Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

“I lost my mom, my brother, my sister, and my dog all in a four-year time span,” began Starr. “I went into survival mode to manage all of it, and then 2020 hit. I remember looking in the mirror and deciding that with all that loss, self-loathing, and self-medicating, I wanted to live.”

Can you relate to that moment of clarity when you realize that, despite the challenges and pain, you deserve to thrive and embrace life in its fullness?

It’s at those tremendously challenging times that we make life-altering choices that either derail us, or send us down a road of renewal and metamorphosis. When I met Starr, I saw the incredible strength in her choice to live. I saw it in her eyes and in her aliveness to plunge into seemingly overwhelming situations like moving to a foreign country, learning another language, and becoming fit and healthy at 68 years old.

That’s when I asked if she would sit in my makeup chair and tell her story. Happily, she agreed.

How did she get here from life as an art director for a major company while caretaking everyone else except herself, a mind-numbing divorce, and an international move? (And how can you make-up your eyes to look like hers?)

Let’s take a journey together into Starr’s life-changing transformation!

How to Receive Forgiveness and Let Go

As I started to apply Starr’s makeup, I asked how she moved through losing so many close relatives, a pet (which can be just as hard), and a divorce?

“I knew if I wanted to live, I had to forgive myself and my childhood. I was my mother and sisters’ caretaker, so I never learned how to listen to my own voice and guidance. I became a disconnected rescuer, and this habit influenced every area of my life.”

I was astounded that when these revelations hit her, she was able to acknowledge their truth and make changes that she couldn’t make earlier in life. It was an about-face, a 360-degree turn around when she could’ve been wallowing in self-pity and grief. As she forgave, she began to be able to receive love, acceptance, and joy from herself and those around her.

48 Pounds Lighter, One Step at a Time

“How did you lose that much weight?” I asked as I worked on her bronzer.

“I actually knew what to do to lose the weight. I knew it, I just didn’t do it. To help me, though, I hired a dietician so that I lost the weight in a healthy way while adding fitness and the mental aspect of self-approval and care to my agenda.” The mental space of making such huge changes to our lives can be more important (and difficult) than the practicality of eating right and exercise.”

“I had gotten so negative, and so full of anger that I had to work really hard on my thinking,” Starr continued. “It was hard, but I wasn’t going back to how I had been. I knew that road, and I wasn’t going down it.” Slowly, and with deliberation, Starr changed her diet, stopped drinking (her dad was an alcoholic and she didn’t want to end up like him), and began taking time out for physical exercise.

“It was 2020 when I began to lose the weight, so there was nowhere to go, and nothing to do besides focus on myself – something I had never done. All my relationships were caretaking relationships, so not having anyone else to look after was very helpful.”

Time for Change: The Move to Ecuador

“To me, being in the US felt like a million voices talking at me so that I couldn’t hear my own thoughts. I felt if I was to work on myself and listen to my higher guidance, I had to leave the country,” said Starr. For many of us, this would be a drastic step away from the familiar people, places, and culture around us. For Starr, it was survival.

“I didn’t research for long, I just found Cuenca, Ecuador, and knew that was where I wanted to be.” To me, Starr seems like a person who, at long last, is doing not only what she wants to do, but also what she is meant to do. It’s as if, after a lifetime of running, she stuck her head up out of the mayhem, and felt at home with her life and choices.

“Being in Cuenca is magical. I love it here, and when I was ready to find an apartment, the perfect one showed up. It’s like life is giving and I can now receive.” After celebrating her one-year anniversary in Ecuador, Starr is just getting started.

Beyond Grief and Life Abroad

“I am still grieving the loss of my family,” Starr confessed. “As I adjust to life in Ecuador, make friends, and feel settled, I am able to relax and move through the sadness.” Perhaps this is the hardest leap when anyone moves abroad; will I make lifelong friendships and meet people I trust? Will I be homesick and lonely?

