The days of one spouse taking charge of the family finances are long gone, right? I wish that was the case. Over the years, I’ve edited a number of books aimed at helping women master the basics of personal finance and investing.

Yet even in my house, I have ignored some of my own advice; my husband is the one who handles our finances and, although he regularly updates a “cheat sheet” detailing accounts, passwords, payment dates, etc., I sometimes still feel “in the dark.”

Today, most of us have multiple bank and retirement accounts, pensions, insurance policies and, of course, countless passwords, so it’s important that all family members be able to access accounts easily, especially during emergencies.

It’s difficult enough when you’re grieving for a spouse or other family member. The added stress of having to deal with bills and financial matters can be overwhelming. I’m sharing some pointers based on personal experience and that of some friends who have had to quickly learn to manage their finances.

Expect Everything to Take Longer Than You Anticipate

You probably don’t know this, but the phone waiting time simply to make an appointment to meet with a representative to apply for Social Security can be about two hours. Getting an in-person appointment can take weeks or even months, depending on where you live.

Although you will most likely have to present documents in person, do accept the earliest phone appointment possible. You will be able to start the application process and find out what forms you need to apply for Social Security benefits and Medicare coverage.

Calls to credit card companies as well as phone and cable providers to change account holder names will also involve long wait times and possibly several calls to resolve issues.

Don’t Assume You’re Medically Covered

Dependent medical coverage is not automatically extended for some period after a policy holder dies, nor should you assume that you qualify for COBRA coverage.

If you had been covered by your spouse’s plan but are over age 65 at the time of the spouse’s death, then you may not be eligible for COBRA following your spouse’s death, in which case you would then have to apply for Medicare.

Don’t Forget About Computer Cookies

If a particular bill has been paid from one computer, when you log on from another device to access that account, you’ll likely be asked to answer one or more security questions, (set up by the deceased) which, if you answer incorrectly, will complicate your ability to access the account.

Without a Will or If All Property Isn’t Held Jointly, You May Run into Difficulties

If all your bank and brokerage accounts were held jointly, or you were named as sole beneficiary, then you can probably avoid the need for court authorization to inherit or dispose of any assets owned by the deceased.

However, if your spouse owned property only in his or her name and there is no will, then you will probably have to apply to the county probate court to be named administrator of the estate in order to take title to that property.

For example, if the title to your car was only in your spouse’s name and you want to sell the car, you will need to file an application with the Department of Motor Vehicles to transfer the title to your name before you can dispose of it.

If you’re not planning to use the car, you’ll want to do this quickly to avoid having to pay car insurance premiums.

Be Organized

You’re dealing with a lot, and you’ll be getting snail mail, phone calls, and emails, including paperwork to complete and sign. You can use old fashioned school folders organized by category – phone bill, cable bill, health insurance, etc. If you’re computer savvy, set up online folders to keep track of everything.

You’ll Need to Keep Paying Your Bills Even Though You Have Lost Your Spouse’s Income

Getting your initial Social Security payment may take weeks, even if you start the process immediately after your spouse’s death. Meanwhile, you still have to pay all your bills, such as mortgage and utilities, as well as any costs of upkeep. Don’t assume that late payments will be waived!

Be Persistent and Patient

Keep asking questions. If your spouse was working, contact the employer’s Human Resources department and ask about any death benefits, employer-provided life insurance or any other benefits for emergency situations.

Most employers have death benefit policies but, for whatever reason, people may not be helpful or considerate of your situation. If you’re not getting the answers you need, keep asking.

Follow up or ask to speak to someone else. Keep track of everyone’s name and dates they promised to get you responses.

Don’t Be an Ostrich

Losing a spouse or family member is incredibly stressful, but you can’t ignore financial realities. You don’t want to be reminded of your loved one’s illness or suffering, so you may not want to open up any hospital bills or health insurance statements.

However, you’re still responsible for paying for medical treatment, so don’t ignore hospital bills. Open them or enlist a friend or family member to help you. Remember, an Explanation of Benefits (EOB) from an insurer is not a bill.

These EOBs will usually list procedures and medical tests performed, their costs and what your insurance covers. There is often a difference between the billed charges and what the insurer will pay the providers. That difference is usually the patient’s responsibility to pay.

However, an EOB comes from the insurer, not the doctor or institution doing the billing. When you do eventually get a bill from the medical provider, make sure it is consistent with the information on the EOB relating to the service being billed.

If you believe that the bill is incorrect, you don’t immediately have to pay it. Reach out to the billing physician or hospital as well as the health insurer so you understand the bills.

If the situation is particularly complex or you owe a substantial amount of money, consider hiring a billing advocate. For more information, go to https://www.claims.org.

