Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

Danielle Olivera’s Pink Bow Embellished Confessional Look / Summer House Season 8 Fashion

Danielle Olivera is turning churning out the confessional looks right off the bat on Summer House! This time she can be seen wearing a pink bow embellished dress that is sooo cute . I love anything with a bow I think it’s feminine and fun. And, like Danielle, we’re focusing on fun except for we absolutely do want it under the fun (this dress) under the same roof as us.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Originally posted at: Danielle Olivera’s Pink Bow Embellished Confessional Look

Lindsay Hubbard’s Black Cross Front Confessional Bodysuit / Summer House Season 8 Fashion

I have been soooo intrigued by season 8 of Summer House, I’m so pumped it’s finally airing. Obviously Lindsay Hubbard and her relationship with Carl (or lack there of) is a big reason for that feeling, but also because of the fashion. Like Lindsay’s black cross front confessional top that is super cute. Something so cute in fact that you should be married to the idea of shopping it.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Originally posted at: Lindsay Hubbard’s Black Cross Front Confessional Bodysuit

I crept to the end of the diving board at the community swimming pool and jumped. My seven-year-old body plunged into water far deeper than I expected. Popping to the surface, I thrashed frantically – I didn’t know how to swim. A friend tried to help me, but in my panic, I pulled her under. The lifeguard, asleep in the chair, did nothing, but somehow, I made it out. Later that afternoon, when my mother picked me up, I told her how I had “almost drowned” – but she didn’t believe me …

For years, whenever I told this story – to myself or someone else – I always focused on the ending: my mother’s refusal to listen to what happened to me. No matter how many times I recalled the event, I never got beyond that last scene. But was that the real message of the story?

The Snapshot Method

That’s when I began to go deeper, exploring the details and dynamics to add texture, context, and meaning. It’s part of a technique I call “the snapshot method,” and I’ve taught it in writing workshops over the years.

With this technique, we don’t go broad into a linear chain of events, but instead focus deeply on one specific snapshot in time. It’s a great tool for telling our stories, enabling us to recall additional details and uncover meanings that had been hidden for years. Today, as a fiction writer of the Ohnita Harbor Mystery Series, I have also found this same technique can help develop the story, such as using flashbacks for character development.

Writing in Snapshots

Here’s how it works:

Pick a Snapshot

Imagine that you’re paging through an enormous photo album that captures every event in your life. See yourself as a baby, a child, a teenager, young adult, and onward into your life. After a couple of minutes of mental exploration – don’t ruminate too much – pick one image. That’s your snapshot.

Yes, you can use real photos. But most of us don’t have extensive albums that capture every moment. The exercise of exploring memories mentally helps us access many more images that are just below the surface, waiting to capture our attention.

What’s in the Picture?

Write down the details of what you recall. This is the first layer – the basic facts of where, when, and who. Then examine it more closely. What had happened just before – or immediately after? Who is in the background? And who is missing? The more you look at this picture, the more you’ll see and remember. This not only fuels your creative writing, but it’s also a great journaling exercise.

Why This Picture?

Out of a lifetime of possible scenes and images, you picked this one – why? In my own case, I kept returning to the swimming pool story – and not just because I had been afraid of drowning. The answer is in the emotions evoked. Neuroscience tells us that strong emotions – love, joy, sadness, fear – help us recall and record memories more vividly.

In a writing workshop on the snapshot technique that I taught a few years ago, a man in his late 80s remembered being 16 years old and leaving the farm with his family to move into the city – and having to leave his dog behind. He teared up as he recalled a loss that marked the end of his childhood and thrust him into adulthood.

Another workshop student was a very successful woman who focused on the day she left for college, the first in her family to do so. She recalled her pride at being a trailblazer and relief at escaping her rural childhood, but also worry over what would become of her younger siblings.

In the same way, the more you explore the emotional landscape of your memory – and capture it in writing – the more layers and nuances you’ll see in your story.

Write Around the Edges

Shift away from the center of the action and take note of what was happening in the background – off stage, as it were, outside the scene. I call this “writing around the edges.” For example, around the edges of my swimming pool story is the fact that one of my sisters had been hit by a car four years earlier and was facing more corrective surgeries.

This fact influenced my mothers’ reaction. Not only did she refuse to believe anything had happened to me (I looked perfectly fine), but she probably couldn’t contemplate the possibility. This doesn’t change how I felt in the moment, but it does add depth to the story by revealing my childhood family dynamic.

Take Another Look

With the insights from the “edges,” we turn our attention once again to the center of the scene for a fuller experience of the who, what, where of the story. For example, the elderly man who had left his dog behind on the farm also recalled how his father had pressed his lips together to hide his own sadness.

The successful woman pushed beyond her guilt-laden feelings of responsibility for her siblings to recall how proud they were of her and excited every time she came home. These additional layers of meaning add complexity, and that’s probably why we were drawn to these mental snapshots in the first place – because they have more to tell us.

