Over the past few years, gray divorce has been increasing. Since 1990, the rate of people over the age of 50 getting a divorce has doubled.

What Exactly Is a Gray Divorce?

Most of the time, the term “gray divorce” refers to couples who are over the age of 50 and are seeking a divorce. This doesn’t seem like a big deal, due to children being grown up and out of the house. They have the mental capacity to see either side of the divorce and come to terms with their parents’ separating.

Additionally, there is no fighting over child support, custody agreements, and other things that are involved when divorcing with younger children. Many couples over the age of 50, who are looking to divorce their spouse, do not see it as a big deal due to their generation knocking down the stigma that surrounds divorce. They see it as a beginning to the next chapter, rather than a life-altering event.

Nevertheless, any couple who is seeking a divorce should hire an experienced divorce attorney. This will ensure that the divorce proceedings stay neutral, everyone gets their fair share, and the future is planned.

Reasons Why Couples Split Up Later in Life

There are many reasons why couples over the age of 50 choose to divorce. Divorce is a personal matter, but many gray divorces happen for the same reasons. Here are the top three reasons why gray divorces occur in today’s society.

Finances

Many couples have money issues at some point in their marriage, but when money issues are still present later in life, the stress and pressure can increase. In marriages where one person cannot keep to a budget, and the other spouse can, we tend to see divorces once the couple ages past 50.

We also see divorces occur when one spouse makes an investment decision that goes sideways and ends up depleting the nest eggs they had for their retirement. If a spouse loses their job, it can also create tension and financial issues.

It’s important to realize that when couples are younger and in their earning years, it’s easy to overlook mistakes, but when couples are trying to save or live off of their retirement incomes, there is less room for mistakes and exorbitant expenses. When older couples cannot agree on how to manage their finances, we tend to see divorce as a result.

Infidelity

Regardless of what the media shows, people have sexual needs at all ages, and when they think they can’t get that satisfaction at home, they either get rid of the notion in their heads or they act on it. We definitely see infidelity happen in older couples as the hormones that create sexual desire change at different rates for men and women. When one spouse has sexual desire and the other spouse does not, it may lead to the spouse seeking to satiate that desire outside of their relationship.

Cheating is not as taboo as it has been in the past and does not have as many social stigmas surrounding it. Many online dating sites advertise “cougars” and “sugar daddies” which cater to the desire of having a younger partner.

While infidelity is a common cause of divorce in couples over the age of 50, a lack of a mutual sexual desire can end marriages without the inclusion of cheating. In some cases, a decreasing amount of sex can prevent spouses from being happy. There may be no cheating, but this is a reason why we see gray divorces.

For the Children

Many couples choose to get divorced when they are over the age of 50 because they no longer have to worry about how it will affect their children. More often than not, if a spouse is unhappy but they have children, they will sacrifice their happiness and wait until the children are out of the house before they choose to get a divorce.

This is because many mothers and fathers want to provide the best family experience and set a good example for their children. They also do not want to have to give up their time with their children, as divorces with younger children tend to have custody agreements.

The research and statistics surrounding how children are affected by a divorce can scare a person into staying with their spouse so as not to damage their children. More often we are seeing couples over 50 choosing to divorce each other simply because they were not happy and their children do not depend on them for anything anymore.

Tips for Dealing with a Divorce After 60

Going through a divorce later in life can be difficult, and there are unique circumstances to handle that do not occur in younger divorcing couples. Generally speaking, the one who initiates the divorce will be the one who copes better than the spouse who did not initiate the divorce.

We tend to notice that the spouse who is planning on asking for a divorce has planned to do so for a while, and that can create mixed feelings and emotions in both parties.

Whatever the reason, divorce is full of emotion, especially if the spouse was blindsided by infidelity or was told their spouse fell out of love. Experts have shown that divorce brings up the same feelings as if there was a loss of a loved one.

Most people who go through a divorce, especially later in their lives, can develop depression, and it’s important to handle this right away by seeking medical help and family support.. Engaging in reckless behavior, obtaining an addiction, isolation, and insomnia are just a few of the symptoms a depressed divorcee may encounter.

It’s important to know that divorcing a spouse is not the end of the world, and that’s why we have compiled the best tips for dealing with a gray divorce. We know it’s always an emotionally charged time, and sometimes those emotions and other factors can prohibit people from seeing clearly.

