Do you ever feel a bit lost? Are there days when you lose your sparkle and question who you are and what you’re doing? Do you sometimes feel irrelevant and that you don’t have much to look forward to? It’s so easy sometimes to get stuck in a negative spiral, isn’t it?

I’ve been there myself, and I know how hard it can be to get motivated again. Especially as we age, in a society that doesn’t exactly value older people.

One of the reasons I set up The Mutton Club was to try and change the narrative around women in midlife and beyond. I want being ‘mutton’ (ref. ‘mutton dressed as lamb’) to be something to be proud of, not ashamed.

All our lives, women are fed the narrative that we get to midlife, and it’s all downhill from there. And that’s so not true!

I genuinely believe that the older we get, the better we get. And I’m passionate about getting that into women’s heads. But how can we help ourselves when we have a dip in confidence? Here are my top tips I find useful every day, especially when I’m feeling a bit lost.

Don’t Believe Society’s Narrative About Older Women

You can create your own narrative in the same way you create your own life. Be proud of who you are and where you are in life. Be proud to be mutton – it’s a far tastier meat than lamb after all!

Don’t Believe Your Negative Thoughts

Just because something exists as a thought, doesn’t make it true. It’s taken me a long time to learn that but it’s really good advice. You can actually change your thoughts like you change your socks. Positive affirmations can be very powerful, too. We can rewire our thought processes if we change our internal narrative patterns.

Don’t Judge Yourself

Be as nice to yourself as you would be to a friend. If your friend was down, you’d probably give them a nice nurturing positive pep talk, wouldn’t you? Well, do that to yourself. Talk to yourself the same way you’d talk to your friend.

Visualize Yourself Being Confident

See yourself in a scenario where you’re excelling. A few years ago I thought this was complete mumbo jumbo, but I’ve found it’s actually very powerful.

I’ve learnt that professional athletes do it all the time. They visualize themselves standing on the podium with the medal around their neck. A bit of positive self-talk can do wonders. Don’t think, “Oh, I can’t do that.” Think, “I can’t do that YET.”

Try Not to Misinterpret

Check what you think you heard. Could it have been meant differently to how you heard it? Or read it, if a message or email – those can be so easy to get wrong!

Try Meditating

I’m not as disciplined as I’d like to be when it comes to meditation, but I’ve found it very useful for getting me back in the moment and grounding myself. Even five minutes a day is worth doing. There are many meditation apps you can use, such as Headspace (paid after the first 10 days) and Insight Timer (free).

Start a Gratitude Journal

I don’t journal very regularly, but when I do, it makes a big difference to how I feel. Taking some time each day to write down the things we are grateful for is another good way of grounding ourselves.

It could be as simple as, “I’m grateful I woke up again this morning!” Or “I’m grateful to have orange juice for breakfast!” Just keep it simple. But it helps to reframe our experience of life.

Try Setting Yourself a Challenge

It’s easy to get down when we have no sense of momentum. Setting ourselves a challenge, however small, can be really helpful.

I’m an uninspired cook, so setting myself the challenge of baking a cake would be massive. Even compared to my first half marathon last year! I don’t know what it is about me and baking, but it brings me out in a cold sweat! Still I know magic happens outside the comfort zone.

I hope these tips may help. Always remember, if you’re feeling a bit lost, you’re most certainly not alone. It can happen to all of us. Be kind to yourself and remember: time is a great healer.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do you do when your mojo is monkey decides to go for a walk? Do you have a list of activities that help you out?

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I remember the first time I saw Jennifer Aniston on ‘Friends’—when she was in her extremely long hair phase—and I wanted nothing more than to have those exact locks on my head. Decades have passed, and Aniston has remained my hairspo (hair inspiration for those not in tune with the vernacular) throughout all of the cuts and colors that she’s donned, so when she casually unveiled one of the tools that she uses to quaff her locks, I took immediate note.

It all went down on the Emmy winner’s Instagram, where she posted a tutorial showing off one of the products from her haircare brand, Lolavie. See, after she applied the Glossing Detangler to her wet locks, she brushed them with a $7 brush that you can find on sale ahead of Amazon Prime Day.

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RELATED: People Are Ditching Expensive Hair Products For This $7 Treatment That Makes Strands ‘Feel More Alive’

The Wet Brush is not your average comb. It’s made with special bristles that flex as they encounter any tangles in your hair, so that your locks aren’t yanked or broken. Designed to contour to your head’s round shape for comfortable brushing, the haircare essential is a fan favorite among those who struggle with hair loss. Shoppers say that compared to most other hair detanglers, this one “hurts less and causes less breakage.”

Though the clip Aniston posted is quick, you can see just how easy the brush runs through her locks. Her hair doesn’t get caught on any bristles, and the product runs through her hair like a hand in water—smoothly and gracefully. That’s the kind of experience we all deserve when we just wake up, or finish up a relaxing shower.

Courtesy of Wet Brush.

Wet Brush Brush Pro Flex Dry

There’s nothing more dreadful than getting out of the shower only to know that you have to spend 10 minutes combing through your hair and experiencing tug after tug. This brush prevents that from happening in the first place—even when it’s used on dry hair.

