Many Sixty and Me articles discuss loneliness and the myths that go along with it. Here is another light shed on that topic.

Feeling Alone and Lonely is Highly Individual

I encountered loneliness in my late teens. Even though I was born into a large family and connected with friends through school and university, I felt the acute existential loneliness that comes with an inquiring mind.

As I explored the meaning of living and practiced techniques for emotional and spiritual happiness, I found that my loneliness wasn’t tied to having or not having intimate contacts. It was true that my intimate relationships fulfilled me enough most of the time to not feel lonely.

However, at times I felt deeply lonely living with loving people. At other times, I felt totally connected when hiking solo, and I felt totally happy and connected alone at home. Am I an exception to the norm? I don’t think so. The many different reactions people have to being alone indicates that the feeling of loneliness is a highly individual one.

“But you will cease to feel isolated when you recognize, for example, that you do not have a sensation of the sky: you are that sensation. For all purposes of feeling, your sensation of the sky is the sky, and there is no ‘you’ apart from what you sense, feel, and know.”

—Alan Watts, The Wisdom of Insecurity

Mindfulness Can Help to Resolve Loneliness

At the time when I had lost my husband of 20 years I felt out of balance, vulnerable to the point I couldn’t stand to be around others. To cope with the pain, I felt inside me; I went back to practicing meditation.

I sat down on my cushion, wrapped myself in my blanket and started watching my breath and the sensations in my body. After doing that for a while I felt held, wrapped in the arms of my own attention.

I no longer felt alone, lost and vulnerable. The change in how I felt was so radical that I put two and two together. Mindful attention in the moment, I realized, was the essence of connection.

Living Alone and Being Happy

We are social creatures; we reach for others in the hope of getting their attention. Throughout the ages, being part of a social structure has meant survival. In our wealthy Western society that premise is no longer true. Our systems of survival are being automated more and more by the day. We can live alone and survive. Can we live alone and be happy?

Tools for Living Alone

I’ve found that by filling my time with activities and people that require mindful attention I have safeguarded my happiness. I spend some time meditating to sharpen my mindfulness abilities. Creative endeavors also put me in the Flow, a state of absorption similar to a meditative state.

I connect actively with nature, which creates a sense of belonging to something bigger than me, bigger than the vicissitudes of daily living. And yes, I spend time with people who can give and take attention and caring. Living alone has become a choice, a way to explore myself in ways I never could in a daily partnership.

Living alone has given me the tools that I need to avoid feeling lonely.

What activities help you to feel totally connected to life? Which ones are your flow activities? Do you find that meditation helps with loneliness? What are your thoughts on living alone and being truly happy? We invite you to join the conversation.

With the holiday season fast approaching, you may be feeling despair at the thought of facing all those tempting foods you so love. But you needn’t gain weight or eat foods with zero nutritional value.

The key is to make the best choices from the array of dishes spread out before you. Here are five foods often found in holiday meals that are actually quite good for you.

Apples for Crunch and Nutrients

It’s always a good idea to reach for any dish containing fruits or vegetables. The common apple is one fruit often transformed for the holidays into sweet treats or included for crunch in salads. While the first isn’t so great, the second choice is excellent.

Be sure to look for apples with the peel still on, since that is where the largest concentration of nutrients is found. And choose red over green when possible, as the red-skinned apple varieties contain anthocyanins, a photosynthetic pigment which is a powerful flavonoid that helps protect the body against disease.

Apples are a good source of fiber, vitamin C, and antioxidants (phenols and flavonoids). They also have phytonutrients (polyphenols and flavonols). Phytonutrients are chemicals found in plants that provide health benefits and they are particularly dense in apples. This structure provides a strong antioxidant benefit which aids cardiovascular function, helping to decrease the amount of bad, or LDL, cholesterol and triglycerides in the bloodstream.

And even though apples are considered “high carb” they can help regulate blood sugar and slow down the body’s absorption of other carbohydrates and glucose. In addition, the flavonoids found in apples stimulate insulin production in the pancreas and insulin receptors in the cells.

