After I had lost a 42-year-old husband, a 50-year-old ex-husband and a 75-year-old live-in partner, my family and friends jokingly called me, “The Black Widow.”

The deaths occurred under different circumstances and were all devastating. The first, Keith, a bank vice president, was diagnosed with full blow AIDS. He died 18 months later and before the new medications were available.

I remarried several years later to Marco, a native Italian, and then divorced. About eight years later, his body was found in his rented room where he had been dead for 6 days. It was heartbreaking to learn no one cared enough to check on him earlier.

I was embroiled with his autopsy, cremation and estate as my ex-brother-in-law spoke little English and my son, Marko’s stepson, was named heir and executor.

At the time of Marco’s death, I was in a live-in relationship with a man twenty years my senior. Joe was convinced his prostate cancer was in check, but in reality, it was advanced. He died nine months after Marco.

Why and How to Process Grief Through Writing

Anyone who has lost a loved one knows that grief consumes almost every thought and moment in the days that follow. After a while, the thoughts begin occurring less often – every two minutes, then five, then eventually, hours or days may pass before grief sets in again.

Although it was a heartbreaking experience, I started writing the details of Keith’s death scene, the moments before and after. I sobbed throughout the typing, but I was glad I had recorded everything.

When processing loss, you are also dealing with a myriad of other issues and emotions. There are usually legal, financial and family concerns that accompany a death.

In my case, this was the first time I had to deal with debts. My late banker husband, Keith, was bankrupt, so I had to quickly return to work to support my then 3-year-old son.

Marco was also bankrupt, and a hoarder. It took a year to unwind his belongings. The most recent death, Joe, led to a major conflict with his adult son who was resentful and hostile when I was named executor and partial heir.

In such moments, you are not only grieving but stressed by all the other peripheral issues and sometimes the behavior of others. I was also resentful for being subjected to such trauma and difficulties by the losses.

The Grief Journal

Making notes or writing over the course of time may help process your grief easier than a single telling of the events. Exploring and revisiting the loss in separate passages over a period of weeks, months or years can prove cathartic as your grief takes new dimensions.

You could write about themes that explore your feelings, past and present, your hopes for the future, memories, etc. Start the passages with:

• When we first met…
• The first time we…
• He or she taught me how to…
• What I really miss is…
• I hated when he or she…
• I wish you had learned to…

Writing truthfully about your feelings can also be useful if you had a complicated relationship with the deceased.

The Letter

Another approach to writing your way through deep grief is by addressing a letter to the departed loved one, with honesty. As it’s in the first person, it may prompt you to pour out your feelings easier than a journal.

The Biography

You could also try processing loss by writing the person’s biography, through words and/or photos. You can also interview friends and family. This is a terrific record and memory to leave for your children, grandkids and future generations.

Fictionalizing the Experience

I was in shock when I realized the last three men in my life were dead. This inspired me to write a book about those losses. I was seeking an explanation as a way to process and move forward, so I created characters and events that resembled my experience but with a twist.

My comic romance, Matched in Heaven, was published by a small press in 2015. The book won the Readers Views award for romance and New Apple Award for humor.

The book imagines that there is a support group in heaven for guilty spouses. The dead, who quarrel a lot, play matchmaker for their left behind partners.

This story follows the earthly journey of middle-aged Samantha who loses a husband, then a Latin lover. She then meets Sidney, twenty years her senior, who takes ill and dies.

Samantha finds out she was “matched in heaven” by her late husband and Sidney’s late wife. She swears that no one, not even the dead, will mess with her love life again.

Moving Forward

No matter which form you choose to write about your loss, this will give you a hard-copy document of the events. You can also decide to record your narration of the events or film a video. A photomontage set to your loved one’s favorite music is also an option.

After you write about your loss, you may not want to re-read your journal again. My book was both an exhilarating and painful writing experience. I have not re-read it since I sent it to the publisher. But I’m glad and grateful it was published.

Creating a quirky scenario in the book helped me move forward. Writing was and continues to be a huge help when I need to cope with an unusual sequence of losses and circumstances. Hopefully, it will do the same for you.

How do you cope with grief? What is your favorite medium for expressing your thoughts and feelings after a loss? Please share some ways that have helped you on this journey.

It’s not a surprise beauty editors get a lot of samples. It’s important for us to try a product before we’re going to recommend you spend your hard-earned dollars on. Not every item that hits our desk (or, right now, our apartment floor), delivers the way we wish it would. But many do! Some of the best new beauty products for 2020 get us excited enough to want to tell all our friends and even replace them when we run out.

That’s why we started this new series, to give you a peek at what we can’t put down this week—and the week after that and the week after that. These range from at-home peeling masks to self-tanners to even dandruff shampoo and lip balm. You can shop them at Amazon, Sephora, Ulta or your next Target run. We get our beauty products anywhere and everywhere.

