If you are a Millennial reading this title (unlikely, I know!), you’re probably thinking “What the heck is this old woman talking about? Boomers are selfish and rich. They destroyed the environment and took all of the good jobs. Boomers are a lot of things… but, ‘generous’ is not one of them.”

But, the truth is that, despite what our kids and grandkids like to think, most Boomers care deeply for their families and the world around them.

We aren’t proud of all of the things that have been done “on our watch,” but, we care about leaving the world a better place than we entered it. And we sure as heck care about the people closest to us.

And, for the record, most of us are not anywhere close to “rich.”

Don’t believe me? Consider the following…

Boomers Are WAY More Generous Than You Think

There’s no doubt that many Millennials are struggling to make ends meet. Despite the booming economy, fully 23% of Millennials are living with one of their parents.

Unlike our parents, most of whom would have scoffed at the idea of having their kids “return to the nest,” Boomers have accepted the fact that their children need their help. We’re not looking for meddles, by the way; looking after your family is just what you do. Abandoning our kids is just not an option for most of us… even if doing so could be justified as “tough love.”

It’s not just free room and board that many boomers are providing; it’s also educational support. According to a report by the Guardian Life Insurance Company, Boomers are the fastest growing generation when it comes to new student loan debt.

What’s driving this trend? Well, it isn’t our own desire to go back to school (although some of us are!) Instead, grandparents are taking on debt to help their kids and grandkids to go to college or university. The result? In the same survey, more than 50% of 54 to 60-year-olds said that college debt is holding them back from achieving financial freedom.

There’s much more that I could say here – like the statistic that 2.7-million grandparents are raising grandkids in the U.S. or fact that 41% of all charitable giving is made by Boomers. But, I don’t think that’s necessary.

The point here is that, despite the stereotypes, Boomers are generous and engaged. We want the world to be a better place… and we are putting our money where our mouth is.

When Does Generosity Become Self-Destructive?

By now, you may be asking, “So what? Helping people is the right thing to do. What’s the big deal?” To answer this, I’d like to tell you about a conversation that I had with a friend of mine, Susan (not her real name) as her situation is representative of what a lot of us are going through.

Susan, like me, is in her early 70s. She got married early and, like many women of our generation, stayed home until her kids were old enough to go to school. After that, she was hired by a technology company in an entry-level administrative position. She worked hard and, while she was successful, she never broke into the executive ranks that would have given her true financial security.

The last time I met with Susan, she was in tears. She had just got off the phone with her daughter who was struggling financially. Her daughter, a barista by day and writer by night, had called her to ask for with her car, which needed repairs. Susan was already sending her daughter several hundred dollars a month to help her make ends meet and she just didn’t have the extra cash on hand.

I asked Susan what would happen if her daughter’s car wasn’t fixed and she said that her daughter wouldn’t be able to get to work. I asked whether her daughter could just take the bus and Susan looked at me like I was crazy. “Emily is a single mom with two kids. How can I add to that pressure if I can help?”

Susan’s generosity isn’t limited to helping her daughter. A few years ago, her other child wanted to go back to school to get a better job. She co-signed on the loan, which left her on the hook for $5,000 when her son dropped out of college after just one year. He insists that he will pay her back, “When things get better,” but, in the meantime, she’s covering the monthly payments.

All-in-all, from the $3,000 a month that Susan gets from Social Security and a small pension, $400 or so goes to helping her kids, neither of which are disabled, depressed or in any imminent physical danger.  That’s almost 15% of her income going straight to other people each month.

Put Your Oxygen Mask on Before Helping Others

To be 100% clear, I’m not saying that Susan (or anyone else for that matter) is wrong for helping their kids or grandkids. This is a deeply personal decision that each of us needs to make ourselves.

I’m simply saying that I know many older adults who genuinely cannot afford to help the people in their lives as much as they are. In order to save their kids from having to ride the bus, so to speak, they put themselves at right of facing extreme poverty when they reach their 70s or 80s.

Most of these people have never even tried to explain to their families how their financial situations have changed as they have gotten older. Once the financial pillars of their families, these older adults are now in a position that they need a little extra help, not the other way around. And, they owe it to themselves (and their families) to be honest about their financial situations.

Helping others when you can’t afford it feels good in the short-term, but, it often has disastrous consequences in the future – for you and them.

What happens when you face an unexpected medical emergency and can no longer afford to help your family? Will they be surprised to hear that you aren’t made of money? What will they do when you come to them for help paying for a room at an assisted living facility? Will they be able to support you the way you supported them? I hope so!

Do you feel like parents are sometimes too generous with their adult children and grandkids – especially when they can’t afford it? Have you ever had to have a difficult conversation with a family member who asked for money? Let’s have a conversation!

The best summer foundation has a few key characteristics. It should be long-wearing, oil-free and oil-controlling and, most importantly, look natural without any heavy caking. It is summer after all and you want to look fresh and not heavily made up. Of course, you don’t have to wear foundation. Lightweight BB cream and skin tints are a great alternative. But if you’re someone who really loves the look of full-coverage, you’re not out of luck. There are some stellar options that will stay on no matter how hot the sun gets.

When you’re trying to keep your makeup from melting in heat and humidity, be sure to start with a mattifying primer. Then, apply one of these long-wearing foundations on top. Not all oil-free, oil-controlling foundations are matte, though many are. Regardless of your skin type, you’ll find matte formulas last a bit longer than hydrating ones. If you have dry skin, look for “natural-matte” or “skin-like” versions. But there are luminous finishes that will stay on through a beach day if you use a lightweight primer and setting powder.

