My clients range in age from around 48 to 78 years old. I’ve heard many first date encounter stories, and I’d like to share some behaviors that you should absolutely watch out for. Because, let’s face it, if it happened early on, it will only get worse. I like to say, “The best behavior is in the first month(s) of dating.”

#1: Talking on the Phone While on a Date

Daniel, a successful 59-year-old attorney and client of mine, recapped this story for me yesterday. It was his second date with Anna, a pretty, 61-year-old doctor. They’d just had a pleasant tapas/sangria fueled dinner, and he was driving her home.

She took a phone call from her ex-husband in the car, something to do with one of their children. (That’s ok, right?). Well, the small incident was resolved in 5 minutes, but suddenly she blasted into a story with her ex, “Remember when we……” and for the next 20 minutes of the car ride home reminisced with her ex in front of Daniel.

Think there was a 3^rd date? And she texted him surprised he never asked her out again.

If it’s not an emergency or a very important call, it can wait. Otherwise, it’s a red flag for disrespect.

#2: Being Nosy

Sure, you can allow a general question about how long you’ve been divorced. But the buck stops there. It’s none of their business at this point why you divorced, was it acrimonious, are you getting alimony, etc.

Mark, 65, told me a woman asked him if he ever cheated on his wife – and this on the first date. He was new to online dating and asked me if that was normal. Heck, no!

#3: Sharing About Having Bad Relationships with Family/Relatives

Maria, 49, had a date last week with Mark over a coffee. Within 10 minutes he had already told her he was estranged from his children as he was never present in their lives. Maria reported to me, “As he began launching into his dysfunctional childhood, I drained my latte and told him this wasn’t going to work, in a gracious manner. And he looked confused.”

He texted her the next day asking what he’d done wrong – and while tempted to tell him, “You need a whole lot of therapy,” she just said she felt no connection. Smart. There is absolutely no reason to stay for an hour when someone launches their issues on you. (Oh, she blocked him on her phone too). Things like this – you just move on!

#4: Language

Regardless of a person’s day-to-day life and habits, foul language – in front of you, on an initial date – is a red flag.

#5: They Don’t Make You Laugh

Many people comment in online profiles that they enjoy a sense of humor. But that can range from silly, goofy, quirky, to a jokester. You either click on this – or don’t!

#6: Gossipy

On a first date? You don’t even know this person. Now, I’m not talking about telling funny stories, I’m talking about a mean-spirited way of describing people. Talking bad about others does not resonate with the majority of people, so take it as a red flag.

#7: Talking Negatively About Your Dating App/Dates You’ve Gone On

Laura, a very positive and happy-go-lucky person (and client of mine) shared this story with me. Her date’s first question was, “Are you finding these dating sites as awful as I am?”

She was surprised, and I liked her answer: “Wow, really. I’ve met some fantastic men – just not the right one for me yet.” And guess what? Even after her comment, he wanted to continue on about all the unattractive women he’d met. She immediately tossed him out of her line-up of potential second dates.

#8: Bad Manners

Christopher, 64, had invited Louisa on a first date to a wine bar for one drink. When he arrived, she was on her second glass of wine and busy ordering not one, but three appetizers. He gave her the benefit of the doubt, but when the check appeared, she left to make a phone call.

Now, Christopher is a gentleman who always pays the check, but he was perplexed when she didn’t even bother saying thank you. And, she had scarfed down most of the appetizers and ordered a third drink too.

Why I’m noting this? Some men do that too.

#9: Drinks Too Much

One drink is enough for a first date. More than that? No!

#10: And the Good Old Being Rude to the Waitstaff

This one definitely shows one’s true colors. Laura, 66, met Thomas, 62, for a second date at Mastro’s, a nice steak house in Newport Beach. (Prior to that, they’d had a pleasant coffee meeting). First, he complained about his salad. But the denouement came when he angrily chastised the waiter about the temperature of his steak and asked to speak to a manager.

Realistically Speaking

Keep in mind that most of the time I hear fun, heart-warming stories about first dates. Sure, not everyone has chemistry, nor is it usually love at first sight. But if you spot the above “red flags” on the first few dates, chances are it will not get better.

My clients who do best and add to my 65% success rate of developing relationships tend to be positive, well-mannered singles. So, keep in mind it only takes one and don’t give up after one bad experience. With 128 million singles alone in the US, I promise he/she may be right around the corner. Chalk it up to experience – and move on to that next date!

And Let Me Cheer You Up

Two of my clients announced their engagements last week. I can’t tell you how happy I am for both of them and their new partners.

Have fun, chin up and just think, you could be next!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What are some first date red flags that you’ve dealt with? How do you feel about dating sites? You’re your attitude hurt your chances of finding real happiness? If you think you’re better off alone, consider if this is because of past experiences – and maybe give yourself a chance!

My partner and I just experienced an amazing first trip to Japan, sharing part of it with family. To be honest, a visit to Japan had never been on the bucket list. That changed with a grandson’s six-month deployment to the U.S. Marine base in Okinawa.

