Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

Change is one of the few constants in life. Sometimes it’s exciting, other times unsettling – but it’s always there, shaping our daily lives in ways big and small.

Sometimes I feel like the older I get, the less change I want. Have I really had the same hair style for the last 20 years? Oh wait, I do colour it now. Does that count as change or just a new way to keep it the same?

Is it true? Am I really becoming more resistant to change? It may be that I am getting ‘set in my ways’.

Recently, a friend of mine and her husband downsized and moved to a new home. A year later she still returns to her old grocery store to shop. She says she knows where everything is on the shelves and it’s more efficient. And, she justifies, “It’s not really that much further once you are in the car.”

Another friend complained that her cell phone updated. Even though she liked some new features, she was frustrated that the screen layouts had changed.

At first glance, stories like these seem to confirm that we do become set in our ways, making this a curious fact that older people become more resistant to change. Or are these stories the exceptions and therefore this is a bogus belief?

The Reveal

Drumroll, please… is it a bogus belief or a curious fact that older people resist change?

This one is a bogus belief. Some older adults resist change, but so do plenty of younger ones.

Let’s explore change and aging.

Personality Matters

Let’s acknowledge that people are different. While some older adults may be reluctant to change or even fearful of change, many others are eager to accept it. Some have always been uncomfortable with change even when they were young, so their age is not a factor in their reluctance to change, just their personality.

Likewise, someone who embraces change in later years, may have been an adventure seeker earlier in life.

So, maybe personality is a bigger factor in how we handle change than age itself.

Experience Matters

By the time we reach our 60s, we have dealt with a lifetime full of change, some unavoidable. Each time we handle a change we add more tools to our toolbox and in many ways, we have learned to take change in stride.

In fact, in the last 80 years the world has seen more change than at any other time in human history. We have lived through and weathered astonishing transformations, from party-line telephones on the wall to smartphones with access to the world right at your fingertips, from cash to credit cards and online banking, and from women primarily being the homemaker to taking on leadership roles in every sector of our world, dramatically changing the nature of home life. Entire careers have shifted, families have grown and moved, and communities have evolved. That’s not resistance – that’s adaptation on a grand scale.

While we may not like every change, we have adapted to them, and this experience has built resilience.

In fact, multiple studies, including one done during the early stages of the COVID pandemic, show that older adults often handle major life transitions with more emotional resilience than younger people. Why? Because they’ve been there before. Each retirement, relocation or health shift is another chance to draw on a lifetime of problem-solving skills. In many ways, change gets easier with age, not harder. With experience comes confidence.

Type of Change Matters

Of course, not all change feels the same. Some changes are exciting and energizing, others feel like losses. That’s why the type of change matters.

Change can represent progress, innovation, new ideas and modern conveniences. Who doesn’t enjoy and look forward to those changes?

Change can also represent decline, loss, reduced independence and uncertainty. These changes are not the kind that people welcome.

Learning how to use all the buttons and switches in a new car may be frustrating, but manageable. Having your driver’s license taken by your doctor is much harder to accept.

The type of change we are dealing with plays a big role in how resistant we are to accepting that change.

Mindset Matters

How we think about change shapes how we experience it. Research shows that people who believe they can still grow, learn and adapt in later life actually manage better at transitions.

Growth Mindset

Psychologists call this a ‘growth mindset’. That is the belief that abilities and outlooks aren’t fixed but can be developed at any age.

For example, if someone views retirement as the ‘end of their usefulness’, they may feel discouraged and resistant. But if they see it as an opportunity to explore new interests or reconnect with old passions, the same change becomes energizing instead of draining.

A helpful strategy is to reframe challenges as learning opportunities. For example, if faced with new technology like your phone or the buttons in your new car, instead of thinking, “I’m too old for this,” try “This is something new I can figure out, step by step.” That shift doesn’t make the change easy, and you may still experience some frustration. The difference is that now you acknowledge that it is possible.

Another Part of Mindset Is Self-Compassion

When change feels overwhelming, it’s important to remember that struggling with transitions is normal at any age. Giving yourself grace, rather than harsh self-criticism, helps maintain resilience.

Mindsets Are Contagious

Surrounding yourself with people who model flexibility and positivity can strengthen your own mindset. Spending time with people who are curious and open, can help you approach change with that same spirit.

Dr. Becca Levy at Yale has found that people with positive beliefs about aging live longer, stay healthier, remain more adaptable and more engaged in life. In other words, how you think about aging directly influences how you handle change.

Final Thought

Let me tell you about Linda. When I met her, it had been almost a year since her husband had passed away and she had been struggling with the loss and the emptiness. Her family visited often, and she met friends, yet it just didn’t feel the same.

Roger had taken care of the yard and now that task fell to her. Slowly, Linda started to find that the time she spent tending the garden made her feel closer to him, and she decided to join our community garden club. At first, she was quiet and unfamiliar with some of the plant and gardening terminology.

Gradually, she attended more of our events and spent even more time in her garden. She got to know many of the members and even volunteered to help organize some of our activities. Participating in the garden club began to shape her new life without her husband, and her garden became a place of healing.

