Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

As we get older, we tend to think we’ve got this whole “communication” thing down. We’ve had years of practice, and by now, we ought to be masters of getting our point across clearly. And yet, sometimes, even with our best intentions, people hear something entirely different from what we meant.

Communication, Right?

Communication isn’t just about the words we choose; it’s about everything in between – tone, timing, assumptions – and occasionally, it’s about the total disconnect that can leave us all laughing, scratching our heads, or both.

Back before my sister had a husband, mortgage, or children, she was out on the town with friends at a little pub in downtown Chicago. That’s where she learned firsthand how intentions and even accents can skew the simplest conversations.” A man approached my sister, and, in a heavy Scottish accent, he said, “My friend and I were talking, and we think you look just like my groin.”

My sister was, to say the least, mortified. “That’s the worst pickup line I’ve ever heard!” she said. “I look like your groin?”

“No, no!” he said. “You look like Ma Groy-in, Mag Royan!”

Her friend chimed in, “Are you trying to say Meg Ryan?”

No, my sister did not marry the man, but we’ve had more than 35 years of retelling this story, and it leaves everyone in stitches every time.

Back in the Day

Years later, I found myself on the other end of a similar communication debacle – this time with two students in my fourth-grade class, Zach and Nicolás. (I’ve changed their names.) They were sharp, observant, and, as I soon discovered, masters at spotting my own miscommunications in real time. What started as a typical Tuesday transformed into one of those unforgettable days that reminded me communication is always a bit of a moving target.

Zach was my cool kid with an “I’d rather be anywhere else” vibe. He was also hard of hearing but thought hearing aids cramped his style. Nicolás was new to the country, a quiet, lovable little guy who’d moved here from Mexico the year before, after his mother died in a car accident. He had a big heart but understood little English.

So here I was, one of the only ones around to help him adjust. No Spanish teachers, one occasional interpreter for the deaf, and me – an American teacher with three years of high school German and about eight words of Spanish I’d gleaned from Sesame Street.

This mix made for some entertaining classroom moments, to say the least. I’d smile and wave wildly to catch Zach’s attention across the room, knowing full well he’d be pretending he didn’t see me. Meanwhile, Nicolás, dear kid, would quietly watch the chaos with big, solemn eyes. His English might have been limited, but his powers of observation were sharp. He understood more than he let on, as I would soon discover in a rather unforgettable way.

How to Miscommunicate

The story unfolded on a cold and snowy day when Zach and Nicolás, bursting with excitement, ran toward me in the hall as I was attempting to slide into the teacher’s lounge for my 12 minutes of lunch. The boys had been promised by someone with better language skills than mine, that they’d get to skip the freezing recess time and play basketball in the gym with a “super cool parent volunteer.”

Cooler than the teachers apparently. But not as cold as the teachers on recess duty outside. As they closed in on me, I realized they were about to be sorely disappointed. The cool volunteer dad, as it turned out, wouldn’t be coming until the next day.

Here’s where the challenge began: I had to convey the concept of tomorrow. Simple enough, right? It’s simple if you know the Spanish and ASL (American Sign Language) word for tomorrow. For some of you, that word might float right to the front of your brain without hesitation. For me, every Spanish word I’d ever learned was swirling around, none of them sounding like what I needed. “Taco?” (Yummmm, I’m starving…) “Feliz Navidad?” (Useless.)

All I had was “abierto” (thank you, Sesame Street) and “agua,” which wasn’t going to get me very far. Meanwhile, Nicolás and Zach stared at me, both visibly impatient for answers. Nicolás tilted his head as if to say, “Well, lady, get on with it.”

Let’s Try Sign Language?

At this point, I remembered that I did know a little sign language. My school had been a magnet for deaf students, so I’d picked up a decent vocabulary – well, in nouns and adjectives anyway. I threw caution to the wind and started signing the only time-related word I could remember. “Weekend! Weekend! Weekend!” I frantically signed.

It was, of course, meaningless. Nicolás looked at me with even bigger eyes, clearly confused but waiting patiently. Zach looked at me, or rather in my general direction, clearly unimpressed.

Let’s Try Volume?

Realizing I was losing them, I tried an age-old tactic: volume. I shouted ‘Weekend!’ at Zach, and ‘Weekend!’ at Nicolás, which – of course – accomplished nothing. Zach couldn’t hear me without his hearing aids, and Nicolás was just watching with that squinty look kids give when they’re sure adults are clueless.

