Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

Wondering if you should go on a second date? It’s like trying to decide if you should eat that last slice of pizza – you’re not sure if it’s a good idea, but you’re also not ready to let it go.

Sometimes it’s just not clear. Deciding whether to go on a second date can be a tough decision. After meeting for lunch, you may have found the interaction enjoyable but lacking that special spark. Perhaps during a drinks date, you were attracted to your date but felt like they dominated the conversation without asking about you. Or maybe during a coffee and walk, there were awkward pauses that made you question the connection.

Despite these factors, your date reaches out the next day expressing interest in seeing you again. How do you assess the first date and determine if a second date is worth your time? Let’s explore some key questions to consider, but first, let’s address some factors that may have influenced your perception of the date.

Going into the Date with Sky-High Expectations

Over the past two weeks, I had this occur twice with clients in my dating coaching program. One 66-year-old client talked on the phone for 90-minutes* prior to the date and was “in love” by the end of the call and could not wait for the next day’s dinner at a fancy Chicago restaurant her date had booked. Not only that, she called and told 5 friends (and me) that she’d met The One! (I bet this man sensed the wedding bells clanging as she walked into the restaurant.)

So, what happened? He turned out to be attractive – until he talked about himself for two hours, never asked about her except to ask if she’d go topless at a French beach. What?

My point: Go into every date with no expectations.

I know what you’re thinking: What? That sounds negative, Andrea. Nope, it’s not. It’s the best thing you can do – high expectations are rarely met – and low expectations are the negative clincher. Zero expectations beyond looking forward to meeting a new person – that’s the ticket!

*My tried-and-true rule as my clients know: 10 minutes max. The phone call is nothing more than a “let’s chat for a few minutes and see if we’d like to meet in real life.” I’m a fan of no phone calls when possible – unless significant distance is involved.

I’m-Beat-Up-From-Online-Dating

You’ve been on Bumble, Hinge or Our Time for 3 months and your membership ends next week. You haven’t met The One. You show up on dates and just can’t help yourself from bashing online dating.

Let me tell you something: No one loves online dating until they meet someone. Then it’s the best thing they’ve ever done.

Ever hear the line often used with entrepreneurs in business: “Fake it ‘til you make it”? I’m a fan and have done this many times at the beginning of my career as I nearly went bankrupt several times in the early years. But when I was at a party and someone asked me, “How’s that dating lunch thing you started going?” My answer was always, “Fantastic – I just went to a wedding last week for two of my clients.” (True, but I was hanging on financially by a thread.)

No date wants to hear your sad online dating stories. Actually, nobody wants to hear them – except maybe your girlfriend who has been single for 20 years and relishes doom and gloom stories.

7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Go on a Second Date

Did You Feel Chemistry?

Ok, that’s a trick question for you. Maybe you remember a recent article where I talked all about chemistry. Based on nearly 30 years of dating expertise, many find chemistry on the 2^nd or 3^rd date.

Are You on the Fence?

Maybe you are 50-50 on whether to give it one more shot. If I work with you, you know all about my 1-100 scale. On the fence – yes, you go on a second date as the pendulum will swing one way or another after this date.

Did You See Any Red Flags?

Ok, this one can be a definite deal-breaker. A 63-year-old male client went on a lovely lunch date with a woman who was separated, very attractive and a good conversationalist. They had much in common. But then she disclosed that her divorce proceedings were acrimonious and looked to go on for a year or two. My client (smartly) decided to move on and not get involved in this mess).

What Is Your Intuition Saying?

You are smart and not 22-years-old – you have life experience. Don’t discount intuition.

And maybe it’s time to pull the trigger and finally do a 15-minute call with me.

Are Your Lifestyles Compatible?

Realistically, you very well may not know this from a first date. Here’s an example of one that maybe should not have worked out (but it did):

My client Michael is 69, Jewish (non-practicing except occasionally), divorced with 3 grown children in their 20s. His date, Laura, was never married, no children, and Catholic from a large family. But her profile said she loves children and still spoils her nieces and nephews who are grown adults.

As Michael told me, “Hey, I’m not having kids with her, she likes my children and has embraced my family at gatherings.” They got married in March 2023. Yes, Michael was initially reluctant to go on even a first date as she wasn’t Jewish, had no kids and never married. Then, while attracted to Laura, he was on the fence as to the second date as well. A gentle push came from me.