“I have longer color-treated hair and this brush works great in getting through my freshly shampooed/conditioned hair,” wrote one five-star reviewer. “Please don’t do away with this brush because it truly is the best!”

Given all these rave posts, it’s no shock that more than 4,000 people have given the brush an average 4.8-star rating. It seems that, as always, when it comes to hair care, Jennifer Aniston got it right.

Courtesy: Wet Brush.

Wet Brush Go Green Hair Detangler

Another similar brush from the brand has just as much fanfare (and is also on sale). This brush’s ultra-gentle bristles reduce hair loss, prevent breakage, and strengthen your strands. It’s also compact, making it great for on-the-go use and while traveling. Not to mention, the handle is made from all-natural biodegradable materials. Who knew you could detangle your hair while also taking care of the environment?

“I swear by Wet Brushes. I have curly thin hair so I like to be as gentle as possible with my hair. These brushes are great when my hair is wet, dry, tangled, styled, etc.,” wrote one shopper who gave the brush a perfect rating on Amazon.

It’s clear to see why Wet Brushes are beloved by many, including celebs like Jennifer Aniston. You can get voluminous locks like hers when you shop the top-rated detangling brush for just $7 on Amazon. Your hair and your scalp will thank you.

The food pyramid for those over 70 usually emphasize a diet which is primarily plant-based and includes a variety of vegetables, fruits, and grains. But how much do we really know about them? What are the various health benefits and how can we best prepare them for ourselves and our families?

I have been wondering about this since reading that three of the plant-based foods – namely legumes, pulses, and beans – have been linked to longevity. This got my attention!

So, I did some research on them, and it turns out that while they may be related (they are all plants, after all) they are not the same things! Let’s look first at each so that we are on the same page.

Legumes

Legumes are vegetables whose fruit grows in pods. Common examples of legumes are peanuts, chickpeas, lentils, black-eyed peas, and pinto beans. Even asparagus is considered a legume! And, if you are wondering, there are about 16,000 different types of legumes cultivated around the world.

Pulses

Pulses are the seeds that grow inside legume pods. You can find them either fresh or dried at your local grocery store. A good example of these is peas (both fresh and dried), which grow inside pods and are removed from them before preparation and eating. Pulses are nutritionally quite dense, which makes them an ideal addition to boomer diets.

Beans

Beans are a member of the legume family. Since they are a seed of a legume, they are best categorized as a pulse. What is important to keep in mind is that while all beans are legumes, not all legumes are beans. In fact, beans are fruits (I had some trouble putting my mind around that also).

This helps explain why green beans and green peas are not technically beans. There are more than 40,000 types of beans grown around the world, even though only a very small portion of them is commercially produced and consumed.

Benefits of These “Big Three”

Legumes, beans, and pulses, as a group, share common nutrition and health benefits. These include being rich in fiber and proteins as well as having a low glycemic index. Legumes are also a great source of folate, niacin, thiamine, calcium, magnesium, zinc, fiber, iron, prebiotics, potassium, the B6 vitamins, polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats, and phosphorus.

They are so important to a healthy diet that that the U.S. Dietary Guidelines recommend we consume about three cups of them a week. If we are trying to better manage blood pressure, the well-known DASH diet recommends from four to five half-cup servings per week. A bonus is that they have no cholesterol.

In addition to supporting management of hypertension, other health benefits of having legumes as a part of your plant-based diet include:

• Promoting better cardiovascular health since their fiber can help lower cholesterol levels.
• Aiding in the management of diabetes since they do not cause a spike in blood sugar levels given their high levels of fiber, resistant starch, and protein.
• Supporting a healthy weight, or helping you stick to your diet, since they tend to help you feel fuller.
• Providing your body with important anti-aging antioxidants called polyphenols (if you are shopping for beans, keep in mind that darker beans have higher antioxidant levels).

Including Legumes, Pulses and Beans in Your Diet

You may be wondering if you should give priority to one type of these boomer superfoods over another. The simple answer is “no” since, being from the same family, they all have similar benefits. What I like to do is mix and match them in a main or side dish, including salads.

For example, you can mix them to make veggie burgers, a healthy dip to snack on, and hearty soups. Other easy-to-prepare dishes are meatless chili and hummus. Also, remember that because of their texture, many legumes can substitute for animal-based proteins in your favorite recipes.

I do believe that many people, perhaps you are one of them, avoid including legumes, and especially beans and pulses, in their diets because they believe they are difficult to prepare. I’m not quite sure how some legumes got this reputation, but I can tell you from personal experience that it is not the case.

Yes, some may need a little extra prep, such as a soak, but otherwise cooking and serving them is very straightforward. The steps I take are to first clean the beans/pulses to get rid of any foreign objects or damaged/broken beans, give them a good rinse, soak them (not all need a soak), and then cook them. It is as easy as that.

Two other things that may make you concerned about these foods are the antinutrients that some members of the legume family may contain (which may impact their nutritional value) and the possibility of increased flatulence.

