Month: January 2025
How To… Do This, The Best way… to Do That: Do We Really Need All This Advice?
Not too long ago, I was having an issue with my computer (I’m sure you can relate), and my immediate thought was to ask a man sitting at an adjacent table for help. So, I did. He stood over my shoulder trying to decipher the issue, but to no avail, and he went on his manly way.
I sat there staring and glaring at the screen, my nemesis in the technological jungle, determined to be the Sole Survivor. Fifteen minutes later, I solved the puzzle. I felt as though I had won the million-dollar prize!
While I hadn’t survived eating off the land in a jungle while pushing my body to extreme limits, I had come to the realization that I had been underestimating my capabilities for far too long! For too long I had erroneously believed that someone else must know better than I, whether it was about computers, life, or how to… [fill in the blank].
Why Do We Often Think Other People Will Know More Than We Do?
Ok, the truth is, when it comes to computers, there are plenty of people who know way more than I do! But when we’re talking about our abilities and instincts to survive and thrive in life, no one knows you better than you, and what is best for you.
This came up at the end of my interview with my guest Elizabeth Laura Nelson in episode 94 of my podcast, Loving Later Life. I always ask my guests the same three questions at the end of an episode, and one of them is, “With all that you have learned, what life advice would you give?” Her answer was that she doesn’t like asking for advice, giving advice, or taking advice. We agreed that sharing our life experiences can be very beneficial but telling other people what they should do – not so much. (By the way, this is one of the most vulnerable interviews I’ve had with a guest, and I advise listening to it!)
That Said, I Have Some Life Experience (Not Advice!) to Share
Trust Yourself
Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, the answers have been inside you the whole time. So many of us tend to look outside of ourselves for the answers. How many times have you had a thought like, “Who can I ask what I should do?”
The answer is you. If you get quiet enough and still enough you will hear your inner voice whispering what the next best step is. That said…
Listening to Someone’s Life Experience Is Different Than Being Told What to Do
We can all benefit from sharing our experiences and hearing what worked for someone else and what didn’t. Picture being out in the field of life filling your basket with a potpourri of observations, information, and experiences of others. Then, you get to decide what you want to keep and use, and what you don’t.
Let Go of Making the Right Decision
How often do we procrastinate to be sure we’re making the right choice!? We can only make the best decision we can at that time. It’s so easy to then second-guess or have regrets and much harder to show ourselves kindness and compassion.
Avoid the Web of Overthinking
One of my best friends once bought me a pair of socks that said, “Shhh, don’t bother me, I’m overthinking!” We can go so far down the rabbit hole of “what if this, what if that,” that we can no longer see the light at the top of the hole. It can be awfully dark and too easy to get stuck down there.
Things May Not Always Turn Out the Way You Want or Expect
And that’s not always a bad thing. In my experience, I’ve come to realize there will be opportunities hiding in what look like problems on the surface. Consider staying open and present to see the good that can happen.
You Don’t Have to Decide, You Get to Decide… Whatever It Is!
How you choose to look at things is up to you. I’ve talked here about my 3-step process I call: Notice it, Name it, Reframe it, which can be very helpful.
While ultimately we know what is best for us, it can help to have a trusted mentor, therapist or coach on the sidelines cheering us on, helping us to uncover and experience our Sole Survivor moment(s). If you’d like to talk with me about being that coach for you, I would love to hear from you.
Let’s Talk About It:
Do you ask for help/advice before relying on yourself first? Is there a time where you figured something out that you didn’t think you could? Share with us!
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