He’s still in touch and just sent me photos of the whole family, vacationing in the Maldives, looking very happy two weeks ago!

What’s the Downside of a Second Date?

If you are asking this question, there probably is not one. Give it a second chance. It’s not a marriage proposal, it’s a second date. Too many people think fireworks should go off on a first date – when actually, as you hit 2^nd Acts in dating a slow burn works just as well.

Did You Go on the Date with a Checklist?

If you did, burn it. Instead, evaluate:

• Was the conversation fun?
• Did I laugh?
• Was I curious to learn more?
• Was I engaged?

Think about how you felt on the date, not did they check off 5-10 must-haves on a list.

In general, what’s my answer? If you are asking this question – Should I go on a second date? – GO!

Questions for the Community:

Do you have a must-have list that you go by on dates? Is it longer than 4-5 items? When has chemistry happened for you?

Dry needling is a relatively new treatment method that is gaining in popularity. But what is it, and how does it work? This blog post will discuss the basics of dry needling and its benefits.

What Is Dry Needling?

The CDC reports that nearly 1 in 4 people in the United States suffer from joint and muscle pain. Many people use natural remedies such as massage, topical ointments, or supplements to manage their pain.

Exercise and movement remain the best tools to maintain mobility and minimize joint and muscle pain, and natural remedies can provide pain relief in order to exercise effectively.

Dry needling is a natural pain relief treatment that uses thin needles to stimulate the muscles and trigger points in the body. Because dry needling is a manual therapy, it is usually performed by a licensed physical therapist and is part of an overall treatment plan. This manual therapy can help relieve pain, improve range of motion, and reduce inflammation.

Dry needling is based on the principles of acupuncture, but there are some critical differences between the two treatments.

Acupuncture is a traditional Chinese medicine that has been used for centuries to treat various conditions. It involves the insertion of thin needles into specific points on the body. These points are connected to energy pathways, or meridians, that can help restore body balance. Eastern Medicine is a comprehensive medical approach, and acupuncture is one treatment option within that system.

In contrast, dry needling is not used to diagnose or treat a specific condition. Instead, it uses thin needles similar to acupuncture needles inserted into myofascial trigger points to release muscle tension and promote healing. The hands are inserted into the muscles directly rather than into specific points.

What Are Trigger Points, and How Do They Develop?

Trigger points are tiny knots that form in skeletal muscle. They can be caused by various events, including overuse, repetitive motions, and poor posture. They are also common around arthritic joints.

Trigger points can cause pain in the muscle or other areas of the body when they become aggravated. Referred pain is when pain radiates from its origin – in this case, the trigger point – and causes pain in other areas. For example, a trigger point around the knee may cause knee pain and pain around the knee and into the leg.

Trigger points are identified through palpation and are usually sore to the touch. Dry needling is used in clinical practice to treat these myofascial trigger points and alleviate pain.

What Are the Benefits of Dry Needling?

Physical therapists use needles to release myofascial trigger point pain. Dry needling can offer several benefits, including:

• Reducing muscle pain
• Reducing muscle tightness
• Improving range of motion
• Reducing inflammation
• Increasing blood flow

Note: Dry needling should only be performed by a trained and licensed healthcare professional.

A 2021 systematic review and meta-analysis in the Physical Therapy and Rehabilitation Journal concluded that dry needling effectively decreased pain. However, there is also evidence that dry needling is no more effective than other physical therapy modalities.

In general, dry needling is most effective when it is coupled with other physical therapy treatments to treat pain. Dry needling effectively allows trigger points to release and muscles to relax, allowing pain-free movement in order to strengthen and mobilize muscles and joints.

What Are the Risks of Dry Needling?

Dry needling is generally considered a safe treatment method, but some potential risks are involved. These include:

• Bruising
• Bleeding
• Muscle soreness
• Infection
• Nerve damage

During treatment, the area will be cleaned, and gloves should be worn to minimize the risk of infection. Treatment is usually quick, and the patient may feel discomfort as the needles hit the trigger points. Relief can be immediate or take a few hours.

What Conditions Can Dry Needling Treat?

Dry needling is best for myofascial pain and other soft tissue injuries. It is most useful as an intramuscular manual therapy where a local twitch response helps to reduce muscle tension.

Dry needling can be used to treat a variety of conditions, including:

• Myofascial pain syndrome
• Tension headaches
• Piriformis syndrome
• Plantar fasciitis
• Shin splints
• Achilles tendinitis
• Chronic back pain
• Whiplash
• Knee pain

Dry needling is an effective treatment method for many conditions.

