Life is full of comparisons. As employees, our performance is measured against our coworkers. As mothers, we worry about whether we are doing good enough – compared to whom, by the way? Creatively, we feel like we can’t compete with our “natural” friends and neighbors.

As we reach our 50s and 60s, we have an opportunity to let these comparisons go. After all, we all have unique passions and gifts. Now, it’s time for each of us to sing our unique song – for ourselves and for the world.

What if Only the Top Ten Birds in the Forest Sang?

Imagine. Only 10 birds singing. What happens to the other untold thousands? And are we tasked with searching that forest to find those rare voices? Happily not. All birds have a voice.

Creativity – and all forms of art – have been boxed and sold to us as “some have it” and “some don’t.” And for that reason, many of us have put that box on a shelf, thinking that artistic talent belongs to someone else. And even among those who have embraced their talents, many have fallen into a mental trap that there is some huge and vague competition where all are lined up from the best of the best on down, leaving the top 10 singing alone on the stage while the rest of us flounder in the rafters.

I am serious. What if only 10 birdsongs could ever be heard in the woods? We would lose the beautiful bird symphonies that brighten our days, whether it is the magical harmony of northern woodlands or that brilliant cacophony of tropical rain forests!

We All Fall Victim to Limiting Ideas

To be honest, I can think of times when I fell victim to those limiting ideas. At one point, I was working as a curriculum director in a school district. Although I had always given workshops and had been a public speaker, I had a colleague who was a dynamite speaker. I was in awe of her polished style, her humor, and the way she connected with the audience. I allowed myself to become intimidated by her stellar performances… and I actually stopped speaking.

A few years later, I recognized the folly in that decision. There was zero room to grow within it. My friend had gone on to become a world renowned keynote speaker when I decided it was time for me to grow and speak again. I joined Toastmasters and worked on my skills. I realized that of course I would likely never be a speaker like her, but I am certainly a speaker like “me.” That actually became my moment of liberation. I started to think – YES, I CAN.

At Our Age, We Can Break the Chains that Bind Our Creativity

Perhaps, as we reach our midlife and beyond, we can break away from societal strangleholds on our creativity. As time has moved on, I have come to view life itself as the creative force and the daily moments within it as my canvas for which to imprint my art form.

I have kept journals, written songs, painted designs on bird houses, made photo collages, created films, grown herbs and flowers, written poetry, and painted watercolors.

One of our sixties icons, Marshall McLuhan, said “the medium is the message,” in reference to the way an artistic medium shapes and transforms a message. For me, I think the opposite is also true: “the message is the medium,” that is, creativity and creative ideas flow out through a range of shapes and forms.

It’s Time to Explore New and Exotic Forms of Expression

Recently, I discovered a wonderful and very simple activity called Zentangle. I had never heard of Zentangle, but a friend who has watched me doodle through countless meetings, recognized a signature in my doodles and gave me a book, Joy of Zentangle, that she felt reflected my art.

From there I took off into a magical world that gives me the freedom to create without limiting me to perfect symmetry (not a strong point of mine). Zentangle is an art form with “beautiful images made up of structured patterns.” It contains the word Zen because it is a genuine meditative act to draw this way.

I buy blank cards and use colored markers to draw my Zentangles – and each card is different. I can draw peacefully for hours and then pack up my art kit into a little zipper bag that fits into my purse, which I can take anywhere. When I have a set of seven, I put them together in a packet and give them as gifts. Everyone uses cards for thank yous, birthdays, etc. Some have even framed the cards I gave them.

Whether it is in the garden, through visual art, photography, theatre, dance, writing, speaking, or any other form of expression, we can all find avenues for our creative energy. And being alive today, we can also probably even take an online course or an adult education class to enhance our skills. There are myriad art forms from leaded glass to doll-making, from poetry to music – innumerable ways to magically transform our unique expressions to what Mary Oliver calls “the little flames leaping.”

Now it’s your turn!

What art forms have you practiced all your life?

What new ones have you recently discovered?

What is your creative story?

Let’s get a conversation started! Do you agree that life in your 50s, 60s and better offers an opportunity to reconnect with your creative self? What create tasks do you enjoy?