In Starr’s case, the near 10,000 strong expat community provides a welcome support system, a plethora of fun activities, and a gang of likeminded travelers to enjoy. Her complete about-face in life has opened her up to a fresh start and renewed perspective on life and what it means to be happy.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and had a deep revelation like Starr? It can be terrifying, and also cause powerful changes and renewal, not to mention a really wonderful new makeup and hair look!

Together, let’s embark on a journey of self-discovery and transformation, inspired by Starr’s remarkable resilience and unwavering spirit.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is the best decision you made in your life? Where did that decision take you? What obstacles and challenges did you conquer along the way? Were the physical or mental ones the more difficult?

Retirement Syndrome is a term used globally to describe the common feelings one might have upon retirement: disorientation, loss of purpose and identity, the fear of too much time on one’s hands, and possible feelings of isolation. It is estimated that 1 in 3 retirees suffer from these transition difficulties and struggle to adjust. Many of us a few years down the road in retirement might experience some of these feelings periodically, even with a new life plan in place.

Finding One’s Purpose in Retirement

Endless books and posts suggest the same menu for “finding meaning” in one’s later years: hobbies, volunteer work, travel, part-time jobs, exercise, engagements with friends and family, and giving in to leisure pursuits. The reason they are so universal is because they work!

However, there are many hours in the day when we are not actively engaging in such realms. That is when the mind begins to wander and question our purpose in later life. This is a very important issue, because “purpose” is directly connected to one’s health.

Viktor Frankl, an Unlikely Retirement Guru

Recently, I traveled to Eastern Europe to visit my maternal roots. I wrote about this life changing experience on Sixty and Me in my article, “Ancestry Travel: A Sobering Experience.” Besides reorganizing how I now feel about my place in the world, upon returning home I watched Schindler’s List with new eyes, and read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning for the first time – how could I have missed it?

Although many in my cultural community recommended it, I hadn’t read the book. I thought it would be a depressing rehash of the Holocaust from one man’s point of view.

I WAS WRONG!!!!!

Viktor Frankl was a Viennese psychologist of the same caliber as Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. His book takes an objective look at the issue of survival from the point of view of a trained psychologist. Of course, unspeakable hardships are described, but the feel of the book is one of absolute positivity. Frankl describes his survival through the strategies of optimism, humor, psychological detachment, brief moments of solitude, steely resolve, and appreciation of nature and art.

How Do All People Make Meaning of Their Lives?

In Man’s Search for Meaning, I found strategies and validation for many issues relevant to retirees. I now feel much more comfortable in my “mature” skin. The crux of this book is to convey the three ways people of all ages make meaning: through love, work, and turning personal challenges into triumphs. Thankfully, we are not residents of Auschwitz, so our challenges are on a different plane, but they exist for everyone.

Frankl’s theory and therapeutic approach is called Logotherapy. He posits through his experience at Auschwitz and as an in-patient Viennese therapist for all age groups, including those addicted to drugs and alcohol, that finding meaning in life is the route to mental health. Without such a purpose, the results are dire. Without goals, there is a loss of faith in the future. According to Nietzsche, “he who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

Time to Take Some Bows

Frankl’s ideas which are particularly relevant to those of us in our later years include taking pride in what we have already accomplished. He sees older age as a “harvest of life: deeds done, loves loved, suffering overcome.” The young should envy the old because our “potentialities have been actualized, our meanings fulfilled, and our values have been realized.”

Other gems for those of us in need for a change in perspective include understanding that the meaning of one’s life varies from person to person, day to day and hour to hour. Our lives are like a “film composed of many scenes.” It is every individual’s responsibility to act upon impulses towards life’s varied meanings. “No power can take away” what we’ve experienced. This is a particular challenge because modern society values unending achievement and usefulness.

There Is Work to Be Done

In a similar vein, Richard Leider and David Shapiro, in their book Who Do You Want to Be When you Grow Old?explore the same terrain. They invite us to answer the question, “Why do you get up in the morning?” They propose that purpose, unfortunately, does not reveal itself. It unfolds over time and changes with age.

