Month: January 2025

What happened to the former First Family?

The short answer to this question is “no.”

I can hear the collective gasp. And I agree that retirees are eager to plunge into the things we love, things we’ve put off, or things we’ve always wanted to try. But aligning “keeping busy” with “happiness?” That’s a slippery slope.

During our work lives we put a lot of emphasis on productivity. We’re evaluated according to how much we accomplish. That spills into other aspects of life, because we live in a culture that values getting things done, momentum, progress. We can ride quite the hamster wheel.

How busy we are is a difficult yardstick to set aside. It’s been a dubious badge of honor we’ve worn for most of our lives. 

Is retirement the time to polish that badge to a blinding shine? Not necessarily. 

As tempting as it is to fill up our days, a truly happy retirement requires more than a full calendar of activities and appointments. It requires introspection, contemplation, and reflective thinking… and time to devote to those things.

Don’t Let Going Within Scare You

Retirement is the perfect time to get to know yourself better. You can get clarity about what you truly want and allow that to guide how you spend your valuable time. Your day-to-day has become less noisy. Let that work in your favor.

This doesn’t mean you must go on a pilgrimage or spend hours in meditation (unless you want to). Getting to the Heart of You can be as simple as asking key questions such as:

What do I want to know more about?

When have I felt most alive? How can I feel that way now?

If I could wave a magic wand, what would I love to learn?

What do I still have to offer?

No busy-ness is required other than voicing some thoughts. Maybe reflecting on previous versions of yourself. And seeing what happens next.

Sometimes We Just Wait

Answers to big questions like these may not come quickly. Or the signs we’re waiting for might be subtle, almost silent.

At this stage of life, we learn to appreciate nuance. We can find magic in surprising places. We can allow for an unfolding that we didn’t have the patience for in years past.

Serendipity becomes a companion. Synchronicity makes more appearances. Those messengers travel at their own speed, and that’s OK.

Permission Granted to Go at Your Own Speed

Early on in retirement it can feel like we’ve been shot out of a cannon.

Ready, aim, FIRE! Here we go into the vast field of dreams and landscape of possibilities! Fill your time! Say yes! Try this, attempt that!

It can be exhilarating. Or it can be exhausting.

If all this activity leaves you breathless, what’s the hurry? We don’t have to run toward a happy retirement. We’ve been racing for years.

We can release “busy-ness” without languishing.

We can take one small step forward at a time. Gather information. Make inquiries. Take a class, take our time. Let the information or the experience sink in.

We can connect with others who are living their retired lives and talk about our experience. Join a group, get some support. There are more than a billion people in the world age 60+, and we need one another.

The trick is not to simply kick up dust. Instead, do what the spirit moves you to do, act on what’s truly calling you. Nothing more, nothing less.

Retirement is not “one size fits all.” We enter into and continue through our retired lives at our own pace. That doesn’t always look to the outside world like we’re busy. Indeed, if we were, we might run down the wrong track. We might overlook some important information.

So close your calendar and close your eyes. Take a breath and take a moment. See what comes up, even if it’s nothing at all (yet). 

Wave bye-bye to busy. At least for a while.

Let’s Reflect Together:

Are you a retiree that’s too busy? Have you taken time to reflect on what you truly want in retirement? Are you devoting time to introspection as you plan your retired life? Let’s have a conversation!

Have you ever been to a real estate auction? It is really a lot of fun! Real estate auctions take place all around us every day of the week, yet I’m always amazed at how many people have never attended one or are simply afraid to buy real estate at a public auction.

Why Should You Attend a Real Estate Auction?

Why shouldn’t you? They are free-to-attend events and a fantastic way to get a great buy in real estate! Even if you aren’t in the market to buy right now, real estate auctions are entertaining adventures allowing you to people-watch and educate yourself about the current market.

In many local communities, real estate auctions are much like warm family reunions; you never know who or what will show up or happen.

