In a previous article, I wrote about how to structure your life stories. So, what do you do next?

After you gather all necessary materials, following one of the previously discussed structures, it is time to start writing the short of your life story or memoir.

What Is My Memoir or Life Story About?

Read through the notes you have been gathering, and ask yourself, “What aspect of my life is my memoir or short story about?” For example, it could be about overcoming an illness or a death, moving, going back to school, changing careers, etc.

A memoir focuses on something you went through that changed you as a person. In contrast, an autobiography is a chronological account of your life to date. Keeping those differences in mind, you can still incorporate many aspects of your life in a memoir through the use of flashbacks.

If you are just having an “a-ha” moment and realize you are writing an autobiography instead of a memoir, don’t hit delete. You can still use the following guidelines for the structure:

Visualize Your Story

The first step is to visualize your story. Visualization is a powerful tool – it helps make the final product real. Place the visualization of your story on paper by creating a story arc.

How to Create a Story Arc

Draw a huge arc on a piece of construction paper, and note the major events in your story from beginning to end. Sometimes, the shape will change as you begin to write, but it is important to have a shape in order to begin.

I have found that those people who try to write without the story shape may not have finished writing even 10years later. Please don’t let that happen; you owe it to yourself to write your story!

Here are four important parts of the story to identify on the arc:

Beginning

First, ground the story by describing the location, time, date and year the story begins, and introduce the main character (you).

Second, point out the theme of the story/memoir by writing about an incident that led to the story occurring. We refer to this incident as the ‘trigger’. It could be packing your suitcase and leaving your husband. It could be buying a one-way ticket to live in Costa Rica. It could be the diagnosis of a serious illness.

After you introduce the trigger, continue writing about the events that followed and the events that preceded the trigger through the use of flashbacks.

Flashbacks

Flashbacks give you the opportunity to write about those stories in your life which influence the theme of the memoir or life story. If you moved a lot in adulthood, you might find it important to describe how you were used to moving a lot as a child.

Although a memoir is primarily about a major incident in your life, there are still plenty of opportunities to include stories about your childhood, roots and past incidents that affect the main story. Flashbacks are the best way to accomplish that.

Story Climax

The climax is that point in your life story where you come to a crossroad. It is at that crossroad that you will make a major choice that will change the course of your life.

For instance, you leave your job, train in a new field, and take a job in a foreign country. Or, after fighting a life-threatening illness, you decide to live your life differently than you did before you became ill.

Conclusion

Your life story should end with the result of the choices you made. What did you learn? How did you grow?

Theme, a.k.a., What Is the Core of My Story?

Identify the theme of your story by asking yourself, “What do I want to achieve in the story or memoir?” This is the tread that holds your memoir together. By identifying what you want, you will see your objective clearly, and it will become easier to decide what stories to use and what stories to remove.

The objective can be getting healthy, if the story is about overcoming an illness. Or, you may want to retire in a foreign country, and so your book will be about the stages you went through to achieve that goal.

When you identify your intentions for the memoir, you will be able to see more clearly how that journey started, the obstacles you faced, how you overcame those obstacles and how you concluded that episode of your life.

Now, Be Tough!

Write the first and last paragraph in your memoir. This is usually the moment when my students groan. Recently, a student even growled at me, but she still wrote the paragraphs and was then pleased that they helped her to see the shape of her story.

You can rewrite these paragraphs as your book evolves, but it’s important to write them first. They will be your guides for what lies in between.

My next article will cover how to create the scenes between the beginning, climax and end of the story. But for now – good luck and write daily!

Have you started writing your memoir or life story? How far did you get? Have you experienced any difficulties? What suggestions can you offer to others who want to attempt writing a memoir? Please join the discussion below!

Women are different from men physically,
mentally and emotionally – that’s no big
surprise. We know it from personal experience, which science has then supported
over many years.

No surprise either that women handle
stress differently from our male counterparts – but, unfortunately, not in a good way. How we typically process
stress adversely affects our health and longevity.

Pace of Life Creates Stress

For men as well as women, the pace of
life has outstripped our brain’s ability to adapt, according to Dr. Amit Sood, retired professor of medicine at
the Mayo Clinic and founder of the Clinic’s Resilience Program.

That feeling you often have as your
day whips by – that there’s too much to do and too
little help to do it – is accurate.
You’re far from the only one. We are all suffering from a sense of less control
over what goes on in our day-to-day lives, which is a primary and critical
cause of stress.

