Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

Photo: @whitneywildrose

Originally posted at: Whitney Rose’s Grey Pocket Detail Sweater

Let me say right off the bat that there’s nothing special about me (my grandma wasn’t a Rockette and my people never brought home the gold).

True to my genetics, I was “well-insulated” for three-plus decades of life. Never reedy, I always looked like I’d been double-dipping on school lunches and chowing ice cream at night (because I was).

By my mid-30s, I hit bottom. My health problems and the “nothing fits” thing wore me down. I was done eating poorly. I said buh-bye to Hostess, Ben & Jerry’s and Olive Gardeny restaurants.

I began the trek of losing 55lbs. and lost the final weight by the time my boys turned two and I, 42.

But that’s not the cool part. Learning how to maintain the loss after age 50 was my true eureka moment. I’ve kept all 55 pounds off now for 16 years. I’m 59 today (way past meno).

Let me repeat: there’s nothing unusual about me; plus I’m not a dietician, a nutritionist or a doctor.

But I took notes on my trek and know exactly how I lost and maintain the 55.

Sure, it took a gazillion micro-shifts and embedding new habits, but it’s been totally worth it. It’s very hard, but doable.

I want to share with you one of my favorite micro-shifts: how using my lazy gene keeps me on the straight and narrow.

First, We Go Back to Go Forward

Your lazy gene only works if she’s set up for success. We begin with knowing the enemy territory: the grocery store.

Do not cross into this perilous world without first eating a small meal in your car. Eating at home doesn’t count. The magic lies in eating from our cold-tote – packed in smart foods like petite carrots, a tiny carton of yogurt, cut-up apple and so forth – again, in our adversary’s parking lot so that we don’t enter the terrain hungry and/or tired.

Our mission inside the store is to maintain a “clean cart” as we shop (i.e., ice cream, cookies, candy and the like stay on the shelf where they can nab some other poor soul).

Remember, Kroger doesn’t care if you lose weight or not. They’re in business to make money.

The Art of Lazy

Second, don’t bring junk food into your home in the first place. Instead, work to make your kitchen a wonderful, safe place packed in smart food items. (This includes ridding the pantry of cake mixes and chocolate chip bags.)

Yeah – But!

What if you live with a foodie partner, and simply can’t keep a “safe” kitchen? I hear you. Learning to coexist with a scarfer – my husband loves his nickname – is a learn-able skill. I’ve been doing it for decades.

When your foodie partner brings junk food into the kitchen, ask him or her to put all treats on the very top shelf that you can’t possibly reach even when using a step-stool and spatula.

Also, one great benefit to aging is that my memory isn’t so hot, so I often forget about my husband’s stash. Keeping junk food out-of-sight results in out-of-mind, works wonders.

New Problem

What if your partner won’t hide the loot? Here’s the strategy: crinkle wrappers like you’re opening a Hostess cupcake or tortilla chips and exclaim how thrilled you are to have found the “good stuff.” (Watch your foodie come running. Most freak out that you’re about to eat their junk food and will put their “treasure” out of reach).

I also know a woman who asks her husband to keep his calories at work. He can go Cookie Monster on his stash at the office, but he’s never to bring it home.

My point: we’re taking full advantage of our lazy gene when we make it extremely annoying to access junk food. Ice cream might sound heavenly, but if there’s none at home – no way will I change out of PJs and drive to the store for rocky road.

One more example. The hardest time of day for many of us to ignore our sweet tooth is in the evenings. So, after dinner, I brush my teeth and get into jammies and so forth. If I take a good book to bed with me, I’m way too lazy to walk downstairs to eat fake-food (that I can’t reach anyhow).

Advance Lazy

My foodie husband actually loves to grocery shop. Conversely, I’ve never been a fan. So about seven years ago, my scarfer became the grocery shopper in the family.

The Art of Easy

At the same time, we can make it super easy to access smart food. For example, my fridge is stocked in hardboiled eggs, salad fixings, sweet potatoes and broccoli all kept in full view (not hidden in a drawer). Fruit sits in a pretty bowl on my counter.

On Sundays I prepare various smart foods like brown rice, so I have one less thing to do during the week. Brown rice, frozen veggies, and lite soy sauce. Easy and tasty.

Also, I’ve eaten the same meal every day for decades: my oatmeal, blueberry, apple, and yogurt bowl. It’s so helpful to have one meal of my day be a no-brainer.