Shop some of our favorites this week and check back here for more reviews and new products you need to know about.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale and the retailer may receive certain auditable data for accounting purposes.

Image: INH.

Insert Name Here The Waver

Having lived through the ’90s, I wasn’t sure I needed a hair waver in 2020 but then this cute pink one from INH came into my life. It has the exact right barrel sizes—25mm—for the perfect medium waves that look more beachy than crimpy.

Image: First Aid Beauty.

First Aid Beauty Eye Duty Niacinamide Brightening Cream

Because my eyes are sensitive and water really easily, I usually use ultra-gentle eye cream without any active ingredients. But then I discovered this brightening one from First Aid Beauty. It contains niacinamide, pumpkin seed extract and caffeine to help reduce the appearance of undereye circles over time, as well as sodium hyaluronate to smooth and plump. I especially love the addition of peach micro-pearls, which acts as a subtle highlighter under your eyes. All of this and it doesn’t make my eyes burn.

Image: Walmart.

Revlon x Sofia Carson Ultra HD Matte Lipcolor in Forever Yours

Disney Channel star Sofia Carson is the latest celeb to partner up with Revlon on a vibrant lipstick and nail polish collection. One of my favorite shades is still available to shop. It’s a matte dark pink with the softest, cushion formula.

Image: Lorac.

Lorac LUX Diamond Eye Gloss Trio – Sunset

The glossy eye trend is going strong into fall. This gel-cream formula is one of the best I’ve tried. It’s shockingly pigmented so you don’t need to layer a ton, which can cause creasing. When blended with your fingers, it’s eye-catching and shiny without being heavy and sticky.

Image: Lawless.

Lawless Make Me Blush Talc-Free Velvet Blush

Clean beauty fans, listen up: this soft pressed powder feels like butter going on and lives cheeks looking naturally flushed. All seven shades are vegan, cruelty-free, and gluten-free and come in recyclable packaging.

Image: Gelo.

Gelo Refillable Hand Soap Starter Kit

If you’re anything like me, you’re going through hand soap faster than ever right now. This new brand makes me feel a lot better about the amount of product I’m using. The kit comes with a reusable, recyclable soap bottle (that can last up to eight years), plus eight refill pods. Simply pop in a pod and fill the bottle with water and you have a nourishing cleanser with essential oils and plant-based ingredients.

Image: Maybelline.

Maybelline New York Color Strike Cream-to-Powder Eye Shadow Pen

Although I like applying makeup, sometimes I get a little lazy with eyeshadow. I just want to swipe and go and these new pens make it so easy. They come in ten shades of bolds and neutrals. Use the cushion tip to apply color to your lash line or all over the lids—the choice is yours. The cream-to-powder formula has zero fallout.

Image: Sigma.

Sigma Complexion Air Brush Set

When you do feel like doing a full face beat with foundation, all you need is these three super-soft brushes. This value set gets you the F53 Air Contour/Blush for blush or bronzer, the F74 Air Domed Buffer for cream products and F80 Air Flat Kabuki for blending liquid and cream products. Each makes makeup look natural on your face, like your skin is just casually that flawless.

Image: Virtue.

Virtue Exfoliating Scalp Treatment

I’ve always liked the idea of scalp scrubs but sugar-based ones often left my dry hair feeling even more brittle. But this whipped cream actually conditions strands while detoxifying the scalp. It contains BHAs to slough off dead skin cells on the scalp, as well as coconut, jojoba and Kalahari melon oils for allover hydration.

Image: Tarte.

Tarte Maracuja Juicy Lip Trio

According to Tarte, these new lip trios sold out completely of their first shipment on QVC—a whopping 20,000 units. I can totally see why. This formula is equal parts lipstick and gloss and leaves lips feeling hydrated for hours. There’s a surprising amount of pigment and they even plump the lips temporarily. 

Image: Algenist.

Algenist Blue Algae Vitamin C Dark Spot Correcting Peel

If you suffer from dark spots and hyperpigmentation, you know how tough it can be to lighten those areas. This resurfacing at-home peel features a unique blend of AHA, BHAs and PHAs, vitamin C and the brand’s Alguronic acid to reduce the appearance of acne scars and dark spots. Using just once a week, I found my skin looked brighter and smoother already.

Image: Ciate.

Ciaté London Dewy Blush

There are a bunch of blushes in tubes like this but I’m especially into Ciaté’s vegan and cruelty-free ones lately. The gel-like tinted balm makes cheeks looked flushed and natural—not overly made up. Even better, each shade smells like fruit.

Image: Jupiter.