Although Linda still misses Roger, she discovered that the changes she was forced to make after her loss had eventually brought her a new kind of joy. She had transformed from feeling empty to having a new purpose, and I saw her happiness grow along with her garden.

Linda didn’t choose this change. It was imposed on her in the hardest way imaginable. Yet she discovered new strength and purpose through it.

Well, maybe it’s true that I’ve kept the same hairstyle for years. That doesn’t mean I haven’t embraced change when I needed to. When I stop to think about it, my life has been one change after another. And more importantly, like Linda, I’ve managed and navigated them all, and I bet you have, too. That’s not being ‘set in my ways’. That’s being skilled at adapting. That is transformation. That is resilience.

The truth is that personality, experience, mindset, and the type of change matter far more than the number of candles on your cake.

So, the next time you catch yourself thinking you’re ‘too set in your ways’, pause and remember, you’ve already adapted more times than you can count.

Change doesn’t stop at 60, and neither does your ability to grow with it.

Take this 20 question self-assessment quiz to see if your lifestyle supports brain-healthy habits.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What change have you adapted to recently? It might have been learning a new piece of technology, moving to a new home, or adjusting to new health routines. Did anything about that surprise you?

There are no ceremonies or rituals for divorce or being left. When there is a death, we have traditions. Friends know to send condolences, bring food, attend services, and offer help.

What’s a Friend to Do?

But when a marriage ends, we are often unclear what to do. The silence can feel almost as painful as the loss itself. There are good reasons for this – we are afraid of saying the wrong thing or making everything worse.

Long ago, I remember being so shocked when a friend told me her husband had left that I almost blurted out, “What did you do?” Luckily, I recovered quickly and said, “What can I do to help?”

When it happened to me – when my 60-year-old husband told me he was leaving because he wanted to have babies – friends blurted out all kinds of explanations:

“Maybe he has a brain tumor,” one said.

“He’s having an affair,” announced another.

“Clearly, it’s a nervous breakdown.”

“He’s had an affair, and she’s pregnant,” one decided.

“Perhaps it’s a urinary tract infection. You know, elderly people can have psychosis with UTIs.”

This last theory came from a much younger friend who thought of 60 as elderly. I forgave her.

Being Close By

Don’t avoid your friends because you feel uncomfortable. Divorce can feel like a death – the death of a future, of a shared story.

My closest friends dropped everything and showed up within hours with bagels and cream cheese, vegetables and dips, grape leaves, deli meats, fruit, fancy cheese and crackers, dark chocolate, and four flavors of ice cream. It helped me understand I was in a period of mourning.

My best friend called me multiple times a day. Sometimes I wanted to talk, and other times I just wanted to hide, but she kept calling to remind me she was there. There was no fixing this – it was all about being present.

Prepare to Listen – A Lot

You will hear the same stories, repeated endlessly. It’s the way humans process trauma. You don’t need to offer great insights or pearls of wisdom; you just need to listen. And if it gets boring or overwhelming (and it will), just be clear but not rejecting: “I only have two minutes left to talk right now. We can talk again at 4.”

Try to Keep Your Judgments to Yourself

After my husband left, people wanted to know what happened. What went wrong? Was he cheating? What signs did I miss? Didn’t we ever talk about him wanting kids before? How was our sex life?

I understood. Loss is constant, yet it is a huge fear. We all want to believe we can be immune to it if we do everything right. Love and attachment are a gamble. Each person we love takes a little piece of us, and then they are careless, forget to look both ways, drink too much, or climb mountain cliffs. But keep the judgments minimal. The end of a marriage or long-term relationship often feels like a failure.

Help Them Find Support

Encourage your friend to talk with a therapist or help find a support group. Friends can listen with love, but they cannot carry it all. A gentle way to frame it is: “It might help to have one hour a week just for you, where someone else is holding this with you – no expectations, no pressure.”

Get Specific with Offers of Help

When someone is in shock or grief, vague offers like “Let me know what I can do to help” often fall short. Instead, try: “Can I take your car to the repair shop?” or “I’m heading to the grocery store – what can I bring?” or “I’ll come walk with you Saturday morning.” Practical ways to lighten the load in ways your friend may not even have the energy to ask for.

You’re Not There to Provide Advice

Resist the urge to give advice unless asked. Simply sitting with your friend, letting her speak (or cry, or sit in silence), reminds her she is not alone.

Simply Be Present

Divorce often comes with sudden isolation. Extend invitations – to coffee, a walk, a movie, or even dinner with couples. Don’t assume your friend wants to stay home. And if she says no, ask again another time. The steady rhythm of inclusion helps rebuild confidence and connection.

Support usually fades after the first few weeks, but grief doesn’t follow a timeline. Keep checking in.

We may not have rituals for divorce, but we do have each other.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you supported a friend through divorce – or been supported yourself? What helped most?

Be still, my crafty heart.

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Originally posted at: Kiki Barth’s Pink Belted One Piece Swimsuit and Skirt