Is Dry Needling Good for Osteoarthritis?

The research on dry needling is limited, and there is no high-quality evidence to support the widespread use of dry needling. However, some studies have shown that it may be effective for other conditions such as chronic low back pain and shoulder pain.

Dry needling works on muscle trigger points to release tension and alleviate pain. Osteoarthritis limits the mobility in a joint and will consequently cause tightening of the surrounding muscles, and trigger points can develop.

Dry needling may help alleviate some of this reactive tightness from osteoarthritis and provide temporary relief. One of the best treatments for osteoarthritis is gentle exercise. If dry needling offers enough comfort for you to exercise, it is worth a try.

Can Dry Needling Help with Chronic Pain?

There is evidence that dry needling can help with chronic pain, although the research is limited. A 2017 systematic review and meta-analysis found that dry needling effectively reduced pain in people with chronic musculoskeletal pain. However, the authors noted that the evidence was of low to moderate quality, and more research is needed.

How Do I Know If Dry Needling Can Help Me?

The best way to know if dry needling can help you is to speak with your healthcare provider. They will be able to assess your individual needs and make a recommendation based on the best evidence available.

If you are already in physical therapy, mention to your physical therapist whether dry needling might be suitable for you.

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to provide medical advice. Please consult with your doctor to get specific medical advice for your situation. 

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do you think of non-mainstream treatment methods when it comes to pain? Have you tried dry needling and, if so, how did it go?

The freedom getting older brings can be exhilarating. We have worked all our lives, maybe raised a family, cared for others. We have cooked, cleaned, taxied, wiped noses, kissed scrapped knees, and hugged away tears. It has been a joy, a real pleasure, but now that we are older, we have a little time to do things for ourselves. And what wonderful adventures there are to be had!

Three years ago, I moved back to England and couldn’t believe the price of property. It had truly exploded in the two (pandemic) years I had been away, and I found myself priced out of the market. It was a little scary, and for a while, I was wondering whether I should have come back.

Serendipity

I decided to temporarily rent a little holiday shack (aptly named Serendipity) on the beach for a season, and absolutely loved it! Breakfast on the veranda, lunch on the beach, and dinner on the barbecue, what more could anyone want!?

From my little wooden veranda, I could hear the sound of the waves as they lapped against the shore. If I stood on the sand dune, I could see the moon reflecting its golden glow on the ripples of the water. I witnessed magnificent sunrises, and sunsets so vibrant they took my breath away. I had my little dog for company and life was pretty perfect.

Everything Changed

Sadly, it didn’t last long as four months later, I lost her. She was 14 and had always been active and happy, but it was a huge blow, and for the first time in my life, I felt lonely. I stopped going to the beach as it was filled with people playing with their dogs, which meant I missed talking with others. It was so hard, and I didn’t know what to do.

One night, feeling a little sorry for myself, and after a couple of glasses of wine, I found myself booking a cruise to Norway. I always thought I wasn’t a ‘cruise’ type of person. How wrong I was! I absolutely loved it and, although I didn’t know it then, this was the start of an adventure that saw me solo travelling to many incredible places and having the time of my life.

A few weeks later, I took another cruise, this time to the Mediterranean, visiting France, Spain, Portugal and some Mediterranean islands. Slowly, it dawned on me that this is what I wanted to do, and the following year I embarked on a challenge – to travel full time for one year, for the same price (or hopefully less) than renting a property and living in England.

Setting Myself a Huge Challenge

My travels took me to much of Europe, including the beautiful island of Madeira. I swam with turtles in Barbados, danced in the rain in The Rain Forest. I stayed at a Buddhist monastery, cooking and cleaning for the Monks, swam in The Blue Lagoon in Iceland, slid down a mountain in a basket and drank from an ice glass in an ice bar in Norway.

I have met so many wonderful people and had the most incredible time and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Life is a great adventure and just because we are older doesn’t mean we are not a part of it. In fact, with our wisdom and experience we are a huge part of it.

If you would like to read a little more of my adventures the first three chapters of my book, Growing Old, Growing Free are on my blog. The entire book is available here.

Let’s Start a Conversation:

Have you ever had a big adventure? Would you solo travel for a year? Where is your dream destination?

