Month: August 2024

In the midst of life’s busy schedule, whether retired or still working, the presence of weekly anchors can provide much-needed comfort and security. Anchors in our week are the consistent activities or routines that help us stay grounded, offering a sense of stability in an ever-changing world. For women, these anchors are especially valuable as they contribute to emotional well-being, mental clarity, and overall life satisfaction.

As we age, the demands on our time and energy shift. We might find ourselves juggling different responsibilities, from caring for aging parents to nurturing relationships with grown children or grandchildren. In the midst of these changes, having regular anchors can create a rhythm in our lives that makes everything else more manageable.

How to Prioritize and Create Anchors in Your Life

Creating and prioritizing anchors in your life starts with identifying what activities bring you the most peace, joy – and even a bit of light-hearted fun. Start by reflecting on your current routine and pinpoint moments when you feel most connected to yourself or others. Once you’ve identified these activities, the next step is to prioritize them by making space for them in your weekly schedule.

Start Small

If you’re new to establishing weekly anchors, begin with just one or two activities. This could be as simple as a morning ritual or a weekly phone call with a friend. Gradually, as you get used to incorporating these into your routine, you can add more.

Set Boundaries

It’s important to protect your anchor time. Whether it’s a morning walk or a midweek social connection, treat these activities as non-negotiable. Communicate with others about your need for this time and resist the urge to cancel or reschedule.

Be Consistent

Consistency is key when it comes to creating anchors. Repeating these activities at the same time each week helps reinforce them as a habit, making them an integral part of your routine. Over time, they become something you look forward to, providing structure and predictability.

Adapt as Needed

Life is dynamic, and so are our needs. If an anchor no longer serves you, don’t hesitate to modify or replace it. The goal is to maintain activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, not to adhere to a rigid schedule.

Prioritize Self-Care (and a Touch of Fun!)

Anchors should not feel like additional tasks but rather opportunities for self-care, joy, and even a bit of fun. Ensure that these activities nourish your mind, body, and spirit, leaving you refreshed and more capable of handling life’s demands.

Some Fun Anchors to Brighten Your Week

Here are some ideas that add a touch of elegance and creativity to your routine.

Culinary Experimentation Night

Once a week, try cooking a new recipe or experimenting with an unusual ingredient. It could be something you’ve never cooked before or a dish from a different culture. The process of exploring new flavors and techniques adds a sense of adventure to your routine and makes mealtime more exciting.

Gourmet Coffee or Tea Ritual

Elevate your daily coffee or tea experience by designating one day a week to indulge in a more elaborate preparation. Use a French press, a pour-over, or a specialty blend you wouldn’t normally have. Pair it with a good book or your favorite playlist and savor the experience.

Cultural Movie or Documentary Night

Set aside an evening each week to watch a classic film, a foreign movie, or an interesting documentary. It’s a fun way to expand your horizons and engage with different perspectives, all while enjoying some downtime.

Art Appreciation Afternoon

Dedicate a couple of hours each week to exploring art. This could involve visiting a local gallery, exploring a virtual museum tour, or even just sitting down with a beautiful art book and a glass of wine.

Mindful Walks with a Twist

Take your regular walk to a new level by incorporating mindfulness. Focus on the details of your surroundings – the colors of the leaves, the sound of the wind, the texture of the path beneath your feet. Alternatively, try a “photo walk,” where you bring your phone or camera and capture interesting sights along the way. This encourages you to see your environment in a new light and adds a creative element to your routine.

Live Performance or Lecture Night

Once a week, either attend or stream a live performance, whether it’s a concert, a theater production, or a lecture on a topic you’re passionate about. This anchor provides intellectual stimulation and cultural engagement, making your week feel more enriched and lively.

Spa-Inspired Evening

Treat yourself to a mini spa evening once a week. Light some candles, play relaxing music, and indulge in a face mask, a warm bath with essential oils, or a home manicure. It’s a luxurious way to unwind and practice self-care.

Wine and Cheese Tasting at Home

Pick one evening a week to enjoy a mini wine and cheese tasting at home. Select a few different varieties of cheese and pair them with wines or even non-alcoholic beverages.

