Have you ever had an initial social interaction with someone and come away feeling like you’ve opened up the gates to the land of despair? A well-intended and friendly “Hello/Good morning/Good afternoon, How are you?” can become quite the loaded question if you receive a negative response or if they just ignore you altogether (this happens more where social distancing has turned into anti-social rudeness!).

In contrast, when I greet a client to begin a session and they reciprocate, I always produce a huge smile and say, “I’m doing absolutely fantastic, thanks. It’s good to see you.” This is done with intent.

As a wellness professional, it is my job to set the tone/mood for the session to come. Positive/affirmative responses (even if your reality has you searching for one) will always set the stage for a positive/feel-good experience with this person.

Building on this principle, I am going to share with you my 5 easy steps to feeling great every day, with the intention of introducing some ideas which will refresh your approach to enjoying a peaceful, happy, and productive retirement experience.

#1: You Have What You Say

In life, we all have problems, challenges, issues, and things which can tap a hole in the bottom of our positive energy barrel. However, remember it is never a situation that determines an outcome – it’s how you choose to handle that situation which determines the ultimate outcome.

Example: As you head out the door to go for breakfast, you discover a flat tire on your car. Your reaction could be one of the following: “Oh great, I’ve got a flat, what a crappy way to start the day! I might as well just skip breakfast because now I have to pay for a tire!” or “Well, at least this happened in my driveway and not on the highway somewhere.”

Keep your glass “half full” and notice that your perspective will shift proportionately. This diminishes stress, anxiety, and negative energy which can repel or bring down others in your world. Another happy byproduct is your opportunity to become an example to those around you (very important if you are a parent or grandparent) and show them that tough situations can still be handled with a good attitude.

#2: Handle Your Business

We’ve all heard the expression, “Never go to bed angry.” There’s a lot of truth to this. However, anger isn’t the only emotion which should not be left unchecked. Human interaction is perfectly imperfect, and so there is no such thing as a relationship without fault.

This being said, each time we interact with others in our world it is important to manage expectations (retain ownership of your own emotions). Next, never leave anything that should be said unsaid or any good deed undone.

Having a “monkey on your back” will do nothing but drag you down. The caveat to this is, be certain to take the time to process your thoughts and speak intently. At the end of the day, you will feel liberated, peaceful, and prepared to begin another day with a clean slate.

#3: Have a Daily Purpose

At various stages of life, our daily purposes shift. When we were kids, we endured school and chores so that we could get to our purpose – which was to play and have fun. As adults, we transitioned into going to work to provide a livelihood, and for many, our purpose shifted toward raising quality children and being a good spouse.

Ultimately, it is when we reach retirement that our purpose more rapidly transitions. Initially, it may look like liberation and a time to either do what you want, when you want, how you want, or to just relax, take life easy, and do as little as necessary. Your purpose being to wave goodbye to the timeclock and demands of life accordingly!

However, once the “newness” of retirement settles, it can become quite easy to get into a daily routine of existence rather than experience.

With this, do not let yourself miss out! Each and every day, you should have something of productive substance that you wish to accomplish. Whether this be a craft project, writing, baking something, planning an event, etc. Have an enjoyable and purposeful task that you can accomplish each and every day which will leave you with a sense of gratification and satisfaction.

#4: Move It or Lose It

Once you reach retirement age especially, exercise is much more a function of establishing and retaining resource for purposeful movement rather than expending energy for aesthetics or athletic performance and does not have to be hard to be effective. It just needs to be right!

As you approach the years after 75, daily living without exercise can become extremely difficult and often impossible without assistance. The price being extremely high in:

• reduced quality of life due to inactivity,
• loss of independence and dignity (toileting, dressing, feeding, transfer, etc.),
• increase in the instances of illness due to diminished immune function,
• increase in medical and healthcare expenses,

Falls are the number one cause of serious injury to seniors of this age group, and 1/3 of those falls produce fatal injuries!

