Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

Originally posted at: Lala Kent’s Black Leopard Cat Suit and Corset Top

We all want more love in our lives. But what are we prepared to let go of to make room for the love we seek? To answer that question, we will want to reframe how we perceive self-love.

For it is through a new understanding of what self-love is that we can begin practicing self-love on a daily basis without feeling uncomfortable.

In this article and accompanying video I will take you through seven essential practices of self-love and how you can apply them in your life right away. This is the second of a new, three-part series on loving more of yourself after 60.

What Is Love?

For many people, love is elusive, fickle, strict, and overly demanding. For others, love is a fairytale romance filled with joy, bliss, and delightfully pleasurable experiences. And there are those who believe love is an illusion and not a realistic idea to pursue.

With such disparity in society’s generalized beliefs about love, it is not surprising that self-love is so widely misunderstood.

There is another belief about love, however, which is not only becoming more acceptable, but it is also changing how women over 60 perceive self-love.

It is the belief that love is not something we chase after outside of ourselves. True love, therefore, is something we have access to inside us.

If true love is within us, it should be easy to stop looking for love outside of ourselves, right? What makes self-love difficult is holding onto limiting beliefs about who we are at this stage of our lives. To let go of limiting beliefs we must be willing to change how we perceive self-love.

Self-Love Is an Empowering Act

I did not always have a positive outlook on self-love. Over time, I have learned to not only value the power of self-love, but it has become an essential part of my daily life.

For me, personally, self-love is the practice of nurturing and valuing oneself. It is an unconditional acceptance that you are worthy and deserving of love.

Self-love allows you to embrace your innate wisdom, make the most of life experiences, and it brings out the very best of your unique qualities.

For this reason and more, self-love is an empowering act.

What makes it so empowering is that you are prioritizing self-care and self-compassion over self-loathing and negative self-talk. For without doing this, how can you make room in your life for the love you desire?

7 Essential Practices of Self-Love

Over the years, I have written and spoken extensively about self-love. Each year I find myself learning more about who I am and how to apply self-love in my own life. This includes an ever-evolving set of self-love practices I engage in and share with others.

Here is my current list of seven essential practices of self-love you can apply to your life right away:

Gratitude Reflection

Establish time each day to journal three (or more) things you are grateful for. They can be simple pleasures or significant moments.

Mirror Affirmations

Every morning, stand in front of a mirror and look into your own eyes. Repeat positive affirmations about yourself, such as “I am loving”, “I am my own best friend”, “I am beautiful,” “I am wise,” or “I am sexy.” Feel the positive energy and love flowing towards yourself as you speak these words.

Body Appreciation

Appreciate and honor your body through gentle exercises, such as stretching, yoga, massage, or walking. Celebrate what your body can do rather than dwelling on perceived limitations.

Self-Compassion Journaling

Set aside time for journaling your thoughts, feelings, and experiences from a place of self-compassion. Remind yourself that you deserve the same love and kindness you would offer to a dear friend.

Reflection on Achievements

Make a list of your achievements throughout your life, both big and small.Acknowledge and celebrate your resilience, wisdom, and the positive impact you’ve had on others as a result of these achievements.

Creative Expression

Engage in creative activities that foster joy, such as painting, writing, singing, or dancing. Allow yourself to fully enjoy the process without judgment or expectations.

Self-Care Rituals

Incorporate self-care rituals into your daily routine, such as taking relaxing baths, enjoying a cup of tea, positive affirmations, journaling, or engaging in a hobby that lights you up.

A Personal Journey

Practicing self-love is essential at any age, and none more so than after 60. These seven practices are just the beginning. Be sure to add your own unique take on them, as well as establish your own practices to cultivate more self-love.

Remember to always treat yourself with the utmost love and care, prioritizing thoughts and activities that bring you inner joy, peace, and fulfillment.

Self-love is a personal and continuous journey. Be patient with yourself as you practice self-love.

Rather than see these practices as a chore, view self-love as a cherished part of your life.

I invite you to join me in the video above, where I share seven unique ways to apply journaling to your self-love practices.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you embraced the concept of self-love? How do you show yourself the love you deserve? What self-love practices are part of your daily life?

Originally posted at: Ally Lewber’s Brown Knit Criss Cross Tank

When fighting through a divorce after 50, it’s normal to feel like you are getting dragged through the mud for months – even years – wondering if frustration and stress will ever end. Even after the divorce papers have been signed, hurt feelings may remain.

The challenge, as you move on to the next chapter in your life, is to find a productive way to move forward and not get stuck in the past, while also balancing the ability to advocate for yourself.

This balance means that you will learn how to pick your battles mindfully. Determining what not to fight about is not easy. But the following suggestions can help so that you can be well on your way to getting your life back.

