This article is the follow-up to the last blog, where I discussed why writing your memoir matters. We touched upon the importance of identifying themes.

Here we will examine and explore what happens after you’ve outlined your book themes. That will enable you to plot a patchwork story. Think about memoir writing in the same way as writing a novel. The difference is that your account happened to you.

Can You Imagine Yourself as a Character in a Book?

I do book coaching for flummoxed clients who have a story but don’t know where to begin, how to organize their thoughts on paper (proverbially), and how to utilize the themes to create a dramatic tale. For example, legalized gambling is a significant theme in one client’s life.

How did he take that and build a compelling story that people wanted to read?

First, he wrote in the third person, distancing himself from his “former self.” The theme was analyzed and picked apart to reveal what drove him to gamble in the first place! It wasn’t due to watching an uncle play cards on a Saturday night at the house. It was due to his severely constricted childhood in a religious household where NOTHING was allowed.

Can You Recognize a Subplot in Your Story?

Gambling is the central theme. The sub-plots include:

• a tremendous amount of childhood abuse bordering on indentured servitude,
• how religion shaped the character’s worldview,
• how an insufferable family shielded him from the outside world.

The three sub-plots propelled him into a life of borderline crime and intrigue. Molding his character, the events surrounding his upbringing become relatable throughout the book. The package makes for a thrilling story.

“No story lives unless someone wants to listen. The stories we love best do live in us forever. So whether you come back by page or by the big screen, Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home.”

— J.K. Rowling

Are You Bombarded with How-To Emails from Unknown Sources?

Know your source. Research the “experts” before taking what they say as the be-all and end-all. I like to get inspiration from various people to keep it fresh. Here are some of my processes.

I like using Excel spreadsheets to outline each aspect of my work. In determining the theme for my current book, I broke out the theme(s) (and sub-themes) into three areas. Emotional, Physical/Events, and Career.

It went something like this. Dynamic theme: resilience and naivete. Physical: worldwide travel in Europe and Asia. Career: entrepreneurship, visionary, and perseverance. The overarching plots include building businesses in foreign countries from scratch, raising venture capital on a shoestring, and making foreign partnerships flourish.

Can You See How Stories Begin to Emerge?

And then the fun part begins – writing out chapter outlines. There are many right or wrong ways to start your memoir, as each writer has their method. I like organizing before I begin the “fun” part with one caveat. The spark of inspiration, the magic, has to happen first; otherwise, there is nothing to write about for me.

Before writing the outline for each chapter, follow the process of a) determining the arc for the chapter, b) identifying the theme for the chapter, and c) bullet point the beginning, middle, and end of the chapter.

Outlining enables you to be crystal clear about the outcome of each chapter so you can thread it together in a cohesive whole. It doesn’t take away from the creativity of writing; instead, it provides a solid foundation and framework upon which to build.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you considered writing your memoir in the third person? Do you think this will give you objectivity over your own story? Would an outline work for you? If not, how would you plot your story, chapter by chapter?

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

Dull, dry skin got you down? Winter may be a time to get cozy, hang out with friends or family—but it’s definitely got our skincare in a rut. It’s important to do the big three: cleanse properly, exfoliate well, and hydrate as much as possible.

A gentle peel is key when doing so—you don’t want to irritate or inflame the skin so skip anything that may be a cause for concern.

A great recommendation I’ve found (because everything I own is through TikTok these days) is the Exfoliating Soft Peel from Aloisia Beauty. Reviewers on the app are reporting the brightest skin of their lives. Read more about why they love it below.

RELATED: These 6 Life-Changing Vitamin C Serums With Hyaluronic Acid Are on Sale For Under $25

Courtesy of Aloisia Beauty.

Aloisia Beauty Exfoliating Soft Peel

The Aloisia Beauty Exfoliating Soft Peel is a gel peel that does it all. First, it gets rids of dead skin cells, then it smoothes texture all while clearing pores and brightening. Say hello to the most glowing skin of your all time.

Wondering the best time to use and how often you should apply the peel? Use the product 1 to 3 times per week as the exfoliating step in your routine. It’s best for sensitive skin and/or combination skin.

This three-step product does so many things well: exfoliation, moisturizing, and spot reduction. Papaya Fruit enzymes and plant-based work in combination to buff away any impurities while ultra-hydrating sodium hyaluronate increases moisture retention and elasticity. Moisture and plumping for days!

In their independent study, Aloisia Beauty found that the Glow Exfoliating Soft Peel “met or exceeded their expectations for an exfoliator.” On top of this, 96% reported increased hydration, reduction of dryness, smoother complexion and brighter skin.”

Users report baby soft skin, acne reduction, and glowing skin. One reviewer even found it helped her mother reduce dullness and get brighter skin, saying “I had to get two this product is amazing I can’t live without it. its does what it says my mom and I use this at least twice a week. Order it, you won’t be disappointed. My face feels amazing. My mom is 80 and it has helped her skin get all the dullness and dead skin off.”

Visit Aloisia Beauty right now to get the Glow Exfoliating Soft Peel today.