A well-structured exercise program which is followed daily should include: lower body strength/power training, upper body pulling strength, shoulder range of motion, multi-dimensional core strength (postural support), and balance/agility exercise.

When done at an appropriate intensity, this programming approach also elevates the heartrate enough to provide baseline cardiac conditioning training which can be supplemented by activities such as walking, biking, hiking, swimming, aerobics, etc. to optimize heart health.

Just remember that at this stage of the game your daily exercise is a tool, not a task! If you’re not currently exercising regularly, now is the easiest it will ever be to get started!

#5: Invest in Others

The value of kindness and compassion never diminishes, and when you invest in the happiness of others, you will yield appreciable dividends eternally. This can be done with simple affirmations and acknowledgements for the achievements of others all the way through philanthropy and “paying it forward.”

It feels good to go through a drive-thru and see a mom with a car full of kids behind you and you tell the person at the window, “I’d like to cover their order too.” Maybe they need the help, maybe they don’t; however the token of kindness from a complete stranger will have the most value to them and sense of satisfaction for you.

If you have children or grandchildren take the time to know what is going on in their world and extend your gracious approval and encouragements for the good things that they have accomplished. Your consistency in this will drive them to do more, and they will never forget you for it. This also allows for you to share in their joy, bringing happiness and a smile into your heart as well.

This could also be done in running an errand for your less capable neighbors, sweeping their section of sidewalk along with yours, sending an edible-arrangement to a widow or widower on Valentine’s Day, etc. Let your heart be your guide and seek the opportunity!

In conclusion, always remind yourself that “Life’s too short for a bad day” and live accordingly!

Wishing you the best in happiness, peace, and good health!

What do you do to make sure you feel great every day? Are there specific situations that seem to dim your mood? How do you handle those? Which emotions are the most difficult for you to deal with?

A couple years ago, a historian from a museum in Lueneburg, Germany, contacted me. “Are you the great-granddaughter of Robert Heinemann?” she asked.

They were looking for descendants of Robert’s father, my great, great grandfather, Marcus Heinemann, who had been a leading Jewish citizen in Lueneburg many years before Hitler.

The museum had items stolen from Marcus’s estate by the Nazis. Marcus had 17 children and the museum wanted to return the estate items to the descendants. That opened an amazing door to the past.

I had always heard about those 17 children from my grandmother, but there was so much I did not know. So, I began searching for family members around the world and organized a family reunion with 40 family members from six countries, nearly all newly discovered.

Through hundreds of email exchanges, we agreed to keep the items in the museum through a long-term loan. But the true value was worth more than money – it woke me up to the deep and powerful story of my family and our history.

As women in our 60s, we have much to reflect back upon in our lives, while still most likely enjoying the company of a few elderly relatives. Suddenly, unique to this time in my life, I realized the accessibility and the incredible power of linking the past, the present, and the future.

By now, we have gained perspective on life and ripened our own little chunk of wisdom. We have experienced ups and downs, adventures, loves, losses, and realized some dreams. We also have a bit more time to examine that collection of saved paraphernalia, from dried flowers to the cherished photos. And even without the benefit of a historian, there are amazing resources from which to draw.

In this blog, I offer seven ways to wake up and explore your family history.

Write Your Memoir

Dig through your own journals and start writing your memoir. The memoir is actually a sub-genre of an autobiography; however it is less a sequenced historical account with exact dates and chronology, and more of a draw upon your feelings and perceptions.

There are many memoir classes, often available at local community centers and colleges, as well as online memoir courses, to get you launched. These classes can help you select an approach to your work.

I like the idea of making my memoir a collection of essays about different times in my life without feeling bound to present them in a sequence. The website Goodreads.com has a list of popular memoirs to inspire you.

Look Into Storycorps

This organization calls itself America’s “oral history project” with over 600,000 interviews with more than 100,000 participants of all backgrounds.

