In the 1980s, I had a single friend in her early 40s trying to find a romantic partner. Such a pursuit was years before the era of the Internet. Consequently, the choices for dating sites were few and far between and stigmatized.

Also, the chances of meeting a single or divorced man in his 40s were slim if you did not find him at work or through friends. My, how things have thankfully changed. The world of dating has opened up to ages beyond the once-upon-a-time death knell of 40.

As we know, many people are now coining 60 as the new f40orty. Singles, divorcees, and widowed individuals are now flocking to available online dating sites, searching for love and companionship in, hopefully, all the right places.

From Match, which also includes the subsidiaries of OK Cupid, Our Time, and Plenty of Fish, to e-Harmony, there are many avenues for the over-60 crowd to peruse. What could go wrong?

Unfortunately, plenty.

Preying on the Innocent

What are some of the attributes most people request when searching for a partner? Most say someone sincere and honest. That is not asking for much, yet sociopaths are alive and well, pretending to be otherwise.

They prey on innocent, and at times, vulnerable people who step into the arena of this relatively new phenomenon. How do I know? I have seen attempts made on clients and friends.

Several years ago, a lovely client met someone virtually. From the get-go, I was suspicious. The pursuer was gushingly expressing his attraction for my charming client. Their correspondence was without many, if any, telephone calls. The male predator was using everything in his vernacular to seduce and lure my client. At one point, I thought to myself, “Maybe you are wrong, Darlene.”

Consequently, I toned down my cautious rhetoric. Sad to say, I was correct. Eventually, Mr. Inauthentic went in for the kill, requesting money. My client finally recognized his ungentlemanly motives, and lucky for her, she put an end to any future communication.

Not long after, another client shared with me a similar ploy from an online pursuer. He was quicker in showing his true intentions. She was wary early on. When she denied his request for money, he no-showed for their subsequent virtual encounter.

All Kinds of Ways to Deceive

A few years ago, an even more pernicious attempt occurred with a close friend of mine. This cunning, purported knight-in-shining-armor pretended he found a new love shortly after connecting with my friend. He claimed his buddy saw my friend’s picture and wanted to explore the possibility of corresponding with her.

For a few weeks, they emailed each other. One day, I was half-listening to her conversation about this, and then something alerted me. She conveyed to me that this man queried her about home and car ownership. My antennae sprung.

I asked her to send me his picture. When I received it, I searched his photo, a verifiable technique I learned from a fellow speaker. He was not who he said he was. I warned her to tread lightly.

Disturbingly, some of her other friends were not alarmed by the nature of questioning from this online contact. The only reason I thought differently was because of my experiences with several clients. My friend reluctantly heeded my advice for prudence.

When she confronted Mr. Who-Knows-Who, he vociferously minimized her concerns. Eventually, his story became more dramatic. He claimed he attended the Sorbonne, providing other fantastical details. Finally, all contact ceased but not without him putting up a good fight.

Not long ago, a lovely sexagenarian came to see me about something similar to the narratives mentioned above. The problem is, this person lost thousands of dollars as a result of deception and fraud. One of the people involved continues to request more money. I have been very direct in telling this generous soul to stop.

Disguises Ensue

Deception and attempted pilfering are some of the most unsavory characteristics of particular human beings. Wolves sometimes disguise themselves in sheep’s clothing. They know many people are searching for a companion and will use devious means to prey on innocent people.

One of my suggestions is to do your research on anyone whom you meet in the vacuum of anonymity. Included is doing a Google Doc search of their photo. From someone who is not overly tech-savvy, I found it easy to do, but ask someone if you feel it is beyond your ability.

Open but Cautious

I do not intend to be a Debby-downer about online dating. I know people of every age who have met the loves or second loves of their lives on these various sites. I hope that people can avoid these mishaps by the most unscrupulous on the unsuspecting. Be open but proceed with caution.

Has this ever happened to you or anyone you know? How do you spot the real interests from fake pursuers? If you are comfortable, please tell your story and how you escaped these shenanigans.

Melissa Gorga’s Pink Versace Bikini

Real Housewives All Stars Fashion

Here at BBH we often have these situtions where the designer of a look is obvious, but we also feel the need to commemorate the fashion moment with a post. Melissa Gorga’s pink Versace bikini is a prime example. Like, we all know who designs it, so ya’ll probably don’t need us to find it. But, if we didn’t commemorate this potentially iconic Housewives bikini moment, what kind of Housewives fashion site are we?

One that gives you the deets and and some gooood Style Stealers, that’s what type of Housewives fashion site we are.

