Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

Most of us know that we can choose what we eat, what we wear, where we go, and how we spend our money. But we often forget one of the most important choices we make every day:

We Can Choose What We Think About

This is the idea behind a book I am currently writing, called Thought Selection. The basic principle is simple, but powerful: every moment, we have some choice about where we place our attention. And where we place our attention has a great deal to do with our happiness, peace of mind, and enjoyment of life.

Of course, we cannot always control the first thought that enters our mind. A worry may appear. A memory may surface. A problem may demand attention. Someone may say something that bothers us. Life will always bring challenges.

But after that first thought arrives, we usually have a choice. Do we stay with it? Do we feed it? Do we replay it over and over? Or do we decide, gently and deliberately, to move our mind toward something more useful, more pleasant, or more peaceful?

That choice can change the quality of our lives.

The TV Metaphor

Many people live as though their minds are televisions with no remote control. Whatever program comes on, they watch it. If the mind starts showing old regrets, they watch. If it shows worries about the future, they watch. If it shows resentment, fear, or disappointment, they watch that too.

But we do not have to watch every program the mind presents.

We can change the channel.

This does not mean pretending problems do not exist. It does not mean avoiding responsibility or living in a fantasy world. If something needs attention, we should give it attention. Bills must be paid. Medical appointments must be kept. Family matters may need discussion. Decisions must be made.

But there is a big difference between solving a problem and thinking about it endlessly.

One is useful. The other is suffering.

Time to Think

A practical approach is to give problems an appointment. Instead of allowing a concern to take over the entire day, we can say, “I will think about this at 3:00 this afternoon for 20 minutes.” Then, at that time, we sit down, consider the problem, write down possible solutions, make a decision if we can, and take whatever action is appropriate.

After that, we are allowed to move on.

This is especially important as we grow older. Time becomes more precious. We begin to understand that a day spent in worry is still a day of our life. A morning spent replaying an old hurt is still a morning we do not get back. An evening spent imagining disasters is still an evening that could have included peace, gratitude, humor, music, conversation, or rest.

What Thought Selection Is

Thought selection is not about forcing ourselves to be happy every minute. No one can do that, and no one should feel guilty for having sad, anxious, or painful thoughts. We are human. We feel things deeply.

Thought selection is about asking a simple question: “Is this the thought I want to live with right now?”

Sometimes the answer will be yes. If we are grieving, we may need to think about the person we lost. If we made a mistake, we may need to learn from it. If someone hurt us, we may need to understand what happened.

But many times, the answer will be no. No, I do not want to spend the next hour thinking about something I cannot change. No, I do not want to rehearse an argument that is already over. No, I do not want to ruin this beautiful afternoon by imagining every possible thing that might go wrong.

At that point, we can choose again.

Changing the Narrative

We can think about someone we love. We can remember something funny. We can plan something enjoyable. We can listen to music. We can appreciate the meal in front of us, the chair we are sitting in, the sunshine through the window, or the fact that we are still here, still thinking, still choosing.

The mind can become a friend when we learn how to guide it.

One helpful habit is to prepare a list of thoughts worth returning to. Pleasant memories. Future plans. People we care about. Things we are grateful for. Books we enjoy. Places we have loved. Small pleasures that still make life good.

Then, when an unhelpful thought begins to take over, we are not left wondering where to go. We already have better destinations prepared.

In later life, thought selection may be one of the great secrets of happiness. We may not be able to control every circumstance, every person, every ache, every delay, or every disappointment. But we can practice choosing what receives our attention.

And what receives our attention often becomes our experience of life.

A happier life does not always require a different house, a different past, a different family, or a different body. Sometimes it begins with a different thought.

And then another.

And then another.

Moment by moment, thought by thought, we can choose more of the life we want to live.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do you do when an annoying/stressful/worrisome thought enter your mind? Do you consciously entertain it, or do you send it where it belongs? What strategy has helped you battle negative thoughts?

My mother, Estelle, was born Esther Lanch in 1911 and raised in a Jewish household in San Francisco’s Fillmore District. From Odesa, where her mother was raised, to London and the Jewish communities of Montreal, New York, and San Francisco, the family encountered anti-Semitism in mid-Twentieth-Century America. My family’s journey weaves a compelling portrait of identity, reinvention, family legacy, and belonging across generations.

The History

My historical memoir, Suddenly Jewish, begins with the revelation of my maternal lineage. Estelle’s mother, Rose, a strong-willed woman, was born into a wealthy Jewish family in Odesa, Russia. After a family tragedy, Rose left for Toronto and eventually married Jake, a volatile union organizer in Montreal. Their tumultuous marriage, compounded by Jake’s political activism and atheism, drove Rose to fiercely preserve her Jewish traditions in secret.

