Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

If you’re a mature woman trying to make sense of modern dating, you’ve probably asked yourself: What do men actually want? Are they after “just sex,” younger women (only), a casual fling, a committed relationship, or none of the above?

Do older women actually know what men want – or are we making assumptions based on outdated ideas or our own insecurities?

A lot of us were raised to be wary of men because “they only want one thing.”

From our parents’ antiquated perspective, there was such a danger of an unplanned pregnancy or being shunned by the church, that our parents felt they had to actively terrify us, to convince us to keep our legs crossed. What a disservice done to us! And how about a whole generation or two of men, being pigeon-holed this way?

Good News! We’ve Come a Long Way Lately…

I recently sat down with Dr. Janah Boccio, a psychotherapist and sexologist, to talk about sex, romance, fantasies, aging, and expectations – and uncovered a lot of surprising truths about what men (especially over 60) actually want, and what older women think they want.

Here are the Cliff Notes:

Do Men Just Want Sex, or Are They Looking for More in Their Later Years?

When we talk to actual men – especially mature men – we learn something quite different: a lot of men are craving connection and emotional intimacy, especially as they age.

I’m not saying older men don’t enjoy sex. But the idea that men are only interested in it is a myth that’s been reinforced by decades of cultural messaging.

The truth? Most mature men want to feel wanted. They want to be chosen, pursued, and appreciated – just like women do.

They want romance, warmth, and to be seen for who they really are.

Check out some of these comments (from MEN) from below a recent video I made about what men are really looking for:

As a mid-50s widower, who’s had a few relationships since I lost my wife, I can tell you that (for me at least) I want a connection before I sleep with anyone. The whole package is important – esp around trust. As regards body issues, extremes are bad (way too overweight, or way too thin), but anything in the middle is fine, and this links back to the whole package piece. I work hard to develop trust in relationships, and part of that is accepting all the other person is, physically, emotionally, etc, and helping my partners relax in the bedroom makes for a better experience for both sides. Most importantly, learn to laugh together whilst you are making love!

Honesty, the ability to express what she likes, and game enough to try some things HE wants. Hell, even a remote interest in what he wants would be a huge advantage over most relationships.

As a 65M, I want intimacy. I want to feel wanted.

What About All Those Sexual Fantasies About Young Women?

Many women assume men fantasize about threesomes or being served by young women. And yes, some men might have those thoughts – but that doesn’t mean they necessarily want them to happen in real life. Imagine the pressure to perform!

Fantasies are often just that: fantasies. Most men admit the idea of more than one lady, while fun in theory, would be complicated in practice. Some men do imagine being dominant, while others fantasize about being on the receiving end and being more passive.

One man commented:

I don’t think men need to be dominated, but ALWAYS being the one to initiate is exhausting, especially when it leads to rejection and eventually to a lack of desire to keep trying. When we were dating, my now wife would often drag me to the bedroom. After the vows, that stopped entirely.

Most mature men are hoping to have an active sex life again and are less focused on radical fantasies.

A healthy sex life includes both parties initiating and asking for what they want. Women can lead the way with this.

Are We Overestimating an Older Man’s Interest in Looks and Underestimating Enthusiasm?

Another common misconception is that men are turned off by our aging bodies – our wrinkles, soft bellies, or cellulite. But Dr. Boccio and I agree: if a man is in bed with you, he wants to be.

What’s he focused on? Warmth, curves, connection – and his own performance. We tend to undervalue one of the biggest turn-ons for men: genuine enthusiasm. Not performance. Not perfection. Just real, honest excitement to be with them.

Turns out, the best thing you can bring to the bedroom is not a 30-year-old body – but a mature woman’s confidence and sense of humor.

One man wrote:

Married for 33 years. Wife has wrinkles, rolls, and marks. Sexy is not a dress size. Sexy is an attitude. A real man doesn’t care about the vain things people focus on. If she’s clean, smells nice, and feels good about herself, is most important. As a man, I want honesty, both ways, of what we want and what turns us on.

Knowing What You Want: A Surprising Value Add

One thing older women understand that younger women sometimes don’t – what they want in bed. Based on experience, women are done faking orgasms and ready and able to tell their partners what feels good.

There is just no substitute for experience. Older women are also more likely to have the confidence and grace to ask for what they want clearly and kindly.

We’ve lived, loved, raised families, run businesses, survived heartbreak, and built strong lives. We bring life experience, clarity, and a willingness to speak up about what we do want – and say no to what we don’t. That, it turns out, is surprisingly reassuring and sexy to older men.

Game Playing Is Exhausting!

Because we can talk about things, we bring a level of intimacy many men say they’ve never had with younger women.

That’s our biggest advantage: we don’t waste time, and we don’t play games. We’re in the hunt for love, for companionship, and pleasure, and that’s what we also have to offer.

I’ll let this man’s comment sum it up:

1. Men DON’T just care about sex. We want a partner that is excited to be there too (enthusiasm) and doesn’t look at it as something they HAVE to do.