The Realest Housewife,

Big Blonde Hair

Click Here to See her Versace Bikini

Photo: @MelissaGorga

Originally posted at: Melissa Gorga’s Pink Versace Bikini

In the last quarter of 2020, for the first time in history, the average cost of a new car crossed the $40,000 mark, according to Edmunds. That was before insurance, property taxes and gas. Once papers were signed, the average payment calculated to $581 a month for 70 months after putting $4,300 down. 

It’s an odd trend given that cars in America sit in a garage 95% of the time. Statistically, women drive less than men and the gap only widens with the years. While many older women splurge on their cars, those over 55 drive less than 8,000 miles a year, those over 65 less than 5,000 miles per year!

Are You a Car Person?

Given all there is to spend money on or save money for, perhaps a new car falls pretty low on your list. Cars have been the bane of my existence since I was 16 years old. When I moved to Mexico part-time in 2014, the relief of sloughing off my expensive SUV was worth the occasional inconvenience of Uber and rentals.

However, life changes and for the last two years, I’ve found myself spending time in the US in a city not quite so amenable to the carless. Renting a late model SUV for a few weeks reminded me why new cars make me a nervous wreck. So, I thought, “What nice cars are available to just get around?”

Reasons for Buying Used

With Certified Pre-Owned programs and online services to review a car’s history, used cars are not the gamble they used to be. Overall car quality and reliability have steadily improved.

Today, mileage over 100,000 isn’t the end of a car’s life. The cost of financing a used car hasn’t increased as quickly as that of financing a new car. Another advantage of looking at used versus new cars is that ratings like Kelley Blue Book contain more historical data.

The Criteria

Setting a budget at around $15,000, mileage at 60,000 or less, and car size large enough to be safe, I estimated my search would take me to 2016 sedans, CUV’s (compact utility vehicles) and hatchbacks.

Those that were highly-rated overall by multiple sources the year they came out were cross referenced against cars with a current Kelly Blue Book overall rating of at least 4.2 and good safety ratings from other sources.

Hatchbacks

Chevrolet Volt 

The Chevy Volt hybrid electric car apparently has a range that if your commutes are short of 50 miles, you’ll rarely need to gas. Good tax credits in some states. Other positive descriptors include comfortable, quick, quiet. 

Mazda 3 

The Mazda 3 is roomier than the Volt, has great reviews on crash performance and handling.

Volkswagen Golf GTI

The VW Golf GTI received major technical upgrades in the cabin 2016, such as a touchscreen, rear view camera, universal USB input, and Bluetooth phone and audio capacity that newer cars have.

Sedans

Volkswagen Passat 

The Passat received a perfect score in safety in government crash tests. It’s a quiet, comfortable ride with reported excellent mileage.

Subaru Legacy

Coming from Colorado, all-wheel drive Subaru’s such as the Legacy and Impreza have a long tradition of being the car of choice for secure winter driving. 

Kia Optima

The SXL model offers luxury features normally not available in a car at this price, all of which would make longer trips more enjoyable.

CUV’s (compact utility vehicles)

Kia Sportage

The Sportage has a 10 year, 100,000 mile warranty and is nicely styled. It’s got the pep for city driving. 

Toyota Rav4 

This older model still has high tech collision avoidance and safety features. Honda CRVs are out of the budget range but the Rav4 shares many of the Honda’s well-known best features for room and reliability.

Mazda CX 5

I’ve come to really value a smooth, quiet ride. The CX 5’s great construction and styling don’t hurt either.

The Year of the Model Matters

Even a year’s difference in the same make and model can make a big impact in a car’s ratings and characteristics. A simple spreadsheet will help you narrow down your choices and keep you comparing apples with apples. It adds discipline to a process that can wear you down when cars start to blur together.

How to Buy a Used Car According to the Experts

Once you find a car for sale that interests you, look into its history. Try to obtain service records or receipts. Check that the title is free and clear and get a vehicle history report from a site like CarFax, VINCheckPro or AutoCheck, as these will show how many owners the vehicle has had.

If you purchase the car locally, take it to a mechanic for a full inspection. Online car sites like Carvana and Carguru make buying a used car another online purchase. 

My opinion is that a car should give you freedom. If, like me, a $40,000 car purchase doesn’t feel liberating to you, likely any of these cars would make sense – and still look good in the driveway.

Do you still drive? How often do you hit the road? Do you own your car? When did you purchase it? What was important to you at that time? Would you choose differently if you had to buy a car today? Please share with the community!

