Many
people dislike the word elder. I never had a reaction to it because I never
really thought of myself in those terms. But a recent spontaneous and
heart-warming exchange made me realize I unintentionally assumed the role for
at least one young person.

I was
seated next to him, this man in his late 20s, whom I’ve known his entire life.
He’s part of my extended family, and he spent considerable time at my home
growing up.

As we settled
in at a long table for a family celebration, he placed his napkin on his lap, then
turned to me and said:

“You know,
Fran, I was thinking the other night, as I spread my napkin while out on a dinner
date, that my parents never made me do that growing up. It wasn’t important in
our house. But spending time at your table I watched you and learned some very
important etiquette. Thank you for that.”

I was so
touched, I teared up a little. I never intentionally taught him anything, I was
just doing what I do. He apparently was watching, and what he learned must have
made an impression and served him well. That pleases me.

I’ve thought
about that conversation many times since and have come to understand that being
an elder is an honor. It offers the opportunity to impart knowledge, to
encourage and offer help to those who are eager to learn. We can help in so
many subtle but impactful ways – if we are
present, patient, and willing.

After some
serious introspection, I’ve decided there are a few key elements to being a
good elder that I intend to follow from now on to ensure I am the best elder I
can be.

Always Be Kind

I will share
what I know in a considerate and thoughtful way; teaching without ever
criticizing.

Show, Don’t Tell

I will be an
example, always remembering that young people may be watching and learning by
how I behave.

Offer Support When It Matters

Being
young and inexperienced is challenging; mistakes happen. My gentle hand is
strong enough to guide someone back onto the right path.

Listen to Understand

I will
suspend judgement and do my best to see the situation from their perspective.

It’s Their Journey – Not Mine

There will
be times when I can foresee the hardship heading their way and warning them is
appropriate, but I will remember it’s their life to live as they choose.

I feel
some obligation, in return for the fruitful and fulfilling life I’ve lived, to
offer what I can to those who may benefit from my experiences.

Aging is
inevitable – but aging with purpose makes it
worthwhile. So, elder is a title I gratefully and mindfully accept. It’s all
part of this new era in an ever evolving life.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

When was
the last time you felt you made a difference in a young person’s life? Did you
count it as an accomplishment? What truths about being an elder can you share?
Please use the comment box below.