On the first, correctly cooking these foods can greatly reduce the amount of antinutrients consumed. Also, many antinutrients have their own health benefits which may, for example, help reduce cancer risk and support diabetes management.

When it comes to flatulence, it is indeed true that the non-digestible carbohydrates found in some beans and pulses, for example, may cause bloating and gas for some people. But it is equally true that they do not cause problems for others. The potential for flatulence can also be reduced by correct cooking methods.

If you are thinking about purchasing foods based on or made from legumes to get their nutrition and health benefits, be sure to check the labels before doing so. Depending on the level of processing required to manufacture the product you are considering, it may be packed with sodium, saturated fat, and sugar (among others). As you know, these can easily counter any health benefits. So read before you buy!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you include legumes, beans, and pulses in your healthy diet? If so, did you find it easy to do so? What has your experience been? How often to you include them in your meal planning? Do you have a favorite way of preparing them or a favorite recipe? Please join the conversation.

Have you devoted years, if not decades, to therapeutic services in the search for the answer to how to love and forgive yourself and your ex-partner(s)? The self-help gurus, coaches, and TikTokers offer up many exercises that work to a limited degree by creating an awareness of the emotions we still need to process. Yet soundbites and buzzwords won’t replace self-discovery by learning and implementing how to get to that point!

My Story – or Is It Yours?

I forfeited the love of myself by giving it first to my nuclear family in my formative years, a disaster resulting in low self-esteem, doubting my every move, and pleasing people to my detriment. Later, I doled out more pieces of my heart to frenemies, intimate partners, and in-laws until the only thing left was me in a crumbled ball, agonizing over how unloved I was.

Deciding in my favor to speak out against the verbal abuse my mother, father, stepmother, in-laws, and partner hurled at me (and to be fair, me to them in true-to-form Pavlovian response) well into adulthood was excruciating. I’d resort to manipulation.

Are you able to pinpoint how you’ve been manipulative? It took a whopping amount of courage to admit my mistakes. I thought I was above resorting to subterfuge, as I was innocent.

NOT!

Redirecting Love

But once I saw my role in all the relationships, I hugged myself. Filled with remorse, I began to heal from that point of feeling.

Redirecting love to me has been an elusive procedure, frightening at first and disheartening. When you live listening to the voice of perfectionist tendencies, you find ways to believe you’re not good enough (performance anxiety) and push yourself harder and harder – in work, hobbies, and relationships, even after psychotherapy, past life recall, alternative vision quests, Shamanism, Gestalt therapy, and God knows what else.

Through a series of stressful, incomprehensible (at the time) events, which piled up and almost rendered me a zombie, I took the time to unravel and touch, smell, feel and taste the bitter fruit of my past decisions or lack thereof. I allowed myself to relive past hurts, rage, and disappointments from as far back as I could remember. I guess I put that at age four.

Getting to One

How many of you grew up in households where your parents, grandparents or even great grandparents pounded it into your head to find a mate and have a baby? Although my mother was from the Silent Generation, she was a Women’s Libber who gave me the birth control pill at 15. Yet my father wanted me to settle down and marry at 19!

Psychologists, anthropologists, behavioral scientists, and theologians tell us that no man is an island; we can expand our life expectancy by living with someone. Doomsayers claim that civilization will be extinct if we don’t have a partner with whom to procreate.

Both of these theories are incorrect. I don’t need to live with anyone, yet if at some point I choose to have another human being by my side, whether platonic or intimate, that will be my choice made in mutual consent with such a person. As to procreation, we do not need a partner. There’s IVF, for example.

Need Is Different from Desire

We trap ourselves in the mindset of need until we let go of our ancestral chatter about partners. Need begets neediness, a form of mind drudgery or mental slavery.

My life before 2008 feels like someone else’s. As if the third trimester began in 2009.

A late bloomer – emotionally as it stands, because from 2010 through 2016, I finally figured out the puzzle pieces of my life and sorted them into a cohesive whole. At 59 years old, I earned the grandest of all qualifications life could offer.

The key to unraveling the former need to be with someone was a concoction of patience and practicing in front of the mirror using NLP techniques, saying aloud, “I love you,” “You are everything just as you are,” and words to that effect. Before retiring for the night, I’d say, “Goodnight, I love you,” then kiss my palm and plant it on my cheek or forehead.

I Earned My Degree in Freedom

Freedom is not just another word for nothing left to lose. Freedom is the emergence and blossoming of the relegating fear, doubt, scarcity, rage, hatred, and other debilitating emotions to a place where these feelings have no punch. I realized I did not need to be with a significant other. I needed to be with me. 24/7 happily in love with me, warts and all. Tough times are when you must prove your commitment. I didn’t give up.

At the beginning of the end of need, I saw a vast difference between the words need and desire. I now choose what I want judiciously and find that my needs and desires are almost aligned. True happiness is not about love. It’s about the peace within from balancing need with desire.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you found balance within yourself? What prompted you to look for it? Do you think you are free to be who you are? What is stopping you?