Trust us, we love a bargain just as much as the next beauty lover. But when it comes to skincare, we’re also willing to splurge a bit more for that special something. It might be an incredible eye serum with outstanding clinical trial results, a body butter that carries a scent so uplifting, it lifts us out of an up-before-dawn funk or a non-drying acne mask that feels elegant enough to have been designed by Regina King’s esthetician (you know, because it was). Luckily the best Nordstrom skincare of 2021 has all of this and so much more.

For these special purchases, we head to Nordstrom, a beauty destination that features a tight edit of science-backed formulations and indulgent, luxury products, along with cult favorites and top-of-the-line picks from the most promising indie brands in skincare. Ahead, see our selects for the very best of skincare that Nordstrom has to offer—and get ready to treat your skin like you never have before.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

Nordstrom.

54 Thrones Ugandan Vanilla + Ethiopian Honey Beauty Butter

This is the shea butter for legit shea butter heads. Sourced from East and West African cooperatives, this ultra-rich butter isn’t watered down (a dab covers a lot of real estate on the body or hair) or overly fragranced (though it does contain notes of vanilla and honey, the shea butter’s nutty scent still shines through). Pro tip: kneading the tube a bit before squeezing it more easily dispenses the thick butter inside.

Nordstrom.

Révive Defensif Environment Antioxidant Booster

We admit it: when the pandemic set in, we were suckered into thinking that indoor living would mean exposing our skin to fewer free radicals, pollutants and damaging light. The reality? Indoors, the concentrations of some pollutants are often two to five times higher than when typically found outdoors, according to EPA reports. Factor in endless Zoom calls (seriously, when will they end?)—and blue light that comes with the screen time—and shielding our skin from environmental aggressors seems more important than ever. That’s where this booster comes in: just a few drops added to an AM moisturizer application helps skin better protect itself against free radicals and pollutants (thanks to loads of antioxidants inside, including enzymes; green tea; vitamins A, C, E) and blue light (courtesy of fermented ingredients like pea extract).

Nordstrom.

Kypris Cerulean Soothing Hydration Recovery Mask

Nutrient-filled sea plants—like algae, plankton and seaweed—have a way of disarming skin cells diminishing free radicals while also delivering a serious shot of hydration to the skin. It’s something that makes this pricey mask totally worth it, especially post-treatment (or sunburn), when skin needs the most gentle of nutritive boosts.

Nordstrom.

Osea Vagus Nerve Oil

Skincare meets mental health care in this oil geared to soften skin and tap the vagus nerve, the longest and most complex cranial nerve that’s responsible for activating the body’s relaxation response. The stress-regulating nerve is also in charge of bailing the body and mind out of the non-stop fight-or-flight pattern that can be kicked up by simply reading the news and ushering them in a more balanced state of being. After rubbing the oil between our hands and deep breathing the scent before applying it to the base of our neck, we did notice a certain mental exhale (and reflexive jaw unclenching).

Nordstrom.

La Prairie Platinum Rare Haute-Rejuvenation Eye Elixir

If you want to use this year’s tax return to indulge, may we suggest getting your hands on opalescent eye serum, designed to undo the cellular damage done by time and too many hours toiling away at a high-stress job? Within the formula is some pretty heavy-duty science backed by clinical studies: signaling molecules work as growth factors to create new tissue and regenerate the extracellular matrix (AKA, the scaffolding that gives skin its bounce, lift and smooth texture). In a few weeks’ time, we’ve noticed a brightening effect that’s so compelling, we’ve started to use the stuff elsewhere on the face as well.

Nordstrom.

Kate Somerville Lifting Eye Cream

After a year in which even Kate Somerville’s A-list clientele hasn’t been able to make it to her LA skin clinic, the renowned esthetician has brought the clinic to us, with this eye cream, which delivers an A-list of its own: proven skincare actives like a peptide complex (to firm skin), red and brown algae (to lift hyperpigmentation) hyaluronic acid (to plump) and vitamin C (to brighten).

Nordstrom.

Eve Lom Cleanser

The original balm cleanser is still one of the best. To start, its scent (courtesy of four plant-based oils) proves the quickest way to turn the chore of washing your face into a spa experience. But luxury moments aside, the balm and accompanying muslin cloth do a tremendous job of melting away no-budge 36-hour eyeliner and de-gunking pores without drying out skin.

Nordstrom.

True Botanicals Chebula Active Immunity Serum

This liquid gel serum is a delight to use. It sinks into the skin quickly and smells like freshly cut white blooms, thanks to a naturally-derived preservative inside. Its namesake antioxidant boasts some pretty impressive credentials: Chebula, a plant-extracted ingredient that has been shown in the brand’s tests to be highly bioactive (at 60 percent) also is thought to reduce inflammation and maintain hydration. What’s more, chebula is known as a cascading antioxidant: instead of absorbing free radicals once, this ingredient fights off a free radical, then morphs into a fresh form that can fight another free radical—and continue with this process again and again.