Staff members, who were walking past us in the hall, looked at me with disgust. It is a faux pas to yell at someone in their second language, expecting them to suddenly understand you.

And that’s when, as if on cue, a single, glorious word floated into my brain, thanks to Maria from Sesame Street – “mañana!” Yes! I’d remembered it! Overcome with relief, I did what maybe anyone in my position would do. I yelled it.

“Mañana! Mañana! Mañana!”

I was so triumphant, I was practically conducting a concert with my hands as I kept signing the word weekend. Zach was still confused – the Spanish was clearly not helping me to remember any ASL.

And that’s when Nicolás, who up until this point had only spoken in the softest of whispers, turned to me with the calm but unmistakable disdain of a child forced to deal with a clueless adult and said, “Hey lady, I am not the deaf one. Why are you yelling mañana at me?”

What I Didn’t Know I Didn’t Know

In that moment, I wished for a hole in the floor, or a “start over” button, or at least a mild case of amnesia. Here was Nicolás, in decent English, casually revealing his understanding much of what I’d been trying to communicate. He’d understood just enough to let me know exactly how absurd I looked, yelling Spanish at a child who clearly didn’t need it – I was the lost one.

Of course, the unseen benefit came later, once the embarrassment had faded. I’ve come to appreciate moments like these, even if they’re humbling. Communicating isn’t always about imparting knowledge; sometimes it’s about realizing just how little we really know. And I think it’s fair to say that everyone has had a moment of “yelling in Spanish sign language” metaphorically. Don’t be discouraged, though. Failing is the first step to succeeding at something.

Lessons

Looking back, I realize that the lesson Zach and Nicolás taught me was more than just a funny story to share at staff meetings or parties. It was a reminder that no matter how sure we are of what we’re saying, communication remains a tricky art. It’s about learning to laugh at ourselves, to adjust, and to try again, knowing that misunderstandings will happen – and sometimes, they’ll be the most memorable moments of all.

So now, when I’m faced with a misunderstanding – whether it’s with a family member, a friend, or even myself – I remember that day in the hallway with Zach and Nicolás. I remember what it felt like to think I was helping, only to realize I’d been hilariously off track. And I remind myself to take a breath, embrace the laughter, and know that sometimes the best way to be understood is to stay open, flexible, and avoid yelling in Spanish – unless you’re quite certain it’s what the moment calls for.

Here’s a link to my podcast where you can hear parts of this bad communication story aloud: Surviving the School Year episode 23.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you have a story of a miscommunication that you now can look back on and laugh? What do you think is the most overlooked but important part of being understood/understanding others? Do you think it is harder to be “listened to” as a person of a more distinctive age? Why or why not?

Old people are boring – truth or myth?

While you can split hairs and say, “it
depends on the individual,” it’s certainly a broadly accepted stereotype that
old people lead boring lives.

Stuck in Our Habits

Why? Basically, humans tend to fall
into a serious habit of doing the same thing repeatedly. You could even say
that a part of us is designed to be
boring.

Here’s what I mean. It’s a natural
instinct for us to not spend our
energy making conscious active decisions throughout the day. In fact, we make
about 35,000 decisions per day on autopilot. They take place
in our basal ganglia instead of the prefrontal cortex.

The reason is, we were built to
reserve our energy for fight-or-flight mode to survive in the wild. What’s more,
we’re designed to procrastinate to avoid any stressors in life.

The glaring problem? We’re not living
out in the wild anymore (most of us anyway, particularly if you’re reading this
article from your computer).

So, if our species is designed to
reserve energy and procrastinate on those adventurous plans you dream about, imagine
doing that for decades. Put another way, the longer you repeat your boring
habits the more stuck you become in those habits.

And when you’re stuck in a habit of
doing the same thing repeatedly (for decades), you’re more susceptible to other
outcomes that make you even more boring.

That’s right. Like not having anything
new or interesting to say.

Confined by Comfort

When you stay within the cozy walls
for your comfort zone, you don’t have anything new to talk about. Your
experiences and stories remain the same and you end up lacking something
stimulating to add to a conversation.