Start Living as a Single Person

The hardest thing to do in a divorce is to start living life without a spouse. The sooner a person can start living life as if they are single, the quicker they will become accustomed to their new life. This will not only help set up a new structure, but it will also help accept the fact that divorce is inevitable.

It may feel awkward at first, but it’s very beneficial to start looking at what life has in store rather than what is missing.

Live Where You Want to

We recommend taking full advantage of this life change. Many older couples who choose to get divorced will then move to their dream destination. Compromises are made in all relationships and that includes where to live.

Many take this opportunity to take a leap and move to the place that fits perfectly with their personalities and desires. We recommend that newly divorced older people find hobbies and interests that they never had the time for in the past.

After all, many divorcees have spent the past decade or two working, raising a family, and contributing to their community, so this is the time for them to place their needs first, and that starts by moving to where they want to live.

Reconnect with Old Friends

Many people who get a divorce find themselves lacking friends or family to spend time with, as they have prioritized spending time with their children and spouse in the past. This is the perfect time to rekindle old friendships and relationships with family that may have fizzled out in the past.

Life gets away from people, but it’s never too late to ask an old friend over for drinks or to go to a movie together. Not only does this help old relationships become current relationships, but it also greatly helps with the mental health aspect of divorce. Being alone, especially in an emotional time, is very hard on mental health. Having friends and family to spend time or have a conversation with is essential.

Take Care of Yourself

Taking care of the body, mind, and soul is essential when ending any relationship. Eating healthy, exercising regularly, and getting plenty of sunshine are the best ways to maintain a healthy body and mindset. We recommend starting up old hobbies that were too time-consuming before or starting a new hobby that has always been intriguing.

This could be art, pottery, gardening, kayaking, paddle boarding, yoga, golfing, etc. Whatever the heart desires is what should be done after a gray divorce. This is the perfect time to stop prioritizing other people, and start focusing on personal priorities.

Start reading down your book list, sign up for the cocktails and canvas party, binge watch a new show, whatever creates personal happiness should be followed after a gray divorce. It’s time to be selfish.

Working with an experienced divorce lawyer is the best way to prepare for a gray divorce. A divorce lawyer can help you decide what you want your future years to look like with respect to your finances, emotions, and family. Retirement plans, houses, and joint finances can be tricky to divvy up and create more stress.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you considering a divorce? What is your primary reason? How do you see yourself in 10 years? What do you think will be different for you after divorce?

Are you a book lover who enjoys reading about good ideas for living a long and healthy life? There are so many of us out here, tucked in with our books and a cup of tea or a glass of wine, all by ourselves.

What if there was a place to talk with like-minded folks who are also committed to thriving as we grow older?

I started the Aging Well Book Club to get us all together to share what we’re learning about being a “dynamic ager” – someone who acknowledges the inevitability of aging and is willing to be fully engaged in the process without accepting the stereotypes and assumptions of society about who we are. It’s not about rolling back the clock or defying the aging process. It’s about being PRO-aging and ANTI-ageism.

Why Read and Learn Together?

As a movement educator and coach, I’ve learned that motivation to stay active while aging comes in many forms. Some folks are avid exercisers who are just looking for a method that matches their needs and goals for a sustainable way to keep moving.

Others are still struggling with questions about where to begin and what would be best to do. It’s not that we don’t already understand the need for physical health, including joint mobility, pelvic health and better breathing, digestion and circulation!

What I discovered is that both clients and professional colleagues are eager to talk about what they’re learning and what it means for their lives. The “community” aspect of an exercise class or a book club is where deeper understanding, and learning, can arise. In all my programs, questions (and answers) are welcome and become part of the community-building process for all of us.

I spent decades as a health journalist, and I’m bringing all those skills into this new Book Club. I really enjoy creating the Reader’s Guide for each Book Club selection. The Guide contains questions, discussion prompts and suggestions for experiential learning.

Participants tell me that one of the most satisfying parts of the time we spend together is talking things through in both the large group and more intimate, small groups during our monthly gatherings.

So, What Are We Reading?

The book selections for the Aging Well Book Club come from member suggestions. We’re focused on books that open our eyes to the possibilities of feeling better in our bodies and moving better through life. Accessible books that are based in accurate and actionable science by knowledgeable authors. 