But staying moderately full is one of my strongest tools that I use to this day. For example, I never run errands without car-banana or my lunch tote riding shotgun. Getting hungry while out in our food-porn world is the quickest way to careen right off the smart eating path.

For decades our diet culture has pushed the notion that “it’s easy to lose!” But it was never just your imagination. If losing after 50 seems really hard, next to impossible, that’s because it is.

Once you and I fully understand what’s before us – that losing weight after 50 is akin to trekking up the Matterhorn – the right tools (like micro-shifts and awesome habits) can make such a difference that losing and maintaining after 50 can be ours.

Prepare for take-off.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Has weight loss always been a challenge for you? Have you lost weight to bounce back again? What maintenance strategies and tools are you using?

Oh, February 14 – love it or ignore it! It makes me think of the movie Love Actually, and all the types of love in the world – romantic, unrequited, familial, love across languages and races, love despite status, love after death, brotherly/sisterly love… and so much more.

Remember, it’s a Hallmark holiday. February was most likely a dead retail month – and this day invigorated sales: candy, flowers (A friend of mine who works with UPS told me about the planes full of flowers being flown in from South America just for 2/14!), perfume, anything pink or red!

No Date on the Horizon for Valentine’s Day?

No worries as a first or second date can be majorly weird and stressful with all the media attention this day gets… so unless you are in relationship, it may be an uncomfortable date.

As a top dating coach, I always have clients bring this question up to me, and they start asking in January!!!

My advice? Stop thinking about it, and once we hit Cupid’s Day just unplug. Don’t look at dating sites or social media all that day.

Other Tips for That Day

1. Do something your ex hated. For example, order that Indian food he complained about.
2. Take the Love Language quiz online – hey, it’s free and fun. Plus, you’ll know what some people are talking about on their profiles!
3. Thinking of a new volunteer endeavor? Check out some options.
4. Hit the cosmetics counter at Nordstrom for some retail therapy and see what’s new. Time for a new fragrance or a free makeover?
5. Research a trip you’ve been thinking about since Covid.
6. Get a facial. You’ll feel like a million bucks.
7. Plant an herb window box with mint, basil and thyme – yum, fresh muddled cocktails at home.
8. Repair a rift. Remember that dumb fight you had with your brother? You love him – so tell him.
9. Bake something sweet and deliver it to your awesome neighbor. Don’t bake? It’s Girl Scout Cookie season!
10. Work out with a great new cardio playlist you made today. Oh, those endorphins.

Love of All Kinds

February 14^th is just a day – but a day filled with all sorts of love, not just romantic. And we all love someone, right? Pick up your cellphone and call someone you haven’t spoken to in ages. I’m thinking of my favorite aunt who recently lost her husband, so while I think of her often, today I’m settling in for a good long chat with her.

Another fun idea for Valentine’s Day is “Galentine’s Day,” a celebration with you and the “gals.” Over the past 10 years, this has turned into a real thing: ladies getting together for a golf day, a spa day, a shopping and lunch day. Now, doesn’t this sound fun and easy to put together?

But If You Just Started a New Relationship – Go Low Pressure

On the other hand, I have clients in new relationships – mostly in the one-to-three-month range. What do I tell them?

For instance, Jeff, 64, met Anna two months ago, and they’ve been seeing each other twice a week. He really likes her and asked me what was appropriate. After some brainstorming, he is taking her back to the place they first met – for lunch and has a small gift for her, a book they’ve chatted about as she loves to read.

Another example is Tim, 67, who has been dating Laura for a month. They are both super athletic and avid pickleball players. He’s planning a pickleball date with another couple, then invited her back to his home for his favorite Italian dinner (Yes, this man can cook!). He’s planning Pasta Carbonara, Caesar Salad, Tiramisu (no, he’s not a baker – he’s buying that) and a good Chianti.

Laid back is the way to go for Valentine’s Day in the early throes of dating. I have one client in Asheville, NC planning a hiking date and another client in Sarasota planning a bike ride followed by lunch. Wow, people seem athletic this year, don’t they!?

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What was your best Valentine’s date ever? What made that date special? If you’re not currently dating, what special thing are you planning for 2/14?

Click Here to Shop Additional Stock / Click Here to Shop More Stock / Click Here for More

Photo: @heatherdubrow

Originally posted at: Kathy Hilton’s Belted Cargo Jeans

Who could have guessed that the cathartic process of purging and decluttering one woman’s home one drawer, one closet, one room at a time could change the direction and trajectory of life forever?