Robyn Dixon’s Black Crystal Butterfly Tee at Candiace’s Party

Real Housewives of Potomac Season 7 Episode 10 Fashion

It’s crystal clear that Robyn Dixon looked adorable in her black cutout butterfly tee at the party. I like this top because it’s a simple black shirt yet fancy with the cute little embellishments. And for that very reason is why we need a Style Stealer of it to butterfly into our closets.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here to See Her Area Top

Originally posted at: Robyn Dixon’s Black Crystal Butterfly Tee

Wendy Osefo’s Yellow Knit Cardigan at Candiace’s Party

Real Housewives of Potomac Season 7 Episode 10 Fashion

Wendy Osefo brightened up the room arriving at Candiace’s graduation party. She wore a yellow knit cardigan set that looked cozy and cute. And you don’t need 4 degrees to know that the smart thing to do here is shop Style Stealers of it below.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here to See Her Zara Cardigan on eBay

Originally posted at: Wendy Osefo’s Yellow Knit Cardigan

New Year is coming, and I swear when the clock strikes midnight, I will turn my life around this time and turn into a slimmer, healthier, and happier version of me. I will get an annual membership to the gym and use it a whole three weeks, before falling back into my old patterns, disappointed in myself.

Making New Year’s resolutions can bring a great sense of motivation. But it is also a bad idea when you are an emotional eater.

New Year’s Resolutions Activate Our Fears, Therefore Reinforce Our Emotional Eating

Sometimes we may consciously want to lose weight, but a part of us may be resistant and just won’t let us do it.

Emotional eating is triggered when we are faced with uncomfortable emotions we don’t want to feel. Setting New Year’s resolutions to lose weight and exercise can trigger some of these difficult emotions. Our coping mechanism, i.e., eating, will be activated to numb them, and lead us to counter-productive results.

For example, emotional eaters often struggle with low self-esteem. If we feel fundamentally flawed, a part of us might believe we don’t deserve to achieve a significant weight loss. If we believe we’re undeserving of success, this limiting belief will cause us to hold ourselves back from fulfilling our weight loss goals and fail to complete our New Year’s resolutions.

In some other situations, we feel like if we lose weight, we are going to be pulled into totally different activities, with new people. But at the same time, we don’t want to be disloyal to people who have stuck with us until now.

Our anxiety spikes, and we experience more frequent and more intense food cravings, subconsciously pulling back from our New Year’s resolutions. Because we fear we would end up alone, abandon our roots, or leave behind people we care for.

In addition, many emotional eaters feel like they are responsible for others’ feelings. They believe if they stick to their New Year’s resolutions and achieve a significant weight loss, they will shine too much, and will make others feel bad or look bad.

They have an internal upper limit to the degree of success, health, and physical attractiveness they allow into their lives. They subconsciously choose to fail their New Year’s weight loss goals, to not outshine people they love.

New Year’s Resolutions create too much stress for emotional eaters. They rarely work because they create self-loathing and other difficult emotions that lead us to eat more, making achieving the goals we set impossible. So, where do we go from here?

Want to help Sixty and Me? Please take a few minutes to complete our quick annual survey!

What to Do to Successfully Lose Weight as an Emotional Eater Next Year

Big changes don’t just happen. They require sustained action (and a different kind of action than you’re used to) that can move you forward towards your weight loss goal despite the challenges, struggles and pushback. To achieve your New Year’s weight loss goals will require you to become someone who is different from who you are today.

Until you can heal what turned eating into a coping mechanism that gives you food cravings every time you feel bad, you will continue to perpetuate the challenges you are trying to walk away from. Your level of self-awareness needs to increase before your eating behavior can change.

If you want to bring a significant change in your life and consistently lose weight next year, you need to understand at a deep level why you eat the way you do. You need to recognize what keeps you locked in specific negative, self-sabotaging, or self-limiting behaviors that resist your will to become healthier.

Once you understand what drives your mindset, what are your emotional needs, values, beliefs, and fears, you will become able to commit to a deep level of change and stick to a healthier lifestyle.

First and Foremost, Start with Why You Want to Lose Weight

Most of us know we want to get healthier, but why we want it is often unclear. For example, do you want to be fit so you can be a positive example that your children or grandchildren can admire and look up to? Do you want to lose fat, so you’ll feel more confident and sexier in your body? Do you want to be healthier, so you’ll have increased clarity, energy, focus, and mobility? Do you want to lose weight to live longer?

Clarity over why you want to lose weight and mustering the energy to give yourself another chance does not systematically happen right for New Year. Don’t wait until the cosmos perfectly aligns, or when it seems like a good time of the year to get started.

Instead, make resolutions and start your weight loss journey when it is the right time for you. When you understand your struggles, your limits, and you have decided to go pass them. Make yourself a priority and you will find a way to adjust your daily routine to you needs, instead of the other way around.

Analyze the Past Year, Looking Toward the New One

This new year, instead of setting goals, you might take the opportunity to assess what worked well for you this past year. Who was of good influence, what activities fulfilled your emotional needs, and what situations made it possible for you to stick to a healthy lifestyle. You may also decide what you don’t need in your life anymore, and why. Forget about standardized norms, what you should want or enjoy, and be true to yourself.

If you must set resolutions for this New Year, make them about behaviors (i.e., drink only water, walk 30 minutes every day, etc.) rather than clothing sizes or numbers on a scale. Be as specific as you can when you set your goals and remember to enjoy the journey!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you plan to make the best out of this coming year? What priorities are you going to focus on? What behaviors were helpful for you in the past year or two?