Creative Writing or Journaling Session

Set aside time each week to write creatively or journal. Whether it’s poetry, a short story, or simply reflecting on your week, this anchor allows you to express yourself and explore your thoughts in a relaxed, unstructured way.

Gardening or Flower Arranging

If you enjoy nature, spend time tending to a garden or arranging fresh flowers in your home. Even if you don’t have a garden, you can create small, seasonal arrangements that bring beauty and a touch of nature indoors.

The Impact on a More Fulfilling Life

By prioritizing and creating these anchors, you gain more than just a sense of routine while enhancing your quality of life. Anchors help you maintain balance, even during stressful times, by providing moments of calm, fun, and reflection. They allow you to be more present in your daily life, appreciating the small joys that might otherwise go unnoticed.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What anchors have you integrated into your week that help you lead a more fulfilling life? How have they helped you to manage your day?

In working with 1,100 people living with dementia, I’ve found working with them is the easy part! It’s their families who are much more challenging.

Typically, the whole family is pulling together to figure out how to manage day-to-day life, the ins and outs of care, and trying to plan ahead. The whole family, except for that one family member.

Family Dynamics

One thing that usually surprises dementia care partners is the family dynamics that rear their ugly head. You may be the primary care partner for your spouse. You may also be trying to smooth over brewing problems with your spouse’s children from a prior marriage, or even children you had together.

Maybe it’s your sister who lives 3,000 miles away, constantly calling and emailing with unsolicited advice about how you should be caring for your mom.

No matter your particular situation, know that virtually everyone goes through this. You have to deal with criticisms about what you’re doing and how you’re doing it. People remind you what you should be doing, the right way to do things, and on and on. Even childhood “stuff” bubbles up to the surface again.

So what can you do about that one “special” family member? Here are some ideas to try before you feel pushed past the breaking point and irreparable harm is done to your relationship.

Get Clear About What’s Really Behind the “Difficult”

Be honest. Is it really them, or could you possibly be contributing to a bad situation, even unwittingly? If you’re not sure, the ideal person to ask is someone who knows you both and can be trusted to gently share the truth with you. This person should also not further stir the pot.

If you’re contributing, it could be a sign of burnout. Move self-care to the top of your list immediately. I know care partners hate to talk about self-care, let alone “indulge” in it. But here’s the thing. If you don’t take care of yourself, something bad is going to happen to you. Then who is going to take care of your parent or partner?

If you’re clear it’s really your family member that is creating the family conflict, then it’s time to resolve the situation. As someone who looks for a table to dive under at the first sign of conflict myself, I understand if that makes you squirm. But in this case, we are talking about a disease process that usually last 7-12 years. It can even take up to 20. That’s an excruciatingly long time to live with family conflict.

Boundaries Are Your Best Friend

We’ve been socialized to think that “boundary” is a bad word. It is often considered a sign of selfishness. Not so! Boundaries are simply a container, much like your coffee cup. That container allows you to drink your coffee rather than wear it.

Setting boundaries with others allows them to understand how they’re permitted to treat you. It provides guidelines for you to be clear on what’s okay and what’s outside the lines.

Because I’m non-confrontational by nature, I like to pretend I’m Maya Angelou in high-stress situations. I pick her because she projected such self-awareness and dignity. Can you imagine anyone having the nerve to violate her boundaries? I sure can’t!

Knowing your boundaries also allows you to know – before you’re in the thick of an emotional conversation – what you’re willing to do to resolve the situation, what you’re willing to work on as a team, and what’s non-negotiable.

Fear Wreaks Havoc

We’re all far more open to correction when we’re calm, not when we’re feeling attacked. It’s easy to feel attacked when we feel misunderstood, like no one understands where we’re coming from.

And of course we need to feel safe in order to feel open. Fear has a way of obscuring this very basic truth.

Fear usually shows up as anger. There’s fear of the unknown, unmet needs, the future, helplessness and fear of feeling all the feelings. There’s plenty of fear to go around, and yet it’s not okay to act it out.

You and your family member both need to feel safe in order to attempt resolution. If your family member starts yelling, try saying, “I agree this is important. I can’t think clearly when there’s yelling.” Note there’s not a “but” connecting the sentences, which gives the listener permission to disregard the first part of whatever you’ve said.