Our first selection last winter was Katy Bowman’s Move Your DNA: Restore Your Health Through Natural Movement. This book lays the foundation for the coaching programs that I offer through Your Movement Project, so it was a natural way to begin.

Nearly 30 people joined the Book Club to make our way through Move Your DNA. It’s a fairly thick and science-y book that includes a complete movement program and loads of additional resources. We were fortunate to be able to bring Katy on for a bonus Q&A session. That was really special!

Books on our “wish list” range widely; from the deep science of basic functions, such as Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker to somatic approaches to issues that are commonly labeled as dysfunctions of aging such as Pelvic Liberation: Using Yoga, Self-Inquiry and Whole Body Breathing by Leslie Howard. (No, “sneeze pee” is not a natural consequence of growing older. And yes, you can improve pelvic health through movement!) 

We plan not to shy away from books that challenge our assumptions about our worth and meaning in society. One that I’d love to explore with a group of curious movers is The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor. (Click the link and sign up for a free, 30-day program of Daily Affirmations that will give you a taste of what’s in the book.)

We’re always on the lookout for our next great read.

Our Summer 2023 Selection Is Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art

It was a no-brainer to focus on the most basic function of our existence – breathing. “No matter what you eat, how much you exercise, how skinny or young or wise you are, none of it matters if you’re not breathing properly,” writes author and journalist James Nestor. “There is nothing more essential to our health and well-being than breathing: take air in, let it out, repeat 25,000 times a day. Yet, as a species, humans have lost the ability to breathe correctly, with grave consequences.”

In Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, Nestor travels the world exploring the science and culture of breathing. He participates in several experiments to more deeply experience what he’s learning. The book contains an Appendix of Breathing Methods that appear throughout the book.

The author’s website is a repository for expert Q&A and breathing instruction. (Explore items in the drop-down menu under “Breath.”) You really can learn to breathe better instantly! To support, sustain and deepen that learning, we’re going to read and learn together over a two-month Book Club in June and July.

One of my favorite parts of gathering readers together to discuss books we’re reading is to help us stop skimming just the headlines when it comes to health information. There’s SO MUCH of it flowing through our feeds, coming at us insisting we do this, do that. How do we know what is worth paying attention to? How do we know whether the information is actually true? There are plenty of scams out there. And lots of disinformation and scare tactics, too.

I started my own Book Club to be a place where we can sort it all out, in the company of others who want to age well, as we do.

Start Breathing Better Right Now

As a Qigong instructor, I believe in and constantly witness the healing power of breath. As a Restorative Exercise Specialist, I often remind movers to find ways to keep breathing as they stretch and strengthen. What all the experts are telling us is that breathing well is not only fundamental for whole body health, but also to mindfully reduce stress and improve physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing. 

Each breath is free and right there when we need it, once we learn the skills and then remember what we’ve learned. I’ve written about How to Breathe (Easier) as We Age for Sixty and Me.

If the topic of breathing better is already at the top of your list, you can start by discovering the Restorative Exercise perspective in Katy Bowman’s article explaining How To Move Your Breathing Parts Better.

And if you’d like to learn more about the Aging Well Book Club, here’s your invitation to join. The Summer session begins June 20^th.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

When has a good discussion helped you learn something new? How has the power of community supported you in aging well? Is better breathing a skill you are ready to practice?

The Real Housewives Style Guide for 2023

If you’re a new subscriber to Big Blonde Hair, welcome to the most comprehensive destination for Real Housewives and Reality TV fashion. If you’re a long time visitor, welcome back to the new and improved BBH. In celebration of the new site, we put together a complete style guide including each of the Real Housewives franchises. We’ve recreated iconic looks for less, given you details on places they shop and so much more.

We truly hope you enjoy and cannot wait for you to explore the new site!

Xo,

Team Big Blonde Hair

Click the product images to shop and we highly suggest maximizing the guide with the 4 brackets the above to get the full, fab effect!

Originally posted at: THE Real Housewives Style Guide

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Originally posted at: Worn on #RHONJ Season 13 + Still in Stock

photo: @rhoc_emilysimpson

Originally posted at: Emily Simpson’s Floral Dress