Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

There’s a voice in your head that doesn’t want you to rise. She second-guesses your choices. She whispers that you’re too much… or not enough. And she questions your dreams and reminds you of your mistakes.

You know her well.

I call my inner critic Judy Judy.

Yes, I gave her two names – because of course she needed a little flair for the dramatic.

She shows up when I want to try something new, speak up, wear bold lipstick, or take a leap.

And just when I feel ready, she swoops in with doubt:

• “Who do you think you are?”
• “That’s not for you.”
• “You’ll look ridiculous.”

But here’s what I didn’t realize for the longest time: That voice wasn’t born with me. It was shaped by life. And understanding where it came from? That was the first step to taking my power back.

Where the Inner Critic Comes From

Your inner critic isn’t random – it’s built over time. Maybe it started as a teacher who embarrassed you in front of the class. Or a parent who meant well but pointed out every flaw.

Maybe it was the magazines that told you what your body should look like… or the workplace where your ideas were dismissed.

Each one of those moments leaves a mark. And over time, they form a voice inside that says: Be smaller. Be safer. Don’t take risks.

That voice might sound like your own – but it’s not your truth. It’s a collection of past experiences, old programming, and fear trying to protect you from rejection or failure.

The Upside of the Inner Critic

Believe it or not, your inner critic isn’t trying to be cruel. She’s trying to keep you safe. She thinks if she keeps you quiet, perfect, or hidden, you’ll avoid getting hurt.

But staying small isn’t protection – it’s self-abandonment. Once you realize she’s just scared – not right – you can stop letting her lead.

5 Ways to Silence Your Inner Critic

If you’re ready to quiet that voice and step fully into the woman you’re becoming, here are five ways to begin:

1. Name Her (Then Call Her Out)

Give your inner critic a name – something that helps you see her as a character, not your truth. Mine is Judy Judy. She means well, but she’s overly dramatic and a bit stuck in the past.

Now when she starts in with her commentary, I say, “Okay, Judy Judy, not today,” and I move forward anyway.

It sounds playful, but it’s a powerful way to take your voice back.

2. Talk Back – With Truth

Your inner critic isn’t honest – she’s just loud. So meet her voice with actual truth.

If she says, “You always mess things up,” respond with, “Actually, I’ve handled a lot in my life. I’m still learning, and that’s enough.”

Your brain believes what it hears often. Make sure it hears your truth – not just her fear.

3. Remember: She’s Trying to Protect You

That critical voice is fear dressed up as helpfulness. She wants to keep you from being rejected, embarrassed, or hurt. But playing small to stay safe only keeps you stuck.

You can thank her for trying to protect you – and then make the brave move anyway.

4. Keep a “Proof List”

Create a running list of moments you’re proud of:

• The compliment that stuck with you.
• That challenge you took on and got through successfully.
• The time you spoke up, showed up, or kept going.

Call it your “Evidence File.” When your inner critic gets loud, open it and remind yourself: I’ve done hard things before. I can do them again.

5. Practice Self-Compassion, Not Perfection

You don’t need to get it all right. You just need to keep showing up with love – for yourself.

When your inner critic starts nitpicking your body, your choices, or your dreams, offer yourself the same kindness you’d give to someone you love.

Perfection is impossible. Self-compassion is powerful.

Final Thought

You are not too old. You are not too late. And you are absolutely not alone.

We all have an inner critic – but we also have the power to turn her volume down and turn our own self-trust all the way up.

The next time she shows up uninvited, remind her gently: You’ve got this. You’re evolving. And you’re becoming the woman you were always meant to be.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Is your inner critic scared, dramatic or stuck? Have you given her a name? How do you deal with her?

Life’s disappointments, sudden change, loss and grief seem to come in waves. They strike upon a calm beach and a peaceful mind out of nowhere, washing away all that once felt secure.

I’ve been basking in the sun for some time, feeling quite content. I didn’t expect it to last forever, but I was enjoying the stability until a significant change in my work life, the terminal diagnosis of a dear friend and the end of a cherished relationship struck within a week of one another. I felt dislodged like one of those helpless shells tossed about in the surf, disoriented and gasping for breath.

It’s difficult to right myself again, but turning inward, recognizing I have little choice or control allows me to focus on easing the discomfort and finding ways to cope, accept and adapt.

Writing Is My Way to Cope

Writing has always been my way of laying out a difficult situation so I can validate my emotions and seek my strength. This time, as I write, free streaming whatever presented itself, a provocative message surfaced, hinting perhaps that I have entered a new era of accepting life’s twists and turns, including the suspicion that as I age they will come more often and will probably jostle me a little more violently if I try to resist.

The reverberating theme of letting go, a familiar mantra of sorts, circled around several times. But I struggle with that analogy, feeling uncomfortable with the absence of security, as though I’ve come loose from my anchor and been set adrift.