Which leads to that classic stereotype
of “old people repeat themselves.” Pretty boring on the receiving end, right?

What’s more is, your brain craves new experiences. To create new
neural pathways (which you can do until the day you die), you need new
experiences. Your neuroplasticity and cognitive health depend
on it.

Another side effect of being stuck in
rut is you become accustomed to your own opinions – and only your own opinions. You limit what your mind is exposed to,
which is also another way to not have anything interesting to say. Who wants to
hear your same opinion over and over again?

Boring Doesn’t Pertain ONLY to Older People

Not to worry, though. These
characteristics aren’t applicable to all seniors, and are, largely,
misconceptions spread by culture.

The truth
is: You can be boring at any age.

In fact, a study by Airbnb claims that women reach a
“peak boring” age at 35 (for men it’s 39). Supposedly, age 35 is when women are
least likely to do things like stay out late on a weekday, try a new hobby,
make a new friend, or book a spontaneous trip.

If you’re a woman in your 60s, and ready to make the most of your golden years, these activities are exactly what you should be doing if you want to live your ideal exciting and purposeful retirement lifestyle.

The problem? Here’s where culture
comes in. Culture trains you to be more sedentary as you age and pushes you to
fear the aging process altogether.

Take, for example, the sheer amount of TV seniors watch per week – although it’s down from the staggering 47 hours and 13 minutes for people aged 65+ that were recorded in 2020, according to data on Statista.com it’s still around 4.5 hours per day. And that’s without considering streaming services like Netflix or online browsing on phones, tablets and other devices.

Basically, culture trains you to stay
boring – which also means further procrastinating on your biggest dreams and
continuing to reserve your energy by living on autopilot.

Who Is Most Susceptible to Being Boring?

If you take a look at the root cause
of boredom, professor John Eastwood and team conducted a study out of York University in Canada that revealed there
are two very different personality types that suffer from boredom:

People Who Are Mentally Impulsive

The first group includes the mentally impulsive,
those who are chronically under-stimulated and always looking for new
experiences but don’t think the world is exciting enough.

People Who Are Afraid to Step Out of Their Comfort Zone

The second group consists of those who
aren’t satisfied with being comfortable, yet they’re chronically bored because
they’re too afraid to try something new.

For seniors, culture pushes you into
the second category. But, there’s good news – you don’t have to stay in that
category.

You Can Beat Boredom and Culture

Here’s what
you can do: Simply get out of your comfort zone.

In other words, seek new experiences.
Learn something new. Immerse yourself in new activities. Meet new people. Be
open-minded.

There are so many benefits to creating new growth experiences for yourself,
including:

• It’s
  good for building neuroplasticity and maintaining your cognitive health.
• It’s
  exciting and gets you out of a rut.
• It
  increases your chance of meeting new people.
• It’s
  good for your mental and emotional health.
• You’re
  more likely to find something fulfilling and purposeful by challenging yourself.
• You’re
  less judgmental.

The gist of it is: The good stuff –
including not being boring – happens
outside of your comfort zone. So, stop procrastinating and claim your place!
You might just excite others in your social group to do the same.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What can you do (big or small) to step out of your comfort zone? What autopilot routine or habit can you break to create a growth experience for yourself? Please share your thoughts with our community!

What kind of legacy are you building for yourself? What will you leave when you depart this earth? Will it be for your boundless and enduring philanthropy, like that of the Carnegies and the Rockefellers, or will it be more closely aligned with politics, like the Kennedys and the Bush family, or your artistic talents like the Osmonds and the Jacksons? Perhaps it’s for an epic adventure, invention or discovery that changes the course of history forever.

But let’s be real.

For most of us, our quiet strengths, loving gestures and acts of service we demonstrate naturally and over time to our very closest loved ones will inspire our legacies. If we want friends and family to remember us fondly, now is the time to start putting a little more strategy and thought around designing meaningful marks we can leave on our world.

Adopting a Legacy Mindset

A January 2024 article in The Washington Post talks about adopting a “legacy mindset,” and this is a great way to prepare our minds for such important work. “Short-term goals such as starting a new hobby or saving money for a special vacation can be valuable, but a legacy mind-set requires different considerations. Building a legacy – which benefits others and will survive beyond your lifetime – encourages you to think deeper and longer term, experts say,” writes author Katherine Kam in this thought-provoking piece.