Jupiter The “Gotta Get” Set

It’s so often that dandruff shampoo helps get rid of scalp flakes but isn’t so great for your hair—especially the color. This new line not only takes care of your scalp but also your strands, too. Zinc pyrithione is the active ingredient to banish flaking and irritation and decylene glycol helps control oil. The addition of coconut oil helps hydrate the hair and scalp. It’s sulfate-free and safe for color-treated hair.

Image: Haus Labs.

Haus Laboratories By Lady Gaga: Le Riot Lip Gloss

Lady Gaga came out with nine more shades of her Le Riot Lip Gloss, including this Barbie-pink in Diamond Heart that I cannot stop wearing.

Image: Kinship.

Kinship Mint Mud Deep Pore Detox Mask

This vegan and cruelty-free mask isn’t one of those mud masks that reduces oil by drying out your entire face. Instead, it uses Bentonite and Kaolin clays to clear pores, as well as lactic acid to exfoliate, Moringa to soften skin and Kinbiome to promote a strong moisture barrier. My skin felt clean and smooth with one use—not tight and overly dry.

Image: Dermstore.

SkinMedica TNS Advanced+ Serum

Stylecaster Deputy Editor Alana Peden has seen serious results with this serum that encourages skin cell turnover and helps boost collagen and elastin levels. “If you can mentally overcome the sticker shock of this anti-ager, do so,” she says. “It’s worth every penny. A combination of growth factors and peptides provide a powerhouse of rejuvenation to your skin. It’s the closest thing to Botox in a bottle that I’ve tried, and let’s just say that strangers assume I was born in the ‘90s. Spoiler alert: I wasn’t.”

Image: Fresh.

Fresh Sugar Lime Mint Hydrating Lip Balm

Peden also calls this newbie a “refreshing summer cocktail in lip balm form.” Make someone smile in these trying times and gift them this chic hydrator, or indulge yourself.

The unique bond between human and animal can be incredibly strong, and while we take care of our pets, they often take care of us too! Pets are comfort us when we’re sad, keep us company when we’re lonely, and love us unconditionally.

If you’re an animal lover, then you might already have a furry friend or two at home. But if you don’t and are considering welcoming one into your home, then it might help to take a closer look at some of the mental and physical health benefits of owning a pet later in life.

They Keep Loneliness at Bay

You can feel lonely for a host of different reasons. Perhaps you live alone, work a different shift pattern to your partner, or your friends and family live too far for you to see them regularly. Whatever your reason for feeling that you’re in need of a bit of company, pets make great companions.

Dogs and cats especially are incredibly loyal and will love you on your best and worst days. It’s hard not to find your smile again when you come through the front door to a happy wagging tail who is so excited that you’re back! Dogs and cats are also great snugglers, so if you’re in need of a bit of affection, then it won’t be in short supply.

They Keep You Active

Dogs need 1­­–2 walks a day if they are to stay happy and healthy. If you’ve struggled to feel motivated to exercise before, then becoming a dog owner is a sure way to get you up and moving.

Even the word “walk” can be enough to send a dog into an excited frenzy, and it can be a great feeling to see them bouncing around the park having fun. You’ll be racking up the miles before you know it.

They Can Help You Make New Friends

Having a pet is a conversation starter and there are communities full of people who have come together because of their love of dogs, cats, birds, or something else entirely.

Sometimes these relationships or communities happen naturally. For example, when you’re out for a walk with your dog, you might get chatting to other dog walkers, who become regular faces, and eventually friends.

People also join Facebook groups or meetup groups driven by their love for their pet. For example, you could join a Cockapoo meetup club, or a group of people who share tips and tricks on how best to care for their reptiles.

It’s much easier to make friends when you have some common ground, and chances are, your pet will get to make some new pals too.

They’ve Been Known to Detect Cancer Early

Dogs have a particularly strong sense of smell, which enables them to detect cancer in people. Cancer cells give off a scent that we as humans cannot smell, but dogs can. This is because they have over 300 million smell receptors in their noses, compared with our six million.

It’s believed (depending on the type of cancer) that dogs can detect the scent emitted by cancer cells on a person’s breath or skin – or in their sweat, faeces and/or urine. Many dog owners have reported that their dog caught their cancer early when they began pawing, licking, or sniffing the area where a tumour was hidden beneath the skin.

They Can Lower Your Stress Levels

The hustle and bustle of everyday life can bring on feelings of stress and anxiety, but owning a pet can help to reduce these feelings. When you’re stroking your cat, having a cuddle with your dog, or just watching your hamster run on its wheel tension and negative thoughts can ebb away.

Studies have shown that playing with a dog or cat can raise levels of serotonin and dopamine in the brain (the hormones which help us to feel calmer and more relaxed). It’s also been suggested that pet owners are less likely to suffer from depression and high blood pressure than those who don’t own pets.