Anyone can download the Storycorps App that helps you prepare and record a high-quality interview on your cell and upload it to the archive. Storycorps also has recording booths in Atlanta, Chicago, and San Francisco, where you can schedule an appointment for a free recording session.

Their model is a two-person interview. Your story will be archived, and you will receive a free CD. Or, their Mobile Story Book may be coming to your town. It is a traveling recording studio that makes its way across the country. You may also use your own equipment to conduct an interview.

Make a Film of Your Family Stories

Set up the video camera in your living room (or maybe backyard) and bring your kids, your siblings, or your friends together for a story-telling night. Plan the questions ahead of time.

Put the camera on a tripod for steadiness and be sure you have clear audio. Encourage them to keep answers short so you don’t have to edit. Also, don’t make it too long. You do want people to actually watch it! Then, make copies for everyone.

I am planning to do this during the holiday season, but first, I will help everyone feel nice and cozy and serve hot apple cider. You can also go online to hire hundreds of family story video production companies to do a professional job.

Create a Family History Kit

Gather taped interviews, music recorded by family members, and digitize some of the old tapes. Put together a kit, which could be a box with videos, audiotapes, copies of articles or stories about the family, or include special photos. Make a copy of the family history kit for each of your family members – parents, siblings, children, nieces, and nephews.

For my kit, I had a family tree, and I digitized the VHS video interview we made when my mother was alive, together with a short autobiography handwritten by my mother in 1939 when she was 19. Everyone told me they loved the kit.

Make a Printed Photobook through Shutterfly, iPhoto or Blurb

They have a range of templates with stories and captioned pictures for the family. All you need to do is plug in your photos and stories. You can order multiple copies for family members.

I even was able to do this as a project with my young niece and nephew, who made a book for their grandmother. She supplied the pictures and I showed them what to do. An alternative, low-budget method would be to make a spiral-bound book and mass produce it at a copy shop.

Dig into Your DNA

Did you know that you can explore your ancestry by having your DNA tested? You can find out about your ethnic background and migrations into and from a particular region, or even discover whether you have notable ancestors.

On the popular PBS show Finding Your Roots, Henry Louis Gates explores the personal histories of celebrities. Their website invites you to share your story. It also offers many family history tools and ideas.

My friend Robin used a service called “23andMe.” She says it’s fantastic! She learned about her ancestry, found medical information, and even discovered distant cousins around the world.

Online Search for Family Records

The well-known Ancestry.com is one of many websites that can help you make a family tree and explore your family history. Ancestry.com is probably the largest and most respected website for discovering your family history.

It is also the most expensive option, even with its 14-day free trial. It has a super large database of information, including immigration records and census data in addition to the basic information you would expect, like birth records, death certificates, and so on.

Roots Web is the free community site of Ancestry.com. It is a great way to get started on the journey of finding your ancestors. The big plus is, of course, that it is totally free of charge, and it has many advantages other than just cost. Because it is free, the number of people who sign up is significant, and the free learning communities and forums that are offered lead to lots of great collaboration and connection.

Archives.com is cheaper than Ancestry and offers a week-long free trial. It has all the basic information you would expect, and it claims to offer more than 2 billion records. This includes newspaper clippings of obituaries, which is a good feature.

My friend Kathe also used the free WikiTree A Family Name Index for the family tree and Find a Grave to authenticate times and dates.

You might even find a photo of the headstone of one of your ancestors. The One Great Family website is another collection of family trees that is becoming an online database of birth and death dates, as well as photos and biographical information.

Kathe searched the internet and used these tools to find out many details about her mother’s family. Then, she e-published a 97-page book with photos and stories, which she is giving to her three brothers and sister to commemorate her mother’s recent death.

I am now working on a short film about the life-affirming reunion, transformation and healing that occurred two summers ago between my family, the descendants of Marcus Heinemann, and the German community currently residing in Lueneburg. We are still uncovering the stories from both communities.