Okinawa comprises several islands at the southern end of Japan and enjoys a sub-tropical climate. It resembles the Caribbean with its white beaches and beautiful blue-green ocean water. Island hopping is popular, but we enjoyed spending time at our beach resort and exploring Okinawa’s Main Island (Okinawa Honto).

Okinawa is appealing to many ages and vacation styles; one can be as busy or chill as desired. Experiencing the culture, relaxing on the beach, shopping, and touring historical sights are among the many options. Everyone in our group, especially the two youngest grands, enjoyed our excursion to the Okinawa Expo Park and Churaumi Aquarium.

Also cool, Okinawa is one of the world’s “Blue Zones” as identified by author Dan Buettner with the help of the National Geographic Society. Okinawans are famous for their longevity, and reports show that for every 100,000 inhabitants, Okinawa has 68 centenarians.

Kyoto Bliss

Before connecting with family to travel to Okinawa, my partner and I enjoyed a busy week exploring some of the mainland. Hands-down, our favorite city among those visited is Kyoto, which is surrounded by beautiful mountains. Kyoto served as the capital of Japan (home of the emperor) from 794 to 1868 and offers both modern and age-old cultural sights and experiences.

Kyoto was a joy to explore, and it was also the perfect home base for day-trips via bullet train to Osaka, Hiroshima, and Miyajima Island. Although the city is home to over 1.4 million people, it has a friendly smaller town vibe. One can enjoy its modern aspects or immerse oneself in historical palaces, temples, shrines, and zin gardens.

And, possibly, glimpse a modern Geiko (Geisha) or Maiko (apprentice) in the evening atmosphere of the historical Gion district.

We also spent time in Tokyo, our city of arrival and departure. From our hotel balcony, we enjoyed a breathtaking view of the Sumida River flanked on each side by the amazing Tokyo skyline. A day-trip to the Mt. Fugi area, where the tallest mountain in Japan momentarily peaked through the clouds to say hello, was also memorable.

Should You Visit Japan if You Have the Opportunity?

Absolutely, but fair warning, it can be an expensive trip! To save money, avoid visiting during the peak seasons of early spring (cherry blossoms) and fall (autumnal color). Late spring is a sweet spot just before the hot and rainy summer season arrives. Winter provides the best opportunities for viewing Mt. Fugi.

A Japan Rail (JR) Pass can also be a fast, economical way to travel between cities using bullet trains. Luckily, Japan offers accommodations in many styles and price ranges, as are its food offerings. The street food scene is a great way to enjoy good (and interesting) food, while saving money. Foodies should be sure to plan a visit to Osaka, also known as Japan’s street food capital.

Of course, all of Japan is a culinary extravaganza! Tempura, sushi, sashimi, udon, ramen, just to name a few options. Matcha tea (and ice cream) are also among favorites. Full disclosure: Japanese cuisine is not my partner’s jam, but he did like Teppanyaki (with quality Kobe beef), and the plethora of sweet shops!

Japan is also known as a safe and friendly place to travel, even if traveling solo. Though English is not widely spoken, we managed just fine. Personally, I’m sold on modern Japanese toilets with all the bells and whistles (not to be confused with the traditional hole in the ground style)!

Japan Rekindled My Love of Foreign Travel

My love of foreign travel bloomed in my late 40s when I took my first trip to Italy. Traveling solo, I joined a group in Florence for a food and wine tour of Tuscany. Full of inspiration, I took a second trip two years later, joining a group walking tour of the Amalfi Coast region. For me, Italy lived up to its image as portrayed in one of my favorite summer reads, Under the Tuscan Sun.

My love of foreign travel was further fueled by a trip with my partner to the Swiss Alps. But for the past 11 years, my travel has been mostly domestic, with an occasional trip to Toronto to visit family. I kept yearning to schedule another trip to Italy, but life compromises and then the pandemic happened.

When I finally began planning my third trip to Italy, the opportunity to travel to Japan presented itself. No complaints or regrets about the interruption; the experience was priceless. It also rekindled my love of foreign travel, and now I’m resuming making plans for that trip to explore Northern Italy.

Travel: What I Know for Sure

No doubt, I inherited the wanderlust gene. Travel of all kinds, especially foreign travel, continues to prove itself as an important element of living my best life. If you’ve never considered foreign (or domestic) travel, or if you’ve been on a travel hiatus, I hope this post provides a bit of inspiration.

Here are a few valuable insights I’ve gained through travel.

I’ve learned that (travel):

• Satisfies my love of and need for adventure.
• Grows my mind and broadens my worldwide perspective.
• Reveals I can travel solo and still enjoy myself.
• Creates a special bond when sharing a beautiful destination with someone else.
• Provides living proof we have more in common than not.
• Learning a few keywords or phrases of the native language promotes goodwill.
• Locals appreciate your learning about and respecting their customs and culture.
• Group tours provide a fun opportunity to make new friends who share a love of travel.
• Life is too short to spend it all at home.

So, get busy planning and booking that trip, and may all your travel adventures be safe and happy!

Please Join in the Conversation:

How has travel enhanced your life? What is your favorite foreign (or domestic) destination visited? Why?

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