Despite hardships, including emotional abuse and economic instability, Rose’s strength shone as she raised her daughters with unspoken connections to their heritage. My mother chose not to embrace her Jewish identity from early childhood due to fear and trauma. She never considered herself Jewish. She never believed in doctrine. She only believed in her own strength.

A few years after graduating high school, my mother fell in love with an Irish Catholic man. The transition to another identity, far removed from her own, allowed my mother to set aside her past and let my father raise my brother and me in the Catholic faith. She never told my brother and me that she was Jewish. Not once. Not ever…until…

On the eve of my wedding to a Jewish student, my mother sat on my bed as I was returning to Berkeley for my junior year, and said, “Your Grandma is Jewish. I just thought I’d tell you.” I had spent my life feeling an unexplained pull toward Jewish culture and people. I replied to her that “being Jewish doesn’t skip a generation, that she couldn’t deny that fact. And now, I’m suddenly Jewish.” In a flash, I was someone else.

The Journey

Discovering the complexities and dynamics of identity, family, and resilience through the lens of my mother’s hidden Jewish heritage was a challenging journey. It was my intention to weave historical context into my mother’s memoir to clarify and expand her journey. Sometimes the historical backdrop brings clarity to identity and purpose. Sometimes it is the only available choice.

When my mother told me that my grandmother was Jewish, it was my only available choice – to accept and reshape everything I thought I knew about who I am. Accommodations had to be made for purposes of identity – not faith or belief. Although I had many questions about what it means to have a Jewish identity, in my mind, it did not concern practices and rituals. I was not deterred by the emotional and spiritual changes that would inevitably come into play. I was able to travel seamlessly across decades.

Why Did My Mother Hide Her Identity?

Estelle’s story is ultimately about a mother’s choices and the legacy she left her children. The tension she bore between protecting her family and hiding her truth is a story every parent can relate to, no matter their path in life. The historical narrative of Jewish antisemitism and the social pressures that drove Jewish women to conceal their identity is a significant piece of American Jewish history. Since coming out with Suddenly Jewish, I’ve heard many stories about hidden rituals and kept secrets. It is ubiquitous in the human condition.

There is something both heartbreaking and illuminating in the story of three generations of women, no matter the ties that bind families, whether they be race, religion, or a set of conventions and values. What drew me to write my mother’s memoir was not only the exceptionalism of the women set against the details of family secrets and the enduring sweep of my mother’s historical canvas. What compelled me to write Suddenly Jewish were the questions it provoked: What does it mean to deny one’s identity, to hide the traditions and religion that shaped you, and what is the cost of that denial across generations?

My mother’s journey is a portrait of one woman’s quest for identity and freedom against the backdrop of a rapidly changing world. Estelle was a young Jewish woman struggling to find her place in her environment. She escaped antisemitism by hiding her Jewish identity in order to seek acceptance in a gentile world. But the secrets she carried could not stay buried; they shaped her family’s lives for generations.

Exploring family history is often fraught with adherence to tradition, rebellion, and the secrets that bind them. While we grapple with questions of identity, belonging, assimilation, cultural heritage, resilience, and the search for acceptance, our willingness to explore our stories is a gift to anyone who has ever encountered these philosophical themes.

Denying who we are is not a solution, but an existential burden that passes from one generation to the next. Denial shows humans that the cost of hiding is often paid not just by the one who hides, but by the children and grandchildren who inherit the silence. If you show them the truth, no matter how painful, you discover the path to freedom.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What identity-shaping secrets have been hidden in your family for generations? What was your response when you finally found out? How did the truth affect your identity?

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Originally posted at: Emily Simpson’s Black One Shoulder Confessional Top and Ball Earrings

Inside your head’s a bustling town
Where up is up—and down is down.
A worrier waves a frantic flag,
A dreamer totes a hopeful bag.

A judge bangs loudly on a drum.
A timid soul says, “Don’t be dumb.”
A warrior growls, “Stand up and fight!”
A saint insists, “Be kind. Be right.”

They chatter, argue, shout, and spar.
No wonder inner peace seems far!

You thought one voice should run the place,
With perfect logic, perfect grace.
But here’s the news that sets you free:
You’re not one mind. You’re quite a tree.

Each branch bends in a different breeze.
Each leaf has separate hopes to please.
One says, “Retreat!” One says, “Advance!”
They all deserve a second chance.

So quit the battle. Drop the stick.
Stop choosing who’s the better pick.
The frightened child, the stubborn mule,
The wise old owl, or noisy fool.

They all moved in without your vote.
They’ve each received a lifelong note.
Instead of tossing some away,
Invite them all to have their say.

The grump can guard when times turn rough.
The gentle heart knows soft’s enough.
The bold one leaps. The shy one waits.
Each serves you well at different gates.

The trick is not to win the war
By throwing half yourself outdoors.
Real peace begins the moment when
You welcome every “who” within.

For what you fight will only hide,
Then peek outside from every side.
The world becomes a looking glass,
Reflecting masks you cannot pass.