I spent years chasing Purpose. I changed careers, tried new hobbies and threw myself into raising my daughter. Repeatedly I wondered, what was my purpose? Really? There must be something more, a connection to something bigger. Sure, having clients was great. My family was fulfilling, it’s just, that, well, it wasn’t quite… enough. (Am I allowed to say that out loud?)

I wasn’t having a religious or existential crisis, but more a crisis of the heart. I was yearning for a feeling of making a difference, and I wondered if I should I just choose something, anything, and go for it. Maybe a new career, or I could go back to school.

Secretly, I was thinking: Was there some preordained thing I was supposed to do, and I just didn’t see it yet?

Finally, after 20 years of chasing something that can’t be chased, all while coaching clients into sharing their missions and legacy, I’ve learned the obvious.

Purpose Isn’t to Be Chased, It’s Already Within Us

What I know for sure (as Oprah would say) is that you and I and our neighbors are all already living purpose, even if we don’t’ know what that is. We may not be in our passions. We may have sometimes exceedingly difficult lives that put us on autopilot, but this I do know for sure:

If you are alive, you are living your purpose.

Our purpose is all about ‘being’. Everyone we touch through a smile, any connections we make with people, animals and even plants are us living our purpose. Purpose is how we share our heart and not how we make our living.

Three of my takeaways after talking and teaching purpose for over 20 years are:

• You are living your purpose – even if you don’t know what that is.
• Your purpose is in your heart, and the more you open your heart the more in ‘purpose’ you will feel.
• Purpose can be found at home, at work, with family and friends. It is not related to your job, vocation, volunteer program, or hobby.

Your passions may be expressed through your day-to-day living and through work, but purpose is always consistent and never-ending.

What If You Have Been Waiting for Divine Inspiration?

Granted, it may seem like you don’t know your next step. Perhaps you are waiting for the thunderbolt of Divinely Inspired Clarity paired with intuition as well as guidance to rain down upon you before you make a step in any direction.

Sorry. It’s just not happening.

So now what?

The real question isn’t about purpose. It’s about ‘what’s next’ for me?

What’s Next for Me?

Try asking yourself:

Who am I here to serve, teach or inspire over my lifetime?

When I ask this with clients, they always answer with full, truthful clarity. Though they may speak with resignation, it is from the heart, often with deep sighs as if they remember dreams long past that were put away on a shelf for later.

I’m here to teach.

I want to be on stage.

I’d love to move to be closer to family.

My calling has always been to minister to the poor.

You want to share your wisdom and grace and experience, and I’m hereby giving you permission to just be you. More of you, fully being who you are, and less of you doing, rushing, and wondering and worrying about who you could be. Take one small step (or a huge, big step if you like) and be who you are, and do whatever you need to, and just open your heart and share yourself.

Once you step into knowing that you are in exactly the right place and it’s the right time, then if you choose to take purposeful action, it will be from the place of be-ing-ness, and not the do-ing place. You will feel aligned with your purpose.

Why Does Purpose Confuse Us?

We feel we aren’t living the dream life and make up stories.

I don’t know my next step.

I’m too old… too young… too whatever…

And then pretend we are confused. Subsequently, we readily acknowledge as we laugh over coffee with friends – even in our 60s and beyond – “Oh, I’m not sure what I want to do when I grow up.” Really, it’s just fear disguised as misguided modesty.

After all, we procrastinate, wash dishes, clean closets. Do anything rather than show up to ourselves. When we glimpse our inner clarity, we don’t accept it, and default into labeling it confusion, or procrastination, until we can’t ignore it any longer.

When that happens, we hit bottom. It might come from an outside influence like a death of a loved one or (in my case) losing a successful business and all the benefits that came with it. These outside things (which could also be filing for divorce or quitting a job), as well as the items creating an internal chaos, force us to reconnect with who we are.

Life is messy. People get sick, our beloved pets die. We suffer loss, and with each loss, we internalize it as a setback, something we’ve done wrong or that we didn’t do at all. If we’ve experienced abuse or trauma, the covering of our brilliance is even more impactful with a full blanket that provides a cover of protection. I understand. I feel for you. But I want to see you shine.

It’s time for a little spit and polish. Clean up the dust, put away the fog blanket, and allow the light inside to shine deeply.

Then, Dream. Be You. And Go, Be in Purpose. Just Be.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you trying to make your passion your purpose? What happens if you never get clarity on your purpose? Does it matter in the biggest scheme of life if you never know?