Month: August 2024

Photo: @amandabatula

Originally posted at: Amanda Batula’s Yellow Satin Cutout One Shoulder Dress

Photos + Info: @stassischroeder

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Originally posted at: Stassi Schroeder’s Lip Look

Have you experienced a time in life when you felt lonely, unloved or undervalued? If so, you are not alone. All of us have felt this way at one time or another.

Like millions of women from our era, I didn’t always love who I was. Despite the success I had achieved in business and acting, I undervalued myself. Along with a sense of feeling I did not fit in with others, there were prolonged periods of my life where I felt unloved.

I don’t regret these experiences because they served as the foundation for me to refocus and renew my life later on. Even so, I do wish I had a roadmap with specific steps I could have followed that could have steered me inward on a more consistent basis.

Going inward is where daily practices of self-love take place. For many people, this is difficult to do because we have been taught to seek our solutions for love, happiness, and fulfillment outside of ourselves.

To help you with your inner journey, I will share 10 steps I have used over the years as a roadmap for learning to love yourself unconditionally.

This article and the accompanying video are part of the series “The Art of Self-Love After 60.” In this series, we are focusing on new ways to stimulate love, happiness, and pleasure on our own terms.

If you haven’t followed along, you can find the previous articles here:

#1: 7 Steps to Turn Up the HEAT on Your Love Life

#2: 10 Easy Ways to Love More of Yourself

#3: 7 Pillars of Becoming Your Own Authority on Love

Slowing Down and Putting Yourself First

Women of all ages can benefit from cultivating a strong sense of self-love. The unique life experiences and challenges faced by those of us over 60, however, requires particular steps and specific considerations.

This is where the healing power of slowing down and putting yourself first comes in.

This may sound easy until you consider most women of our generation were raised to be people-pleasers which meant we took on a lot of responsibilities. To do this well we got really good at multitasking and staying busy.

While it may feel good to be of service, the more we neglected our well-being the more our emotional, mental, and physical health suffered.

Making life-altering adjustments, such as slowing down a potentially busy and overwhelming schedule, is one way that you can start loving more of yourself. Another adjustment is putting your wants, needs, and desires first.

Your Roadmap to Self-Love

Contrary to what many people believe, self-love is not selfish. At this stage of life, putting yourself first is less of a luxury and more of a necessity.

Here are 10 proven steps for loving yourself unconditionally after 60.

Reflection and Acceptance

This step is about reflecting on your life journey, the challenges you’ve faced, the victories you’ve achieved, and the wisdom you’ve gained. Accepting and loving these parts of your life helps you lovingly and compassionately embrace the new you.

Celebrate Your Strengths

You cannot love yourself if you’re tearing yourself down. Think about all you’ve achieved and the challenges you’ve overcome. Recognize and celebrate your strengths, talents, and accomplishments.

Reconnect with Your Passions

Responsibilities for other people may have led you to put your passions and interests on the back burner. Now is the ideal time to reconnect with hobbies or interests you love.

Set Healthy Boundaries

Loving more of yourself often means learning to say no when necessary and prioritizing your own well-being over outside influences.

Explore Your Creativity

Explore where you can be more creative. Begin by tapping into your childhood imagination and allow yourself to go where your creative flow takes you.

Embrace Change

The physical and emotional changes that come with age can be challenging. Therefore, embrace all levels of change as a natural part of loving yourself unconditionally.

Practice Self-Care

Prioritize your mental, physical, and emotional well-being. This can include self-care activities like meditation, yoga, breathwork, exercise, reading, or even pampering yourself with spa days.

Reframe Limiting Beliefs

Challenge and reframe any belief that no longer serves your well-being. Whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself, replace that belief with a positive, loving affirmation.

Open Your Mind and Heart

Loving more of yourself is about opening your heart, but you can’t do this if you don’t have an open mind. Seek out information about new ideas and activities you haven’t engaged in but have piqued your interest.