Nordstrom.

U Beauty The Resurfacing Compound Skin Care Treatment

A favorite of celebrity esthetician Melanie Grant, this resurfacing treatment contains a cool proprietary technology that attracts and neutralizes cell-damaging free radicals while better optimizing ingredient delivery. Though hard to see the technology in action, we feel its effects: with each use, our skin becomes smoother (and without the irritation that comes with many exfoliators).

ZitSticka.

ZitSticka Hyperfade Microdart Blur Patch for Dark Spots

Our hangup with facial serums designed to fade dark spots? We end up treating the whole face for hyperpigmentation instead of targeting our skin’s melanocytes (the pigment-producing cells that show as dark spots). These patches are loaded with pigment-busting and pigment-fading niacinamide, arbutin, logic acid, tranexamic acid and licorice root extract and feature a prickly texture akin to a microneedling wand in order to better drive actives into the skin.

Nordstrom.

Elemis Superfood Cica Calm Hydration Juice Gel Moisturizer

With 75 percent aloe, redness-calming cica, and organic cucumber, this gel moisturizer is designed to gently hydrate the skin, but we can’t get over the cooling effect it delivers on contact. It’s a sensation that feels something like the cool blast of a facialist’s oxygen wand—and is just the pick-me-up our skin and soul need on sluggish mornings.

Necessaire.

Nécessaire The Body Serum

For days in which you just don’t have time to wait for an ultra-rich body moisturizer to absorb into the skin (which face it, is most days), this fragrance-free serum serves as an excellent standing for neck-to-toe hydration.

Nordstrom.

Dior Capture Totale Firming & Wrinkle-Correcting Eye Cream

With its Capture Totale line, Dior has done something many heritage luxury beauty brands haven’t: moved to plant-driven formulations. The result is formulations that feel elegant while harnessing stem cell research and peony, white lily and jasmine blooms homegrown in the brand’s own gardens.

Nordstrom.

Arcona Tea Tree Mask

If only we knew about this mask back when we were in middle school and haphazardly applying harsh tea tree astringents and essential oils to our skin. Created by the esthetician responsible for Regina King’s glow, the formula elevates its star exponentially, by managing to deep clean our complexion without drying it out.

Sunday Riley.

Sunday Riley Good Genes All-in-One Lactic Acid Exfoliating Face Treatment

This cult-classic exfoliating treatment remains a winner, thanks to its use of gentle lactic acid, brightening skin-brightening licorice and a cocktail of other plant-based ingredients.

Nordstrom.

Pause Collagen Boosting Moisturizer

Sure, this moisturizer may have been designed for more advanced skin, but we love its no BS lineage: it’s lightweight and absorbs in a snap without leaving skin feeling tacky; it works seamlessly with makeup; and most importantly, leaves skin with noticeable bounce, but not a shred of shine.

Nordstrom.

PCA Skin Sheer Tint Broad Spectrum SPF 45 Sunscreen

Our holy grail sunscreen earns its stripes with a sheer tint that doesn’t look or feel like makeup; a near-liquid consistency that melts into skin; mineral actives that block UVA and UVB rays; and a dewy finish that mimics a faint sun-kissed glow (even if we haven’t been exposed to anything but artificial light for days).

Nordstrom.

Chanel Hydra Beauty Camellia Repair Mask Multi-Use Hydrating Comfort Mask

When our skin feels dry and generally abused by life, this is the mask we use to deliver much-needed TLC. Its unique consistency, an occlusive balm, wraps our skin in a big hug of hydration. The smallest amount is needed to get the job done, rendering it way more affordable than you’d think. Plus, it carries the most nurturing, faintly floral scent.

Nordstrom.

Dr. Loretta Gentle Hydrating Cleanser

When it comes to finding a facial cleanser so gentle that it maintains moisture levels as it cleanses, we trust the version made by a dermatologist who’s spent 40-plus years studying the effects of environmental aggressors on our skin.

Nordstrom.

Dr. Dennis Gross Skincare Alpha Beta Exfoliating Body Treatment

At last, Dr. Dennis Gross’s famous peel system has been formulated to brighten the thicker skin on the body. A hearty dose of enzymes exfoliate the skin, while bakuchiol (a gentle, plant-based beta retinol) helps further brighten and even skin tone. Use it to calm smooth bumpy ingrown hairs, keratosis pilaris or body blemishes—all without tingle or sting.