2. Men are not as concerned about how a woman’s body looks as the woman is. It’s not even close. We wouldn’t be there if we really cared, trust me. And you nailed it on the softness, warmth, and curves. That is what we love!

3. Communication is huge/everything.

If you’re looking for a healthy, lasting love, learn more here about the secrets to finding it.

And rest assured, mature women – everything you need to attract a worthy man, you already have!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do you think older men want when it comes to dating? What has your experience with real men taught you? Do you think mature women have an advantage with confidence and self-understanding?

When economic anxiety spikes, most people turn to the same recycled list of financial tips: build an emergency fund, live below your means, pay off debt.

These aren’t bad ideas. They’re just the wrong tools for the moment you’re in.

By the time a recession hits, it’s too late to build the lifeboat – you’re already in the storm. What you need isn’t theory. You need traction.

That’s why surviving a recession starts with a mindset shift. Not “How do I get perfect at budgeting?” but “What do I already have that can help me weather this storm?”

Step One: Take Inventory

Before making any big moves, take stock – comprehensively. This includes:

• Money on hand: Checking, savings, Venmo, coins in the couch.
• Things you could return or sell: Don’t act yet – just notice.
• Skills, hobbies, and emotional resources: They count!
• Prepaid memberships, perishables, and community support: There may be more than you think.
• Family help and things owed to you: Childcare hours, lent tools, unpaid invoices.

This step isn’t about doing anything yet. It’s about proving to your overwhelmed brain that you may have more to work with than you thought.

Step Two: Ask and Connect

Financial stress often leads to isolation. But it’s our connection to others that creates momentum.

If you need help, ask for something specific, impactful for you, and low-burden for them. That could be something as simple as asking a credit card company to pause a payment.

You don’t have to do this alone – but you do have to ask in a way that preserves dignity on both sides.

Step Three: Support Your Nervous System

Recessions trigger survival mode. Panic, shame, isolation, and spiraling thoughts are common – and they kill your ability to problem-solve.

One counterintuitive but effective tool: prioritize rest and recharge. Not as a reward for being productive, but as a baseline necessity.

Remember: you can’t think your way out of a crisis you’re too exhausted to face.

Step Four: Shift from Restriction to Expectation

Restriction (“I can’t spend more than $100”) activates scarcity mode. But expected spending (“I plan to spend exactly $100”) creates agency.

Even if you miss the exact number, you’re engaging from a place of choice, not crisis. And your brain can work with that.

Step Five: Ask, “What’s the Purpose?”

Before spending (or saving, or “sacrificing”), ask: What is the purpose of this? The goal isn’t to judge your spending – it’s to understand it.

From that place of curiosity, you can begin to align your money with your values – not with shame, panic, or pressure.

Final Thought

You’re not failing because you’re not saving enough. You’re struggling because the standard advice doesn’t apply in real time.

The goal isn’t to get “back on track.” It’s to create a track that’s designed for where you actually are.

And that? That’s survival with dignity.

Read the full guide on surviving a recession here or share with someone who’s in it right now.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you been – or are you now – in a tough financial situation? What strategies have you employed and have they helped you?

Do they get along?

Our numbers are legion – mothers who did the best we could with what we had… and are still carrying the weight of wondering if it was ever enough. So many of us are quietly struggling. With mom guilt. With strained relationships. With the painful question: Where did I go wrong?

Let me be honest. I know that question well.

I spent decades mothering – through adoption, homeschooling, learning disabilities, addiction, mental health struggles, and the everyday pressures of trying to hold a family together. I gave it everything I had.

And still, years later, after the marriage ended and the kids became adults, I found myself sitting in a swirl of questions. Heart aching. Wondering how much of their pain was my fault.

That’s Mom Guilt – And It’s Brutal

It creeps in late at night. It whispers in your ear during a hard conversation with your grown child. It shows up when you hear the words, “You never…” or “You always…”

But here’s the truth I’m learning, and maybe you need to hear it too:

You Are Not Called to Carry What Belongs to Them

We’re so used to rescuing, cushioning, explaining, justifying, trying to protect them from the consequences of their choices – even when they’re adults.

But grown people have to carry their own loads.

Even our beloved children.

The most loving thing we can do sometimes is step back – and let them fall.

It’s not cold. It’s not cruel.

It’s necessary.

The Season of Adult Children Is a Whole New Wilderness

There are no guidebooks for this.

No more pediatricians or parent-teacher conferences. Just adult kids making choices you don’t agree with, living lives you didn’t raise them for, or perhaps holding resentment for things you did the best you could with.

And you, Mama, are left with an ache.

You try to explain. You try to reconnect.

You may even apologize – and sometimes, that’s holy work.

But let me say this loud and clear:

You do not need to keep apologizing for the same thing over and over again.

Own what’s yours.

Extend grace where you can.

But stop carrying what doesn’t belong to you.