Journal

For me, daily journaling is the key to all self-love practices. It silences your inner critic and brings you into harmony with your true, authentic self.

One Step at a Time

Successfully putting these steps to use in your life comes down to taking one step at a time. Don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to do too much at once.

Loving yourself unconditionally is not a quick-fix. It is a life-long process. It requires time, patience, and consistent effort.

Whatever steps you take along your journey, be sure to have fun. For what is the point of loving yourself unconditionally if you are not enjoying your life to the fullest?

I invite you to join me in the video where I share four bonus steps as well as guide you through a powerful three-step self-love action item.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you love and appreciate yourself? How do you show yourself unconditional love? What hinders you to love yourself unconditionally?

Originally posted at: Dolores Catania’s White Lace Dress at the Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 14 Sit Down

August 2^nd marked International Beer Day – followed by International Hangover Day the next day.

Really?

The liquor industry has invested trillions of dollars to convince us that we need to drink alcohol to have a full and happy life. Their marketing strategy has been stunningly successful, but perhaps it’s time to question their messaging.

Does Alcohol Really Make Us Happy?

It certainly is a quick fix and will give us a chemical high which will briefly numb our anxiety. The buzz we get from booze is, of course, due to the alcohol level in our blood, but it’s important to realize that this good feeling will only last for about 20 minutes.

After 20 minutes, our mood will dip lower than it was when we had that first drink… and that’s why we want another!

Alcohol is actually a depressant and regular drinking will increase our anxiety.

Drinking Alcohol Is Like Pouring Gasoline on Your Anxiety!

Rather than relying on a toxin to get a chemical high, perhaps we should dive a bit deeper… into the science.

How can we get more “natural highs”?

The Neuroscience of Happiness

The quest for happiness is a perennial human pursuit, but the ever-growing body of research into neuroscience can provide new insights.

We can now begin to understand the brain’s intricate pathways that lead to those moments of pleasure and contentment.

The implications of this research are profound, suggesting that enhancing our understanding of the brain’s role in happiness could lead to better mental health and well-being.

Our Brains Are Not Wired to Be “Happy”

As humans, we not wired to be happy all the time,;we are wired for survival and to seek out threats.

Think back to our ancestors who would spend their days hunting down animals for food. They were driven by purpose and flooded with dopamine as they looked forward to eating the food they had caught.

For more on this check out this article: Why You’re Unhappy.

Changing Our Mindset Around Happiness

Once we understand the neuroscience we won’t expect to be “happy all the time” and we will start to realise that we need to take responsibility for our own happiness.

We can start to change our mindset into a more realistic one.

We will be less likely to go to the doctor to be “fixed” which will possibly result in us joining the 25% of older American women who are taking anti-depressants.

Unhappiness is not a disease.

Our threat-seeking brain will keep us in a state of anxiety unless we understand better how we can shift our mood.

How to Trigger Our Happy Brain Chemicals

We no longer have to hunt for our food – we can just open the fridge or call for a pizza! Our basic needs are met so does that mean we can just sit around waiting for happiness to strike?

If you were to sit on your sofa all weekend, watching movies and eating snacks, it’s unlikely that you would be brimming with joy by Monday.

No exercise, no connection… and most importantly, no purpose.

Why Purpose Is So Important

For many of us our purpose was clear since we were born. As babies we had to learn to walk and talk. Then we had to go to school and get an education. With that education we could build a career and a family.

Busy lives full of purpose.

However, as we grow older, our purpose becomes less clear. Especially if children and grandchildren are living far away. We can be hit with a low mood and even sink into depression.

Happiness Is a Skill

We need to talk to our brain… or it will surely talk to us!

Once we understand how to trigger our happy brain chemicals, we can keep ourselves relatively content without rushing off to the doctor to get medication.

Having a worthwhile project that gives us a sense of purpose is the answer. It doesn’t have to be a huge meaningful project – start with smaller projects which will trigger your creativity, and you’ll begin to think of other things you can explore.

You will start to get curious.

Still can’t think of a project? Then make it your project to find one!