A legacy mindset can inspire every interaction we have with others and can impact our long-term planning, the vision of our future and the way we develop our own interests and passions. The Good Life Project recently posted a story on this very topic and suggested beginning with the things that interest you now, not an unrealistic vision of how you’d like to be remembered by future generations.

“But when push comes to shove, how do you decide what legacy you want to leave after you’re gone? The answer lies in what you’re meant to do while you’re alive. This may sound counter-intuitive, but think about it this way: it’s your legacy. It has to come from that core version of yourself, which is most important to you.”

My Father’s Legacy

My deceased father, David Person, for example, had a passion for bringing people together and studying history. While living in retirement in Holly Springs, MS, he helped organize two well received local programs called “Behind the Big House” and “Gracing the Table,” which encouraged conversation between black and white residents about the community’s racist and slave-era history.

To many residents, Dad’s legacy is kindness, his generous nature and his embrace of the Holly Springs community. A scholarship and welcome reception have been established in his name. In this example, my father’s authentic actions and qualities became his legacy.

How to Leave Your Mark on the World

A similar story could be yours with a little thinking about what is important to you in the now. Once you have determined what brings you joy and makes you feel alive and purposeful, the next step is putting those theories into action – to practice what you are preaching.

On that note, here are five things you can do now to leave your mark on the world and live out your legacy mindset:

Set Up a Fund, Family Foundation or Scholarship in Your Name That Supports Something Important to You in Perpetuity

Of all the ways to leave your mark, funding it is among the easiest and most significant. And it is certainly the most tangible. Talk to your financial advisor about setting up a fund, or talk to local nonprofits that have been meaningful or supportive to your life.

Another well received act is to establish a 529 college fund or savings account for your children, grandchildren or special young people in your life. Like many elements of Grand Planning, this work begins with healthy conversations with professionals and your family. See what you can do to get that started today, because the sooner you do, the more impact your legacy will have on the people who matter most to you.

Communicate Family Legacy Stories so They Keep Living

Share your knowledge of family ancestry and stories with the loved ones in your life. Even better, write it all down and include photos with descriptions and save this in an organized folder or on a dedicated platform like Ancestry.com or the like. This gift not only informs your legacy as a wealth of information, it also passes along histories of ancestors whose stories may not yet have been shared.

Think About Qualities or Interests You Want to Be Remembered for

Consider the accolades that may be included in your one-day obituary, at least the ones that are super important to you. Maybe it’s “loved her family deeply” or “was an avid traveler” or “was a dedicated volunteer.” Then live those qualities out.

Make those strengths the foundation for which loved ones will remember you: dedicate yourself to the happiness of your family every single day; plan exotic trips annually; and in the last example, make volunteering for an organization a full-time job. These acts ensure others witness and respect your “mark” as well.

Distribute Important Belongings While You Can Do It Yourself

Give things that are special to you away while you are alive and explain to the receiver why it has meant something to you. In fact, it’s a great practice to give most of your stuff away to those who will take it while you are living. Whatever you do, don’t leave a houseful of stuff that people can’t easily identify as special or valuable because that will affect your legacy in more adverse ways.

Make the Time to Build Connected, Special Relationships with Family and Close Friends

Give your loved ones the gift of your time and attention and wisdom. You have learned a lot during your lifetime, and it will enhance your legacy greatly to share what you know. Even more eternal is the connection you can make with others. This is how people keep you alive in the memories forever.

To close, there is one big thing to remember about legacies and leaving your mark on the world. It is a lot easier to mar your legacy than it is to define it. Take the utmost care and caution when it comes to nurturing relationships with loved ones. If you choose to harbor resentment, remain distant, refuse to accept or become selfish with people in your spheres, the chance for celebrating your legacy will be very low.

Anything that you refuse to do, or turn your back toward or harbor resentment about, will wreck any positive mark you may have intended to leave. A full house of stuff, for example, or a reluctance to let others help you, can turn once happy memories into negative ones. It is critical to maintain focus on a positive legacy mindset!

Let’s Have a Legacy Discussion:

Do you think about your legacy? What does it look like? How are you making sure your memories stand the test of time?

As the temperatures drop and the nights get longer in the Northern Hemisphere, it’s not just sweaters and blankets that bring comfort – your choice of fragrance can also play a role in how you feel during winter. The best winter colognes should evoke warmth, coziness – even nostalgia – while making a statement.

