Lisa Barlow’s White and Gold Aviator Sunglasses at Jennie’s Pho Luncheon

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 2 Episode 14 Fashion

Another day, another pair of Lisa Barlow sunglasses to report on — this time the chic white and gold aviator ones she wears to Jennie’s luncheon on tonight’s episode of RHOSLC. And considering we found a few pairs of them still up for grabs, you should probably click “add to cart” now before you have start having some serious pho-mo. 

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Originally posted at: Lisa Barlow’s White and Gold Aviator Sunglasses

Meredith Marks’ Pink Sunglasses at Jennie’s Pho Luncheon

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 2 Episode 14 Fashion

According to the previews for this week’s episode of RHOSLC Meredith Marks looks across the table at Jen Shah at the pho luncheon with with rose-coloured glasses. And not in a metaphorical sense, but in a literal sense with her pink rectangle sunnies that don’t really do the best job in hiding the fact that she’s seeing red. 

Fashionably,

Faryn

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Originally posted at: Meredith Marks’ Pink Sunglasses

I live in Minneapolis, where there have been many cruel acts since George Floyd was murdered at the knee of a policeman. This tragic event caused a ripple effect that my city is reeling over. Violence, carjacking, and much more have taken place since that event.

Is it directly related to the incident with George Floyd? I’m unsure. What I do see is that acts of cruelty have spread and continue to spread throughout Minneapolis and the world. Every night we hear more on the news. It seems to be getting out of hand.

What Can I Do?

After listening to discouraging newscasts, I wonder, what can I do? I’m a retired little lady who has a limited amount of money and resources to make change. What I can do is focus on the ripple effect of meanness. This helps me be a little curt and disrespectful to the delivery guy, or the grocery store clerk.

It surfaces in a lack of caring for my neighbor or friend. I can be less friendly and outgoing and worry about my safety. It’s a ripple effect on me that flows over to the next person I meet. I’m on edge when I surround myself with thoughts of cruelty.

Can I Do This?

In the same way, a ripple effect of acts of kindness can be my focus. USA Today reported an act of kindness at a Starbucks drive-thru in Florida. This inexpensive and selfless act inspired an 11-hour chain of paying-it-forward.

It started with one person who paid for the drink of the next person in line. She didn’t wait for a thank you or recognition in any way. It was a selfless act of kindness. It’s possible that she never knew the ripple effect she had on the next 378 people!

In the same way, we may never know the effect a small act of kindness does in the world. I guarantee you – it has a ripple effect.

Acts of Kindness

Wikipedia describes a random act of kindness as a non-premeditated, inconsistent action designed to offer kindness towards the outside world.Kindness here means a type of behavior marked by acts of generosity, consideration, or concern for others, without expecting praise or reward.

I think the part about not expecting praise or reward is one of the most significant part of this concept. It takes on a whole different meaning when we want something back from being kind.

It’s Nothing New

Anne Herbert wrote her book Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty, published in February 1993, speaking about true stories of acts of kindness. This is not a new idea. Organizations and initiatives have popped up about paying it forward and performing random kind acts. This has given people hope and desire to do better toward each other. We can use this right now.

Can You?

What random act of kindness have you given to the world? Have you received any? It can be as little as a smile to someone, holding a door open, changing a tire, or paying the bill for someone. This happened once in a grocery store where someone gave me the pennies I lacked to pay the entire bill.

When my son was small, I had trouble coming up with the bill for his day care one month. We had a particularly difficult month with car trouble, and other expenses of a young family. I met with the owner of the day care, who listened to my story, then told me for that month only, she would waive the bill. I was astounded that she would give me this opportunity.

She did not want me to pay it back next month or over time, but to start over fresh as the bill was now considered paid. Her only requirement was that I paid it forward someday when finances allowed me to do so. This act of kindness resulted in changing the way I treat others for my entire life.

Watch This!