Women Process Stress Differently Than Men

When it comes to how women handle
stress, researchers at the Yale University School of
Medicine found that women tend to view – and review – in our minds
whatever caused us stress.

It could be that we were late to an
appointment, a grandchild couldn’t be soothed, we can’t seem to shed pounds, a
project failed, or we had an argument with a loved one.

This continual and repetitive
processing of the stressful experience causes stress on top of the original
stress. No wonder we’re exhausted so often.

Men, on the other hand, generally
tend to go into problem-solving and action mode after experiencing stress. They
plot and plan and figure out what to do about the stress rather than simply
re-imaging it as women do.

This would be merely an interesting fact if it weren’t
for the consequences on our health and longevity. Stress is not good or bad in
and of itself. It’s the obsessing over the stress that kicks our body’s normal
and natural “flight or fight” response into overdrive.

Instead of a momentary, elevated inflammatory response
to support our immune system through a trying time, when we revisit our stress
over and over, our system continues to pump out emergency support in the form
of immune cells.

The over-production of these cells interferes with our
bodies’ healthy tissues, which can lead to chronic inflammation. What
started as a good, protective immune system function becomes a destructive,
harmful one.

The upshot of all this? Chronic
inflammation contributes significantly to health problems such as cancer, heart
disease, obesity, and more specifically, age-related conditions such as frailty
and cognitive decline.

I don’t
know much more about Ruth Westheimer, 91, a.k.a., “Dr. Ruth,” than what’s
available in the public domain, but I would bet that she has found a successful
way to deal with her stress.

Most
of us know of Dr. Ruth as a sex educator with a witty, fun way of sharing her
wisdom and expertise over her many years on TV. But before that, Dr. Ruth lost
her parents in WWII, trained as a scout and sniper in 1948, and was wounded in
action.

She
eventually migrated to the U.S. and became a therapist, media personality, author
of some 40 books, and a mother of two and a grandmother of four.

Her most recent book, Roller Coaster Grandma, published in
2018, is an autobiography written for ages 8–12. There’s no way Dr. Ruth
would have been capable of such a full and rewarding long life if she hadn’t
figured out a healthy response to her various stressors.

Destressing Steps

How
can you better manage stress?

First,
when stress is triggered, practice going quickly into problem-solving mode. One
technique that has worked for many women is to write down the stressor and why
it bothers you in one column.

In
a column next to it, write down possible solutions or actions, point by point,
to deal with the stressor. Then, take the required steps.

Second,
recognize that stress is an inevitable part of life. Today’s stressors are just
different from those of yesteryear. Take breaks from social media, don’t
over-schedule yourself, create a list of resources or people you can ask for help
when you’re feeling alone and overwhelmed.

Life
is meant to be enjoyed, not a burden to be endured. Learn to deal with your
stress differently and give your health and longevity a welcome boost.

What
are some common stress triggers in your life? What have you found that works to
reduce stress? Do you feel you are more stressed now than when you were
younger? Why? Please share your thoughts with our community.

Why is it so hard to buy gifts for grandma? Perhaps it’s because, as women in our 60s or older, we simply don’t feel like we need anything anymore. Or maybe the traditional gifts of knitting sets, customized mugs, bath salts and jewelry simply don’t appeal to this generation of modern grandmothers.

What Are the Best Gifts for Grandma, Really?

Do a quick search on Google for “gifts for grandma,” and you will be bombarded with tacky gifts and stereotypical presents. Ok, maybe there are a few of us out there who really would appreciate a mug that says, “World’s Best Grandma,” but wouldn’t the rest of us like something more creative?

The Problem with Buying Gifts for Grandma

The main problem, of course, is that people think that you change once you reach your 60^th birthday. They forget that you are still actively pursuing your passions and exploring the world.

Most of the older women I know aren’t sitting in their rocking chairs knitting (not that there’s anything wrong with knitting!) They are hiking with friends, traveling, dancing, starting companies, going back to school, playing golf, learning Chinese ink painting, cycling, gardening and, most of all, staying social.

If you want to see just how diverse our hobbies are, all you need to do is check out this list of 50 hobbies for women over 50, compiled by the women in our community. We certainly aren’t slowing down and most of us are rejecting “aging gracefully.”

What Are the Best Gifts for Grandma… According to Grandma?

