.

A Creamy Blush Can Restore Your Glow

A beautiful creamy pink blush can work wonders for those of us with a cool skin undertone and a creamy peach blush for those of us with a warm or neutral undertone. Since I have a cool undertone, in the video I’ll use a gel formula cool pink blush called “Bubbly” from the drugstore brand Flower Beauty’s Blush Bomb options.

Flower Beauty’s Blush Bomb in the color “peach” would be perfect for those of you with a warm or neutral skin undertone. And if you’re not sure of the undertone of your skin, be sure to check out this video:

Pull a Distraction Move with Our Hair

A fatigued look can be exacerbated with hair that looks too sleek or tight. Keeping hair loose, tousled and free can give us a livelier, more animated look.

Black and White Clothes Are a No-No

Another distraction move is to steer clear of the black and white clothes in our closet and instead reach for juicy colors like orange, red, raspberry, yellow or blue – whatever color gives you an immediate jolt of energy. Also think about reaching for prints or stripes rather than solid colors – even in a scarf. When feeling blah, color can get our energy flowing.

Exercise

We can help our body give us the energy we need to look less tired. Even if we feel tired, doing just a little walking – even if it’s just around the house or yard – can be a pick me up.

And it’s amazing how changing our breathing pattern can instantly energize us as well. Try this one to create more energy:

1. Start by just noticing your natural breath as it is right now. Close your eyes if it helps you relax.
2. Intentionally slow your breath down and send your exhale deep into your belly.
3. Inhale through the nose for a count of five.
4. Exhale through the mouth for a count of five.
5. Inhale and exhale a minimum of 6x which will take one minute to complete. As you get more experienced, or when you have a bit more time, extend your repetitions up to 30X which only takes 5 minutes to complete.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What tips do you have for looking and feeling less tired? Do you use any of the above tips to help you feel and look less tired? What helps you the most?

Originally posted at: Shannon Beador’s Black Fringe Trim Confessional Dress