Please take a few minutes to watch this video about the ripple effect of an act of kindness. This uplifts me and gives me courage to be kind. There are so many stories of how kindness has affected people. We hear the opposite on the news, but kindness exists. It could originate with you.

Sometimes as retired women, we limit ourselves or feel limited in what we have to offer. Where is that feeling coming from? Is it fear? Or feeling that we don’t matter?

Oh, we matter.

There’s someone in your world right now that could benefit from a kind act. As in the video, it’s small considerate steps taken that cause a ripple effect. I’m not saying we should be risky and offer a hitchhiker a ride or give our entire savings to a homeless person.

At all times we need to be aware of our safety. What I am saying is that our small friendly acts to others will begin a ripple of kind acts that we will not conceive of or know about. There is a continuous and spreading result of our actions, good or bad.

Change the World

Do you believe that your acts of kindness could change the entire world? I believe this. Today, and every day, be alert to ways you can spread kindness even in the smallest of ways. Today, change the world.

Please share how you were the recipient of a kind act. What have you done to share kindness to the world? Do you feel your acts of kindness matter? Can you change the world in some small way? Let’s share and inspire each other to bring out the very best in everyone.

“Everyone makes mistakes – and so do I,” sang the wonderful Big Bird in Sesame Street all those years ago. I still remember the tune of that song.

And the message is great. I was brought up to feel I shouldn’t make mistakes, I shouldn’t get things wrong. So I tried very hard not to.

Nonetheless, we do all get things wrong from time to time – and I certainly did. This is the story of a real doozy.

Becoming a Film ‘Extra’

Over 40 years ago, I received a general invitation to take part as an extra in a movie being filmed in London. An amusing idea, I thought, but not for me. I was busy with work, as well as looking after my seven-year-old daughter.

But my husband and daughter had other ideas. The minute I told them about it, they became very insistent: “You’ve got to do it.” I demurred. They pressed. They did not let up.

In the end, I went. My work was part-time and very flexible, so it was easy for me to take a few days off. My husband would get my daughter to school and back.

The Film

The film, directed by Fred Zinnemann, was called Julia, starring Jane Fonda, Vanessa Redgrave and Jason Robards. It was about the American playwright, Lillian Hellman, and her attempt to smuggle cash into pre-war Germany at the request of her Jewish friend Julia.

Not that I knew much of that at the time.

We extras were used for several scenes, but my moment of glory took place in only one – a post opening night dinner at Sardi’s, the place that theatre people went on such occasions. It was famous for its cartoons of theatre people all over the walls.

(I was taken there years later by my parents, to see how it looked in real life. It was not very different from the film set. Having opened in 1921, it still exists one hundred years later.)

Being on Set

We were all dressed in costumes of the period, plus a wig and make-up, so I looked nothing like my normal self (short hair and no make-up). I was amazed by the detailed trouble taken over people who would only be in the background.

I soon found that it was very boring most of the day. We spent a lot of time sitting around reading or chatting amongst ourselves. Some of the extras were regulars and I learned that we should hope that the filming went on for a long time, because we would then be paid overtime.

On set, it became more interesting. We were seated at tables with food in front of us and warned not to touch it. There was real shrimp cocktail, but they would not vouch for its freshness or safety.

When filming began, we had to look like we were in conversation, which was not difficult as we had been talking all day. But we could watch the actors surreptitiously, of course, as well as the director.

Watching a Scene Being Filmed

When we were not on set, we were able to watch some of the filming.

I watched one scene, where Jane Fonda was talking to a young actress with the peculiar name of Meryl Streep. She was not especially pretty and seemed very awkward and uncomfortable in the role.

Indeed, I concluded that with her apparent lack of ability, lack of good looks and her odd name, she would not go far.

I even remember wanting to put an arm around her (she was ­only six years younger than me, but I felt motherly) and give her some sort of comfort.

I even wondered whether it would be appropriate to invite her home for dinner, but never acted on the thought.