From the luxurious sweetness of vanilla to the rich allure of tobacco, here are eight warm and cozy winter colognes, each offering something unique that can perfectly complement the colder months.

Remember that choosing a signature scent is about what feels right for you. So go ahead, spritz on those fragrances, bundle up, and indulge yourself this winter. Happy holidays!

AERIN ROSE COCOA by Estee Lauder

I recently visited the Estee Lauder counter at my local Macy’s to ask for winter cologne recommendations. The helpful representative directed me to a relatively new line (at least for me, though it was founded in 2012 ) called AERIN, that she told me was exclusive to Macy’s. Created by, and named for, Estee Lauder’s granddaughter, AERIN was inspired by her signature style.

The representative suggested the line’s more intense scents and sprayed a few of them on sample cards. What really caught my attention was this one – Rose Cocoa – part of the Rose Premier Collection. As Aerin Lauder noted, “The deep, rich notes of chocolate combined with the original rose notes are a perfect blend of my two favorite things.”

The brown bottle, adorned with a brown velvet bow, brought to mind a rich chocolate treat. After spritzing it on my arm, I was pleased to find that the chocolatey rose scent lingered throughout the day.

I’m not alone in my appreciation for this fragrance. One user commented that it was a romantic and “holiday vibe aroma,” echoing my own sentiments

Angels’ Share by Kilian

If you’re looking for a fragrance that embodies the festive spirit of the winter holidays, look no further than Angels’ Share by Kilian Hennessy. What makes Angels’ Share so distinctive is that it was inspired by the world of fine spirits. The name itself refers to the amount of alcohol that evaporates during the aging process in the oak barrels, known as “the angels’ share.”

Launched in 2020 by Hennessy, an heir to the French cognac family, it takes its place among Kilian’s Liquors scents – Apple Brandy, On the Rocks, and Old Fashioned – which Hennessy calls his “most personal creations.”

The perfume opens with a warm embrace of cognac extracted from the liquor. This gives the refillable bottle, designed to evoke the look of a vintage bar glass, a caramel hue. The cognac oil is balanced by oaky and cinnamon essences with a dash of sandalwood, praline, and vanilla.

Angels’ Share has impressive staying power, making it perfect for those long winter nights. It can be worn for holiday gatherings, cozy nights in, or even just to spark a festive mood. But wherever you wear it, Angels’ Share will leave a lasting impression.

Fir & Artemisia by Jo Malone

If you’re a fan of Jo Malone fragrances, like I am, then you definitely need to try this season’s new limited-edition winter cologne: Fir & Artemisia. Specially crafted for the holiday season, this unique scent combines the woody essence of fir trees with the herbal notes of artemisia for a refreshing fragrance.

“Every year at holiday time we have a new scent,” Marcelle, the Jo Malone manager at my local Bloomingdale’s, explained. “Fir and Artemisia is our scent for 2024.”

I noticed the fragrance elegantly displayed with a bow on the shelf, and it exuded a delightful holiday vibe. Marcelle sprayed some on a tester for me and the scent of fir wafted through the air. It made me think of the crisp air of walking through a pine forest on a cool morning. The Artemisia adds a touch of herbal sweetness.

Marcelle noted that as with all Jo Malone fragrances, Fir and Artemisia can be layered with others in the line for a scent all your own.

Fir and Artemisia is an ideal scent for those who love earthy, outdoor scents and wish to feel connected to nature, even in the cold months.

Ginger Biscuit by Jo Malone

Ginger Biscuit is another Jo Malone scent perfect for the holiday season.

It was the company’s 2023 limited-edition fragrance. And although it’s sold out on their website, Ginger Biscuit can be still found at certain online retailers and some Sephora stores. That’s where I found it, with the help of Inessa, my go-to beauty consultant there. And it’s so worth seeking out at this time of year.

“It’s very holiday-ish. You think of families being together and delicious desserts,” she said, as she sprayed some on a tester strip for me.

The fragrance begins with top notes of ginger, nutmeg, and cinnamon, creating a spicy yet sweet blend that evokes the essence of your favorite gingerbread treats and brings back memories of cold winter afternoons spent baking cookies.