What I Want You to Know About Mom Guilt

If you’re feeling the weight of what your child still holds against you, or the pain of what you couldn’t protect them from – here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Stop Overexplaining

You don’t owe a TED Talk every time you set a boundary or say no. “I love you” and “No” can live in the same sentence.

2. Give It Back

When they try to hand you their pain, their blame, their unhealed wounds – gently and prayerfully hand it back. Say, “That belongs to you now.” You’ve carried it long enough.

3. Protect Your Peace

Your emotional safety matters. You are still worthy of respect and gentleness. Set the boundary. Take the space. Walk away if you need to.

4. Pray Without Controlling

You can’t change their hearts. Only God can. Keep praying – not to fix them, but to free you.

5. Extend Grace – to Them, and to Yourself

Yes, you made mistakes. All mothers do. But you also loved. You sacrificed. You showed up. And that matters, even if they can’t see it yet.

A Word for Your Heart

Mama, you’re not perfect. But you are good.

You were the best mother you knew how to be in the moment. And now, your job is to trust God with the rest.

I hold this verse close in this season:

“Each one should carry their own load.” (Galatians 6:5)

We are not meant to carry the full weight of their adult lives.

We’re here to love them. Pray for them.

But also to release them.

You are not failing.

You are becoming.

And maybe – just maybe – it’s time to mother yourself with the same grace you gave to everyone else.

You’re not alone in this.

I would invite you to do two things today: Get a copy of the Second Act Soul Check-In available here.  Then check in at our Empty Nesters Facebook Group. Join the conversation as we deconstruct these complex emotions. You are not alone.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How have you learned to deal with and diminish mom guilt? Share your thoughts and stories here.

My friend and I used to run workshops for women in New Zealand entitled FIGJAM Workshops (Fresh Insights Give Joy and Meaning). And in our workshops, we focused a lot on creativity and its importance in our life. In these workshops, the one sentence we heard over and over again was: “I’m NOT Creative!” Our response, every time, was, “EVERYONE is creative!”

And when we were working with women over 50, the second response we heard most was, “I’m too old to learn how to be creative!” Of course, our response – every time – was, “No you’re not! You just have to get out of your own way.”

Pablo Picasso is quoted as saying: “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”

Creativity vs. Outcome

The problem is, we have somehow conflated being creative with being a successful artist. We look at a blank canvas and think we have to immediately paint like Monet or Georgia O’Keeffe. And if it doesn’t resemble a famous work of art, then that means we are not creative. Or that we should immediately be able to pick up a guitar and sound like Joni Mitchell or Eric Clapton. And if we don’t, we should put the instrument down immediately and never play again.

What we need to do is unlearn what we’ve been taught or heard from others (especially some teachers!) and learn to let creativity flow through us, without worrying about the outcome. Be creative for creativity’s sake, not doing it for the final product.

Really, Why Is Creativity Important?

And this is especially important as we get older. Creativity boosts our well-being, improves our vitality and enhances our quality of life. Here are a few reasons why creativity is so important as we age:

Cognitive Health

Engaging in almost any creative activity can help maintain and even improve cognitive function. Creative activities stimulate the brain and enhance neural connections, (I talk about these neural pathways in a different article in Sixty and Me.) Studies have conclusively shown that creativity has the potential to even reduce the risk of cognitive decline and dementia.

Emotional Expression

As we get older, inevitably we encounter some big life changes. Creative outlets provide a means of expressing difficult emotions and processing certain experiences. This can be incredibly therapeutic and help to promote emotional resilience.

Sense of Purpose

As we age, we can lose that sense of purpose we once had. Engaging in creative pursuits can contribute to an enhanced sense of purpose and fulfilment.

Satisfaction, Quality of Life and Subjective Well-Being

Studies have shown that creative activities provide a sense of accomplishment and sense of well-being. As we age, we can sometimes lose that sense of joie de vivre. Being creative can enhance our overall life satisfaction and promote a more positive outlook.

Physical Benefits

And don’t forget, creativity can also involve physical activity. And we all know that movement is imperative as we age. Put on some music and dance. Go out in the garden and dig. Go for a walk with a mission in mind – looking for colors and admiring nature or architecture. Move with a creative mission in mind.

So please remember, you are a creative being. Everyone is born creative, but for so many of us, it’s been taught right out of us. (*If you haven’t watched this TED Talk by Sir Ken Robinson, do it NOW! It’s the most popular TED talk of all time.) Creativity is hugely important in every aspect of our life as we age, leading to a more vibrant, engaged and fulfilling life! Remember Sylvia Plath’s words, the worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. Go out, create, ignore that self-doubt, and just have some fun with it!

If you are interested in more articles about Creativity, it is one of my favorite subjects! You can find more on my Website or my Substack Page. And I love hearing from people, so please let me know your thoughts about creativity and aging, or any other subject that comes up as you read.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you express your creativity? Have you been rediscovering your creative side? Where do you get your inspiration from?