They Can Make You Feel Safe

We can often feel much more vulnerable when we’re alone, but having a pet – particularly a dog – can help us to feel more secure. Dogs can alert their owners to disturbances by barking, and many burglars back off from houses where a dog is clearly resident.

Some breeds are known for their loyalty and guarding skills and will also look out for you when you’re walking around or out for a run – alerting you to any danger that comes your way.

Alternative Options

While there are numerous benefits to owning a pet, it’s understandable that there may be reasons why you simply can’t bring one into your home. For example, not having permission from your landlord or living with someone who isn’t so keen on animals.

If this is the case and you really love animals, then consider looking into the different ways you could work or volunteer with animals instead.

Are you thinking about getting a pet? What kind would make the perfect pet for you? Why do you want to have a pet? Will it be your first one? Please share with our community!

Dorinda Medley’s Long Beige Cardigan in The Berkshires

Real Housewives of New York Season 12 Episode 13 Fashion

There’s no questioning the fact that Dorinda Medley’s long beige cardigan on last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York was totally made to be worn in The Berkshires. I mean, it’s comfy, cozy and definitely the perfect piece for snuggling up in by the fireplace while reading a good book watching a catfight go down between your friends that’s even better than Broadway.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to Shop Her Naked Cashmere Cardigan in Many Colours

Info: @DorindaMedley

Originally posted at: Dorinda Medley’s Long Beige Cardigan

Retirement is a big deal and should be celebrated. After many years spent working, life now offers some free time to enjoy the pastimes and activities that we are passionate about.

Some try new hobbies and learn new skills during retirement. Others take off to explore the world traveling. While others enjoy spending more time at home with family.

Do you have a coworker, family member, or friend who is retiring? If they’re extra special, you probably want to send them out in style.

Here is a list of thoughtful retirement gift ideas that I have put together.

1,000 Places to See Before You Die (Deluxe Edition): The World as You’ve Never Seen It Before

There are hundreds of books that serve as guides to various travel destinations, but not one can compare with 1,000 Places to See Before You Die.

Named a best gift book by various respected publications, it is sure to hit the right spot for the traveling retiree. Give them the opportunity to see these 1,000 amazing places the world has to offer. They’ll soon be making their lists of favorite places and booking their tickets to far-away destinations.

A Kindle Reader

Books can get heavy to lug around, but a Kindle reader can store thousands of pages and still weigh as much as a cell phone. Simply put, this device is the perfect gift for the on-the-go retiree. Help your friend enjoy their favorite books while they are out and about.

Online Photography Courses

Offer online photography classes to the one who loves to take photos. There’s always something new to learn, and your friend can up their photo skills with a few tips and techniques.

A Funny Retirement Apron

I couldn’t pass up on this funny apron. It’s perfect for the goofball retired friend who boasts a great sense of humor.

Monthly Magazine Subscription

Hand your colleague a monthly subscription to their favorite magazine. Choose from Good Housekeeping, National Geographic, TIME, Martha Stewart Living, and so many more.

Wine Subscription

What makes a perfect gift for the wine lover? Well, a wine subscription, of course! Have specially curated wines delivered to your retiring friend’s door. Because they have earned the right to day drink.

101 Fun Things to Do in Retirement

If your newly retired friend has a wicked sense of humor, get them a quirky book, like 101 Things to Do in Retirement. They will certainly have fun browsing the pages of this guide to life after work.

Experiences in a Box

If your retiring friend doesn’t care about stuff, offer them experiences instead. This unique gift idea comes in a nice box full of opportunities. Your friend will have to choose one activity from the available list and then dive in.

Needless to say, this will leave them with a ton of photos to remind them of this spectacular time in their life.

50 States, 5,000 Ideas: Where to Go, When to Go, What to See, What to Do

If your friend has always dreamed to traverse the wide expanse of the USA, this beautiful book from National Geographic is sure to make them happy. It contains everything they need to know about the places they want to see in the USA.

Personalized Luggage Tags

Does your newly retired friend like to travel? Get them a personalized luggage tag. Shutterfly will let you add photos, logos, text, and anything else you need to create the perfect luggage tag for your retired friend.

A Picnic Backpack

Who doesn’t love a picnic? Get your friend or colleague a modern and practical picnic backpack so they can take their lunch to the park or anywhere else they please. No more eating in the company cafeteria!

Bluetooth Speaker-Stand

Does the retiree enjoy watching movies? This speaker/tablet stand is great for watching movies and videos from any location inside and outside of the home.

Do you know anyone who will be retiring soon? What do you think of my list of retirement gift ideas? Which one is your favorite and which one would you like to receive as a retirement gift? What retirement gifts did you receive when you left your full-time job? Were there any that you hated? Tell us about them. Let’s chat about retirement gift ideas.