Purpose doesn’t have to be something monumental. There are thousands of opportunities each day to commit to something “other than oneself.” In Viktor Frankl’s words: “the meaning of your life is to help others find the meaning of theirs.”

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What situations create feelings of confusion about your purpose in life? How have you been able to find purpose at this stage of life? Have you found guidance in any particular books?

As a retired financial planner, I admit that my favorite clients were those whose goals included generous charitable giving. One couple comes to mind. Not only did they make generous donations to their alma mater and favorite non-profits, but they also invested in community efforts to improve blighted areas. Their life purpose was passed along to their son who gave them his promise to continue their legacy.

My parents, although not wealthy by any measurement, made tithing their highest priority so I grew up in an environment that recognized the blessings that surrounded us and the desire to help others was ingrained in me.

Charitable Inclination

So, when I read a Fidelity Charitable report about the generation who will inherit from their baby boomer parents and the younger generations’ greater inclination toward charitable giving, I let out a cheer. The report was published last September and was geared toward a financial advisor audience so the results focus on ways that advisors can reach the next generation to retain or grow their client base.

“Among investor respondents who didn’t already have a financial advisor, those aged 21 to 41 – Generation Y millennials and Generation Z respondents – were twice as likely as those classified as baby boomers, aged 58 and above, to prefer a financial advisor who could help them with charitable giving goals. The study also found that among those with advisors, 71% of investors dubbed “Gen YZ” valued their advisor’s support in creating a legacy that benefits the world – compared to only 36% of boomers who did so.”

Research firm Cerulli Associates estimates that about $84 trillion will pass to the next generation by 2045 in the “great wealth transfer.” According to the research, that does not automatically mean that checks will be written to a favorite charity. Many of the next generation respondents want to be involved in other ways.

Charitable Involvement

The research found that younger clients want to be more innovative and strategic in their giving, as well as peer-engaged in the process. That could mean impact investing – choosing to invest in companies creating a social or environmental impact alongside a profit. They want their capital and charitable investments to work together to be part of an equitable and inclusive society.

The popularity of donor-advised funds (DAFs) is predicted to grow. DAFs provide tax benefits and give donors a more active hand in the philanthropic process than just a simple cash donation. A donor-advised fund is like an investment account for the sole purpose of supporting charitable organizations. 

Cash, securities, or other assets may be contributed to a donor-advised fund and the current market value is usually eligible for an immediate tax deduction. Then the funds can be invested, and any growth is tax-free. Grants can be made to any eligible IRS-qualified public charity immediately or over time.

DAF charitable giving accounts are available through many financial institutions – Fidelity, Vanguard, Schwab, or Bank of America, for example. Community foundations and many charitable institutions also offer DAFs. A quick online search will provide contact information for a DAF resource linked to a favorite charity or a community.

Charitable Resources

Of course, there are other ways to make charitable gifts and support the causes that you treasure. If you work with a financial advisor/planner, make sure they are aware of your desire. They can work with your legal and accounting professionals to find the best option for your situation.

If you are a boomer and want your charitable intent continued in the next generation, talk not only with your family or those who will inherit your wealth, but also with your advisors to make sure everyone is on the same page. If the research is correct, your beneficiaries are likely to welcome your intent and may even take it to the next level. What a wonderful thought that is for all of us!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Is your charitable giving important to you? Do you expect the same intent of your beneficiaries? Have you shared your charitable wishes with your family or those who will inherit your wealth?

Originally posted at: Danielle Olivera’s Green Wave Print Pant Set

When thinking about second homes, it’s natural to think this means buying a house, condominium or mobile/manufactured home. However, many long-term renters consider their getaway as a second home.

Rental = Second Home?

At what point does a rental become a second home? In one respect, it’s in the mind of the renter. Consistently returning to the same property year after year could easily cause one to view it as more than a vacation spot or some other sort of temporary arrangement.