You May Feel Confused and Out-of-Place for a While. And That’s Okay

Do not beat yourself up when you feel frustrated during or after the split. Divorce is a messy business that can still make you feel anxious years later.

If you feel confused and panicked, it’s because you’re human. In spite of any lingering hard feelings, it’s important to remember that you will get through this.

You don’t have to let unresolved issues, lingering anger or grief define the new independent you.

There Are No “Winners” and “Losers” In Divorce. Just Being Is Liberating

Culturally, we are conditioned to think of divorce like a boxing match, where the opposing sides must fight tooth and nail to get their way. Many high conflict divorce lawyers, known as “gladiators,” will encourage their clients to fight for total control of the marriage’s assets, custody, etc. It’s easy to fall into this “winner take all” trap, but at what cost?

When you are forced to make business decisions during such an emotional time, you may act out of spite and try to “get back” at your spouse, extracting revenge. However, you must keep in mind that this will cost tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees, inflict additional stress on you, and possibly prolong your divorce.

You may get the upper hand from a litigation standpoint – but at what cost to you, your emotional health and your chance to move on with your life?

This point isn’t just reserved for those going through a divorce. Years on, we may still feel bitter, thinking we were taken to the cleaners by our spouse. At what point are you willing to let go of these feelings, and understand that you were actually given the freedom to live the rest of your life on your own terms, something that women generations before us were never able to do?

The Time and Energy You Spend Fighting for Something Should Be Directly Proportional to How Much You Depend On It to Survive

No, this statement does not mean your brand new life will look like a scene from The Hunger Games. But answering this question truthfully gives you a better understanding of the true non-negotiables during divorce and post-divorce.

Everyone’s situation is different, and you will need to decide for yourself what is truly worth the time and emotional energy to battle over.

These factors may include savings, retirement, fair division of debt, temporary spousal support and protection orders if there is any type of endangerment.

But remember, not everything during a divorce is something you need to survive.

The same goes for people who have been divorced for years. If you are still bitter or angry over losing something in the divorce that you thought you needed? If so, consider this: you are taking care of yourself and now living life on your own terms. Isn’t that freedom and the chance to start over proof that you can actually survive without it?

Ensuring Your Security and Well-Being Is Where Your Energy Should Go

Ensuring your well-being also extends to your children, as well as your pets. Think of security and well-being as the bottom section of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The foundation of the pyramid represents survival – the same things that we need to advocate for during the split.

But remember, you must be completely honest with yourself. While you may need temporary spousal support to make ends meet, health insurance and your share of the pension, that doesn’t necessarily mean you must also get the gas grill that you really liked.

Remember – advocate for the things you and your dependents really need, not the things you think you are owed.

Understanding the Difference Between Your Wants and Your Needs Goes a Long Way in Keeping Your Sanity

Divorces can take years as couples fight over settlements that have nothing to do with money. Legal battles have gone on as couples fight for possession of the things that hold sentimental value to both of them (family photographs, heirlooms).

Although it wouldn’t leave you destitute to lose these things, you would feel deeply wounded, since they remind you of happier times.

We may also make special demands as a way of exercising control. This behavior is natural – because we are human and have emotions and desires.

But the key is to understand why we truly want these things, so we can prioritize and determine where to best spend our time and energy, both during and after the divorce.

It’s all about prioritizing your sanity.

If you truly think that spending an extra week in court and an extra $1000 in attorney’s fees for the leather couch will somehow prepare you to move on post-divorce, then good luck with that. More realistically though, knowing when to let go can be your greatest sanity-saver.

Ask Yourself: Am I Fighting Over Something Because I Am Angry and Hurt?

Anger may cause you to project bitter feelings at your spouse in the only way you can – by “getting back” at them. You will find yourself in the lawyer’s office soliciting advice on how to “make the ex pay” for the hurt they have caused.

Although you cannot control how your spouse behaves during this process, you can work on acting rationally.

Remember, the smoother the divorce goes, the faster the healing process can begin and the faster you can take your life back

If You Were Married for Years, Is Your Need to Fight Coming from Fear?

One reason divorce is so tough, it dispels the illusion of control you thought you had in life. When you’re trying to process those emotions and that sense of loss, you sometimes displace that lack of control and fight harder for things you still have a say over.

Subconsciously, sometimes we aren’t fighting so much for the object as for a grip on the life we once had.

It’s okay to be scared. The challenge then is to divert that fear into energy that can be used for good rather than that which will keep you from moving on.

Learning to choose your battles does not mean that you shouldn’t stick up for yourself. But the ability to look ahead and prioritize what will actually give you security, peace of mind, and the ability to move on with your life can be all the difference between a healthy transition and a legal, emotional, and financial Waterloo.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you, or someone you know, recently gone through a divorce? How would you suggest to determine what to let go of and what to fight for during a divorce? What ideas would you offer to those women who want to get their life back after a divorce? Please join the conversation in the comments below.