Whole Cranberries for Antioxidants

This is the season when you will find fresh cranberries stocked in the produce aisle of your local market. Take advantage of them now, perhaps buying enough to use in a holiday dish along with a few extra packages to stick in your freezer.

Don’t buy cranberry juice or canned cranberry sauce – unless it’s the whole berry variety – because, just like the apple, the skin is where the nutrients are packed in.

One cup of fresh, whole cranberries provides 5 grams of fiber, along with healthy doses of manganese, vitamin C, vitamin E, copper, vitamin K and pantothenic acid. Cranberries are packed with antioxidants, second only to blueberries. They are also a top source of phytonutrients that provide anti-inflammatory, antioxidant and anti-cancer benefits for the human body. Read more here.

Pumpkin Is for More than Pies

Hopefully you can find more than just pumpkin pie in the spread of food on your holiday table. Pumpkin bread, pumpkin seeds – in salads or used as a crust for other vegetables or meats – and roasted chunks of pumpkin are all nutritious choices to complement a holiday meal.

In one cup of cooked pumpkin you will find a minimal number of calories with a good amount of protein and fiber. Pumpkin is a great source of vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin E, riboflavin, potassium, copper and manganese as well as fair amounts of thiamin, vitamin B6, folate, pantothenic acid, niacin, iron, magnesium and phosphorus. That’s a lot of nutrition packed into one small cup of squash!

All these nutrients provide an antioxidant effect in the human body, which helps lower blood pressure, prevent degenerative eye diseases and support good heart health. The beta-carotene found in pumpkin, as well as other orange-hued vegetables, offers protection against heart disease, asthma, certain types of cancer and helps to delay body degeneration due to aging.

Pumpkin’s high potassium levels reduce the risk of stroke, muscle mass and bone density loss and the formation of kidney stones. One more bonus to eating pumpkin is its immunity benefit, due to the high vitamin C and beta-carotene levels.

Pick Sweet Potatoes over Yams

Sweet potatoes are another nutrition-dense food you are likely to find on the holiday table. Skip the sugar-coated casserole topped with marshmallows, however, and opt for the roasted variety or perhaps a salad that combines greens and nuts with this healthy tuber.

If you have a choice between pumpkin pie and sweet potato pie, opt for the latter, which is likely to have a bit less sugar but a lot more vitamin A and vitamin C. For a delicious, savory side dish that includes sweet potatoes, onions and apple cider, try this recipe for Sweet Potato, Cheddar and Cider Gratin.

Don’t confuse sweet potatoes with yams, however, as they are two different vegetables. In the U.S., you are much more likely to find sweet potatoes in the grocery store, even if the bin is labeled as “yams.”

Sweet potatoes are very similar, nutritionally, to their “cousin,” pumpkin. In one cup, you will find more calories (180 as opposed to 49), but its superior nutritional value more than makes up for it. In fact, that one cup of sweet potatoes contains over 200 percent of the RDA (Recommended Daily Allowance) of vitamin A as well as impressive amounts of vitamin C, manganese, copper, pantothenic acid, biotin, potassium, fiber, vitamins B6, B3, B1 and B2 and phosphorus.

The presence of all these nutrients means that sweet potatoes have excellent antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties as well as blood sugar regulation. Even though they are high in carbohydrates and natural sugar, giving them a high glycemic index rating, sweet potatoes actually even out blood sugar levels.

In addition to all these great health benefits, sweet potatoes have antifungal and antibacterial properties. Next time you suffer from a superficial cut, try applying a slice of sweet potato!

Turkey: White Meat and Dark

What holiday dinner would be complete without turkey? When it comes to a choice between ham and turkey on the holiday table, turkey wins hands-down as far as popularity, and with good reason. It is the healthier choice, by far, in terms of fat and calories, and it is extremely versatile as a leftover.