The good news is that we have over 500,000 women over 60 in our community. We can help the people in our lives to understand what modern grandmas really want for Christmas or our birthdays.

So, here are a few of the suggestions from the women in our community. Please check them out and then join the conversation at the end of this article.

Personalized Gifts

Toni talked about the importance of really knowing your special grandma. She said, “Gifts need to be personal. That’s the most important thing. I just turned 70 and one of my girls got baseball tickets for us. The problem is that I hate baseball. I would rather sit with my family around the big dinner table somewhere.”

Lois agreed with Toni, adding that “The best gifts are the ones that each person prefers. As a widow, having things to do in my alone time is important. I am an avid reader, so I love getting bookstore gift cards.”

Cathy was also given a charm bracelet with the names of her 3 grandchildren and says it was one of her most treasured gifts. There are some great ideas for personalized jewelry for grandmothers at Things Remembered.

You can also get fun mugs that share a family secret or phrase. Personal Connections and Personalization Mall are a great place for inspiration. You can go to places like Zazzle and design your own mugs and t-shirts.

Another great opportunity for a personalized gift could be things you can use around the house, like personalized cushions and aprons. Etsy is a great place to look for handmade inspiration.

Experiences

Cherril explained that, sometimes, the best gifts are actually experiences. She said, “When I was 50, my darling youngest daughter got me tickets to see Luther Vandross in concert. It was unforgettable! Not long after, he tragically died. I will always be thankful for having the opportunity to see one of my favorite artists perform live.”

The Gift of Travel

Fiona reminded us that travel opportunities are almost always a hit with us grandmas. She said, “A special gift for someone my age would be a weekend trip. Even a day trip would be great!”

Jo-Anne combined ideas from both Cherril and Fiona’s comments. She pointed out that experiences and travel go hand-in-hand. She said, “My sister is taking me to Newbury Street in Boston. There, I’m going to get a new look from a fabulous hair stylist. I’m so excited!”

Stay Connected

Juanita pointed out that what many grandmas want is simply to stay in touch with the people they care about. Anything that you can do to help us feel connected will be appreciated. She said, “I have told my friends that, if they really want to buy me something, they should consider cell phone minutes. I have a pay-as-you-go phone, so I don’t use my phone that much. It’s great to stay in touch!”

Also, another way to help Grandma to stay connected is to offer her a tablet that she can use to video chat with family members.

Fitness

Playing with the grandkids is hard work, so Margaret recommends giving grandma something that helps her to improve her balance and fitness. For example, a gentle yoga for seniors DVD can help her to reconnect with her body from the comfort of her home.

As she says, “Getting the most from life after 60 requires balance and energy. I used to struggle to get down on the floor to play with my grandkids… now, I’m chasing them around the yard. If you’re looking for a gift for grandma, why not make it one that will help her to live long enough to see her great grandkids?”

Donate

Jennifer voiced the thoughts of many women in the community when she said that she just wants to make the world a better place. For people like Jennifer, giving to charity is often better than looking for a physical gift.

She said, “I don’t need anything. In fact, at this stage, I’m not really into collecting ‘stuff’ anymore. That said, I love it when my family makes a donation to a charity or organization that I am passionate about.”

Websites like GlobalGiving let you choose causes and international organizations to easily donate to.

Stay in Touch

Marlene points out that, when it comes to the best gifts for grandma, sometimes it really is just the thought that counts. She said, “For me, a sincere card or a phone call is all that is necessary.”

Gift of Time

Krystyna reminds us that, at the end of the day, the only things that are really important in life are our friends and family. She said, “The only gift that I want is time to spend with my friends, family and kids. I love to be invited for dinner, lunch, shows, long walks, movies and picnics. It is even better when they all come together – just to celebrate, enjoy life and create memories.”

Gift Cards

Gloria, like many women in our community, thinks that the best gifts for grandma are those that let us have some flexibility on the final choice of gift. She says, “I love gift certificates to bookstores, craft stores and restaurants. This means that I can indulge in whatever strikes my current fancy. I don’t want clothes, shoes or purses – I’d prefer to pick these out myself!”

Several other women in the community, including Toni, said that gift cards are a great gift. They show that you care, but also give your grandma flexibility in terms of how to use them. She said, “I like getting gift cards that I can buy whatever I want… anything with turtles.”