Go to Udemy.com and learn something new. Go to meetup.com and check out the amazing hobbies on there.

Why Projects Matter So Much

Our happy brain chemicals reward us for the steps we take toward meeting our needs. They don’t get triggered automatically, so we have to “do the work.”

That means working with our brains by taking steps towards goals that we create for ourselves.

When I quit drinking alcohol, I felt very low. The project that saved me was starting Tribe Sober back in 2015.

Many of our Tribe members are hit by the “early sobriety blues” – the low mood that usually hits about 3 or 4 months into our alcohol-free journey.

We always advise them to “get a project” and over the last 8 years we have seen so many of our members thrive in their alcohol-free lives by discovering and pursuing the most amazing projects.

Rather than relying on the mood altering toxin that is alcohol, they have discovered the joy of creating more meaning in their lives.

Bridging Pleasure and Meaning

Did you know that our brain’s reward system activates not just when we receive but also when we give? Our neural circuitry is designed to derive joy from helping others. That’s why volunteering is such a fantastic way to bring joy and satisfaction into our lives as we get older.

Check out this wonderful quote from Viktor Frankl:

“Life is not primarily a quest for pleasure as Freud believed, nor a quest for power as Adler taught but a quest for meaning.”

In later life we can look back and find meaning in our lives, especially if we stay engaged in helping those who are less fortunate than ourselves.

Build Your Happiness Toolkit!

Your project can be broken down into steps, and, as you work towards these mini goals, you’ll be raising your dopamine levels.

Apart from your main project you can build a personal toolkit – something you can dip into if you are feeling low. A quick fix that will give you a natural high.

Everyone’s toolkit will look different, but here’s a list of ideas to get you started:

• Go for a walk
• meditate
• do some breathing exercises
• update your journal
• start a gratitude practice
• practice mindfulness
• watch some funny videos
• read a book
• knit a sweater
• meet up with a friend
• listen to some music
• play with the dog
• get out into nature.

Accept the Ebb and Flow of Your Feelings

Once we’re aware that as humans we are not here to be “happy all the time,” we can better understand the ebb and flow of our feelings.

All feelings are transitory – whether joy or sadness, those feelings will come and go. Think of them as clouds in the sky, always moving across the horizon.

No-one escapes anxiety as our primitive brain is always scanning for danger, but the trick is not to ruminate. Don’t let anxiety become your default mode. Rather “play the movie forward” and recognize that those anxious feelings will pass.

Take a deep breath, acknowledge your feelings and then go and do something.

Building Resilience

Resilience theory tells us that learning to cope better with life’s inevitable setbacks will contribute significantly to our overall level of happiness.

If we feel that we have the ability to “bounce back” from what life throws at us, we are less likely to be permanently on the lookout for difficulties.

To learn more about resilience check out the resilience factory which is run by Gabi Lowe. Gabi has had to live with the trauma of losing her 21-year-old daughter and made it her project to research and then teach resilience.

You can hear me interviewing Gabi on this Tribe Sober podcast episode.

Conclusion

Even though our brains are naturally threat-seeking, we can still lay the foundation for happiness by understanding the neuroscience behind how our brains work.

Although most of our neural wiring is built in childhood, it is still possible to build new pathways in adulthood. It takes knowledge, persistence and repetition.

Create a healthy mindset around happiness and then get building your individual happiness toolkit!

Invitation to Our Free Webinar

16^th August – 5pm South African time – morning in the US.

If you think you might be relying on your nightly glass of wine to trigger your happy brain chemicals why not come to our FREE webinar when I will share my personal story as well as tips, tools and inspiration.

Click here to register for the Free Webinar

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How many years have you been drinking? Do you drink consistently – a glass or two of wine most evenings? Have you ever tried to take a break to test your dependence? Have you noticed an impact on your looks or mood after taking a break? Did you lose weight? Do you ever worry about your drinking? Do you feel happy in your retirement? Do you think alcohol makes you happy?