The Bachelorette Season 18 Episode 4: Looks We Love

We’ve just entered week 4 of Michelle Young’s journey to find love and things seem to be getting intense. As if last week wasn’t crazy enough I’m wondering if this week is even more dramatic. But one thing we do know about this week is that the looks are verrrry cute. On top of that most of them happen to still be in stock! And unlike The Bachelorette you def do want these pieces to be sent home. Your home that is.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here to Shop Her Leset Crop Top

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The Bachelorette Airs Tuesdays (8:00-10:00 p.m. EST), on ABC. (ABC/Craig Sjodin)

Originally posted at: The Bachelorette Season 18 Episode 4: Looks We Love

If my wife had never scolded me on that Sunday, I probably never would have gone to my first acupuncture session. And if it weren’t for acupuncture, I’m certain I wouldn’t feel as good as I do today.

I will spare you all the medical details, but eight years ago I was struck by extremely discomforting chronic prostatitis, which I later learned was triggering my first-ever bout of severe chemical depression.

I visited many doctors and specialists. I had undergone a battery of tests. I had tried numerous prescriptions. But there was simply no improvement.

Finally, after yet another weekend of my being unable to do anything except lie on our sofa until I dragged myself to work on another miserable Monday, Judy decided she had to act.

“Look,” she said. “I can’t go on with you being like this. Did you even look at the acupuncture information I brought home? You have to do something to get better. What you’re doing isn’t working.”

What Is Acupuncture?

A few days later, I arrived for my first acupuncture appointment. I admit I was scared. I only knew three things about acupuncture – it was part of Oriental medicine, it involved needles and I really didn’t care for needles. Especially needles in those places in my body that were currently giving me problems.

When I met my acupuncturist Shoshana, I’m sure she sensed my nervousness. She patiently explained the rudiments of acupuncture and pointed out that prostate problems and depression required similar treatment in Oriental medicine. She said both were caused by an imbalance of energy focused on my liver.

She then proceeded with a point from my detailed medical questionnaire that we still laugh about today.

“You say on here that you have tingling in your toes, is that right?”

I nodded my head.

“By any chance do your big toes tingle more than the others?” she asked.

“Don’t tell me, liver right?” I responded.

Shoshana, smiling, nodded her head.

She then produced the needles she would be using. Hey, I thought, they don’t look so deadly. She explained how she would be placing them in my body and briefly what they would do. You can’t imagine my relief when I heard that they wouldn’t be going anywhere near where I had most feared they might.

She placed the first needle and I felt… nothing. The same with all the remaining needles. Shoshana explained the treatment required that I lie and rest, or “bake” as she joked, for an hour.

An hour later, I had completed my first acupuncture treatment. I did feel relaxed and energized. We continued treatments regularly for three months. By that time, I was back to my normal self.

Shoshana suggested that I periodically return for what she called “maintenance repair” and I have been doing that a few times a year since.

An Introduction to Qi and Concept of Yin Yang

Obviously, while I’m no expert, I have learned quite a bit about acupuncture.

The ancient Oriental medical art, first practiced in China more than 5,000 years ago, has as its basic tenet the concept that disease is caused by a disruption of a person’s Qi, or vital life force. The disruption results from an imbalance of yin and yang.

The Chinese believe yin and yang – most simply translated as dark-bright – are opposite forces that are complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world.

Yin qualities include darkness, quiet, moisture, and formlessness. Yang qualities are represented by light, noise, dryness, and form.

For example, in exercise, running is yang. The rest that allows you to run is yin.

This duality forms the primary guideline for traditional Chinese medicine, as it does in Chinese philosophy, science and several types of martial arts. When the yin and the yang aren’t in balance, problems result.

How Acupuncture Helps with Pain and Depression

While some still dismiss acupuncture as medical hocus-pocus, the World Health Organization finds the treatments medically effective. In 2003, the WHO certified that many diseases, symptoms and conditions could be treated with acupuncture. The groundbreaking report was based on 255 trials.

Those ailments that could be treated with acupuncture listed in the 2003 report included: depression; hypertension; knee, lower back, neck, and spine pain; post-operative pain; and rheumatoid arthritis.

Later, acupuncture was found to be effective in treating alcohol dependence, tobacco dependence, anxiety, cancer pain, non-insulin dependent diabetes, drug addiction, eye illnesses, insomnia, obesity, prostatitis, respiratory tract illnesses, and stress.

In all, more than 40 conditions are now considered treatable with acupuncture and that list continues to grow.

Currently, various reports estimate that more than 20 million Americans have tried acupuncture.

And that number is increasing rapidly as members of the Baby Boomer generation are seeking a more holistic, integrative approach to address their health concerns. The Boomers – now between the ages of 52 and 70 – are looking for a blending of functional medicine, mind-body medicine and nutritional medicine to keep them healthy and active as they age.