And rather than saying “when you’re yelling,” it’s the more neutral construction of “when there’s yelling.” These are both to help de-escalate a situation.

You can also try, “I can’t concentrate, not like this.” Whatever it is you say, your family member needs to immediately change to a constructive course of action. If she’s not able to do that, (think of Maya Angelou and) end the conversation!

Listen Empathetically

Listen to both your family member and yourself. Be aware of the language you use in your own head in thinking about this situation. Are you using words like “tantrum,” “meltdown,” “deal with,” or “handling.”

Would you rather “deal with” someone, or have a conversation? Would you rather spend your morning “handling” a situation, or resolving it? Making just small changes in how you think of it can make it easier for you, before the interaction even begins.

Assuming you’re able to have a calm interaction, listen fully to what your family member has to say. Don’t justify your actions, thoughts, or feelings. Just listen. This is much easier said than done, but so worth the effort!

Ask clarifying questions, then paraphrase back what you heard. Ask, “Is that right?” The last thing you want when you’re attempting to repair damage is more misunderstandings.

Just like you would with your parent or partner who’s living with dementia, focus on the feelings behind the words and acknowledge them. We can all be imprecise in our words, but the emotional power behind them is hard to miss.

Validate what you heard. Validation is not the same as agreement; the message is, “I heard you, and I value you.” This one step often is when the conversation turns the corner out of bad feelings and into a constructive path forward.

Move On to Solutions

The temptation, especially for the go-getters among us, is to move straight to this part and skip past listening and validating. Doing that is like trying to tell your husband about a problem because you need to talk about it. Then having him cut you off to offer solutions, because he needs to fix it. That is annoying!

Only after listening and making sure you heard what you think you heard will you have any chance of moving on to a solution. This can be frustrating, especially if the solution is perfectly obvious to you while equally as invisible to your family member.

Start by asking, “What does a solution look like to you?” You may – unsurprisingly – find that you two have vastly different ideas of what a solution looks like. If so, it’s better to know that now and work toward a mutually agreeable solution than end up in another confrontation.

Once you’re on the same page, it’s time to agree and devise a plan. Pull out a calendar and get serious about who’s going to do what and when (and maybe even how, if appropriate). Again, “What does that look like to you?” is a magically clarifying question that eliminates misunderstandings straight out of the gate.

The Main Focus

Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that everyone involved has a strong opinion because they all love the person who’s living with dementia. Use that to your advantage and to your loved one’s advantage. Keep coming back to that.

If you find that you’ve tried everything and there’s just not a way to successfully work with that one family member on your own, consider using a professional who can help manage expectations and emotions while also working toward a solution.

And please don’t waste time beating yourself up! This disease process is difficult enough. You don’t need added layers of difficulty, right?

Instead, ask yourself, “What’s the kindest, move loving thing I can do for myself in this moment?” And then do it!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you had experience in dealing with a family conflict with dementia? What did you do to resolve it? Please share what worked or didn’t for you.

It’s hot! Instead of curling up in front of the air conditioner sipping ice tea, why not flaunt your summer glow with some playful makeup tricks? Embrace your glowing skin and have it reflect your inner spark, enjoyment of life, and boogie days (and nights!) that can happen at a moment’s notice. 

Worried about makeup running down your face or disappearing altogether in the summer heat? I know, these are issues many of us have in warmer weather. Today, however, we will break open summer makeup for mature skin that will keep you looking fresh the entire day. 

It’s fortuitous, it’s fun, and you are going to look fabulous. 

Glow-Up! (Without Trying too Hard)

Skin Care

Have you ever watched a skin care video about getting a glow and then had your head explode? For example, maybe the presenter used 50 products that cost $2000, and you groaned and instead watched a tutorial on how to make homemade mac-n-cheese. 

Knowing how to have healthy, glowing skin is easy; focus on eating essential fatty acids like Omega 3-6-9, E, A, and vitamins like D, C, iodine, and magnesium, as well as drinking spring water and eating so many fruits and vegetables you’ll swear you’re turning into a rabbit. 

Topical skin care can be simple and effective. In fact, the two topical skin care products that bring the most glow are an oil soluble vitamin C serum (THDA) and hyaluronic acid. Suffice it to say, eat your veggies, use your skin care, and think glowing thoughts. It’s like dancing: the more you do it, the better it gets. 