Just one small caveat – just because you become a born-again family historian, your siblings, children, or even your parents may not be interested. Not to worry. They may come around when they reach their 60s. Besides, sometimes it’s the future generations who benefit from your splurge into your family history.

What interesting facts have you found out about your family history? Have you used any of the tools listed in this article? What other family roots digging tips can you share with the community? Please share your story in the comments section below.

It’s the dog days of summer – the weather is hazy, hot, and humid, but I’m worried about getting into my swimsuit at a party this weekend. I gained 10 pounds while on chemo earlier this year, and I don’t like this new body.

Body image is a big problem for many of us, and it stinks when we let that interfere with cooling off and participating in fun activities with our families and friends.

How many times have you gone to a pool party, refused to put on your bathing suit, and sat on the sidelines? Or maybe you’ve turned down tubing, or going on the rides at a water park, or just getting in the pool with your kids. It really interferes with your life, and it’s disappointing… for you and the people you’re NOT doing things with.

Don’t Miss Out on All the Action

One of my favorite Chicken Soup for the Soul stories is by Courtney Lynn Mroch, whotells us that she couldn’t believe it when her husband asked her to join his master’s swim team. “All body types are there,” he said, knowing how self-conscious she was about her body. “And all ages and skill levels,” he added, anticipating her next argument. “It’s not about what you look like or how fast you swim. It’s about getting in the water and enjoying some exercise.”

Enjoy? The last time Courtney had enjoyed being in a bathing suit was probably when she was 10 years old. Courtney decided to say yes though, primarily because they had just moved, and she needed to make some new friends. The swim team wasn’t just about competing – they had parties and they went out to eat after practices. And it was something for Courtney to do with her husband as a couple.

Now there was just the matter of putting on that swimsuit. Courtney sometimes wore one, but always with something covering up the top of her legs. If she went in the pool, that cover-up would have to come off and everyone would see her thighs.

At Courtney’s first practice, when the moment of truth arrived, she took off her protective covering and dashed into the pool. When practice was over, Courtney stayed in the pool, waiting for a chance to make her escape. Everyone wanted her to go out to dinner with them, but that would mean getting out of the pool and everyone was standing RIGHT THERE.

And then Courtney LOOKED at all her new teammates who were standing there, blocking her access to her towel. And she realized something. Her husband was right. There were all kinds of bodies. The people on the swim team didn’t look like they’d just come off the set of Baywatch.

Courtney got out of the pool, ready to scurry over to her towel, but one of her husband’s friends stopped her to introduce himself. So she stood there, marooned without her towel. And she survived. No one was looking at her legs – they were looking at her face, and meeting Courtney – a person.

She looks back on that first day on the team and she laughs now. And she says that the swim team was the best thing that ever happened to her body image. By the end of that summer, she was standing around after practice, talking and laughing without rushing to cover herself up. She was curvy and confident!

You Just Have to Start

I identified with Courtney’s story because I had my own freak-out over a family vacation during which I would be appearing in my swimsuit in front of our four very fit children and their spouses.

I couldn’t even sleep one night, so I got up and tried on my bathing suits a few days before we were leaving, and I realized I didn’t look so bad. I also realized the most important thing, which was that if I didn’t wear that bathing suit every single day on our trip – in front of everyone – I would miss out on snorkeling, and hanging out at the pool, and walking the beach together, and all the other reasons why we were going on this vacation in the first place.

It really is a matter of mind over matter. And just jumping in. Put on the bathing suit, participate, and after you do it the first time, the next time will be 10 times easier, and the time after that will be 20 times easier. And you’ll be happy and having fun. And so will your family and your friends.

Wearing your bathing suit will make you a great role model for your children or grandchildren as well!

Do you have a body image issue? What have you done to overcome it? How will you handle the next opportunity to wear your bathing suit? Do you really think the whole world will be looking at your thighs/arms/belly?