In fact, the buttery smoothness of chocolate in the heart note of roasted hazelnut may just have you craving a cozy mug of hot cocoa

Meanwhile, the Tonka Bean base introduces warm hints of vanilla, almond, and a touch of tobacco. Light, yet with a piquant zing, Ginger Biscuit is ideal for winter outings, whether you’re holiday shopping or attending festive gatherings.

Replica By the Fireplace  by Maison Margiela

In 2012, Maison Margiela launched Replica, its first fragrance collection. Replica showcases scents that evoke special places and times. What adds a touch of fun to the collection are the playful names like Lazy Sunday Morning, Autumn Vibes, and Bubble Bath.

By the Fireplace was introduced in 2015 and has since become a winter classic.

That’s not surprising. By the Fireplace captures smoky notes of burning wood and roasted chestnuts blended with warm vanilla, and hints of pink pepper and smoky clove oil. The bottle resembles a classic apothecary jar, and sports a cotton label, while the packaging is adorned with a photograph of a roaring fireplace.

At Sephora, I asked Inessa for her opinion of By the Fireplace. “It’s a wonderful gift this time of year. You really do think of the warmth of a fireplace when you use it,” she said. “The scent changes when it blends with the vanilla base note, exuding the sweetness of marshmallow.”

So, if you crave a fragrance that feels like snuggling up by the fire on a cold winter’s night, this warm and spicy unisex cologne is it.

THE TRAGEDY OF LORD GEORGE by Penhaligon’s

In my latest online browsing adventure, I stumbled upon a gem that caught my eye for its uniquely festive presentation. Enter The Tragedy of Lord George, a part of British perfumer Penhaligon’s Portrait Collection. The enchanting bottle, ornamented with a whimsical antlered deer head, instantly evoked the holiday spirit.

Lord George is a decidedly male fragrance that carries the “scent of shaving soap and warming rum.” According to Penhaligon’s website, Lord George, with its blend of sweet amber and musky undertones, “captures traditional masculinity and sophistication with a dash of mystery.”

One user described it as having “an amazing and regal fragrance that smells just as it’s described.” Adding that. “I wear this sometimes just to make me happy.”

So, if you’re looking for the perfect gift for a special man in your life this winter, Lord George checks all the boxes. Not only does it come in a charming bottle, but it also offers an engraving option for a personalized touch, which makes the gift all the more meaningful.

TOBACCO VANILLE by Tom Ford

Tom Ford is undoubtedly one of my favorite perfumers. I wear his fragrances year-round, but I have a special fondness for his vanilla scents. The most intense of these, Tobacco Vanille, evokes the atmosphere of an English gentleman’s club, as Ford intended – or, for me, a cozy library filled with leather-bound books.

This unisex fragrance masterfully blends tobacco leaves, rich vanilla bean, and a subtle hint of cocoa, that I find comforting on chilly evenings. It’s warm, inviting, and just a tad exotic.

Michael, Tom Ford’s knowledgeable counter manager at my Nordstrom, described Tobacco Vanille as “sweet and smoky,” with honey notes that enhance its sweetness.

“It’s more of a winter scent, and it sells out during the holidays,” he said. In fact, it sold out almost immediately after singer Harry Styles revealed Tobacco Vanille was his signature scent.

 Winter by Dasein

Winter, created by woman-owned and L.A.-based Dasein, was inspired by Big Sur and quickly gained a cult following in Los Angeles after its 2013 release. Made in small batches, it is one of their three perfumes named for the season. Winter highlights fir as the main note, along with a blend of blue spruce, black cardamon, and French lavender. The result: a coniferous scent, making it a seasonal favorite.

One reviewer noted that “this is the most perfect Christmas tree scent there is. It really reminds me of decorating the Christmas tree and hanging ornaments on it.”

While another said, “Winter is my go-to Christmas scent. It smells like a Christmas tree with sugar coating.”

Dasein’s fragrances are unisex, making them a shared favorite. They are also vegan, and free of parabens, glycols, and phthalates.

For a more intense version, Dasein also offers Winter Nights, which in addition to the cardamon and lavender notes also exudes wild musk.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you a fragrance lover? Which are your favorite winter fragrances? Have you found them in perfumes? Which colognes bring you to specific times and places in your life?

The Eras Tour ends just days before her big day.