In fact, according to a 2012 study by the National Center from Complementary and Integrative Health, more than 33 percent of U.S. adults are using complementary health approaches. That number

What Are the Benefits of Acupuncture and Is It Right for You?

So is acupuncture right for you? Well, I’m not a doctor, but it sure was right for me. And my wife Judy also swears by it.

We were so impressed with our life-improving results that a few years ago we hosted a Tupperware-like Acupuncture Party. We invited five couples over and Shoshana Osovsky (whom by now we considered a great friend) performed a generalized, stress-relaxing acupuncture treatment on all 12 of us. Of the 10 people we invited, seven felt immediate benefits and six of them underwent further acupuncture treatments for various problems.

But what if you’re still leery of trying the treatment?

Well, I saved the best side benefit for last. While I can’t guarantee acupuncture will work for you, I’m fairly certain you’ll relax and doze off during the treatment. And with all the stress of today’s living, who doesn’t enjoy a refreshing short nap every so often?

Have you ever tried acupuncture? What benefits of acupuncture did you experience? How did it work for you? Can you recommend other alternative treatment options that have worked for problems you were having? Please share in the comments below.

Editor’s note: None of the following information is intended to be medical advice, but we hope that it gives you something to discuss with your doctor on your next visit.

I was recently talking to some friends about the fact that I was writing a book about being in our later years, which I have just published. I may have used the word “old.”

One woman immediately alerted me to be careful never to use the word “old” – “We are ‘older’ – not old,” she insisted.

This got me thinking. Everyone tiptoes around the problem of what to call older (or old) people, as if it were a kind of embarrassing condition to which we must not call too much attention.

Pensioners

Oh dear. Such a problem.

Old people in the UK were for many years referred to as old age pensioners (often shortened to pensioners or OAPs). Any woman over 60 (or man over 65) was deemed to be an OAP, correctly as they would be drawing a state pension. The qualifying ages have changed more recently.

Although the phrase was used descriptively, it immediately conjured up someone slightly bent over and possibly leaning on a cane, like those road signs to warn drivers to be careful of old people in the area.

Pensioners were assumed to be poor, to be living quiet lives and not likely to live very long. I’m not sure when it happened, but this term seems to have gone out of style.

Seniors and Boomers

In the meantime, the word senior citizen or seniors became very popular in the US and has been growing in Britain.

Aside from the confusion with those in their last year of high school or college, both of whom were known as seniors in my day, this always had the unpleasant whiff of a euphemism to me.

Who, after all, would want to be called a junior? And this is only the reverse.

As my particular generation has aged, older people are sometimes referred to as baby boomers in a descriptive way. This at least has a more active image.

The difficulty for me is the incidental association with the word ‘baby’, a patronising epithet for women that has always been deeply offensive to me. Sometimes this is shortened to boomers, often seen as pejorative.

And some words are used for more formal occasions, such as person of advanced years usually in an effort not to sound condescending. The more medical term geriatric and the somewhat jokey term oldster pop up from time to time.

Just occasionally, a word can actually seem respectful of older people. Derived initially from discussions about older people in other societies, the word elder came into fashion, with a mild overtone of wisdom. This is not really used much in ordinary parlance.

Sticks and Stones

We all know that there are numerous words that imply an older person, particularly a woman, is decrepit, no longer able to think and, frankly, plain.

There is old crone, followed by old hag, old bag, old biddy and old crock. Not to mention old dear. Even superannuated, although ostensibly more respectful, is not something anyone would aspire to be.

When it comes to politics, the term blue rinse brigade suggests a more conservative (and possibly Conservative) bent. For those who don’t know, it used to be common for older women to rinse their grey hair with a blue dye, giving it a blue-ish tinge.

And then there are the more direct insults. My son, in his teens, referred to older people as crumblies or wrinklies. These, at least, added a bit of humour.

And finally, I can’t omit my favourite. A friend tells me that years ago, the French referred to vielles femmes (old ladies), très vielles femmes (very old ladies) and son et lumières – the latter being the sound and light show often played onto ancient castles or monuments in rural France.

I can just visualise the kind of old lady that might be compared to an ancient monument, but it certainly isn’t me.

I have tried to track this down to more recent usage, but alas, none of my French friends could help here.

Personally, I take it all with a bit of a laugh – we are who we are, and we would smell as sweet by any other name.