Accept Offers of Help but Don’t Expect Everyone to Follow Through

Initially, friends and family will probably drop off food and offer to assist you, but many of these offers quickly fade away. Consider yourself lucky if you have a few people who help you with all the annoying details of daily life when you’re grieving and also stick around to provide support and companionship.

Who manages your bills and finances? Under what circumstances did you start doing them yourself? Have you had to help any friends or relatives in an emergency situation? We’d love to hear about any strategies that you have used.

Teresa Giudice’s White Shield Sunglasses

Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 11 Episode 3 Fashion

On tonight’s Real Housewives of New Jersey Teresa Giudice plays the aaaaaggggeeeee old trick of telling her brother that his wife has met a man on their girls trip. Very on brand, but I’m just hoping the preview editing just makes it look like this goes on longer than it looks.

Also on brand? Teresa wearing sunglasses ya’ll want to get your hands on. And when I tell you that you can get her white shield pair for $50, I’ll let you know upfront that this info ain’t no joke.

The Realest Housewife,

Big Blonde Hair

Click Here to Shop her Carrera Sunglasses in 3 Colors

Click Here for Info on The Romper She is Wearing with Them

Originally posted at: Teresa Giudice’s White Shield Sunglasses

Although vaccines are rolling out and case numbers are approving throughout the country, many people—like me—don’t yet feel safe enough for personal services like facials. That’s why I’ve had to up my at-home skincare game, using products that mimic some of the services I’m used to getting. One that’s been helping? Kate Somerville’s new KateCeuticals Total Repair Cream. The anti-aging powerhouse is packed with ingredients my skin has been loving the past few weeks.

The new KateCeuticals line dropped a few weeks ago but I like to give products a real shot before I can say if they work or not. The peptide-powered system promises to reduce the appearance of wrinkles, as well as hydrate and plump the skin. The 3-piece line contains many of the ingredients Somerville uses at the Skin Health Experts Clinic in Los Angeles.

I needed a more hydrating moisturizer for winter so I swapped my usual with the Total Repair Cream. It contains the brand’s peptide-infused ceramide complex, as well as hyaluronic acid and squalane.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

It didn’t take very long for me to notice how much smoother my skin felt. In just a few nights, I woke up with skin that looked more hydrated and less textured. I could actually feel how it smoothed out my dry patches. Plus, it made the fine lines on my forehead look less noticeable. For what it’s worth, I felt comfortable making a makeup video sans filters and think my skin looks pretty great.

Source: Instagram

I liked this new cream so much, I’m going to incorporate the rest of the KateCeuticals line into my routine. The Firming Serum with Hyaluronic Acid ($98 at Sephora) adds antioxidant power and the Lifting Eye Cream ($120 at Sephora) works to de-puff and diminish the look of dark circles.

While I appreciate every year I’m healthy and able to get older, I’m also appreciative of products that help me look just a bit fresher.

Fear holds us back. It holds us back from saying what we feel and doing what we want. Fear even controls what we wear. Remember the last time you put on your favorite outfit and loved it? But then you had a nagging doubt…

“Can I really get away with this at my age? Am I just too big to make this work?”

If you let this type of fear take over, it will dictate your every fashion decision. Don’t let it! Here’s how to break away from the stereotypes so often imposed on mature plus size women.

Change Your Perspective on Plus Size Style

There’s a tide of change pushing aside the so-called ‘style rules’ that women used to let control their sense of style. Many plus size women have heard these before:

“Prints and stripes are risky. Stay with black, it’s safe and slimming. Bright colors are a no-no, go with darker shades.”

The same goes for ‘age appropriate’ clothing – it just winds up being restricting, restraining your ability to express yourself naturally with your outfits. These rules take away the fun of fashion.

Break the rules of what is typical, safe or appropriate for your age and size. Instead, dress appropriately for your personality, your style preferences and the occasion.

Break the Rules: Color and Print

Choose prints that enhance your body shape. For some women that means large, abstract patterns – such as tie dye and batik. These keep the eye moving and distract attention from problematic areas.

How many times have you been told you shouldn’t wear prints? Ignore that nonsense. Just make them work with your body. A neat pinstripe can add an air of elegance. And stripes, both horizontal and vertical, can create a super cute look.

Remember, too, that not all stripes are made the same. Thin, thick and shifted stripes on your outfit each create a unique, refreshing look. Try a wide diagonal striped top with an abstract pattern for an eye-catching effect that complements your figure.

As for color, don’t stick to all black and neutrals. Experiment with different colors and tones that work with your skin complexion and fit your personality. Remember – there are no rules!

Break the Rules: Fit

Body and age shaming comments tell you to hide away your curves and weight. They’re made out to be bad things you should be ashamed of. Terrible.