Nordstrom.

Neom Great Day Magnesium Body Butter

When thinking about skincare, it’s easy to forget about the real estate below the neck. This cream doesn’t just carry a bright scent designed to lift spirits, it contains the rich hydrators often found in body butters (think shea butter, mango seed butter and coconut oil) but formulated in with a lighter, whipped consistency.

BeautyStat.

BeautyStat Universal C Skin Refiner Serum

All skin types have been known to tolerate this 20 percent pure vitamin C well, probably due to the addition of squalane to hydrate sensitive skin.

Back in 2018, my second husband passed from this life, and one of my friends asked, “Would you have married again if you knew he would be gone in 6 years?” That is a hard question to answer.

It made me think for just a minute. On some level, I think I realized things might go that way, but I never actually acknowledged it. Would I want to give up these last very happy six years we spent together? No; both of our lives were enriched by our choice to marry again.

A More Difficult Question

About six years ago, another of my good friends and neighbors received the news that her husband had a brain tumor and was not likely to live more than six months.

Three years later, he was still alive, experiencing many good days, although he never had the same good health he enjoyed before his diagnosis.

For the past two months of my husband’s life, my friend and I were on the same path more than once. Both of our husbands were in the same local large hospital at exactly the same time. In addition, we both brought our husbands home with Hospice within a day of one another.

However, after her husband arrived back home, he rallied and said he wasn’t ready to go yet which was wonderful, though it did not last very long.

My husband passed within nine days of being brought home, while her husband’s health went up and down. At times his condition had been very bad, he’d gone back to the hospital and was again with Hospice.

My friend asked me at one point, “Waverly, you’ve been in both places. Which is the hardest: waiting for them to leave this earth or going on after they are gone?” I replied, “Let me think about that. I’m not sure yet.” After a few weeks, I had my answer.

Both are very difficult situations, but once your loved one is in a place where there seems to be no hope of recovery, I think it is easier after they have passed. Then you no longer have to watch them suffer or worry about them and try to anticipate meeting their every need as much as possible.

Still Struggling with My Answer

At this point, my faith is a great source of strength because I do believe that he is no longer suffering and in a much better place. I also believe he is at peace and that I will see him again.

Unfortunately, being in this kind of mental state is way too familiar. But after surviving most parents’ worst fear ­– losing my son at age 24 – and the death of my first husband, I realized I could make a go of life again.

After losing our son, it took me a long time to work through the depression and hopelessness. I had to decide again and again to go on with hope for the future.

Now I have the perspective that I have gone through the worst and coped with God’s help.

Some of My Survival and Coping Techniques

Looking back now, I recognize the different ways I survived.

One of the true stories I read during my time of grief was about a woman who lost all of her children during the civil war due to various causes. She took that experience and started a school for both black and white children together, which was unheard of at that time.

I recall how much that story impacted me and gave me hope that I could survive and go on and accomplish things that mattered in spite of my deep loss.

One memory I have is of going into a beautiful store filled with all kinds of art and beautiful glassware. I remember how it seemed to feed my soul and give me hope that there still would be good things ahead in spite of the great pain in my heart.

When my first husband lost his job, I was forced to take what I had always considered the worst job in the world – Child Protective Services. It felt awful, trying to protect children who appeared to not be valued by their parents, while my heart was breaking over losing my own.

On one of my dark days, I stopped by a paper supply store which just happened to be inviting customers to try out some of their items and showing how to use them.

And wonder of wonders! As I began experimenting, I noticed for the first time in a very long time I was actually having fun. I felt like I was back in kindergarten, enjoying myself. I’d lost that capability along with my son and doing the heavy on-call emergency type of work with children and families.

The paper store experience ended up being very therapeutic for me and has brought me many hours of pleasure since then.

Now my art has branched into jewelry making and is still a great release from dealing with couples, individuals and families going through difficult times.

Satisfaction of Helping Others Go On and Overcome

I have been in private practice for many years now. I’ve also worked with the military, helping service men and women returning from war to reintegrate with their families.

Getting the satisfaction of seeing hundreds of miraculous turnarounds in people’s lives and marriages is very rewarding and fulfilling and keeps me going.

I always say, everyone who lives long enough will go through difficult times. Some people go on with life for a very long time without trauma, while others experience it early in life.

Life can be beautiful again when we live with purpose and faith now and in the future!

Can you relate or has life been pretty smooth so far for you? How have you survived your difficult times? Any suggestions to share with others based on your own pain? Please join the conversation!