Vitamin C + Hyaluronic Acid

Primer + Foundation

Now that your skin is hydrated, add some sunblock for protection followed by a brightening primer. Primer will keep everything from sliding down your face as well as maintaining the summer skin look we are going for. 

For foundation, opt for a sheer to medium coverage that’s hydrating. Apply foundation only where needed, such as the T-zone, to even out skin tone and brighten the eye area. This approach minimizes makeup meltdown in the heat. Add a little concealer to any dark spots or under-eye areas as needed.

Foundation + primer on the right side of the face.

Sun-Kissed Minus the Sun

Using sunblock is important, but it can leave you looking pale. Enter bronzer. Choose the right shade to avoid looking orange. I recommend the PrimeWand Contour Kit with a contour, blush, and highlighter stick. I like them because they are sold as a set with long lasting, buildable shades and easy application. Where to apply bronzer: 

1. High points of your forehead.
2. On or slightly under your cheekbones.
3. Under the droopy bits of your jaw.
4. On your decolletage, if desired.

After applying, take a blender brush or sponge, and blend like you mean it. Remember, it’s easier to add more product than to remove excess. When you are done, you shouldn’t be able to see any demarcation lines unless you’re headed to an ’80s disco party; then it’s fine.  

Bronzer on the right side of the face.

Add Some Heat with Blush  

Blush is the mature woman’s best (makeup) friend. Dab a little on the apple of your cheeks, some mascara, and you are off to boogie. For the summer, a pretty rose color is versatile with nearly any lip shade.  Here are some simple tricks to keep in mind: 

1. Use a cream blush applied with a brush or fingers.
2. Start on the apple of your cheek, and work your way up toward your outer eye. 
3. Keep the blush about ½ an inch from the outside corner of your eye.
4. Pull the blush into your brow bone blending well.

Blush on the right side of the face. 

Dial-Up Your Highlight

Highlighting can enhance your summer glow, but avoid applying too much to prevent it from settling into fine lines. Tips to look playful and shimmery:   

1. Be sure your skin is hydrated.
2. Blend highlight with fingers.
3. Apply to brow bone, cheekbone, or eyelid, but never all three at the same time. 
4. Check it in sunlight. 

Highlight on Tamara’s cheekbone.

Perfect Your Pout

If you’re like me, you love glosses and have about 20 tubes hiding in your handbag. Because it has a tendency to end up between your toes in the heat, use a plumping lip gloss like PrimeLip Gloss with vitamin E. Tips for staying power:   

1. Put foundation and powder on your lips. 
2. Apply lip liner slightly outside the lip line.
3. Fill in your lips with liner, leaving the center bare.
4. Apply lip gloss and mix with any lipstick to change the color. 

Foundation on lips + lip liner + lip gloss.

Splash on Primer + Mascara and Do a Dance!

My dancing skills could be classified as a major fail, but having thick, long lashes from PrimeLash Mascara and PrimeLash Volumizer makes me bust a move like nothing else. They transform my lashes from thin and short, to the luscious darlings of my disco years. 

Here are my top techniques for fabulous lashes: 

1. Add a little vaseline to your lashes or lash curler (yes, I said vaseline). 
2. Heat up your eyelash curler with a hair dryer.
3. Curl your lashes.
4. Use eyelash primer and let it dry.
5. Use mascara, being sure to coat hard to reach hairs.
6. Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight! 

Eye lash primer + mascara on the right side of the face. 

Pretty summer makeup photo of Tamara! 

Flaunt Your Summer Glow! 

With KC and the Sunshine Band singing “Get Down Tonight” playing in your head, you’re ready to embrace your glowing summer makeup for mature skin. What music do you love to dance to? There’s nothing like a summer party, a day at the beach, or time with friends to bring out your joy and summer makeup glow. Use products that stay put and give you rock-star radiance. Get your glow on and boogie! 

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What type of makeup do you use in the summer months? How do you apply it? Is there a specific line of makeup that you prefer which caters to all your needs?

Photo: @amandabatula

Originally posted at: Amanda Batula’s Light Blue Romper and Sandals

Photo: @stassischroeder

Originally posted at: Stassi Schroeder’s White Shift Dress