Getting It Very Wrong

Oh dear. So much for my perspicacity. I did make a very large mis-judgment. Although I can add that I did read subsequently in some magazine interview that she said it was her first film and she definitely did feel uncomfortable.

I saw Julia, of course, when it came out – and on the television years later, when I could stop and rewind. There was no sign of me whatsoever – just a blur as the camera panned the restaurant while Jane Fonda made her grand entrance.

It was not a terrible film, but not a great one either and seems to have disappeared into the mists of time.

The beginning and end of my film career. But I don’t need to tell anyone that Meryl Streep went on to impress the world, including me, with her enormous sensitivity and skill as one of the foremost actresses of our time.

Perhaps one should cut a little slack to first films, first books and first everything else.

Have you ever made a prediction of this sort that turned out to be completely wrong? What other mistakes have you made in the course of your life?

Family estrangement for women in their 60s is more common than you think. About 70 million people in the United States report experiencing estrangement from one or more family members.

For some, estrangement is a choice due to self-preservation against impossible family circumstances. Perhaps you have been the recipient of someone’s decision to detach.

Estrangement is a topic often held in the shadows with little or no support due to the gravity of its impact. It can be extraordinarily distressing for those that are scorned or ignored. This article discusses five tips to help you navigate this Holiday if you are estranged.

Especially during the holidays, estranged people can struggle with the onslaught of movies, decorations, and music broadcasting family cheer.

All that togetherness around the tree with everyone smiling like in Hallmark Movies.

There is a buzz of family gatherings, busyness on steroids, discussions of dinner plans, and let’s not forget the greetings. Happiness can feel elusive when you are pining for your loved one to call or visit. The holiday season can be brutal.

Holidays abound with tradition, expectations, and possibilities. Unfortunately, when one experiences the gamut of estrangement, one can encounter degrees of sadness, guilt, shame, depression, loneliness, and isolation. As a therapist and wellness coach, some of my clients have wrestled with strong emotions by denying they hurt.

They put on a solid front to protect themselves from their grief and loss. Some plot their journey of estrangement by visiting their emotions, intentionally carving out time for self-care, summoning their power of choices, connecting with others, and committing to having support.

The Power of Choice

There is no doubt that being separated from those you love during the holidays can be more than problematic. More than likely, you didn’t have this in mind for your family. Once again, my son, his wife, and my grandson will not be visiting our family. He has chosen to exclude himself from our traditions. While it has been excruciating, living with joy is more than possible. It is a choice to accept to live despite the loss.

Each day you get to decide what you will do with your time. You can choose to heed the call of Nurturing yourself or not. You can choose to call a friend, join a group, volunteer, and find something to be grateful for.

You can pray, set intentions, do affirmations, watch a funny movie, do a yoga class, meditate, or go for a walk. The choice is yours to do the work necessary for whole living. Keeping a daily routine can be very grounding. There are resources everywhere to help reframe your thoughts to ones that will be life-giving.

Since the holidays bring so many expectations, consider dropping those that keep you stuck. If they don’t want to be in your company, gather with voluntary kin. Be alert to the things that trigger you and do something different. Decide to spend the day doing something you like to do.

It never occurred to me that my son would ignore me and not reach out. While it hurts terribly, what has sustained me has been to partake in daily self-care, stay connected, visit my emotions, and make daily choices.

Each day choose your well-being. Your circumstances may be far from your desires, but you can decide to move forward with joy. Daily stress can bring on strong emotions. If time allows, visit with your feelings. Or you can compartmentalize, stall the exercise, and do something you enjoy. The day is yours; you have options, choose yourself!

Connection

During the holidays, the expectation is for family gatherings. Being disappointed that you cannot have your ultimate Holiday is o.k. Accept what is and make lemonade instead. It is appropriate to ask a friend to join her gathering. You can also host a small meeting. You may have some of your family you can see, be sure to enjoy them wholeheartedly.

There is nothing more critical to well-being than being connected to others. Strong feelings can sometimes cause us to isolate. Strongly resist the temptation to isolate. Push yourself to be around people you like. Arrange to go out to dinner with friends.