In about half a cup of turkey you will find 125 calories in white meat or 147 calories in dark meat without skin – not enough to make a big difference so go ahead and enjoy either. Note that dark meat is more nutritionally dense.

That half cup of turkey also has 2 grams of fat (white)/5 grams of fat (dark); 0 grams of carbs; 26 grams of protein (white)/24 grams of protein (dark); good amounts of vitamins B6 and B12, niacin, selenium, choline and zinc. There is tryptophan – but not enough to put you to sleep. In fact, all meats have some level of tryptophan.

The high amount of protein in turkey as compared to low levels of fat means that it has the ability to fill you up while stabilizing insulin levels and maintaining lean muscle mass. This makes it a good choice for diabetics.

Enjoy Your Holiday Meals

The holiday season only comes once a year and by all means, you should enjoy it. But instead of indulging in every dish at once, try to have a little restraint and make healthier choices. You will feel much better after the New Year is rung in and you are left with distant memories of buffets and parties and holiday events.

What special treats do you have planned for your holiday meals? Which of these holiday super-foods do you include in your celebrations? Do you have any special family recipes? Please share!

Tayshia Adams’ Pink Satin Lace Trim Robe on The Bachelorette

The Bachelorette Season 16 Episode 12 Fashion

(*Cue Chris Harrison voice*) This week on The Bachelorette Tayshia Adams’ journey comes to an emotional end. However lucky for us no tears need to be shed over her pretty pink satin lace trim robe considering it’s still up for grabs and ready for you to give your final rose credit card transaction of the season to.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to Shop Her Flora Nikrooz Robe

Originally posted at: Tayshia Adams’ Pink Satin Lace Trim Robe

Tayshia Adams’ Pink Asymmetrical Ruched Dress on The Bachelorette

The Bachelorette Season 16 Episode 13 Fashion

While as a father Mr. Adams wants to protect Tayshia from possibly making the biggest mistake of her life on the finale of The Bachelorette, as shopping experts we want to protect you from possibly making the biggest fashion mistake of your life by not locking down her currently on sale pink asymmetrical ruched dress. Which in our opinion would definitely make for the perfect Significant Other.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to Shop Her Significant Other Dress on Sale

Click Here For Additional Stock on Sale

And Here For Even More Stock and Colours

Originally posted at: Tayshia Adams’ Pink Asymmetrical Ruched Dress

Kismet is lying on my feet. Since the pandemic, that is her favorite place to be while I write. My study is the warmest room in the house, and for most of her 10 years of life my companion Border Collie has spent the daylight hours sleeping on the soft rug under my large desk under the window where my mostly unused 27-inch iMac resides.

I prefer my laptop or tablet for writing, so I am sitting at a small table crowded with reference materials, a lamp, headphones, my iPhone, and a cup of coffee. Once I settle into my chair, Kismet sits on my feet. Nothing too strange there. It’s kind of sweet and keeps my feet warm.

Pandemic Pup

What is strange – and new since the pandemic – is that whenever I rise from my desk, instead of settling under the big desk while I stretch my legs, she follows me wherever I go. She follows me to the sink while I wash the dishes, to the garage while I load clothes into the washing machine.

She stands and stares at me while I make the bed. If I don’t return to the study within 10 minutes or so, she goes there herself, and stands in the middle of the room barking, demanding that I return.

My Muse?

At first, I thought she was acting like a muse, encouraging me to write. But now I believe she simply feels safer curled up beside me as I tap the keys in search of the perfect scene.

In the last six months we have gone from buddies who saw each other mostly in the mornings and late at night to being the closest of friends, together now 24 hours a day. And the more we are together, the less Kismet wants to be alone. I supposed that following me from place to place was triggered by our new routine, and it turns out that research supports this.

In Search of Consistency

Dogs of the Border Collie breed like a consistent schedule, and they need a lot of exercise. We have always gone out in the morning after I feed her, but my schedule has relaxed a bit since I’m not racing out the door to work.