What word for old people do you like best? Do any of these annoy you? Can you think of other terms for old people?

If I had a dollar for every time a question or second thought occurred to me, I would assuredly be a billionaire! Overthinking next steps or actions is an all-too-familiar pattern for me and without realizing it, I will consider if it’s the right time to do just about anything!

Call it procrastination, overthinking, or perfectionism, this habit has been with me for a long time. Consider thisreplay of a recent conversation in my brain:

Myself: I’m wondering if I should try that weight loss medicine?

Other Self: Oh, I don’t think it is a good idea.

Myself: Yes, I did read about the side effects. And after all, I did lose 10 pounds during the pandemic. Maybe I can just do it on my own?

Other Self: Yes, you can do it on your own.

Myself: Oh really? Losing 10 pounds over the last year, when I’m obese, and tried to lose for 20+ years, is not exactly efficient timing!!

Other Self: Just congratulate yourself and keep going. A loss is a loss.

Myself: Right, but I’m 70 and the time on the clock is disappearing. I might even be dead before I reach a healthy weight!!

Other Self: Oh, there you go again. Such a pessimist!

Seeing the Problem

I did make the decision about taking medication and proceeded with action. It is when the thoughts replay repeatedly, and over time, that I know it is becoming a problem.

In his popular book, Soundtracks: The Surprising Solution to Overthinking, author Jon Acuff says, “Overthinking steals time, creativity and productivity by making you listen to broken soundtracks,” and “I discovered how to turn overthinking from a super problem into a superpower.” It is an excellent read and it helped me understand my own patterns and how to address them.

Early Morning Clarity

It is common for me to “see” solutions in my mind’s eye upon awakening in the morning. Somehow my morning thoughts seem clearer, I’m rested, and they often lead to calendaring the day and planning the week ahead.

My first article written for publication was entitled, “Never a Right Time to Have a Baby.” Motivated by gratitude, the article was written after my son was born and treatment for my first cancer included two weeks in the hospital, a major surgery and loss of fertility when the baby was just 12 weeks old. Indeed, we were lucky to get pregnant when we did, and the idea for the article “sparked” early one morning.

While I didn’t write an article about it, a more recent experience taught me there is never a right time to start a business. Thrive Headwear, my chemo hat company, was born one early morning in 2010, when I envisioned a particular way to assemble and sew a head cover. The design occurred one morning when I had just awakened. That early morning idea, a bejeweled bandana-styled cotton scarf, sold in the thousands!

My cancer diagnosis coincided with leaving a job, trying to save money on my own head wear, and ultimately led to designing five additional hat products. I retired the business nine years later, after creating a website and wholesaling to hospitals and cancer centers in 10 states.

Much earlier in life, I recall receiving another visual cue while walking the aisle at my bookstore. I spotted striking colors on the white spine of a book. Taken by those bright pink, magenta, lavender, and purple colors streaking across the white cover, it took me a few moments to notice the book was titled, Listening to Your Inner Voice.

Since the topic of listening to my intuition had come up in a conversation earlier in the week, I smiled and bought the book, realizing I’d just been presented with an answer!

Decision Models and Lists

As a counselor, career and outplacement coach and a university and community education instructor for years, my favorite decision-making model was one that involved evaluating choices against one another using a ranked list of personal/work values.

With a little math, clear priorities always resulted and my students, clients and I loved the way these choices emerged.

Handwritten lists are also useful to me, if even to just clear my head. Containing the thoughts on a paper list, or in my phone, is the first step toward resolution. Seeing those tasks on my list immediately signals next steps, and I often combine tasks, assign myself dates and thoughts turn into action.

What’s Next?

Next? For what seems like the grandaddy of all decisions because I’ve been stuck for so long, what is next for me? The answer is that I just launched a blog, “Aging with Passion” and proposed some courses in the local college community education department.

I’m taking some online courses to improve blogging and teaching skills and plan to deliver my training on the website associated with the blog. My focus is working at living our best lives in our 70’s, 80’s and 90’s, healthy aging, relocation retirement and retirement careers.

Inspired by wonderful men and women who have shared their stories with me in a series of “Successful Aging” profiles written for a local university research center on aging, I look forward to paying forward their inspiration! For someone who thinks, “what should I do now?” step one is submitting this article to SixtyandMe.com. Onward!

What is next for you? Have you been stuck because of uncertainty? Is there a time of day when you’re full of ideas? What idea did you have today? Share your thoughts – even if you aren’t clear on the answers. Let’s start a discussion!