Please share your story with a friend and enlist their help. Above all, resist the temptation to recluse and isolate. You will find that there are many people with similar stories.

Studies tell us that human connection aligns with better health and happiness. We are happier when we are genuine and share human moments with others. Decide to make friendships a priority.

Self-Care

Daily self-care is essential to well-being. Even on your busy days, take time to meditate, lather yourself with lotion, go for a walk, eat a nutritious meal, and listen to music. Self-care is so much more than getting a manicure. Self-care is prioritizing you enough to take the time that elevates your mental and physical health.

Your self-care is a personal matter. Your individual needs inform what practices will work for you. Research tells us that there is a positive relationship between people who follow a daily self-care routine and stress reduction. Practicing mindfulness daily by meditating can improve self-compassion and empathy for others.

Visiting Your Emotions

Estrangement occurs when one or more people intentionally create distance with another. Sometimes there is a sudden break of the relationship, yet often it is a process of distancing. The loss of closeness, particularly of an adult child, hurts. Varying coping mechanisms to avoid pain can increase our stress because pain doesn’t go away on its own.

It requires careful compassionate appointments to explore and then return to your courage to move forward. Journaling can be part of these visits with simple writing. There is no right or wrong way. Just let it flow. Handwritten journaling is best, so you slow down, think, and feel.

Using your computer will work too. The idea is to pause so you can express and process. Think of it as an opportunity for intimacy where you accept what you feel and allow it to be.

Estrangement from family, especially during the holidays, is not fun. Mainly if it is our adult children who have chosen to separate, we may blame ourselves, feel guilty about our words and deeds, and have to shame the notion our child no longer seeks our company.

When we journal our thoughts and feelings, we get to develop the contents of our hearts slowly. If tears come, welcome them. If it hurts badly, remind yourself you can, and you will get through. Each time you visit, experiment with more self-compassion.

You may want to get a particular book, light a candle, sip on your favorite tea. Honor yourself with time to survey the quiet places and noisy places. Above all, bring a heavy helping of self-compassion, remind yourself that you are doing the best you can, did the best you could, and offer forgiveness.

Visiting your emotions is an exercise in patience and determination – practice patience in letting the contents inside unfold. Determine to come through knowing yourself better.

Support

Holidays are stressful for everyone. Estrangement can catapult stress to epic proportions. Wherever you are on the stress scale, support will be a considerable comfort. Regularly talking to others in a support group or seeing a therapist can help navigate strong emotions.

Likewise, support can help enlarge your insight, teach communication skills, offer options, and provide a safe place to ventilate.

Talk to someone who is there to uplift you and come alongside you. Estrangement can be disturbing, and loss has no magic wand. Sometimes the pain is too much to handle alone. Professional assistance will help you navigate your triggers, assess your emotional state, and provide a safe, enriching experience. There is no shame in getting help if you are stuck. You are not alone, and you do not need to struggle longer than necessary.

Have a Compassionate Holiday!

Self-compassion is your key to better living. Being a member of humanity, the experience of hurting is real. Practice self-talk that is encouraging and positive. Learn to treat yourself as you would a friend.

Be compassionate in all things. Judging and criticizing are as harmful as a hangnail. Extend kindness to yourself and see this upcoming Holiday as an opportunity to find those things you are grateful for.

My son and his family are dear to me, and I will miss them this year. I have learned to focus on those who enjoy my company and celebrate the many opportunities to be grateful. It still hurts, but I choose to reframe how I see the Holiday.

Expectations can create big problems, so I expect less. I accept what it is and make lemonade. Keeping emotional visits, daily self-care, talking to my therapist, and leaning into the power of choice has helped me live better. I still hurt, but I choose to live with joy. I invite you to choose joy as well.

What part of your estrangement story have you found most challenging? What have you learned about yourself that has helped you with other family members? How will you commit to making your Holiday enjoyable?