If I start clearing away the detritus of the previous day and forget to pour out her feed, she will stand by her bowl and bark. Once she eats, she goes straight to the front door and waits for me to come and open it.

She used to wait patiently by the door until I came. But now, if I don’t move fast enough, she barks until I come over and snap on her leash. An hour later, she’s back at the door again, barking to go on another walk.

It’s as if she’s trying to get our old routine back. I used to leave for work after our walk. Perhaps if we go for another walk, I will leave, she is thinking, and the old world, the one she understood and felt safe with, will return.

Safe – for Whom?

I found myself feeling pressured into behaving in ways that brought Kismet comfort and made her feel safe. That meant I was writing more but neglecting my chores. Sitting too long in one position, writing beyond cognitive overload.

Then Kismet began running to the front door and barking several times a morning. Sometimes she announced the arrival of a package, but mostly it was a dog and its human walking down the street.

She started barking at my colleagues during Zoom calls. As soon as someone began to speak, Kismet would bark repeatedly. It got so bad that the administrator would remind me to mute my mike as soon as I joined the group. I began wearing headphones so she couldn’t hear the other participants. But then when I joined a conversation, she’d bark again.

Finally, I turned to the Internet to see if I was the only one experiencing these new and annoying behaviors.

Pandemic Pet Behavior

It turns out that Pandemic Pet Behavior is a thing. As early as April 2020, journalist Michael Waters, writing for Vox, reported clingy dogs, cats “pouncing on exercise equipment, gliding across countertops or hiding in corners and shooting their owners concerned stares.”

New Walking Routine

Waters consulted Dr. Leanne Lilly, assistant professor of veterinary behavioral medicine at Ohio State University. She suggested that by being at home 24/7 owners had increased the number of interactions a day taking place between owners and their pets.

Because so many people are bored from being contained in their homes all day, they began walking their dogs more often, just like me. The increase in foot traffic outside my home was triggering Kismet’s alarm reflex, leading her to bark at every little noise. Including the voices coming over my screen when I was on a Zoom call.

Clinginess

Dr. Lilly explained Kismet’s clingy behavior too. Pets, she said, just like children, can sense our moods and our psychological well-being. Fabricio Carballo, an animal cognition researcher at the University of El Salvador, published a paper in January reporting that dogs experience higher levels of anxiety when their owners are experiencing stress.

Combining that with a disruption of typical schedules and the increase in togetherness caused by sheltering in place may result in what veterinary researchers call displacement behaviors. Those can include licking, biting, whining, barking and – I suspect – hovering – when there seems no reason for those behaviors.

Pet Conditioning

In August, Maura Judkis, a reporter for the Washington Post, described Miles, a small mixed-breed dog, who in April began barking at anyone wearing a mask. Miles’ human had worked closely with him when he was first adopted and understood how to deal with troublesome behavioral issues.

With the help of two friends, she conditioned her pet to accept the masks on these familiar people, and eventually he ignored mask-wearing strangers when they went on walks.

Tracy Krulik, a dog trainer and behaviorist in Northern Virginia, suggests the use of conditioning to extinguish other troublesome displacement behaviors. She’s working with Daniel Mills, a veterinary behaviorist and professor at the University of Lincoln in the UK, to study the long- term effects of the pandemic on dog behavior – particularly whether it creates separation anxiety in dogs that didn’t have it before.

Meanwhile she encourages people to get out of the house more, to help their animals get used to their absences in small doses. “If people can’t go back to work,” Krulik says, “go sit under a tree, go in your car, just get out of your house.”

The most important lesson I learned from reading the findings of these animal behaviorists, is that Kismet is no weirder than the other pets reeling from these confusing times. And there are solutions.

I have started keeping a bowl of treats on my crowded worktable. When Kismet barks, I now command her to sit and lie down. When she settles, I give her a treat. It’s a small thing, but it’s a start.

How are your pets behaving since the pandemic started? Are you seeing these displacement behaviors? Let’s swap stories!