What began as an attempt to help a client gradually declutter her home, that had become so overrun with clutter that she was overwhelmed to the point of feeling paralyzed and powerless to accomplish the task on her own, turned into an adventure and great revelation.

What ended up happening was completely unexpected. After almost a year of decluttering, a powerful, confident, emboldened woman emerged from underneath all of that clutter. the physical and emotional clutter that had been standing in the way of the peace, contentment and fulfillment that her clutter-free home now provides, was gone.

And even more importantly, after fully embracing the inner work of decluttering, she is now a woman who loves and respects herself enough to confront anyone (including herself) who tells her she can’t when she knows she CAN.

But perhaps the most significant impact of decluttering, both the physical and mental clutter, is the life-changing power that she discovered within herself hidden underneath all of that stuff. 

Getting Your Life Back Through Decluttering

Several major transformations took place during the nine-month-long process.

• She regained control of her physical environment by purging anything that she no longer wanted, needed, or used, creating space for a simpler and more abundant life with less.
• She reclaimed her own power by discovering a new sense of control over herself and her life, ultimately making room for the life she really wanted.
• She rediscovered her self-worth, self-love, inner peace, contentment, and happiness.

Throughout the process of purging, she also learned how to:

• Confront and talk about the deep-seated emotions of anger, resentment, frustration that had been building up and kept hidden for many years.
• Reject and refuse to allow the negative, non-supportive environment that prevented her from accomplishing her decluttering goals. Instead, replacing them with a supportive team that would inspire and encourage her on the journey.
• Learn to develop new skills, routines, and habits that would contribute to sustainable changes. 

“Good Luck with That!”

A few weeks into our decluttering sessions, I was introduced to her spouse for the first time.

She said: “Rita is here to help me declutter our home.”

He responded: “Good luck with that!”

To this day, those cruel, biting, and disempowering words still ring in my ears!

In that moment, I saw a woman who had heard this message many times before and felt so beaten down by a spouse who was betting against her success.

How could she possibly win at decluttering or anything else she set out to do? No wonder she felt incapable of doing this project on her own!

Those Were “Fighting Words!”

His disrespectful words lit a fire and passion within me to not only help this woman get her house back, but also to reclaim her power, self-respect, and belief in herself.

I was committed to having her reverse the real time cost of clutter.

Getting Started, Staying Motivated, and Winning the Decluttering Game

An overview of the process of this life-changing approach to decluttering:

1. Establish ground rules for a safe, supportive, and judgment-free space that inspires and encourages weekly progress.
2. Teach practical tools, tips, techniques to let go of excess that is not aligned with values and current lifestyle. 
3. Practice techniques for overcoming obstacles and breaking free of barriers that slow down the decision-making process.
4. Take “before pictures” and “after pictures” at every decluttering session.
5. Complete the initial intake form/questionnaire to better understand the impact of physical and emotional clutter on health, well-being, relationships, productivity, and overall happiness.
6. Monitor the level of weekly commitment and keep a written journal.
7. Create a written vision statement for life after decluttering.
8. Create a blueprint/roadmap of all areas in the home to be decluttered. Prioritize them in order of importance and impact.
9. Establish decluttering calendar with specific dates, times, goals for each session.
10. Document weekly progress, noting whether goals were achieved. If not, why not? What might be done differently the next time: lessons learned.

Room by Room, Session by Session, We Began to See Real Transformation and Results

As she grew to trust me, she openly talked about the emotions that she had been denying and attempting to hide for many years. Those feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, and disrespectbegan to melt away and feelings of gratitude and hope started to creep into our conversation.

She came to realize that as she not only lost control of her house and the clutter within it, she has also lost her own power and self-respect.

With each bag of discarded trash, with each box of donated stuff, she was not only letting go of the physical clutter, but she was also letting go of the mental cutter that had been the real roadblock to any possibility of success that she was looking for. 

As her house started to feel lighter, brighter, and more organized, she, too, started to exude a newfound power, self-confidence, and self-respect.

During the nine-month-long journey of decluttering and of getting her house and her life back, she miraculously discovered the real cost of clutter. The woman who had been hiding beneath all of it began to emerge.

A Good Ending

We all like good endings and this one will warm your heart. 

About six months into the process, her spouse began to compliment her on her commitment and progress. He even offered to help. 

A month before we finished the large project, her husband happily announced that they had decided to have a big party at their house… something they both were too ashamed to do in the past. 

At last, and together… they could proudly invite people into their new home. 

Success!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What was your initial roadblock to successfully declutter your home and life? Is your story one of success?