My Own Experience with Auctions

I personally have purchased numerous properties at public auctions and the thrill and adrenaline you feel when getting the winning bid is similar to that of winning a coveted prize! I have actually attended many auctions where I had absolutely no intention of purchasing the property and ended up walking away with the winning bid!

Just to name a few, I have been the winning bidder on a one-hundred acre farm, an oval dirt racetrack (that’s a story for later) and a nice rock exterior home.

The Rock Home

The beautiful rock exterior home auction had at least 50 or more people in attendance. With no intention of purchasing the lovely home, I went to the auction to get an idea of the market and hey, it was a beautiful day just to get outside and people-watch!

The auction only lasted about 30 minutes and as the auctioneer started the count-down, I jumped in to bid on a whim. I ended up with the winning bid on the lovely rock home!

Walking to my car after the sale, I was approached by a young, wide-eyed couple that had apparently arrived too late to the sale. The couple stopped me and asked, “Did the home sell already and who bought it?” I answered, “It was me; I just purchased the home.”

The agony and disappointment on their faces made it obvious that they had planned to purchase the home. Long story short, the sweet young couple offered to purchase the home from me at a $10,000 profit. We closed on the home within 30 days.

A Land Auction

Another unique auction I attended included a 3-acre vacant piece of land in view of a busy interstate. It was an estate sale held on a rainy Saturday morning and believe it or not, only two people showed up excluding the auctioneer.

It was a publicly advertised land auction, and my purpose for attending was to get an idea of the land market. The auctioneer held the auction as advertised, and I ended up purchasing the property with the winning bid.

With only two potential bidders and one of them bidding only once, the auction sale was over in 10 minutes. Within a year of the land purchase, I sold the property for triple the price paid to a local gentleman wishing to start a landscaping business!

Okay, have I got you itching to attend a real property auction sale now?

What You Should Know and Expect

Most real estate auctions are held in-person; however, there are quite a few now being sold “online.” An “in-person” sale is by far the most exciting and rewarding!

#1: Note Sale Times

First, before attending an auction, read carefully the advertisement for the auction and understand the timing of the sale, as well as the place and details of the property being sold. Often, a real estate auction will also include personal property that will be sold at a separate time on the same day or a different day. Note the time and be sure you know the difference in the real property and personal property sale times.

#2: Show Up Early

It is a good idea to show up at the auction sale property a very minimum of 30 minutes prior to the sale giving you time to park, read any posted information on the property, register to bid on the property (no cost or obligation to do so) and perhaps talk to agents or other bidders on site.

The earlier you arrive, the more time you will have to inspect the property to be sold and look it over. It is exciting to walk into a home or walk over a vacant piece of land and wonder what bit of history took place in the past.

You could be walking over a former war battlefield or into the former home of a celebrity or even a well-known criminal. You may even end up seeing unique architecture or home décor to die for! Or even see some really strange home features… those I will leave to your imagination!

Most real estate auctioneers will allow you to view the property prior to the auction with advanced permission or “open houses.”

#3: Don’t Mingle After the Auction Starts

Once the auction officially starts, try to avoid talking or visiting with others as to avoid disturbing possible serious bidders. Who is a serious bidder? You never know until the sale starts. It could be the business man over in the corner, or the petite retired lady in the front row or it could be a farmer in overalls standing in the back.

#4: Pay Attention to the Auctioneer

The auctioneer will explain the process of the auction, sale terms and answer any questions prospective bidders may have. I typically place myself at the back of the auction crowd where I have a grandstand view of all the bidders, yet continue to have access to the auctioneer or an auctioneer ring-man (helper) to place my bid.

#5: Observe Bidders

Watch carefully and observe who is bidding, the amounts they are bidding and how often they are bidding. The auctioneer will start giving hints as to when he is ready to end the bidding and most auctioneers will have an official countdown prior to accepting the winning bid, such as “going once, going twice, going three times, sold”!