However, I come into a sense of balance in the opposing options when my mind conjured up holding on as the juxtaposition of letting go. I probe deeper and write as the words of internal wisdom and guidance present themselves in a sort of to do list for peace.

Things to Let Go Of

The Need for Control

It’s a fallacy in most cases anyway and only leads to frustration.

Glorifying the Future

It will likely be very much like the present. Uprooting your life to relocate to an exotic island and write the next bestseller is a lovely dream that probably won’t come to fruition. Be open to pleasant surprises but strive to find the hidden treasures of your life as it is each moment.

Your Fierce Sense of Self-Reliance and Independence

Life might get even messier as time goes on and you may need help.

Things to Hold on To

True Relationships

This includes treasured friendships, true love and the joy of encounters with new and interesting people. Stay close, keep in touch, speak honestly and let your heart be open.

A Sense of Wonder

Let nature show you how it deals with change and learn the lessons.

Your Physical Abilities

Keep moving and stay agile to the best of your body’s capacity. Don’t get lazy just because it gets hard, but be kind to yourself as you move through the stages of growing old.

Compassion

Forgive people, accept their frailty and faults. When someone lets you down, try to remember all the times they came through for you, and accept they may be doing their very best this time.

Faith

It is possible that everything will turn out just as it is meant to, that tomorrow will be better and that you can find serenity in an uncertain stage of life. Keep trying.

The Peace Within

Take care of yourself, do what you can to calm the waters of your own mind, and stay grounded in your own perspective.

This may seem self-evident to some, to those farther along the path, well versed in how life unfolds over time and who have become more skilled in navigating the obstacles. But for me, it is a trove of sensibilities that will remain with me a long, long time. Hopefully, serving me well whenever the seas get rough, as I know they will.

I can’t help but wonder if every moment of sadness, every challenge presented, isn’t meant to be gathered up, kept at hand so when we meet the next hardship it feels more familiar and less tragic. If, perhaps, being tossed in the surf might put a more lustrous shine of that shell of the everyday so we notice how precious each one really is.

Time to Reflect:

How do you deal with the hard things in life? Do you know what to let go of and what to hold on to? What considerations are going through your mind as you age?

Their bad blood goes way back.

As a dating coach focused exclusively on women over 50, I have some thoughts to offer on how to determine whether you are settling with the wrong man.

Staying with a Man You Love Because He’d Do Anything for You!

Men who practically trip over themselves to make you happy are great catches if you love them. But if you don’t, you are marking time and making it more and more difficult to leave a man and a relationship that isn’t right for you.

You deserve to feel happily in love with the right man, not the wrong man who wants to make you happy. So, if you’re not feeling it, maybe you need to go back and look at why you were attracted to him in the first place.

Was it his looks, his money, his communication skills or was it just his ability to make you happy? No matter how much he does for you and how good that might feel right now, in the long run, without a strong heart connection, chances are you’ll feel like something is always missing.

Being with a Man Because You Just Have to Have a Man in Your Life

Sometimes when you’re so tired of doing everything on your own and you’re feeling vulnerable and lonely, any man in your life starts feeling better than no man. You just want companionship for dinner, someone to travel with around the world or just a date for a wedding so you don’t have to go alone.

You begin feeling desperate to stop the loneliness cycle and end up attracting a project man who is needy and wants someone who will take care of him. As a nurturing woman, it’s easy to feel a strong attraction to this type of man.

Why? Because there is nothing better than a good project to keep you busy, especially when its a man you can mold into a customized version of what you want.

If you’ve ever gotten involved with a project man, you know the way it usually ends. In the beginning, he loves all that you are doing for him, but over time, he starts to see you as smothering and begins moving away.

When he’s back on his feet, he leaves because he wants someone who – at this point – accepts him for who he is versus someone continually trying to change him.

You end up devastated because you’ve given your all, investing in him both emotionally and financially. And you resent him for taking so much while giving so little back to you and the relationship.

Most of the time, a project man is not worth the financial and emotional expense just to have a man hanging around who’s available for a Saturday night date.

Instead, own that you are a fabulous single woman with a great life. When you do this, you’ll be setting standards for yourself that remind you to keep playing the dating game until the right man comes into your life for the right reasons.

Dating the Wrong Man Until Someone Better Shows Up

When you’re dating a man you’re not absolutely crazy about, what you’re doing is making it hard for the right man to come into your life. All of your time and energy is going into the wrong man and a relationship you don’t love.

If he’s not the right man, be honest with yourself, and with him, and end this fake love relationship. Or better yet, ask if he’d be your friend instead.

It might be fun for the two of you to hang when neither of you is dating anyone special. Then get yourself back into the dating pool. You both deserve to be loved, cherished and adored by your forever person.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you think that you are settling for the wrong man in your 60s? Do you think your partner is your one true love? Please share why you think you are currently with the right (wrong) man. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

One person you chose, and another was chosen for you. What could go wrong?