Shatter those rules by embracing your mature, curvy physique. For some women, this means wearing body contouring dresses that dramatically highlight their curves. If that’s not your preference, go with a more conservative look that still gives you a natural feminine shape.

The point is to not be forced into large, shapeless clothing. Here are some ways to embrace modern fits and not be controlled by body or age shaming:

• Try slim-cut jeans in a heavy denim with a little stretch. You’ll get a smooth, updated look that’s also super comfortable.
• A flowing skirt in a vibrant color with a cute blouse makes for a beautiful, casual outfit.
• Sleeveless dresses and open-shoulder tops are perfect as the weather gets warmer. Go with what makes you comfortable and confident.

Fearless, Fabulous Fashion

Get rid of the fashion fear factor! Embrace a mature, modern approach to style that throws out the rules of yesterday. Instead, discover your own rules of fashion. Take back control of your style.

Remember, your clothing is an outward expression of your inner self. Stand tall and let everyone know you have nothing to fear. Your attitude will triumph over any stranger’s petty glance of disapproval.

If you want to try some of our plus size clothes, we are offering a 10% discount for our Sixty and Me sisters in our Etsy Shop.

If you are plus size woman, how do you dress to feel confident? What are your favorite ways to wear clothes that express your true personality? Please share some tips you may have for the women in our community.

What headline will you write for yourself today? In other words, how will you characterize your experience of this day? As an interesting one: uplifting, satisfying, productive? Or as a depressing one: unhappy, woeful, disappointing.

You will no doubt respond with, “It depends what happens today,” or what happened, if you are reading this at the end of your day. But here’s the thing. Much of how you experience your day will depend not on the events themselves, but how you choose to perceive those events. What you choose to focus on.

You Decide

You can choose to focus on the cold you caught, or on the relief the cold medicine brought you. You can choose to focus on the friend who ignored you, or on all the friends who cherish you.

You can choose to focus on how annoying your teenager is, with her reluctance to clean her room or do her chores, or you can focus on how valiantly she is meeting the challenges of her school life.

How about the headline you will write for yourself, personally, today. Victim? Martyr? Or Happy Person.

You can choose to see yourself in a positive way, which in turn boosts your immune system, and with it, your chances of longevity. Or you can keep focusing on that weight you never seem to lose, the accumulation of wrinkles on top of your wrinkles, your fears of declining health and brain-power – along with all the other assorted ills and woes of our contemporary life, which then depresses your immune system and eventually can shorten your lifespan.

The Power of Positive Self-Talk

How we see ourselves is most often revealed by our self-talk. We talk to ourselves morning, noon and night, often without realizing it. Unfortunately, much of that self-talk is negative. How we are upset with ourselves for doing X instead of Y. How stupid we were to forget something. How we’ve failed at this, that or the other.

How do we reverse this trend? How do we turn our negative self-talk into something more beneficial?

It’s remarkably easy. We learn to speak to ourselves as if we were speaking to a dear friend.

That’s the powerful technique psychologist Ethan Kross, Professor at the University of Michigan and director of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory, has discovered through his research as reported in his book, Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It.

After all, you wouldn’t dare speak to a dear friend the way you ordinarily natter on to yourself. What makes it acceptable for you to inflict negativity on yourself? Surely, it’s basic common sense that you should be a good friend to yourself.

Be Your Own Best Friend

All it takes is a switch in pronouns, and a dose of compassion.

For example, let’s pretend your name is “Jane.” Instead of saying to yourself, “I’m such an idiot! How could I throw away that receipt?” say, “Jane, you’re usually careful about saving your receipts. There’s probably a way to get a copy. Let’s think about that.”

Or, instead of saying to yourself, “I haven’t done any exercise this week. I’ll never get this weight off!” say, “Jane, you’ve been busy, OK? Cut yourself some slack. Maybe you can deliberately schedule exercise-time, maybe enroll Susan as an exercise-buddy. There’s a way to do this.”

Imagine if Miriam Schreiber, who through the chaos of WWII found herself unable to even attend elementary school, much less high school, had given up on her long-cherished dream of a high school diploma? What if she’d said to herself, “I’ll never be able to get an education; my chances of it are long gone”?

Instead, she forged ahead, essentially telling herself “You can do it” as she taught herself English, German, Hebrew, and Swedish, in addition to her native Polish and Yiddish. She then had the courage to tell her life story to the senior class at Hartford, Connecticut’s New England Jewish Academy. The school was so inspired by her resilience that Miriam was finally – at age 81 – awarded that cherished diploma.

A simple switch in pronouns and a dose of the same compassion you would offer a dear friend can work wonders for your health, well-being, and success in every arena. Your headline can then read “Happy Person” on a remarkably consistent basis.

What kind of negative conversations do you find running through your head? Do you have an example of how a change in the way you talk to yourself made a positive impact? What is your headline for today?