#6: Be Patient

Some auctions may take as little as 15 minutes to sell a property or take as long as several hours to sell multiple pieces of real property. If I am planning on bidding on a piece of property, I usually wait until the very end or just before the auctioneer countdown to bid in an effort to not raise the price up before selling.

Other people have their own techniques and strategies in mastering the winning bid, but I find waiting until the last minute to bid works well for me. Remember that you are free to leave the auction at any time and you are never obligated to bid unless you want to.

#7: Do Your Research!

If you attend an auction as a serious purchaser/bidder, be sure to do your due diligence and research the market values before you raise your hand to bid. Be careful not to get caught up in the exciting momentum.

I attempt to set a fixed price in my mind prior to any auction I attend. This helps to prevent me from bidding more than I intend. Once you bid, you are guaranteeing the auctioneer that you will pay that price within a certain time period, so be sure you are a serious buyer and have your finances in order prior to bidding.

The Experience Is Thrilling!

Attending a real estate auction will give you a feel of what the real estate market is doing in your area. If you see a lot of attendees and bidders, it can be an indication of a hot market. If you see a sparse crowd, the market could be showing signs of distress or the property being sold is not an attractive buy.

I personally enjoy the enthusiasm of an auction! Watching auctioneers chanting, watching bidders with their emotions and their reactions during the sale is much like a live suspenseful drama!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you been to an unusual auction? Purchased an unusual property? Feel free to share your experience!

Do you find yourself thinking…

• “I should stop worrying.”
• “I should calm down.”
• “I should spend more time with my grandkids.”
• Fill in the blank, “I should ______________.”

“Shoulding” Ourselves Happens so Easily

I did it too! A few years ago, I lived with “shoulds” like…

• “I should quit worrying about my daughter.”
• “I should figure out a retirement plan.”
• “I should stop being so anxious.”

With therapeutic help, I stopped “shoulding” myself so much. I felt better about myself, and it helped me become less anxious. I learned to stop the negativity and calm down.

What Does “Shoulding” Yourself Do?

Keeps You Stuck

Living with constant “shoulds” slows you down. It puts you in a rut that’s hard to get out of. A mind full of “shoulds” has no room for creative or logical thinking. It’s like putting your life in reverse. Energy spent going backwards or spinning in place leaves you stuck. And it’s exhausting.

Causes Guilt and Anxiety

“Shoulding” yourself is a form of distorted thinking. Distorted thinking causes anxiety. It sets up a conflicted mind which creates an anxious mind. You are pressuring yourself to meet an expectation you’ve placed on yourself.

In addition to anxiety, a thought like “I should stop worrying,” prompts guilt because you expect yourself to stop worrying but you may not know how to stop worrying or you may have tried, and you just can’t do it. It’s an anxiety and guilt producing mindset. It’s a losing battle.

Makes You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough

The “shoulding” pattern of thinking causes you to devalue yourself. It’s self-talk that puts you down for not being able to do what you think you should be doing. Shame and disappointment take hold and pull you down into a negative frame of mind. An “I’m not good enough” mindset lowers motivation and leads to low self-esteem.

The thought, “Why should I even try?” shows up too and drags you down further. These thoughts quickly trigger a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. This is a recipe for anxiety and feeling like a failure.

How to Stop “Shoulding” Yourself

Accept Yourself

Admit that you are “shoulding” yourself. Bring awareness to how this pattern of thinking is controlling you. Don’t fight it or ignore it. Decide to accept it as much as you can. It is what it is. It’s okay! Awareness of and acceptance of this thinking pattern is huge. Hold the reality lightly. Judging yourself only increases guilt and disappointment. Give yourself compassion.

Consider What You Want

“Shoulding” yourself includes the idea that you are required to or must do something. But that’s not true. You always have a choice. What do you want to do? Turn “I should declutter” into “I want to declutter.” Change “I should stop worrying” into “I want to stop worrying.” Reframing “shoulds” this way puts positive energy into the task. You are more likely to follow through with what you’d like to do rather than staying stuck in a negative rut of “I should.”