Shop some of our favorite stay-put foundations, below.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale and the retailer may receive certain auditable data for accounting purposes.

Image: BareMinerals.

BareMinerals BarePro Performance Wear Powder Foundation

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Image: Sephora.

Laura Mercier Flawless Fusion Ultra-Longwear Foundation

This oil-free, transfer-resistant, liquid foundation lasts up to 15 hours and stays full coverage. There are 30 natural-looking shades to choose from.

Image: Lancome.

Lancôme Teint Idole Ultra Longwear Foundation Stick SPF 21

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Image: Colourpop.

Colourpop No Filter Matte Foundation

Fans will oily skin love this natural-matte foundation for the way it banishes oil and blurs imperfections in 42 shades.

Image: Estée Lauder.

Estée Lauder Double Wear Stay-in-Place Foundation

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Image: Loreal Paris.

L’Oréal Paris Infallible Pro-Matte Liquid Longwear Foundation

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Image: Maybelline New York.

Maybelline New York Super Stay Full Coverage Liquid Foundation

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Leah McSweeney’s Beige Hat in Newport, Rhode Island

Real Housewives of New York Season 12 Episode 9 Fashion

On this week’s episode of RHONY Ramona Singer tells the group that she doesn’t want to be embarrassed in Newport. And all we have to say to that is thank goodness Leah McSweeney decided to wear this beige hat instead of the black mesh one she wore in the Hamptons, because we have a feeling it definitely wouldn’t have been able to withstand the intense ride she takes on the Ramona Coaster.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to See Her Sold Out Ruslan Baginskiy Hat

Click Here to See Her Sold Out Majorelle Bodysuit

Originally posted at: Leah McSweeney’s Beige Hat

I heard an expression the other day that stopped me in my tracks. It had the ring of a famous saying, although that turned out not to be the case. But more importantly, it had some real profundity. It said, simply, “Life ends in the middle of a sentence.”

Getting Your Life in Order

Life ending in the middle of a sentence basically means that the end of life is not tidy. And, I suspect, that is absolutely right.

The issue is essentially about getting – or not getting – your life “in order.” How many times have people spoken to you about this? It is one of those phrases that people start to use once they are over a certain age.

And those of us who have reached that certain age also begin to think about it. When the end comes, as it must someday, we want to be ready.

This sense of readiness can be about your mental state­ – making peace with yourself and others – or it can be about your things and your activities. It is the latter I want to address here.

Some people, may have already met this readiness goal. They will have carefully downsized both where they live and what they own.

In the process, they will have sorted all those old papers, with many thrown away and the important ones carefully organised. Their books will have been sorted and cut down to a minimum.

More significantly, they will have handed down all the precious memory-filled items that they wanted to ensure landed in the hands of a particular daughter or son. Or, perhaps, grandchild or, indeed, friend. They will have read through their last will and made sure it is in a safe place.

In sum, all that stuff that seems to accumulate over the years will have been substantially reduced. Everything will be in its place.

The process of ‘cleaning up’ after their demise will be easy. They will have left no mess behind. Congratulations are due.

Real Life

But is it really that easy? Can most of us be quite so fully organised? We may have tidy plans and a wish to do the right thing, but I question whether we can ever have such orderly lives. And, most importantly, would we wish to do so?

The image of everything being in its rightful place suggests that we have had our lunch, tidied up, put the plates away and are sitting quietly in an armchair waiting for the Grim Reaper to knock on the door.

In truth, life is not like that. We all have projects of one kind or another. For me, it is writing; for others it may be painting or knitting a special outfit for a grandchild or planning the next holiday.

Human beings don’t often put their feet up and wait. They get restless, they mooch around, and they get themselves stuck into something that interests them.

Even if they don’t have exact plans, they may well have dreams. This came home to me very vividly when I was looking after a man who was dying of AIDS roughly 30 years ago. We were writing a book together about living with AIDS and had become good friends.

He had done comparatively well, living longer than anyone expected, but his body was beginning to let him down. As someone active in the AIDS community, he was well aware of his situation. I helped him out where I could.

Among the errands, he asked of me was to post a letter, together with a coupon, to a company offering a free trip to the Caribbean to a lucky winner in several months’ time. I remember walking to the nearest post box wondering why I was doing this obviously pointless task.

But I knew that such dreams were part of what was keeping him alive. In fact, he died two weeks later.

My Own Experience

Although I would dearly love to know that my life was “in order,” I have not yet tackled this process. I keep thinking about downsizing, but like St. Augustine and chastity, I say, “Oh Lord, not yet.”

I have thrown away a lot of papers, given away many books, and made some lists that will make life easier for my children when they come to cope with my death.

But I have not yet moved from a large house, suitable for when my children were home, and still own a lot of things that should properly be moved elsewhere.

More importantly, I have numerous projects still to go. I am nearly finished with one book and am planning another. There are books I want to read.

My family photographs are in a mess and need to be sorted if those who remain behind want to know who was who. A long list of things To Be Done sits on my desk.

And there are aims for the future that will never get finished. I want to see my grandsons grow up and find out what they choose to do with their lives. If I live long enough, I will feel the same about any potential great-grandchildren. So, there is no end ever in sight.

We don’t stop until we are stopped. At that point, we will be in the middle of loads of things. There will always be a long To Do list. In short, we will be in the middle of a sentence.

And this is how it should be.

Have you started getting your life in order? Do you feel you will ever succeed? How many tasks are on your To Do list now? How many have you already tackled? Let’s have a conversation!