So dig within. Be brave. Be still.
Explore each valley, climb each hill.
The greatest treasure you will find
Lives quietly between your mind.

And when the chorus starts again,
those oddball, noisy, lovable friends—
Just smile and say, “Come gather near.

There’s room for all . . . between my ears.”

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How many voices do you hear insider your head? Which one dominates? Do you push certain ones aside?

When it comes to fulfilling their sexual desires, for many women and men over 60, open and honest communication is often the biggest obstacle to overcome.

How do you overcome this obstacle and improve the quality of your lifestyle, while also boosting your sexual confidence?

You will want to allow yourself to be vulnerable so that you can engage in open and honest communication, not just with others but, most importantly, with yourself.

This article and the accompanying video are the third of a new, 10-part exclusive series for Sixty and Me readers titled “Improve Your Lifestyle After 60 by Boosting Your Sexual Confidence.”

Sabotaging Your Desires for Fulfillment

What gets in the way of talking about one’s sexual desires and exploring ways to enjoy a more pleasurable lifestyle is the fear of being judged or shamed for what you are sharing.

There may be a conscious desire to create your ideal lifestyle, and then beliefs and behaviors surrounding sexuality unconsciously sabotage your desires from being fulfilled.

That is why open, honest, and vulnerable communication is the first step to fulfilling your sexual desires at this stage of life.

Vulnerability Is Your Superpower

Contrary to how most of us were raised and educated to see vulnerability as a sign of weakness, it is far from that. Being vulnerable is the key that unlocks your ability to get in touch with your desires, communicate them openly, and confidently fulfill them.

Because of this, you could say that vulnerability is a superpower.

As powerful as vulnerability is, due to the limiting belief that many have about it, it is a lack of vulnerability that keeps so many from being truthful about their sexual desires after 60.

Being vulnerable enough to discuss sexual desires openly with yourself, a romantic partner, and professionals you trust, is a significant part of healing the pain of limiting beliefs. It is also the fast track to living your dream lifestyle.

5 Steps for Sharing Your Sexual Desires with Confidence

Here are five specific steps you can take to share your sexual desires with more vulnerability and confidence:

1. Open and Honest Communication

Open communication about your desires, fears, and boundaries is essential to embracing more of your sexuality. From journaling your desires and speaking them out loud to yourself or setting aside time to communicate with your partner, open and honest communication fosters understanding. It can be the key that unlocks a fulfilling sexual relationship with yourself and others.

2. Medical Consultation

Some women and men may benefit from medical interventions like hormone replacement therapy or pills to help a man’s libido. However, this can be intimidating for some, and a lack of vulnerability can prevent you from receiving medical assistance. Therefore, consulting with a gynecologist or sexual health expert who can provide tailored advice is essential in overcoming even the most stubborn of obstacles.

3. Sex Therapist or Counselor

A sex therapist or counselor can provide timely guidance in the areas of self-love and sexual pleasure, as well as offer effective ways to empower yourself through vulnerability. This is especially helpful if you’re dealing with issues like grief, self-esteem, or past traumas that have prevented you from not only communicating your desires but also physically engaging in their fulfillment.

4. Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)

Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) is used to address low libido in both men and women by restoring hormone levels. Whether this is an ideal solution for you, the only way you will know for sure comes down to openly communicating your needs, wants, and desires. This also includes both confronting and communicating the challenges you are facing in fulfilling your desires. As is the case with any hormone treatment, there can be side effects, and not all treatments are effective for each person. Be sure to journal all of this first, and then speak with a medical expert. If you have a romantic partner, speak with them about this as well.

5. Erotic Literature or Films

While this step can be effective at stimulating both your sexual desires and imagination, there is a lot of resistance to this by many who are sixty and over. Much of this is due to how we were raised and the social stigma that is associated with erotic literature and films. There are many age-appropriate erotic resources that focus on mature relationships and sexuality. To find what is in alignment with you requires less of a search online and more of a positive, vulnerable inner dialogue that removes traces of shame, guilt, and judgment from your sexual desires being fulfilled.

Next Steps

Open and honest communication is the key to unlocking deeper intimacy, personal fulfillment, and sexual confidence after 60. When you remove fear, shame, and self-doubt, you create space for authentic pleasure, connection, and self-expression.

By embracing vulnerability and taking actionable steps to communicate your needs, you reclaim your sexuality with confidence and can speak about your desires with clarity and a sense of self-empowerment.

In our next article and video in the series, you will learn that engaging in regular physical stimulation and sensory arousal can deepen your connection with your body, increasing confidence, and cultivating joy in your desired lifestyle.

I invite you to join me in the video, where I will share four benefits of tapping into your vulnerability for communicating your needs and desires. I will also guide you through three journal prompts to help integrate what you are learning in this article.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you been able to openly communicate your sexual needs with your partner? What about problems with your healthcare provider?