Reflect on Your Core Beliefs

Perhaps habits or expectations learned in childhood set you up as an adult for “shoulding” patterns of thinking. For instance, learning perfectionism as a child from parents or teachers might create a core belief that you need to be perfect which could prompt judgments about what you learned you “should” do. When your actual performance doesn’t match the standard you learned during early years, you feel guilty and anxious.

Core beliefs built into us during developmental years play a significant role in how we talk to ourselves and judge ourselves. Current experiences may reinforce or contradict these beliefs. Either way, core beliefs, such as “I should be perfect,” influence what we think and easily express themselves in “shoulds.” What core belief is tied to your “shoulding” yourself?

Bring an End to “Shoulding” Yourself

It causes anxiety. It makes you feel like you’re not good enough and it keeps you stuck and unproductive.

I hope you can understand how “shoulding” yourself causes anxiety and what you can do about it. Self-compassion and acceptance can turn your thinking around and make you calmer.

However, if you are truly struggling with anxiety, watch my FREE 10-minute video on How to Stop Anxiety. Click here to learn the exact 3 steps you can take to Become Anxiety Free.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What “should” are keeping you stuck? Where did they come from? How often do you “should” yourself?

Do you feel lonely? Many of us do, even if we don’t want to admit it. The Surgeon General Vivek Murthy released an advisory illuminating the dangers of loneliness, where he states, “It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death.”

Loneliness is a deeply human experience that can affect anyone, particularly us women over 60, as life transitions like retirement, empty nesting, or loss of loved ones can diminish our social connections. Loneliness is the emotional pain of feeling disconnected or isolated, even when surrounded by others. For many, it can feel like an invisible barrier to joy and fulfillment. Yet we can find meaningful ways to combat loneliness and rediscover our purpose and greater happiness.

Understanding Loneliness

Loneliness is not just about being alone but about lacking meaningful connections. It can manifest both emotionally and physically, leading to feelings of sadness, low energy, or even health issues such as higher blood pressure or weakened immunity. Recognizing loneliness is the first step in addressing it.

Sometimes the hardest part is finding the self-motivation to make adjustments. Maybe give yourself one small commitment a week to try something – anything – that makes you feel just a little less lonely.

The three keys to reducing loneliness:

1. Relationships keep us grounded and bonded to each other.
2. Service, from formal volunteering to informal small acts of kindness, is about helping each other.
3. Purpose gives our life a sense of direction and meaning.

Together, these elements form the triad of fulfillment. 

Practical Ways to Combat Loneliness

Reconnect with Interests

Rediscover activities you enjoy or try something new, such as painting, gardening, or learning an instrument. I am taking beginner piano lessons. Engaging in opportunities you enjoy boosts confidence and provides places to meet like-minded people.

Join Social Groups

Community centers, book clubs, fitness classes, or religious groups are wonderful places to connect with others who share similar interests.

Volunteer

Helping others not only contributes to a sense of purpose but also introduces you to people with compassionate hearts.

Leverage Technology

Video calls, online classes, or social media can help you stay in touch with family and friends, or connect with others globally, such as the wonderful community of Sixty and Me!

Adopt a Pet

Finally, caring for a furry friend can provide companionship and bring daily joy. Whether you choose to care for a cat, a dog or something more to your liking, it will both give you a responsibility and a new purpose to live.

Finding Joy

Joy can come from gratitude and connection. I start and end each day with three thoughts of gratitude. Start a daily gratitude journal, savor moments in nature, or seek out small pleasures like a favorite book or a warm cup of tea. Remember, building relationships and prioritizing self-care can reignite your sense of purpose and help combat loneliness.

Life after 60 can be filled with many vibrant opportunities for connecting with others; why not embrace them!?

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you feel lonely sometimes? What do you do in such moments? What causes your loneliness? Have you had periods in life where you constantly feel lonely? What proactive steps have you taken to battle this mindset?