This Brings Me Back to My Own Story

Thrashing around in that swimming pool, I had feared drowning, and yet somehow, I had gotten out. I recalled saying a prayer – “God, if I die, it’s okay…” – and the primal survival instinct it triggered. Suddenly, my arms began moving, as if on their own, windmilling against the water. Slowly, I made my way to the edge of the pool and climbed out.

And there it was – the meaning I had overlooked for so many years: No matter how deep the water, I can save myself. Now, that’s a story of my life I want to explore and tell.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

If you could pick one snapshot of your life to tell its story, what would it be? How has it shaped you in the person you are today? Have you considered the backstory to your snapshot? What depth does it provide? How would it change your story today?

Amanda Batula’s Red Leather Pants / Summer House Season 8 Episode 2 Fashion

It’s episode #2 of Summer House and the looks are looking. Specifically Amanda Batula in her red leather pants. I was just telling BBH’s Lauren Sebastian about how red seems be the color I’m buying a lot lately and I think this pair of pants is going to be my next get. And they are so cute that they should be yours too, ya know so we can lay on the floor and take photos in them.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Photo: @amandabatula

Originally posted at: Amanda Batula’s Red Leather Pants

Maybe these will surprise you. Maybe not. But as a top dating coach, I hear a lot of stories from my male clients. Please pay attention as they make up half of the people I work with on a weekly basis. Before you think I’m singling out the audience of Sixty and Me, keep in mind that these are valid things to consider in your own dating behavior. Also, stay tuned for my next article, which will be about things that drive women crazy about dating – online or in real life.

So, what is a first date meant to be? Only a chance to see if you’d like a second date, not a therapy session. A first date is meant to be light, fun and see if you have a bit of chemistry and topics in common with the person you’re meeting.

About 50% of men and women follow these “rules.” But the other half, oh my!

So, let’s get on with what men never want to hear on the first date:

Why You Have Split Up (Got Divorced) and in Particular, Who Initiated It

Think of it this way. You are meeting someone for the first time, probably over lunch or a coffee. Why would you ask this question? A first date is much like a networking event; would you ask such a question in that setting? Hopefully, no. Why would you care at this point?

Now, the question of divorce/separation can become much more relevant after 4 or 5 dates, but certainly not beforehand. This is a big first date no-no and a 100% guarantee you won’t be seeing a 2^nd date with this person.

If there is mutual interest, you will learn more about each other over time, so exercise some patience.

Complaining About… Anything

Remember, a negative attitude drains; a positive attitude energizes.

Complaining, in any form, about anything, will not bring about the positive outcome you’re hoping for. Here are some examples from the past week.

Example 1: Complaints as Excuses

Michael, 64, from NYC, met Lana for a lunch date. She walked in 10 minutes late and complained about her Uber driver and how the rain had ruined her hair. The date went downhill from there – she proceeded to tell him about her arrogant boss and that she was thinking of changing jobs/careers.

What were his thoughts? He shared this: “She will be a nightmare to be in a relationship with,” and he’s one of the most positive guys I’ve had the pleasure of working with. Even Lana’s good looks could not overcome her personality!

Example 2: Complaining of Your Date

Ok, here’s another one for the books! Tim, 68, from Boca Raton, FL, met Annaliese for a drink. She immediately said she was famished, and did he mind dinner too? (Yes, he did as he just wanted to grab a drink and perhaps an appetizer and go to his grandson’s soccer game after.)

He voiced he had another commitment afterwards, and guess what she said? “Well, then, I hope you are at least paying for this date as it took me over an hour to get ready.” Being rude will not gain you any points. And, by the way, I’ve come to realize that men don’t care how long it takes you to get ready.

Physical Ailments

You have upcoming dental surgery, have an upcoming knee replacement or just got over a bad flu? Do not share anything about your physical condition. You don’t want to sound like a hypochondriac, do you?

A Political Rant

I wouldn’t touch this with a 10-foot pole. Isn’t our country divisive enough as it is? Why would you want to start a fresh relationship and encounter a person over this topic? Yes, you may feel strongly about this and this, and it is your right. It just does not show you in the most positive light.

Please note, I didn’t say a gentle conversation about the country’s state of affairs – I said a political rant! You’d just come across as angry, and it’s not an appropriate conversation for a first meeting.

Problems with Children/Family Relationship Conflicts

I think we’ll just call this oversharing and inappropriate. This happened to Steve, a 71-year-old man from Boston, meeting Tanya for the first time last Monday. She shared how upset she was that her 43-year-old daughter had cut her out of her life and then went on to tell him why. Steve told me afterward, “Thank God it was coffee and I was out of there in 30 minutes.”

He called me Friday afternoon to tell me about Karina, 69 – the antithesis of Tanya – who was light and laughter. They made plans to play disk golf tomorrow, and he was excited.

The Question of “No Good Men Left”

One more thing I must address: are there good men out there in the online world? You bet – I meet them every week same as my female clients. So, take ownership of your dating life and if you are not meeting the quality of men you’d like, perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate how you are going about dating, the right online dating sites, the right photos… and the right attitude!

Happy Dating!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do you share on a first date? Do you keep the conversation light and fun? Have you blundered by raising any of the above mentioned topics?