What goes into this thinking? Here are a couple of dimensions.

How Long Is the Rental?

For a lot of people, a longer-term rental of 3 to 12 months could be viewed as a second home.

Consistently Return to the Same Property?

Returning to the same long-term rental annually would make it easier to confer second home status on the property in the renter’s mind.

Consider this scenario. A couple from Iowa rents the same Nevada house every year from November through April. They bring enough clothes and personal belongings in the car to see them through the six months. They also rent a storage unit in Nevada to hold items like bicycles they prefer not to carry to and from their primary home.

Also, if they stay in Nevada for over half the year, even by one day, they will no longer pay Iowa state income tax.

Given this hypothetical situation, it’s understandable how this couple considers their Nevada rental as a second home.

Buy or Rent?

First, let’s look at the arguments in favor of buying.

Ownership = Equity

An owned asset (your house) can fluctuate. Since U.S. real estate values have gone up across most markets over the past 50 years, buyers could reasonably expect their second home value to increase over time.

Rental Income

Owning a home means you can rent out the property for income.

Tax Advantage

Mortgage interest can be deducted from federal taxes for both a primary and second home.

Independence

The owner of a home can use the property whenever desired. Also, there’s the freedom to store things and decorate the dwelling inside and out. However, if a Homeowner Association is involved, various rules may exist that the owner must follow.

So, what are the disadvantages of buying?

Value Can Go Down

Owning an asset involves risk, so there is no guarantee that a second home will increase in value.

Landlord Responsibility

If renting out a property for income, there can be headaches involved regarding work and expense.

Ownership Costs

There are lots of expenses in owning a second home beyond the purchase price. Interior and exterior structure maintenance, appliance repair/replacement and other needs can get expensive.

Next, let’s consider the positive aspects of renting.

No Ownership Risks and Costs

Renters depend on the landlord to cover property maintenance, structural insurance and other costs. Renters also evade the costs of purchasing or selling. Most importantly, renters pay only for the time spent staying in the property, while owners pay even when they’re not living there.

Flexibility

When renters no longer want to stay in a property after the lease expires, they can simply leave. This allows them the freedom to rent different properties in different locations each year, which could be an excellent way to scout future retirement locations.

What’s negative about renting?

No Asset Appreciation

Although the risk of owning a second home is the value could go down, renters cannot benefit from the flip side of booking gains in a rising market.

No Income

There are no chances to earn rental income.

No Tax Breaks

Renters have no ownership tax advantages.

The Landlord Rules

Renters are at the mercy of the landlord.

Costs of Renting

Renters not only pay rent but also pay for such things as a security deposit, pet deposit/fees, renter’s insurance, and utilities.

Decision, Decisions

The decision to buy or rent involves a combination of personal and economic aspects.

Personal Questions

Do I want to:

• Live in the property anytime I please?
• Be responsible for maintaining the property?
• Be able to change the property inside or out?
• Stick with one location for a second home?
• Follow landlord rules?

Economic Aspects

• Do I want an asset that could go up and down in value?
• Do I want to be able to rent out the property?
• Do I have the money to buy and maintain a property?
• How do buying and renting compare in terms of total financial outlay?

Doing the Analysis

To compare buying and renting, you’ll need some data. For a purchase, these are the primary costs:

• Purchase price
• Down payment
• Mortgage amount and interest rate
• Mortgage Payment (P&I)
• Property Taxes
• Insurance
• Maintenance, Repairs, etc.

For renting, gather this data:

• Monthly rental amount
• Non-refundable front-end fees
• Other monthly fees

You can input these numbers into a rent versus buy calculator like realtor.com to help you compare the two alternatives. Remember that changing some assumptions can yield varying results, so don’t hesitate to try different scenarios to find the best fit for your situation.

Further read, SECOND HOME: WHAT TYPE IS RIGHT FOR YOU?

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What factors do you consider when you rent a property? Do you consider the same factors when buying? Does renting or buying a second home makes more sense to you?