When you buy grandma a Visa or MasterCard gift card, you open up a world of possibilities. She can use the card to cover everyday expenses like food, gas or clothing. Or she can spring for something special for herself.

One of my favorite experience gift sites is Virgin Experience. They offer experiences ranging from race car driving lessons and skydiving to spa packages and scenic cruises. Check out their gift cards here.

If you plan on buying a gift certificate to a restaurant like Applebee’s or the Olive Garden, plan on making it a family occasion. She will appreciate the gift twice as much!

Pamper Her

Ellen points out that many grandmas just need to give their bodies a little love and care. She says, “I like shower gels or lotions in my favorite scents or lavender or lemon verbena. A gift certificate to a personal trainer would also be great!”

As Joyce points out, sometimes practical gifts are best. As much as we don’t like to admit it, many of us grandmas are struggling financially and, while there is nothing wrong with scented bath oils, a grocery card or gas card might be more useful.

She said, “I’m on a limited income, so a gift card to the grocery store is of value. I’m not fond of the gas cards because they are usually for the big brands… These are more expensive. It is usually better to buy Visa or Mastercard ones because they can be used at cheap gas stations.”

I’d love to get your feedback on this. Can you help us to create a shopping guide for gifts for grandmas?

What are the best gifts for grandma in your opinion? As a grandma, what kinds of presents do you like the most? Do you like something hand-made that shows how much your family and friends care? Or, do you prefer to receive something focused on one of your passions? Do you like to receive presents that you can enjoy by yourself, like a small indulgence or trip to the spa? Or, is a home-cooked meal with the family more to your taste? Please join the conversation.

When you want to support POC founders in the beauty world, it can be a little tough to figure out who actually owns a brand. HSN is making it easy with its Shades of Beautiful Event. From now until September 22, you can shop 30 percent off Black- and latinx-owned brands for 30 percent off. The sale also includes some bigger companies that might not have POC founders but hawk products with shade ranges great for all skin tones.

Some of our absolute favorites are included in the sale. Celebrity hairstylist Vernon François’ haircare line includes shampoo, conditioner and styling mists for curly, chemically treated and afro hair. His line rarely goes on sale. There’s also Mented makeup — blush, lipstick, highlighter and more! — that will take you right into fall and winter. Don’t miss out on Carol’s Daughter, Taya and Better Not Younger.

There’s so much to choose from but we got you started with some of our favorites, below.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. HSN is a STYLECASTER sponsor, however, all products in this article were independently selected by our editors. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

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Mented 2-piece Highlighter with Angled Brush Set – $21 Off

Those with darker skin tones know the struggle of finding a highlighter that gives your face the right amount of warmth without ashy undertones. This 4-shade highlighter palette looks good on everyone and comes with a perfect angled brush for ease of application.

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Mented 3-piece Semi-Matte Lip Set – $23.50 Off

Lipstick is back! This 3-piece set is less than $8 per lipstick — a deal that can’t be beat. The long-wearing, lightweight formula is ultra-pigmented and so comfortable. You get Pretty in Pink, Peach Please and Nude Lala.

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Vernon Francois ReVamp Shampoo and Conditioner Mist – $8.50 Off

Moisturizing plant oils help make this hair duo ultra-moisturizing and detangling. If you have dry, damaged or chemically treated hair, you’ll love the results.

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Carol’s Daughter Monoi Ora Layering 2-piece Body Set – $50 Off

This body cream oil and eau de toilette both have the fresh scent of Monoi Oil. Notes of tropical florals, exotic vanilla, bergamot and orange flower make you feel like you’re on vacation even if you’re stuck in an office.

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MasterPeace Body Butter 4-piece Discovery Set – $8.45 Off

A luxe blend of exotic oils and butters in this body lotion turns the dryest dermis into smooth, hydrated skin. This set gets you Energize Body Butter, Sweet Attraction Body Butter, Clearing and Releasing Body Butter and Peace and Calm Body Butter.

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Taya Amazon White Clay Thickening 3-Piece Set – $11.60 Off

Turn your fine, thin, lifeless hair to one of fullness and body with this 3-piece set. Taya’s legendary Amazon white clay and cacay oil thicken hair while leaving it soft and touchable. Get Amazon White Clay Advanced Blend Thickening Shampoo, Amazon White Clay Advanced Blend Thickening Conditioner and Amazon White Clay Advanced Blend Thickening Booster.